Guest Post – Does Having a Baby Change a Relationship?

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by Lamar Tyler | on April 3rd, 2008 | 13 comments

Today we’ve got a guest post from one of the hottest relationship experts in the country. The one and only LaDawn Black. She’s also an author and radio personality who has been featured in ESSENCE, Cosmopolitan and GLAMOUR and today she’s on Black and Married With Kids!

Does having a baby change a relationship?
A few months ago the internet gossip boards were on fire about how Halle Berry and her boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey may be having relationship difficulties. The rumor is that Halle wants to make the couple’s home in LA and Gabriel wants to stay in NYC. Now, we don’t know that there is anything to this rumor, but I do know that a lot of people deal with “love after baby issues.” Will I still be sexy? Will we have time for each other? Will she lose the weight?

Here are three ways to make love work after the baby:

Commit yourself to couple time
You have to schedule time for romance and love. Also, take every opportunity to flirt and play with your mate. If you allow the baby to take all of the attention away from love, you will turn into that couple that no one wants to be — that is just together because of the kids with no passion or excitement.

Make time to take care of your needs
Sometimes daddy or grandma just has to take over and give mom time to “sexify.” Do not deny yourself time for exercise, nails, hair, girlfriend time or even a half hour to curl up with a great book. You will find that when you have ample you time it is easier to feel beautiful and more like yourself again.

Redefine your sexy
The truth is we all change after having a baby. There are physical changes and a restructuring of priorities that cannot be ignored. Where sexy once was a tight dress, long weekends and hours in the bed. It may have to adjust to date nights and a great pair of jeans and boots. The message is to not just give up on having a passionate relationship, but accept change and still keep it hot!

You can check out LaDawn at www.ladawnblack.com

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (13)

TheDad Thursday - 03 / 04 / 2008 Reply

You definately have to make the time. If you're not careful the kids will control all of your time and the romance and excitement will be a thing of the past.
Mom of 3 Thursday - 03 / 04 / 2008 Reply

Thanks for posting this. I think my 5 month old twins have taken over my life and quite possibly my marriage. This provided a reality check.
Homer Is My Co-Pilot Thursday - 03 / 04 / 2008 Reply

Granted I wasn't married but having a baby completely changed my relationship. It seemed like all the fun of dating went out the window. I know now that you have to make the time for each other and not let the baby control your life.
Tina Thursday - 03 / 04 / 2008 Reply

Having a baby does change a relationship. It was 2 and now it's 3. You can't just jump in the car and go out to dinner. Does a womans body change, yes. A man will always take a back seat when it comes to having a baby/children. We woman need to remember that they feel left out, even if they help with the baby and around the house Men are not as difficult as we may think. Even if you leave him a P& J sandwich on the back of the stove with a post it note that says "I love you". (I know it is not a real meal) but a reminder that you remember him. lol.
gina Sunday - 06 / 04 / 2008 Reply

This is the main thing that frightens me about having children. I'm not terribly sexy to begin with -- and all I hear is how having a child will kill what little I *do* have, leaving my marriage all but doomed to a boring, asexual existence, if it survives at all. Is it any wonder mothers are so stressed out?
Dr. Cooper Sunday - 06 / 04 / 2008 Reply

Greetings, I'm confused. I am visiting your site for the first time. I was told it was about, as it is entitled, BLACK AND MARRIED with kids. But what do I see? A story about two people who are neither. Well MISS Berry is black but she is MISS not MRS. Are you telling me that in all of the world you could not find one MARRIED couple that has had a baby?
Anna Sunday - 06 / 04 / 2008 Reply

Dr. Cooper, welcome to the site. I also am new to it and enjoy the topics. The owners of the site are black married and with children. The owners of this site are not all about them but visit other sites and want our opinion about different topics. Dr. Cooper before I made any comment here I did read old posts and was not just entertained but informed about how people feel. This site does not bash married vs. non married. Nor black vs. white. No matter what color one is we all go through the same issues. This is called BMWK, because that is who they are. Black Married With Kids. I just wish more people knew about this website becasue I sure enjoy it.
TheDad Sunday - 06 / 04 / 2008 Reply

Anna, wow you took the words out of my mouth. Not really much more to say, you hit it on the head. We talk about our lives and also highlight other couples that are black and married with kids but we talk about all sorts of things that impact us and our readers. Not all of our readers are married or black and we enjoy their feedback equally. The post you're responding too was also actually a guest post by someone else. Hopefully you'll keep checking out our past and future posts and come to a different conclusion.
name Tuesday - 06 / 05 / 2008 Reply

I've more or less been doing nothing to speak of. I've just been staying at home waiting for something to happen. Today was a loss. My life's been really bland today, but so it goes.,
Harriet Tuesday - 16 / 12 / 2008 Reply

Having a baby saved our marriage, to be honest. My husband being in the delivery room removed any trace of doubt concerning his commitment. His meticulous setting up of the house prior to bringing the two of us home also touched me. He waited patiently for my body to heal, and even when it took 4 weeks longer than it should have, he was always trying to find a way to show me his appreciation for the labor of love I did for him. Our relationship was revolutionized as a result of our baby.
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Julia Sanna Monday - 06 / 12 / 2010 Reply

Great ideas - my favorite is "take time to care for your needs" because that's the hardest part about little muchkins! I love the book "Baby Proofing Your Marriage" by Stacie Cockrell and others - I now give it to the couples I work with if they have babies. I also wrote a piece on "Baby Interruptus" handling romance with little ones waking up in the middle of the night!http://bit.ly/i6v6IO My hubby and I have two young boys so we learned from the school of hard knocks! "Flexibility" is the best phrase you ever added to your "date night" plans! A date night can be had in the afternoon or later in the evening at 9pm when the baby is sleeping, doesn't need to nurse and all the babysitter is doing is watching them sleep.