The Great Black Hope – Why Do People Care When Others Date Outside The Race?

Comments (18)

1. 

   LeAnne Monday - 30 / 06 / 2008 Reply

   To be honest: I don't get it, either. Its not just black females who don't like it. I've met more than my fair share of black men who are quite angry about black women with non-black spouses. I, myself, experienced the blacklash of this controversy. Its really quite ridiculous.
2. 

   Anna Monday - 30 / 06 / 2008 Reply

   My skin may be white but my dad is black and I married a black man. I am attracted to black men and why is it when a black man gets some education he wants to leave you for a white girl. We black woman get mad at a man for being with a white woman because we "raised" them. There really are not enough black men to go around. Either they are in jail, thug, think they are too good for us or our gaydar is working overtime and we know they are either gay or on the DL.. A black man is a terrible thing to pass up. I appreciate a beautiful black man. Why do I get mad when I see a brother with a white woman. Because I am tired of a black man forgetting that his black mother who is beautiful and proud sacrificed herself to make sure her black son never went without anything. My son has only brought for me to meet dark skin woman. My brother who is only a little bit darker than me, married a sister. When I see a black couple in a resturant or at the grocery store together I can only smile. Black love is special and should be embraced. Yesterday I watched a repeat of "Essence Will you marry me" Every man on the show proposed to a black looking woman. My skin may be white but when I look in the mirror my soul is black. If I had my way my skin would look like Serena Williams. Black is beautiful. BTW. for my bday I bough 2 copies of "The Measure Of A Man by Sidney Potier'" Me and the hubby are going to have our own "Oprah book club. I am only 1 chapter into reading the book and I laughed, I cried and i am loving it. When I am finished reading the book I am going to give them to my brother and his wife. Sex is not the only thhing to keep a marriage strong. Communication is the key. I love a great debate and my hubby brings it on.
3. 

   Salty Beans Monday - 30 / 06 / 2008 Reply

   Because of the legacy of slavery, interracial dating will always be an issue. Cause there are always gonna be black people who won't forget how the white man has treated the African. Period. And really we should'nt expect them too, cause not everyone has the maturity to take the high road. I mean...you don't see a bunch a Jewish People marrying Germans. And you also don't see Jews driving Mercedes Benze's. They don't whine and complain about being with their own kind and how they can't find a good man/woman/partner. They handle their business as a race and as a community. So, if you want to interracially date that is something that you must be prepared to deal with. There is a history that cannot be ignored; no matter how deserving of happiness we all deserve to be. So when you walk down the street; be prepared for the onslaught. We shouldn't care but let's not pretend that most black man marry white women because they either wanna get back at the white man, or they simply do not like themselves. Black women tend to be more loyal to the race; but let's not pretend that some sisters cross over because they feel that a white man is willing to protect and provide for them more than a brother can. There are cases when love simply triumphs the aforementioned. But overall we date outside of our race because we think the other race is better. It takes maturity to be able to look at an interracial couple and not judge them; and even then still the ancestral feelings arise. Don't blame the people that judge you; blame the system that has never apologized or given retribution to the people that they've terrorized for over 400 years. Now White men are catching "yellow fever" and leaving their own white women in droves to be with Asian Women. So this is not a black or white thing. Asian women are naturally thin, petite so they are not neurotic about their weight, they are stereotyped to be somewhat subservient with high IQ's, and they don't look a mess when they're over 40. Asian women are now the new gold coast. Now white women know how black women feel.
4. 

   Carl Monday - 30 / 06 / 2008 Reply

   At the risk of oversimplifying, how about a brotha meets a woman, they hit it off, and they start dating. Just so happens he's black and she's not. To the writer's point, how many women could honestly say that it was a brotha they seriously wanted to get with anyway? Aren't these women just the cleanup women? I see sistas with white guys all the time. My belief is that if they're happy, and aren't hurting anyone, who an I to be hate on their happiness?
5. 

   Leslie Monday - 30 / 06 / 2008 Reply

   Wow. This is very interesting that people take the time to analyze the lives of others with no real purpose in mind. Who cares that Black women date White men or vice versa. Maybe if people took the time and energy they devote to expressing disdain towards interracial dating, and devoted it instead to bettering themselves for whatever person is meant for them, none of this would even be an issue. Love is love. It has no color, no size, no shape and no preference. The fact that love is unconditional says that it doesn't depend on "the color of his/her skin". To me, that notion is simply farfetched to say the least. Just let people live. I may not be completely comfortable with seeing interracial couples, but my excuse is sheltering. That's just not what I grew up seeing. I did, however, grow up learning about truth, sincerity, and honest judgement. I think people are just searching for something to dispute. If everyone were clear, what we have to hate then?
6. 

