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A Single Guy’s Sense of Time: Or Lack Thereof
Yesterday I met a friend (Married Guy 2 or MG2) of mine at the hospital to go see another friend who we went to school with us who had been there for a few days. On the way out me and MG2 saw another friend of ours who I’ll refer to as “The Straggler” because he’s always the last dude to show up wherever we go or no matter what we’re doing if he graces you with his presence at all. Got that BMWK family? Now that you know the names here’s the story:
Me and MG2 are on the way out of the hospital and The Straggler is on his way in. Straggling of course (The Straggler is under some weird impression that even though he works in the boonies it takes him the same amount of time to get into the city as it does me and MG2 who actually work in the city. This type of thinking is a prime reason he’s a straggler.) So The Straggler asks MG2 to hold up and wait while he runs upstairs to see our friends parents (Our friend in the hospital was sleep so he couldn’t visit him.)
MG2 knows the long storied past of The Straggler and is familiar with his straggling ways so he promptly tells him, “no”. Straggler insists that MG2 wait by saying “I’m just going up for a few minutes”. MG2 knows better and tells him that, “a few minutes for you turns into 20 minutes of waiting for me, and I’ve got people to get home to“. The Straggler who’s single goes into some rigga-ma-ro about the two of us having to get home because we’re married. I answer to The Straggler that there’s a difference, we don’t have to get home we want to get home and that’s what a happy marriage and having kids will do to you! The Straggler rattled off some other misconceptions people have of marriage which me and MG2 promptly squashed. We also had another talk with him that I’ll write about later.
BMWK family, do you often run into misconceptions like this with your single friends? What are they? How do you respond? What are some things you think people have all wrong when they think about marriage that is really a good thing? Do your single friends bojangle around all day when you got things to do and people to see?
March 21st, 2008 at 12:01 pm
It’s just jealousy. Plain and simple. I find it funny when someone can tell me about marriage life, yet they have never been married. I remember one time my husband was sitting around some of his single male relatives and I came in the room like “Baby, can you come here for a minute” to ask him something, when he got up they were calling him whipped. In my head I’m thinking how is he whipped because his wife wants to ask him something. Some people just will never be happy for you as long as you have something they don’t.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:41 pm
The few single friends I have always assume that I have to ask my husband before I can do anything, go anywhere, or say anything. Anytime I do something new or different with my kids or my personal appearance, the first thing they say is, did you ask your husband before you did that? I’m of the opinion that they think I’m my husband’s child rather than his wife with my own mind.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Mom of 3 it sounds like the ladies get the same crap the husbands do from their friends.
-You know you on the clock and have to get home.
-You probably can’t come out to hang out etc. etc. etc.
Like what you’re allowed to do and not do. That’s crazy
March 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Misbeehavin why does it have to be jealousy? It didn’t appear that The Straggler was trying to tell anyone about being married or how to live a married life. The Dad said that The Straggler asked MG2 to wait up for him and that The Straggler said that The Dad and MG2 had to get home because they are married. What’s wrong with saying that? Since you are married let me ask you then, Do you or do you not feel like you have to get home to your family?
It appears as though there might be a hint of jealousy in you towards single people because they can do whatever they want whenever they want without having to answer to anyone.
Could that be true?
March 21st, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Very untrue. If I did not want to be married, I would have not gotten married. I guess I am speaking from my own expierience. Also, I believe you and I may have had a bit of a misunderstanding. What I called jealousy was the fact that the straggler started to say negative things about marriage, instead of realizing that they didn’t want to wait for him because of his bad time managment. As a married woman, I don’t see where I would have a problem with a man wanting to get home to his family, I want and get the same in my own marriage. I think you may have misread what I was trying to say. I have dealt with alot of negativity when it came to my relationship, and I never understood why someone would have something negative to say about us doing what we feel is right for us. I saw it as Jealousy.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Misbeehavin I am in agreement with you that we had a misunderstanding. What I read was that The Straggler understands that he is single and so he thinks as a single man would so there is no way for him to truly understand and appreciate what it is like to be married. I do not see that as being a negative thing or “JEALOUSY” though thats just being human. I am sure that before you were married you had one perception of what being married would be like and now that you are married you probably see it differently. Does that mean that you were “JEALOUS” when you were single .. I dont thinks so .. so why be judgemental on The Straggler and say that he is jealous?
I would agree with you if The Dad said that The Straggler says negative things about being married like (Marriage is a bad idea or if The Straggler was looking to get married and has no success in finding the right woman). I would then say that The Straggler is “JEALOUS” BUT that was never said about The Straggler so in my opinion I do not consider him jealous. For all we know The Straggler could be making strides towards being married OR maybe he is being a single man enjoying the single life. I know that you are married now Misbeehavin BUT dont forget where you came from. You were once single too and I am sure that you wouldnt appreciate someone calling you “JEALOUS” or “ENVIOUS” because you are doing what single people do.
