Large Families are not just for very poor or very rich…are they?

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by Ronnie Tyler | on January 23rd, 2008 | 15 comments

I read an article that said large families are not just for the poor. It made me think about it some more and I started to reflect back on the comments that I have received from people now that I have 3 kids and one on way. I think that some people think that you are poor and/or uneducated if you have a large family. I actually had a person say to me: “Girl if you have one more child you are going to look poor…You will be pulling up in that minivan looking poor as can be!!” I just laughed. I knew she was playing ( kind of.)

It seems perfectly OK for rich people and celebrities to have lots of kids, like P Diddy who has 5 or 6 kids with at least 3 different mamas. But when someone like me pulls up and unloads the van it’s like here comes the Beverly Hillbillies. I can just hear some of my old classmates now: “Girl you will never guess who I saw the other day and she has 4 kids.. Yes, 4 kids.. and she was so smart in school..what happened to her??”

It seems like most middle class families today have one or two kids (definitely no more than 3.) What happened to the more the merrier? Back in the day, it used to be looked upon as a blessing if you had a lot of kids.. a symbol of your wealth. But now-a-days, it’s just the opposite. It’s ok to have a huge 7 bedroom home…as long as you don’t have 6 kids to put in those rooms.

I have to admit, it took some convincing for me to go for the fourth kid…but it was more about what I felt I could handle… the job..the house…the kids. But now that I have them, I would not have done it differently. I am looking at them now: the 1 year old just took my cell phone…..her dad is chasing her trying to get it back. The six year old is walking around pretending she is a model.. the fourteen year old is taking a million years to clean the kitchen..there are like 2 dirty dishes in the sink. The baby in my stomach is kicking..she is like get this laptop out of your lap. Yes, this is definitely a blessing.

But I can’t be a hypocrite, I used to say all of those stupid things to people when I found out they had large families…like : I can’t believe how you do it, I cannot even handle my two! or Are you going to have more? Now, maybe I will say…Wow, what a blessing.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and their latest documentary Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.wisdomwalking.net KWiz

It’s unfortunate people still hold on to ridiculous stereotypes. It seems to be an incredible blessing to have more than one, no matter where you “reside” on the socio-economic scale. My husband and I have one child – we both married late (mid-to-late 30s for me, 40s for him), and we didn’t get pregnant until my late 30s (we had our daughter when I was almost 40). We are one of those couples who are content with one child. And she is an incredible blessing.
Misbeehavin

It bothers me when people try to tell others how to live their life. If someone wants to have 6 kids that is thier responsibility to deal with. Unless you are the person who is going to help them financially and mentally with the upbringing of the kids I feel you have no say so. If my mom had stopped at 4 kids, I wouldn’t have been here. I’m my mothers 9th kid. I guess because of that I never worried about how many kids another family had. Unless the kids are being mistreated, its really none of my business.
kim h20s

The perception that only the poor or rich (two extremes of the wealth spectrum) have large families is a perception that does some have basis in truth.

For example if I am a poor person, having sex with my spouse may be the most affordable form of entertainment. If I am poor I may not be able to afford birth control. If I am poor I may see children as a set of extra hands to work a family farm.

If I am rich, I’m probably healthier and more fertile. I can also afford those things to ensure that children I do have make it to adulthood.

America is obsessed with the idea that we are all middle-class. One of the signs that one was moving up to middle class was not having a large family due to circumstances. Ironically, one of the signs of leaving the middle class and moving upward is having a large family to represent your circumstances.
http://djdiva.blogspot.com DJ Diva

My grandmother who had 7 children looked at me crazy when I said I wanted to add another child to my set of twins. I did not understand that at all. I would actually like to have 3 more. But that’s my choice. There’s nothing wrong with having a large family. I think about how I grew up in a large family where there at least 3 other people my age…that I could play with etc. Grandma now has 60 grandchildren and 25 great grands. Imagine being the matriarch of that family!!!!!

