What Black Men and Women Were Thinking PT I

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by Lamar Tyler | on April 14th, 2008 | 6 comments

Over the weekend me and the wife hosted some folks over to the house for a movie and discussion. This was clearly the wife’s idea because my get togethers generally involve Hot dogs, or the Philadelphia Eagles on a Sunday afternoon. Anyway, it turned out nice, the movie “What Black Men Think” was worth everyone’s trip to the crib. (You never know with a documentary, but it met if not exceeded expectations.) And was followed by a lively discussion. We stamp the movie with our approval so head over to amazon.com and pick up a copy for your viewing pleasure. Over the next few days I’ll break down a few key points of that discussion and talk more about the movie. Please chime in with your views like you normally do.

Independent = Single

This is what one of the brothers said when it comes to black women. Independent = single. One of the women there chimed in that she has to teach her daughters to be independent so that when their husband doesn’t do right or if he leaves or doesn’t take care of his responsibilities they can support themselves. Having daughters myself I strongly disagreed with this position. Something about the entire philosophy involving marriage where people take precautions in case it doesn’t work does not sit well with me. I think if you teach someone to be prepared in case it doesn’t work that it will always be in the back of their minds that they are prepared in case it doesn’t work and guess what… at some point it won’t work.

Her girlfriend that came with her chimed in after it went around the room a few times that relationships and marriage in particular are not about being codependent or independent but rather interdependent on each other. She said she learned this from her mother but only after her mother had been divorced.

BMWK family… can a woman be too independent? Is there such a thing? Does independent = single? Fellas chime in with what you think about independent women, turn on or turn off?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

King James

Because the men up there said independent meant a certain thing, it’s obvious that it will mean different things to diff people.

As long as the word does not also mean stubborn, arrogant and unwilling to use good common sense, I have no problem with women being independent.

Toddlers are independent enough to play in the jungle and walk from the bed to the play area. But they must also let mom and dad strap them in place when it’s time to ride in the car.

We as humans must also know when it’s time to carve our own direction, or be strapped in.

Hope everyone has a good morning and has those taxes in! … off to work!
http://www.hiphossip.com Kemi in Toronto

I want to date me a white man! Sick of the brothers these days! Visit http://celebritysinglemoms.blogspot.com
http://www.thestateof.com Big J

If she wants to be independent, let her be alone. The “independent” types make horrible wives. They are primarily concerned with their own success, happiness, etc. That’s not love. Love is wanting more for your spouse than you want for yourself.
Lovelyk

I was taught from a very young age to always have your own. Appearantly my mom had the rug pulled from under her a few times and she wants more for me. She taught me to be independent enough to handle any situation that comes at me with out relying totally on someone else. But i’m knowledgable enough to understand that a relationship has a lot to do with compramising and i’m a really understanding person. I do my best to handle the tasks that life throws at me and if i need help, then i ask. Verses, always being reliant on someone else to get what i need done. I’m not selfish, i’m very loving, i just don’t rely on a man or anyone else to give me everything i long for.
lunanoire

Statistics show that many women will spend a large portion of their adult lives single. Women live longer and they’re marrying later. Are you saying that when not married they should be interdependent with other people in their lives?
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

Lunanoire- talking marriage and what it takes to keep it together. Not when a persons single or casually dating. Both me and my wife are certainly capable of holding down a household by ourselves and we both did for over 30 years a piece without a problem but now that we’re together we do certainly have an interdependence on each other and I see that as a good thing.