Mrs D. I think it was very wise to cut your long time associate off. Lack of respect is grounds for anyones dismissal. You all are grown up now who has time for such deadly games.

I would not tell his wife because the wife already knows the answer to that question. It’s obvious she has not gotten to the point to leave him yet and nothing I say is going to get her to that point..she will just end up angry with me.

But what if the wife is your longtime best friend ..and her husband made an advance at you…what would you do then?

The number of people who end up in affairs with their spouse’s best friend or a “family friend” is alarming if the truth were really told. I hear these stories all the time while ministering to hurting women. There are women who will sit in your house, dine with you and sleep with your man.

I have found that people are reluctant to talk about this subject because they have been there before or are fighting the same battle. For fear of confrontation, most women wouldn’t say a word. Some people think it’s just best to put some distance for a while betwen the two of you and pretend like there isn’t a problem. Men are patient creatures for a conquest; shutting them out for a while only prolongs the inevitable. Some women because they are controlled by their emotions would have just “hung out with him” under the guise of “we are just friends” because they don’t want to hurt his feelings or perhaps flirting with idea a bit. Everyone wants to feel desired. Some woman wouldn’t have told their husbands thinking that they are keeping the peace. People do things for lots of different reasons. It is quite easy to have an affair with a good friend because they already know you. But as PeterC said, “Either you live by a code or you don’t”. You have to live within boundaries and put people like this out of your life if you want a marriage worth having.

I shared this story so that other women can somehow get the courage to speak up and/or walk away. This was my story and although it hurt me to lose a friend that had been there for me through almost every major event in my life, I gave him the boot. He is no longer welcomed in my home and he is left to explain that to his wife. Anyone who disrespects my husband, my marriage and me cannot be in my inner circle. One thing I know for sure, some men will test you. My response to him was look, “I am a woman of God. And I am going to be a true woman of God.” I reminded him that according to the Bible, God makes a way of escape in every temptation. I still believe that men and women can be friends but I don’t believe that friends who find themselves attractive to one another can spend much time together. Men and women who share too much about their personal lives and feelings, create what I call soul ties that naturally leads to a bond that she be only shared between a committed couple.

As for telling his wife, she knows his issues. My response of rejection was enough to stop his pursuit. Should she ever question me, she will be re-directed to her husband. Never get in the middle of married folks issues.

The best book I have ever read on this subject is NOT “Just Friends” –Protect Your Relationship From Infidelity And Heal The Trauma Of Betrayal by Dr. Shirley P. Glass