   Carl Tuesday - 01 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   Yikes. Apologies for my terrible grammer posted above; I was doing two things at once--obviously neither was proofreading. But I agree most closely in this thread with Leslie's comments. Not all loving relationships are a big socio-political statement.
7. 

   jennifer Monday - 11 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   love says it all black or white who cares we all the same .i myself love the black just beautiful no compaison
8. 

   hurrcumzdapain Monday - 29 / 12 / 2008 Reply

   To me, it's just jealousy run amok. Why should it bother someone whether or not a Black Man/Woman dates/marries outside the race? It's so infantile that all this hating goes on. It's just so inane and ridiculous that grown people get so bent outta shape over DATING.... If Blacks spent the same time and energy werkin to improve the collective lot of our race in society rather than the self-degredation that's seemingly prevalent, then we'd be on the ball. Life is too short!!!
9. 

   Anonymous Monday - 29 / 12 / 2008 Reply

   I'm with Carl and Leslie. It's whatever to me. I wonder if anyone would trip if Barack Obama wasn't married to a black Michelle, but a white or other than black Michelle. Would they still hold him in high regard? Would they still claim him as the first African American president (when, in actuality, he was raised by his white grandparents, and his black father was absentee)? Personally, I would. The man is the best one for the job. However, I think it's pitiful that humanity has reduced itself to aggression because of race. If they like it, I love it. I married a MAN...he just happens to be black.
10. 

    Alsousha Friday - 30 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Salty Beans !!! I loved your comment, you are so RIGHT! I am white and for me is really difficult to meet a decent white guy, as most of white men are interested in oriental ladies (Thai, Chinize etc)!!! I have to admit, sometimes I even get annoyed, when I see tall and handsome white guy with short, child-like Thai girl, and I keep asking myself:"why her, not me? She is not even pretty!" So NOW I know how black girls feel...I understand them as well, because I dont think its fair...when a gorgerous black guy who achieved something in life, has money and looking for particular white girlfriend? So many beautiful black girls around! Why not date them???
11. 

    Larry Saturday - 07 / 02 / 2009 Reply

    ORRRRRRRRRRRRR maybe white men/women dont even think so deeply about all this philosophical stuff that has been written. I know that there is even prejudice in black women among the lighter skinned ones. I know black men who have admitted that many of them dont want to date black women because many are too rough around the edges. Too in your face, confrontational, always wanting control and being loud anywhere they go. They have always thought white women were more fragile, softer in their demeanor and gentle. Im sure thats one of the reasons many men (black as well as white) are attracted to asian women.
12. 

    Larry Saturday - 07 / 02 / 2009 Reply

    anonymous ........... you are sooooooo wrong. If Obama was married to a white woman, he would not be in the place he is today. Trust me, he would have never gotten the vote of black women.
13. 

    hurrcumzdapain Sunday - 08 / 02 / 2009 Reply

    this is the sorta thing that will rage within and among Blacks as long as we continue to chase things, and not embrace God. This issue is just another tactic that is used to divide us. Ifya wanna look at history, history sez b/c of slavery (Blacks have been in America-the continent- since around 350BC or so, 4get that 1619 crap), the subjection of the men as chattel, the women as property. Even if Blacks were freed by Lincoln (who, according to whom you ask was Black himself), the mentality ddnt die as the institution of slavery died.As time went on, we started turning on each other, things such as "paper bag tests", was common. Now, in our day, with racism and racial hatred on both sides, some ppl just wanna comment on ppl who date interracially. This whole debate is residue from salvery and oppression. But we as appl need to put the past behind us. Look at our lot- we got any nd every opportunity anyone worldwide could EVER want... and we waste it collecctively. Things such as ppl hating on those who date outside the race. All democracies throughout history intermingled, they all had slavery, just as we have had. This is really a waste of time, some ppl just wanna run their mouths and try to shame ppl into doing what they want them to do. Plus, if it was really that bad, why are people still doing it? Some ppl just need to realize that grown folks are gonna live their lives, and they should do just that. Jealousy and anger is another set of spirits that satan uses to keep ALL people divide- and with us Blacks, it's a real big deal. Yes, slavery was traumatic, but the laws of recent years (divorce laws, Rockefeller Drug laws, racial profiling, etc), approved by governments, have handcuffed and nearly killed the spirit of Blacks and other minorities, makes slavery look like a "make work program" of the New Deal Era. Welfare, effectively making loads of poor families (Black, White, and Latino)wards of the state. Getting rid of the man in the home has made men among the poor almost non-existent as an entity. The females get a check, they have a job, they don't need a man for that much, so goes the mindset. Enter in Feminism, and men are "the enemy", and that goes for all men- in the case of Black men who date outside the race. Some see them as traitors. But just one question- who and/or what do Black men have to be loyal to nowadays? What stand does Black America need to take to improve our standing in the world? Staying within the race doesn't factor much in it when you shift your focus to the real. Look at what we do to each other... we are killing each other, hating each other. This is not what will strengthen anything for us. Plus, it is just so ridiculous. We need to understand and RESPECT other people's differences and wishes in life. This should apply to all ppl, not just those who are protected by Political Correctnees and activist laws...
14. 

