No Love For The Fathers That Work

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by Lamar Tyler | on January 31st, 2008 | 11 comments

In a few days I’ll be burning all of my vacation leave for work when our new arrival comes. This will be the second time I’ve done so in the last three years. The last time I ate my two weeks to stay home with my new born daughter and her recovering momma only to not be able to go on family vacation with them a few months later.

What’s up with the double standard. Can a dad be a dad? My job penalizes me for having kids and it sucks. I think the next company I go to I’m going to ask what the paternal leave policy is even though I don’t plan on having any more kids. Just because…. that’ll let me know what kind of company I’m working with up front.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

moi

Dad, that’s a thought. Maybe if more men would show interest in having a paternal leave, it’s a possibility that more employers would consider it. It would be a legitimate request.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

maybe they just assume Dad’s don’t really care.
Sweet Pea

Today many dads want to participate in the very early stages of their infants lives. Babies change daily after birth and each new “change” is exciting and notable. If more dads voice their desire to assist the mom and baby during the first few weeks of life, paternity leave may become a given instead of an exception. Let your voice be heard, dad. Mom, your baby and you deserve this time together.
Anonymous

Some companies do offer materity leave for dads. It is covered under FMLA. Look under your Family Medical Leave policy not maternity leave. (Notice it is not called paternity leave.)
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

They don’t. I went to HR and got the news straight from them the first time around. The answer was, you can use your vacation leave (yippy!!) and after that we allow you to take leave without pay if you want to stay out longer (double hooray!)
Misbeehavin

The Dad I think it ‘s great that you are taking that time off to be with your wife. I think most guys don’t do this so jobs don’t take it seriously. I’m scared to even mention I have kids on job interviews, but I have to because of gaps in employment on my resume’. Jobs can be something else when it comes to kids. The Mom, I’m going to pray for you and that baby. Do you know what your having? Boy or Girl?
Juno

Get a gov’t job!!! They have paternity leave The good ol’ gov’t.
http://andreharrispic@yahoo.com andreharris

to get a good govt job
Jacquie

I am late responding to this topic, sorry.

It warms my heart to hear men who want to be a part of the baby’s first few weeks at home. It is VERY unfortunate your company is not willing to give you the time off. I believe its equally important for dad to have bonding time with the new baby and renew your bond with your wife.

My husband took 4 weeks from his vacation time (he’s a teacher) to be home with myself and baby #3. It meant so much to me that he was wanted to be there even while I breastfed at 3am.

Lets be real, most company’s do not offer the best benefits to mothers either. We have to exhaust vacation and sick time then apply for FMLA at a fraction of our regular pay. The U.S. needs to update its legislation. We are lagging behind many other country’s who might offer 12-18 months of family leave for both parents(in many cases paid); Canada, Sweden, Norway, just to name a few.

sidenote: I would make my company show me where the FMLA law states dads cannot request time off after the birth of a child. Please correct me if I am wrong some small company’s may not have to comply, but otherwise this law is suppose to be for both parents. At least that was my assumption.
I may have skipped over that section while reading, but I do not recall seeing anything saying dads are not allowed to take time off.

http://www.dol.gov/esa/regs/statutes/whd/fmla.htm#SEC_102_LEAVE_REQUIREMENT
Pingback: Does The Work Place Support Fathers? | Black And Married With Kids
Crltnmnly

A Real man will always be in his childs life because a Real man is a real dad !!!!!

No Love For The Fathers That Work

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