10 Warning Signs You Shouldn’t Get Married

BY: - 1 Jun '08 | Home

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Warning Signs
I got this from the Michael Baisden Show:

1. You and your partner have large amounts of debt?
2. You or your partner have kids from a previous marriage.
3. You already have problems with the ex wife or ex husband.
4. You aren’t happy with the way you and your partner are.
5. You and your partner don’t have the same goals.
6. You and your partner don’t have the same religious beliefs?
7. You and your partner don’t like to do the same things.
8. You and your partner don’t have the same opinions about raising children.
9. You and your partner disagree on where to live.
10. You and your partner don’t make enough money to support each other.
Number 11 added by the Bad Boy”.... “You don’t have the same lifestyle”

Alright BMWK Crew – what’s your take on this list? I have a problem with one from the jump but I’ll post my response in the comments section. Let us know!

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2199 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.

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20 WordPress comments on “10 Warning Signs You Shouldn’t Get Married

  1. TheDad

    Exactly Rachel – That’s the one I was going to cmment on. If someone has kids from a previous marriage should they be forced to live out life alone? That sounds like some mess from some guy that doesn’t want another guy around his kids.

    The rest of the comments follow common thinking and make sense on some level but I can’t see number 2. Does anyone else feel this way?

    Reply
  2. Kelli

    Baisden was on point except for #2. True, its a little more ‘interesting’ when there are kids from a previous marriage, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from being happy. Your kids want you to live a good life and be fulfilled.

    Reply
  3. kim h20s

    I agree with points 1 (debt) and 11 (lifestyle).

    when my boyfriend said he wanted us to get married, he laid out a time line and action plan that included him paying off debt so that we could be married. i’m proud to say that this brother followed through, he works a second job that’s almost full time, he watches his money, and still manages to be wonderful to me.

    Reply
  4. Nicole

    For me, I agree with all of them. I personally did not want to marry a man with children. It’s a personal thing, I knew that I wouldn’t be happy with a man that had children with another woman.

    I do think that blended families work. It’s just not for me.

    Reply
  5. Mrs. D

    I agree with all of these except number 2. Having children from a previous relationship just means you need to proceed with caution. There are issues that surface with blended families but they can be resolved. I think a clue would be not to even date a guy who has this mind set.

    I have been married for seventeen years. My husband came from a mother who told him if you ever consider marrying a woman with children, you must be able to accept and love her children too. In our case, my husband adopted my child. She is now in contact with her biological father but she will tell you that my husband is her Dad.

    Lifestyles is a good add because baby “ain’t” nothing worse than people with totally different lifestyles trying live under the same roof. I know a lady who is battling right now with her husband over swinging. He has been trying to get her to do it but she refuses. I don’t know what to tell her other than she needs to re-evaluate her situation and she wants for her life. She claims that she didn’t know he was swinging before they married. Hmm?

    Reply
  6. Mom of 3

    I semi agree with #2. When I married my husband, I had one child from a previous marriage. We were friends before we started dating and he was of the opinion that he would not date a woman with kids because he did not have any kids. A few months later, we started dating and he did not seem to have a problem with the fact that I had a son who was 5 at the time.

    Now my son is 9 and we have been married two years and have since had a set of twins. It now appears to me, that we have a problem with me having a son from a previous marriage. He and sometimes his family tend to “forget” about my son and leave him out of things they are doing with the other kids. If I knew what I knew now, I would not have married him for this reason as well as for some of the others listed in the article.

    Reply
  7. TheDad

    Nicole- I’m cool with you feeling that way and I think it’s good to know exactly what you want but #2 just seems like too much of a blanket statement for me, should that really be a warning. If you get divorced are you really damaged goods like that would lead you to believe?

    Mrs. D – I think # 11 might be the biggest one in my book. What do the rest of you think? Is that most important?

    Reply
  8. perfectlyme

    I’m not feeling this list at all. But then again, Im no real fan of Michael Baisden or the Michael Baisden show. This list just doesnt seem realistic. Not sure who blogged the comment, but whomever said having children from previous marriages/relationships can be interesting is right. I currently don’t have any children of my own, but my fiance has an 11 y.o. son that I wouldnt pass up on for anything in the world!

    Reply
  9. Anna

    Not a fan of most of the list but I am not into the baby mama drama and married a man with no kids or ex-wife(s) My choice. I don’t want drama. A blended family can work, believe me I know. My ex of 15 yrs. family still is apart of my life and still visit and call. My hubby for the past 11 yrs. understands this and we are a blended family. He use to take my kids cousins(my ex’s family) fishing, basketball games and we have taken them to our church.

    To sum up the list. All can be worked out. If I waited until I was financially stable/able to have kids, I would still be waiting. you get what GOD gives you and run with it.