    sista21962 Sunday - 29 / 03 / 2009 Reply

    I really don't care who a person dates but it is really preplexing why so many people who have "made it" seem to date white. For instance, tiger, venus, michael jordan, and the lists goes on and on. I just feel like deep down they feel like white people are better and I have a huge problem with that. I love being black and loving black. I resent it that so many celebrities date white people. Maybe its because I don't understand why. I would like to. I really believe that the best man on earth is a black man so I can see why ever other race wants a black man.
15. 

    annonymous Friday - 10 / 04 / 2009 Reply

    I never comment on blogs and no one may read this, since this post is older. But...here's the thing. I am white, female, educated, in my late 30s and single. I've dated mostly white men, occasionally Hispanic and most recently, for two years, a man who was black. The outside world was a huge strain on us. My parents thought he was terrific, his parents thought I was terrific, our friends all got along. But the little petty snide comments, heads whipping around and sometimes downright hostile behavior, took a toll. I may feel the opposite of many people about this, but I always feel happy when I see an interracial couple, gay couple or non traditional couple out to dinner or at the movies. It says to me that things are beginning to change. People are feeling more comfortable about following their heart, not choosing the person their family or culture tells them to love. This isn't just a black thing. I have two Asian friends whose families made it almost impossible to date outside their culture. I have a very close friend who is orthodox Jew, whose mother disowned him, when he married a Christian. I felt so sad, that they cared more about appearances then their child's happiness. I'm torn about this, because I want to be strong enough to choose my mate based upon his character, our chemistry and shared interests. I don't want to miss out on my soul mate, god willing, because I'm worried about dealing with the anger it provokes in other people. Anyone who chooses to marry or date outside their race to bolster their ego, has to work on maturing as a person. It would insult black men and women to suggest this is their primary motivation. I don't have an answer, just an opinion.
16. 

    Dark21 Monday - 13 / 04 / 2009 Reply

    I have a question is it wrong not to date your race becasue of Political diffrence im a black man and im a Republican and as it stands. I thinks its a bad idea to date in my race cause most of yall are Democrates please respond just want to know your opinion i just interested in knowing your thoughts on this.
17. 

    edward Saturday - 23 / 05 / 2009 Reply

    I see something in black woman thats alot more caring and genuinely caring than i ever have in a white woman, I know what i see and i see it alot and in white girls they take what they can get and dont have no backbone or real personability, I get this aloofness or just whatever attitde that i dont like, I see this nice sweet black personality of this girl down the street and I know shes Christian so thats a plus, but shes so nice and down to earth where white woman are just like they dont care about anything and they are the least bit interested in anything you say, I feel alot more comfy around a black lady than I ever have with a white woman, Its like the white one acts off to get attention or dont have anything in common with anyone or anything, and Im a white man too, i dont know why but i see this and feel this too, but not to make anyone feel bad, as i see the black woman will at least bekind and nurture you and the white one will most of the time try to find something wrong in you cause she dont like herself or tries to get attention the wrong way, Ive never had many dates in my life and i always see the black ladys by themselves in the so called ostracized world of caucasian people, Im tired of feeling like this darned white girl or that guy is looking at or thinking something just cause your with a nice black lady , I mean are white people that selfish or blind that they just cant accept you as another person,
18. 

    edward Saturday - 23 / 05 / 2009 Reply

    I feel as annonymous does I feel just like that, If you feel comfy with a person outside your race and you feel that everytime you talk to a person like you EG,, white to white you have to act some way or act like your happy and you feel you cant be yourself as they wont pay attention or listen to you like they care, I mean if you feel like this and the other person feels the same way then there it is its God willing pretty much right for both persons,