Black And Married With Kids

Posted by TheDad on March 31st, 2008 in Dear BMWK, Home, Relationships

We got this question over at our myspace page:

Are there any specific things you would say that told you that your husband/wife was the “one”? I’m getting to know this man and he’s very goal-oriented, funny, loves kids and has a big heart so it seems, but the down side is I’ve never actually met him face-to-face.

His View:

For me personally speaking I’d have to say that I had a feeling I never had before and was willing to do things I’ve never done before. Go above and beyond the call of duty in my regular dating life so to speak. We started out long distance off the break which was really, really, really out of character for me but when you see what you really want you go for it. I felt like we just fit together. Your situation seems a little tricky if you’ve never met him face to face but I’d need more details on why this hasn’t take place yet. I think you definitely need that one on one face to face time to add that to consideration and if you’re getting that serious you need to see his interaction with your kids if you have any also.

Her View:

I would have to agree with His view, you need to have that one-on-one time in order to truly know if he is the one. And if you have kids..it is important to make sure that he is going to treat your kids right too. Since we had a long distance relationship, it was almost 2 months between our first date and our second date. But in those 2 months we talked a lot and really got a chance to know each other. So when we finally saw each other again…it was great ( wink wink.)

We addressed this topic in a previous post: Reader Question - Why Did We Get Married? And I would basically have the same things to say. You will know if he is the one if it feels right. Please do not ignore those red flags because there should not be any when you are considering marriage or a more permanent relationship. Our inner voice is there to protect us and too often we ignore it ….to our own detriment…. Only to find out later that our inner voice was right. If your inner voice is telling you that he is the one..then he probably is. But if your inner voice is telling you that something is not quite right…then please listen and take the time to investigate why. When you know it is right…you will be able to stand by your decision with confidence and truly enjoy your relationship and the journey that you two are taking together. After we got engaged, someone asked me: “Girl…are you sure you know what you are doing?” And I said yes…confidently.. I just said yes. So that is how I knew my husband was the one…. It felt right… ( and then there were all of the other obvious things like …love, attraction.. and how he got along with my family.)

BMWK family - How did you know your husband or wife was the one?