Black And Married With Kids

Posted by TheMom on February 29th, 2008 in Home, Relationships

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, a relationship expert that is often seen on the Oprah Show, says one way to fight fairly is to never bring your spouses family into an argument. 

“Marriage is not about winning arguments—it’s about winning the relationship, Rabbi Shmuley says. When couples fight dirty, they end up prolonging their pain and creating lasting wounds and rifts, he says. But when couples fight fairly, they actually build more understanding and intimacy.”

Rabbi Shmuley provides Eight Rules of Fighting Fairly:

1. Never use name-calling, slurs or insults. 
2. Never refer to the person as being a certain way, rather just refer to their behavior as being a certain way.
3. Never bring your spouse’s family into an argument. 
4. Do not speak in anger. 
5. Don’t cut each other off. 
6. Don’t yell. 
7. Don’t go to sleep without resolving an argument.
8. Apologize.

 You have probably heard most of those eight rules before, but it never hurts to have a refresher course on how to treat each other.  I agree with the Rabbi when he says fighting fairly can lead to more understanding and intimacy as I have seen it work in my own marriage.  Don’t get me wrong…every now and then we are guilty of fighting dirty with each other.  (And don’t worry Mom and Mom-in-law…we have not resorted to talking about each other’s mother.. at least not yet …just kidding. )  It gives you a good feeling when you see that your partner is consciously trying  to “fight fairly”…It’s like you have more respect and appreciation for each other. It does bring you closer together.