Reader Question: Why don’t married couples wear their rings?

Dear BMWK

by Lamar Tyler | on January 16th, 2008 | 11 comments

A reader sent in this question to ask. Please comment back with your point of view and we’ll weigh in later today on this same post.

Her View

I think it is just a preference. Some people like to wear jewelry and some don’t. Personally, I love to wear my ring, it’s like I’m saying “I’z married now.” Plus I have too many kids to be walking around without that ring on

HIS VIEW

Unless you work doing something where jewelery may not make sense I don’t know why you wouldn’t sport your wedding bling! I wear mine everyday as a way of saying I’m all in and putting everyone on notice. I think if you don’t wear the ring and women find out you’re married they’d try harder to tempt you with their thinking being, he’s not wearing that ring for a reason. Just my POV.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (11)

Misbeehavin Wednesday - 16 / 01 / 2008 Reply

I believe some people don't wear it because of financial reasons. They may not be able to afford it at the moment. People must keep in mind that you didn't marry the ring, you married the man/woman. As long as that person still carries themselves as a married person and still holds that respect for their partner, I say to each his own.
Big J Wednesday - 16 / 01 / 2008 Reply

Personally, I don't like to be seen without my wedding ring. For me, I just feel more stately when I've got my ring on. As a black man, I also feel like I'm setting a good example when I have it on. My wife is pregnant and her fingers are swelling so much that she's had to take her ring off. We both went downtown and got her a faux replacement because I don't want her looking like somebody's baby mama.
TheDad Wednesday - 16 / 01 / 2008 Reply

Big J.. I'm feeling that. The ring does feel good on my finger, kinda like a NFL Superbowl piece, When I walk around I feel like a member of the '72 Dolphins. ha ha ha. My wife is also pregnant and she tries to squeeze hers on every day depending on how swollen her fingers are. I didn't think about the faux replacement, I like that but... don't plan on having anymore kids so I may just have to share that one with my boys since I won't be able to use it myself. Misbeehavin... What about something simple, no frills, no thrills, just for symbolic reasons? I hear people say they're not wearing their ring until they get a certain size ring etc... that's crazy. How about something plain Jane in the meantime?
Big J Wednesday - 16 / 01 / 2008 Reply

Affirming masculinity, femininity and black relationships is a wonderful example of non-conformity to the status quo. Getting married and having children is now a revolutionary act.
Misbeehavin Thursday - 17 / 01 / 2008 Reply

Something just for symbolic reasons is a good idea, didn't think about it that way.
KJ Thursday - 17 / 01 / 2008 Reply

I understand how people may feel...but where I live at it does not stop another man from trying to talk to me. They would tell me that it is a shame that I am married and am too young. It gets so frustrating to respond back. First, and foremost, my husband will tell people in a heartbeat that I am old-fashioned. My ring was not the best but it was what it symbolized was what counts. I have been through a few of them because after giving birth multiple times and losing weight my ring size changed. I was hurt at one point when a man told me that my ring was cheap an it could be bought at the nearest mall. I shouldn't have been but I was. Yes the ring was $600 and so what. We were a bit poor and at the time it was all he could afford an I loved it....
KJ Thursday - 17 / 01 / 2008 Reply

After having 2 kids and raising my nephew who is * is quite an accomplishment at 26. I work and go to school....People need to understand that the ring means nothing if there is no value or meaning behind the union.
TheDad Thursday - 17 / 01 / 2008 Reply

Big J- we're going to be talking about that real soon! It's like marriage isn't cool anymore. It's getting crazy out here.
MOKM Friday - 18 / 01 / 2008 Reply

Hi all...my hub is ringless when he works. when customers ask him "where is it?" he says lets be honest..would you have even stopped if i had a ring on?when a black woman feels she's supporting another black woman who is "lucky" enough to have a man, she is hesitant about even stopping muchless go in her purse. untill there's a piece a bread in everyones mouth...we all wil be affected by the abuse of family abandonment.
Harriet Tuesday - 16 / 12 / 2008 Reply

My fingers outgrew my ring when I got pregnant, and they never went down to their original size. My husband really wants me to wear a temporary replacement, but I'm really holding out for the ring that I designed for myself (I designed one for him as well).
Sasha Wednesday - 24 / 06 / 2009 Reply

So what does it mean when a man doesn't wear a ring and doesn't "announce " he's married either?