Do Black Women Have A Problem When Black Men Date Outside The Race?

BY: - 3 Jun '08 | Home

Share this article!

default_thumb

From time to time I hear this or will be watching something and a white woman who is dating a black man will say the sistas look at them funny or make smart remarks. Is this a thing of the past, is it still happening or was it a made up stereotype to begin with? I know we have all races that read the site so I though I’d throw this out there, please answer honestly, answer anonymously if you need to.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2190 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

16 WordPress comments on “Do Black Women Have A Problem When Black Men Date Outside The Race?

  1. Ann Brock

    I don’t have a problem with it. In my early years I did but since I have grown I don’t . It’s better to have known love than not known love at all. Life is so short so love who you love.

    Ann Brocks last blog post..The Black Fox News.

    Reply
  2. Misbeehavin

    I don’t have a problem with it. I think some women assume that if they see a Brother dating a woman who is not Black then that means that he does not like black women. Which may not be the case. We live in a very judgemental world. You can’t dictate who someone should date and choose to fall in love with. I feel that other people from other ethic groups don’t like when someone in their race chooses to date someone of a different race either. It’s just that black women express their dislike of it, everyone else stays quiet about it. I’ve heard of Black women saying that they got nasty remarks from Black men when they choose to date another race. I was reading on another blog about this Black woman who was having dinner with two of her white friends and her asian friend, and the white women were expressing how they felt about white men dating asian woman. Lets just say they weren’t to happy about it.

    Reply
  3. The Bunny

    I have no problem with black men dating outside the race. I only have a problem with black men who feel the need to put down black women with comments like black women are too loud, ghetto, are gold diggers, etc. etc..in order to justify their decision.

    Reply
  4. Tracey

    I believe the video puts it in perspective. My as a black women had dated a white boy in high school but I was to young to handle the looks we would get and it didn’t last long. And now I am married to a WONDERFUL black man. But before I married him, I had a few bad experiences that made me have an attitude toward black men for a long time, and for a while didn’t give them a chance.
    So to answer the question I say, I have no problem with anyone dating whom ever they choose. At the end of the day it’s all about commitment; peace, love, and joy….like the black man on the video clip said.

    Traceys last blog post..This site is garnering ATTENTION–Our Guest Post.

    Reply
  5. gina

    I hate to say so, but the first thing I think when I see a black man with a white woman is “Oh, there’s *another* one that hates us.” I went to a small university where there weren’t a lot of black people, and heard over and over – from my black male friends – how they’d rather date a white girl, and go on to list all of our collective faults. Perhaps I internalized that, but…that kind of blanked rejection hurts, especially when the rest of the world seems to agree.

    It would be easier if the choice to date other races wasn’t prefaced with “Black Women are so…[insert negative stereotypes here]“. It’s not that *that* particular white (or asian or hispanic or whatever) woman just *happened* to be his best choice it’s that ANY white (or asian, hispanic, whatever) woman would be better than ANY choice of black woman he could have found.

    I believe that everyone has a right to love whomever they choose (and I think that black women seriously need to rethink the notion of mythic Black Love), but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting. But I always try to make myself smile at them in spite of that, simply because I remember the looks I got when I was out with my non-black boyfriends. It’s not an easy path to take.

    Reply
  6. Nicole

    In general I don’t care, but I hate when I meet black men that only date white woman. I’ve also met some men that only date light skinned woman. Especially when they start giving their sorry a** excuses for why they choose to exclusively date that particular genre of folks.

    Reply
  7. lynn

    I really could care less, Mostly because it none of my business. I was married to a white man for 6 years, we have a wonderful 17 year old son. I do not “hate my race” I just fell in love with a man. Now I have been dating a black man for almost 10 years. We love each other and we are happy.
    I have NEVER dated just one type of man, or race. I think people who do it are narrow minded and are afraid of change.

    The few people I know who makes assumptions about this issue have some type of problem with themselves, and always have some type of drama in their lives; Because the worry them selves with other’s business.
    Just my opinion

    Reply
  8. Anna

    I don’t have a problem with it. I think my problem is moreso when a black man only dates white woman and does not care what she looks like, just the fact that she is white is ok with him. My biggest gripe is that black folks forget that our black family comes in all shades. it doesn’t make me less black that my skin in white. I know who I am, a black woman. It is society that makes you chosse one box to identify your race. My husband has to defend himself when ppl make assumptions that he is a sell out and married a white woman. Once he tells them I am mixed the whole conversation is over. Now being that I am mixed most ppl have a problem when mixed woman who date/marry white. I don’t get it. Everyone has a choice./preference. One is attracted to who they are attracted to. I can say that I don’t look outside the box, I am attracted to black men but I am also allowed a choice if need be. lol.
    PS, you never know who you are going to fall in love with. If my black dad did not fall in love with my white mom I would not be here. On a side note, my dad is a equal opportunity dater. He is color blind with matching his socks and color blind when it comes to woman. lol. My dad has never remarried since my mom died, but he has dated 5 different woman who were either black or white but not mixed.

    Reply
  9. Melinda

    I think this subject will always leave the proverbial and communal salty taste in our mouths. When you look at the history of slavery in America we all know the dynamics that make some of us feel uneasy when it comes to giving up the goods to either ole massa or his daughter.

    At the end of the day; I believe that love transcends. But we know that many people who interracially date aren’t in it for sake of love they’re in it for the most superficial of reasons.

    To each is own. White men are skipping, tripping, and slipping over Yellow Fever. And if they’re wives aren’t Asian they’re adopting asian babies. Asian women are thin, petite, beautiful, less inclined to challenge patriarchy, they age well, and their culture (particularly Japanese culture) is enamored.