Question: Can an individual be “JEALOUS” of an ideal? (i.e. being married, being divorced, being single)
March 21st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
what do single ppl have to go home to? I am not saying that they don’t have families or significinant others but a marriage is a different kid of relationship that unless you have been married you don’t know how much of a difference it is than just shacking up. Some may look at marriage as just a piece of paper but it is not that black and white. It is 2 people who have said vows and have committed themsleves to each other.
I am not on a time clock but if I decide not to go home right after work becasue I want to visit someone or want to go shopping I will phone home and let them know. Not becausef I am going to get in trouble if I am late, but I call out of respect.
My husband will say “you don’t mind if I stop by such and such after work. Of course I don’t mind but it is a respect thing and if it is my turn to cook and I have more time before I start dinner.
March 21st, 2008 at 6:46 pm
You amuse me Philosophical. Answer me this, are you single?
As I said before, if someone has no knowledge of what it is to be married how could you make comments. He never posted whether or not The Straggler wanted to know why they wouldn’t wait for him which was because of his lack of time managment, but the straggler automatically thought because they were married they were on some type of schedule. I feel jealousy was the emotion that drove him to start making nasty comments. To answer your question, I don’t believe a person can be jealous of and ideal, but they can be jealous of what they feel they are lacking in their life, and that something just might be what someone you know has already. Just my Opinion.
March 21st, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Philosophical - you ask:
Question: Can an individual be “JEALOUS” of an ideal? (i.e. being married, being divorced, being single)
I say of course, just like someone can be jealous of success, jealous of lifestyle, jealous of parenthood. The straggler wasn’t jealous he was just trippin but I answer yes to your question. Tell me how it’s not possible.
March 21st, 2008 at 7:23 pm
The Dad I also agree that a person can be “JEALOUS” of an ideal and I just posed that question to get others opinions on it.
Misbeehavin I applaud your response and RESPECT your opinion. I suppose, because I am not one to be judgemental of individuals I dont know personally, that is what drew me to respond to your initial comment. Without even knowing TheStraggler or inquiring to know more about him from Thedad you labeled his actions as JEALOUS in your opinion. By the way yes I am SINGLE but I have plenty of married friends and another one about to get married and I am happy for them beyond expression.
Misbeehavin what nasty things did TheStraggler say in your opinion?
March 21st, 2008 at 8:37 pm
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March 22nd, 2008 at 9:47 am
Good stuff… I didn’t see it as jealousy… but I understand what MisBeehavin is saying. We really can’t argue experience anyway.
All singles aren’t always late, but I do see alot of the ‘extra time’ notion in many. Some of those misconceptions that I’ve seen are the ones The Dad pointed out in his initial post.
good post
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:56 am
Philosophical, I thought it was nasty that the Straggler felt that they had to run home because they were married. I feel people have alot of misunderstandings when it comes to marriage and instead getting some insight from someone they know that is married, they make alot of silly assumptions. As I stated before, I went through alot of negativity when it came to my own relationship, so I know a shady comment when I hear one. Your right, I was wrong for judging The Straggler, but I just felt he was salty about them having someone to go home to.
March 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I’m sorry but your last question in your post is VERY offensive to me as a single person.
‘Bojangle around all day’?? WTF?? I doubt most singles sit around all day with their thumbs up their asses.
I’m sorry does getting married mean your time suddenly becomes SO MUCH MORE PRECIOUS??
Everyone’s time is valuable to them, regardless of your marital status.
As a single, I’m certainly conscious that a married person may have more obligations but please don’t feel you need to belittle a person based on their status.
Everyone is always hollering about singles being jealous of married folks but trust I’m NOT jealous about married folks smug ass attitudes. Ya’ll could stand to check yourselves as well.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
The key word was “Happy,” in having a Happy marriage. I say this because I’ve experienced this same attitude with one of my married girl friends, along with my single sister. Any way I feel sorry for people who buy into those misconceptions about how marriage is. I’ve choosen to have a “Happy Marriage,” I enjoy my husband and children. My marriage has it’s normal challenges…and a few extra, things but my husband and I make a conscious effort to, “make it work.”
April 14th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Tiffany in Houston … I think we need to talk because I am in agreement with what you said .. LOL .. I believe that in some married folks minds they wish that they were still Single so out of jealousy and or spite they like to put the burden on our shoulders as if it is our fault that they got married and they say that we are hating on them. My thing is .. If you are Married then enjoy it and take it for what it is worth BUT don’t try and live your life as if you are Single even if you do wish that you still were.