I hope that God blesses us with more children. If he doesn’t we will def be adopting and fostering other children. We will probably do both! As God fearing, committed and loving parents, there should be more children in the world brought up by us and others like us! LOL

I love this site! Kudos to the Princess for leading me here!
MsAllure

I’ve noticed the idea of NOT having children is almost a sign of success to this younger generation today. I guess the idea of not being a “baby momma” or “statistic” is a contributing factor to this trend. I personally think more educated African Americans and those in a position to take care of such a responsibility should have more children to shift the balance of all the African American lives lost through negative behavior. It’s just too bad more of us don’t feel the same way, because if we did African Americans could be a major power in this country.
http://www.thestateof.com Big J

America is a very anti-children country, especially in big cities, and “middle class” corporate blacks are becoming more and more anti-kid. I went to a party the other day where a married brotha declared bodly, “Me and my wife want DOGS only, no kids!” What a sad moron.

There is nothing more affirming and uplifting than having children. I want around town with my son hand in hand and I LOVE challenging these quasi-gay brothas and brainwashed, corporate sisters to have families and do away with the materialism and secularism.

“Big J”oke

Wow. Sad moron? I hope you teach your child freedom of choice rather than name calling. Who cares if another couple wants kids or not? They are not infringing on you in the least. Everyone deserves to create the life that they want to live.

Misbeehavin

I agree Big J. I feel my kids have completed my life. They are my reason for everything I do and strive for in this world.
Nicole

Thank you! I thought it was just me that noticed that a lot of women are choosing not to have chidlren. In fact, I work with several and they try to have a debate with me every time I talk about me and my husband wanting to have children.
Mrs. D

What’s interesting to me is when white women stay at home and have a house full of children, we applaud them wishing we were in their shoes. But when a black women stays at home and has house full of kids, it all of sudden becomes a negative? Or, it just can’t be that you can afford to do this and the assumption is that you are a loser on welfare. What is this? I have been a stay at home Mom by choice for seventeen years. I have five children and I have been married for eighteen years. My husband is educated, earns a generous income, we live in the suburbs allowing me the opportunity to be home for my children. I am a Mom first. We shouldn’t knock what another person wants to do with their lives. Want a career? Go for it. Want to be a stay at home Mom? Go for it. Let’s encourage each other. We can be different and still enjoy life.

When I had my fifth child at age 41, boy did people talk. I heard comments from “you are too old” to “why is she having so many children?” And my response was look, I am a full grown woman….As long as I am married, not on public assistance and my husband and I are in agreement, I can have fifteen children if I want too. Children are a blessing and we have got to stop looking at them as if they are an interruption of life. I know sisters personally who want children and can’t have them, so I am feeling abundantly blessed for each and every one of my children. You should too. Peace and Love.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

“As long as I am married, not on public assistance and my husband and I are in agreement, I can have fifteen children if I want too. Children are a blessing and we have got to stop looking at them as if they are an interruption of life. ”

-Amen, Mrs. D.
Dave & Chloe’s Mom

I think it’s too expensive to have more than two children. I do think that the media has made it seem negative to have more than two children and that has frightened me a bit. Maybe I can’t have more two? It’s takes a lot of money. I applaud the couple that has more three. I just had a baby in Nov. and my son is 7. I spend approx $120 on milk a month and I got lucky with daycare paying only $150 a week and my son is in private school. For my husband this is first child and I want more (so does he) but I don’t know.
lunanoire

Enjoy your blessing of a large family. The Bible said “be fruitful and multiply.”
However, in my opinion, humanity has achieved that goal. There are over 6 billion people on the planet, and not enough fuel, food, and water for everyone. Rich kids use tons of natural resources, and kids often create financial hardships on a poor family. Not everyone is the same; not everyone has to have kids to find meaning in life. Those without kids have no obligations in that area of life and therefore have more time and $ to take care of others if they choose- elders and other kids in their extended family who need the help. Materialism/secularism and having kids are not mutually exclusive. People choose to have kids (“mini-me”) or not (more $ to spend on self) for selfish or selfless reasons
HappyWife

It’s interesting to know that bias goes both ways. If you have too many kids, you are suspect. If you don’t want any kids, you are suspect. Sounds like people need to learn to tend to their own affairs and stop worrying so much about what other folks are doing.

Congrats on your lovely brood! I promise to defend your choice to have a large family, in hopes that you will return the favor for those of us who are families of two.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=502522722 Martha A. Snowden

IDK aqbout anyone else but I don’t think we should judge others regardless of their financial circumstances in regards to the size of their family. I know a lot of ppl are judging my family harshly because we will soon go from 2 to 4 children and we aren’t upper middle class. Sometimes people are huing up on their own situation and they want to make others feel as bad or defensive about theirs so that they feel better,its just bullying adult style