How Long is Too Long to Be Engaged

BY: - 23 Apr '08 | Home

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Saw this over on TheStateOf.com they had a post about Kanye West and his fiance Alexis Phifer breaking off their engagement. This statement followed:

TheStateOf . . . Engagement. Hey ladies, if you’ve been engaged to a guy for over a year and you don’t have a date set and the florist working overtime, leave that motherf*cker brotha alone. He ain’t gonna marry you; he’s just keeping you quiet.

BMWK fam this got me thinking. It even inspired me to write a follow up to the critically acclaimed (and one of our most popular posts) How Long Is Too Long To Date If You Want To Get Married?

So let’s get into it, how long is too long to be engaged? As you can see above, my man Big J from The State Of caps the limit at one year and you know what? I’m with him on that. Kinda sorta…. roughly a year is enough time but before I start reading the comments about I was in school when we got engaged and I wanted to wait and etc. etc. etc. there are exceptions to the rule but in general a solid year is enough time or in that ballpark. If not maybe your man just caved in to the pressure of marriage talk. I saw someone comment that “it ain’t an engagement until you have both a ring and a date”. How about that?

I was talking to a coworker today that said she knows a couple thats been together for seven years then they got engaged but the weddings not planned for another four years or something like that? Sounds suspect to me. If you’re getting engaged you should be able to come up with a date in the foreseeable future. I saw another comment that said if the engagement is lingering on forever then that person is trying to figure out if they really want to be with you and guess what, that should have been done before the two of you got engaged.

So… BMWK family what do you say on this one? Is a year too long, not enough or just right? In general terms how long is too long to be engaged and lets hear some of those stories we like reading so much.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2193 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.

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82 WordPress comments on “How Long is Too Long to Be Engaged

  1. Young&Smitten&Impatient

    My Fiance and I got engaged almost 4 months ago. We have been together for 3 yrs. I’m 21 and he’s 23. We picked a date, and when I say we I mean he spit out a random date, and I ran with it. I got super excited thought of a theme,colors etc. However it seems like he just isn’t as excited as I am. Also every time I bring up wedding he says “Oh we have plenty of time.” Or “We need to save money.” Then when I try to draw out a plan he doesn’t want to participate! Like seriously!? The date is about 9 months away and I honestly am not seeing a wedding happening on that day. Then I don’t want to be nagging him about it or anything like that. I just want him to stop dodging me and let me know if he even really wants to do this!

    Reply
    1. Cassie

      Dear
      if he picked a random date, it means he was actually not prepared abt it and like you talked him into it, did you?

      If he’s not showing interest, it means two things; either he’s no longer interested or he’s abruptly not ready (financially or otherwise) per say. The thing is, you need to come out and get to discuss it with him ( cos datz what impending couples and couples do), and dis time Dear, pls do it cautiously so that he wont see it as, “I’m being compelled to accept terms”.

      Takia.

      Reply
    2. Karen

      I would say a year or less. Especially if you’ve been together long enough to KNOW you’re ready for marriage (3+ years). Engagement time is for PLANNING the wedding and coming together as one (looking for a house, planning kids, etc.)

      Reply
  2. Harley

    @Young&Smitten&Impatient
    Maybe he cares but wants you to plan it si its just what you want.. Thats how it is for me an my guy..

    I’m 22, and he is 24 in september, we just got engaged. He is a very out spoken kind of guy so he told me right off the bat that the wedding plans are up to me, he said girls dream of weddings, not guys. so we talked about a day and picked that together and I chose to use his fav color, and now the rest is up to me. He doesn’t want to do the planing, he wants me to get what I want. It’s not that he doesn’t care about it or me, he just doesn’t care how the wedding looks, where it is, or how many come as long as he can say i’m his wife after word. =)

    So maybe he cares but wants you to plan it so its just what you want..

    Reply
  3. twyla thomas

    men should stop cheating and just be honest with women especially if they been through hell and back with u and told you they loved you everyday been there for them in spite of the work they do

    Reply
  4. Damian

    I have a problem,a friend I propose to after our little miss understanding she has not been the same again, whn ever I called her on phone I will become speechless, one day she told me sense I never have any good reason of calling I should stop calling or I should give her six months before calling her again. To me I personally understand that as I should never call her again, but I can’t love someone else she is all I want. Now my question is this I want to get marry next year because I don’t have much time to be waiting for, am in my 30s of age and she is also in her 30s,should I wait till the six month of bound expired or to forget about her? Or should I continue calling her? I so much love her.

    Reply
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