    And white women don’t like it one bit. We’ll now they really know how sisters feel.

    Reply
  10. Anna

    @ Melinda, Asian women are thin, petite, beautiful, less inclined to challenge patriarchy, they age well, and their culture (particularly Japanese culture) is enamored.

    And white women dont like it one bit. Well now they really know how sisters feel.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    If I say LMBAO my kids will laugh. LMWAO. I did forget for a moment about the brothers who only prefers the submissive Asian Woman.

    Wesley Snipes and Wayne Brady for example. You can marry who you want. I am going to be selfish and say this” There is no love like a mothers love but a black woman knows what a black man goes through each day”. My mom was white and my dad is black, my husband and kids are black. I know they will have more struggles than I will ever know because of the difference in our skin color. I do know that I have my own struggles being trapped in a white body and my own kids and hubby telling me “you look white:” My skin is white, my genetic makeup is black. I really wish I were allowed to be a proud black woman. Oh well, you can’t win them all. I know my hubby and kids do know I am black and love me non the less. They will laugh at me when I think I am cursing them out trying to defend my blackness. I only say to them. It is ok to speak the way I do and still get attention because the last time I checked I am still a wife and a mother and none of you has erased me off your buddy list on your cell phones. LOL..

    Reply
  11. SingLikeSassy

    Why should I care who someone else chooses to date/marry? If they hate themselves, as some suggest, again, why does it matter to you as it would seem they have found a working solution for that problem, e.g. not dating women of their own race.

    For people who are bothered about this, try getting about your own business.

    Reply
  12. Anonymous

    I just saw this post. It seems that I am always a day late and a dollar short.
    I am a white woman married to a black man. I get treated differently by SOME black women.
    ON THE JOB: I never tell people that I am married to a black man. (Only because it doesnt dawn on me….) Over the years in the working world, I am treated VERY differently by SOME black women once they find out. I have not been hired and/or promoted. They have taken my family photos and hidden them in my desk drawers, and left notes on my desk. They have stopped talking to me, asking me to attend lunch with them. “I have stolen one of the good ones.” My husband works, doesnt cheat and is a FANTASTIC father.

    IN THE FAMILY: My mother-in-law is still waiting for my husband to divorce me and marry his “ebony queen” because I am “just a phase”. We broke up once when we were dating and he started to date a black girl who was on drugs, welfare and lost all of her children, The comments from some of the women in his family were, “At least she is the right color”.

    I could go on about our children and how they are treated, but I think that you get the picture. On the flip side, I have some of the most loving sister-in-laws that ANYONE of ANY color could with for.

    Reply
  13. Tish

    I date outside my race. Though I’ve never dated white men.

    I don’t care about interracial dating but it just annoys the hell out of me when these black men project their relationship issues onto all black women. As if it’s all our faults that they can’t establish a functional relationship.
    I’d had this conversation with two brothas recently.
    They brought it up wanting to know what I thought of white women and black men.

    They wished to believe that I cared and I don’t. They kept pressing me so I told them:

    “I don’t care what brothas date. Most sistas I know don’t care either. Bcause half the time half these brothas with these white girls are ‘damaged goods’ anyway.
    I would’t touch a brotha who’d messed w/an abundance of white women because USUALLY these men have issues with black women.
    Since I’ve met so many who weren’t worth a damn in the first place who have issues with black women I tend to group most under the same banner.

    I even regard them differently often assuming that he doesn’t like black women. I’ve been ogled in the grocery store by a couple of brothas who were with white women and I’ll have this puzzled look on my face like, “What are you looking at?”

    I have 3 white women in my family:
    One’s a crackhead.
    One is a fat ‘wigger’.
    The third is a black baby incubator. 4 kids 3 different ‘babydaddies’. Nothin to offer any man but her uterus.

    My male kinfolks haven’t commited to them of course. And I always wonder to myself, “why can’t they bring home a quality white woman.”
    I’ve never seen a QUALITY white woman with a QUALITY brotha…that shit only exists in the movies as far as I’m concerned.
    My cousins….? It’s as if they scour the damn trailer park looking for the worst specimen of white woman they can find.
    Then when they get w/these women they just run through them and use them up and keep them around. I don’t know black men who date white women for genuine reasons. I just dont’. Most go there because they have stereotypes in the back of their heads.
    White women do what you tell them.
    White women don’t have as much mouth.
    White women are easy lays. Freaks.
    Don’t be mad at my words. These are words that I hear from most brothas I’ve encountered.
    And half the time—it is a game

    It’s not a major issue bcause the majority of black ppl date black ppl. As far as those black men with white women–I say ‘GOOD RIDDANCE’.

    Of course the bruhs didn’t like that. But they asked….

    In any case, there are plenty of black men who have an issue with a black woman dating a white man. YEah–a black woman may give u a look. But a brotha will get in your face and attempt to ‘punk’ the white man.

    I’ve seen it.
    And 5/10 the brotha has laid up with some white girl–but has an issue with a black woman and a white man.
    Black women dating white men catch hell.
    I don’t make the same assumptions concerning black women though…because the majority of black women who date white don’t do so bcause they have issues w/black men.
    Most I encounter tend to date white men for genuine reasons.

    Reply
  14. Broham415

    stick with your own black men should only marry other black or mixed black example brazillian puerto ricans africans u know the white guys like to go hunting for cans africans puerto ricans &mexicans  live with that sistas, furthermore when u marry that white guy do us a favor don’t call yourself a sista no moe cause u ain’t

    Reply
Add Comment Register



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>