    To share the same interest is not a prerequsit either. You marry someone that is not the same as you so you can share different things that otherwise you may not have thought about. I do agree with the “religon” one. Hard to live in the same household and one is Catholic and one is Baptist. Only because if you have kids it will put a snag on the marriage. As far as raising kids I suppose the most important thing is “to spank or not to spank, to spoil and give everything to the child or to make them work for it and to learn to appreciate it. My kids did have more growing up than I did. I just think it is a sign of the times. We make our kids more responsible Do I spoil, it depends on who you ask.(I spoil with love and take the time to listen) and tell them “if you want it, get a job”. Or in some cases if they want it they will ask the absent parent. Either way a kid should know a want from a need. They may think because mom and dad are not together I can still get what I want. Kids don’t know that their parents although not together still communicate to say “so and so is going to call you for such and such that I already said no to”. Kids do the darndest things.

    I say the biggest thing of marriage is not where you are going to live or what interests you share(If you love someone their interests will sometimes become yours). The biggest is whether one wants kids or not. Everything else will follow, GOD willling.

    Another long post. I am sorry, my brain and fingers get the best of me. Just glad they are working together. No reason to discourage anyone from marriage because of a top 11 list. BTW marriage is what you make it or add to it. If I married someone just like me that would be boring. Not saying I am boring (well I really am) but If you don’t have something different, how do you learn and grow?

    Reply
  10. Ruby128

    This entire list was interesting and while I appreciate Mr. Baisen’s opinion it is just that , unless I missed the memo that he received a PhD in relationships. However some of these points are valid. I personally think the most valid are #1, 4, 6, 10, & 11. As for #2, I agree with Mrs. D’s comments and to add, you have to know what you want in a relationship, some women or men really can’t handle dating someone who has children so if that’s a problem for you for whatever reason, then yes you don’t need to go that route, but realistically there are very few people who don’t have children, so the best option is to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship with that person, have a honest talk and proceed with caution because if you truly love that person – you have to love/accept the child because its a package deal, period. All the others are a work in progress, but if you’re not equally yoked to begin with, nothing will work.

    Reply
  11. NYLady

    #2 is a little ridiculos…but at the same time this subject has to be treaded lightly….because the main reason folks have a problem with that is the possible baby momma/daddy drama and lawd knows there can always be drama with a ex around the new girlfriend/boyfriend. But whoever has the kid(s) needs to handle that before entering a relationship because the next thing you know all hell done broke loose in the name of so-called love and then the child is caught in the middle of all that nonsense. It helps if you’re dealing wtih rationable adults who have the child’s best interest at heart, its a hard balancing act so its a challenge you have to be ready for, and if you’re not , its best to take your time. And #11 is a very good point.

    Reply
  12. Ella

    I can’t say that I agree with any of those. Most of his points can be areas on compromise in a marriage, and help to strengthen a marriage. Like #5, there are not too many people that have the exact same goals. Couples should have common goals that they work towards togethers, and individual goals that they work on apart. Just saying “don’t have the same goals” is not enough explanation for a list like this. Maybe he has a unrealistic view of marriage.

    Reply
  13. lynn

    Michael Baisden has his own set of issues. For some reason I get a headache when he starts talking. I think he feels he speaks for all black people, and get his jolly ‘s that people agree with him

    O.K about this bogus list.

    The issues on this list are issues that “GROWN UPS” should be able to work through. Some things just do not change. So you learn to live with them; and have an deep respect for your mate even with all of their “flaws”
    No one is perfect.

    If you cannot be a grown up then you should spend some time alone and and grow up. At the end of the day, (or your life), none of these things will not matter.

    Reply
  14. amed

    I agree with Mike on #2. I would date a women with

    children; hell I’ll date a women with 20 children.

    Because at the end of the day her kids are her

    problem. But I will NEVER marry a women with

    a child or children. Thats when they become my

    responsiblity.

    Reply
  15. Anna

    @ amed Says:
    June 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 pm
    I agree with Mike on #2. I would date a women with

    children; hell Ill date a women with 20 children.

    Because at the end of the day her kids are her

    problem. But I will NEVER marry a women with

    a child or children. Thats when they become my

    responsiblity.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Thanks for the honest answer. I get so tired of everyone trying to be politically correct all the time.
    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own choices. I can also believe that when one finds the right one the kids are an extension of their spouse and love is more powerful than we think. Although I think and my comment was what it was, I have learned to never say never. I guess in my case I was not really looking for a father for my kids but It is so nice he is in our lives and he is my husband. It’s a win, win.

    Reply
  16. TOBIAS

    HA NUMBA TWO IS THE EXACTLY THE ONE. IF I MEET A WOMAN AND SHE HAS KIDS, I JUST CANT DO IT. I LIKE FREEDOM, AND CHILDREN CREATE UNWANTED SCENARIOS, LIKE HEALTH, MONEY,ETC.

    Reply
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