Reader Question – How to Deal With the Weight Issue?
Dear BMWK,
I am 29 and my bf is 29 and in the military. We are talking about marriage and he
brought up a sensitive issue, weight. I am 5′ 8 and I wear a size 14/16, I put on
weight within the last few years because of stress. Have you guys ever been faced
with the issue of weight and how did you handle it? Thank you for all of your help.
HER VIEW
I think it is a good thing that you and your finance are talking about this now….as opposed to after you are married. However, I think that it is up to you to determine the weight that you need to be…as opposed to trying to be a certain weight to make someone else happy.
If you don’t feel good about being a size 14/16, then you should definitely take action. You are responsible for making sure that you take care of your body by trying to stay healthy both mentally and physically. You should try to determine what is causing you to gain weight. Perhaps you can join a support group, talk to a professional, or read a good book on the topic.
I am no expert on this topic. But, sometimes I do gain weight when I am stressed and when I get really busy at work. This may sound cliche, but the best solution for this is exercise. I don’t really diet or like to diet. I do a good cardio workout 3 to 4 times a week…..something that will make me sweat. In my case, I pick running or fast walking (as opposed to going to the gym.) It does wonders for my body and my mind. It is a great stress reliever. I only do it for 30 to 45 minutes..but I feel so good when I finish. If you are not already doing it…give exercise a try.
HIS VIEW
Hmmm… This one is kind of tricky. Like my wife said I think the best thing is that the two of you are talking about it before you get married, that’s the most important part and the two of you should be able to talk about things like this if you’re considering a step as serious as marriage regardless of how uncomfortable it may be.
There are some things missing from this question that was sent, i.e. how did he ask you, was it like “Girl you need to lose some weight or we ain’t getting married”, or did he come and just voice a concern? I think that matters too. In a relationship I think you have a responsibility to try to keep yourself together for that person and vice versa. I’m always asking my wife what she thinks about me when I gain weight or have something going on that gives me a different look because I don’t want to just wake up out of the blue one day and be “that dude she’s not attracted too anymore”. And I don’t want to hear that mess about if she loves me she won’t care. If she loves me she will understand if it’s the direct effect of a life experience but she should still have something nice to come home to at some point once I get back up on my feet. When you’re in a relationship with someone it’s easy to let go on some of the things you may have been keeping tight when you were dating but I think you still have a responsibility to make sure you still have what attracted your mate to you. Now before everyone chimes in, I know there are exceptions like (having babies) etc… So this is just speaking in general.
But on the other hand you have to do you. Is this new weight what you feel comfortable at? What I tell people that’s most important about being in a relationship before you get married, is that you are not married yet. So when things come down the line if it’s something you can’t agree on don’t force it and take it into a marriage. The first thing you should probably do is figure out how you feel about the weight.
BMWK family please chime in under the comments section to let this reader know what you think too and send any questions or post topics to info@blackandmarriedwithkids.com like this reader did. Thanks.
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