Generational Ties

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by Lamar Tyler | on July 14th, 2008 | 10 comments

As many of you know me and TheMom live in the DC Urea (spelled like that on purpose). Starting this past weekend the city became host to the AKA Centennial Celebration (congratulations if any of you are reading) and that got me to thinking. There are a lot of sorors that are daughters and granddaughters of other AKA’s and all of the fraternities and sororities have generational lines like this. There is something to letting your kid find their own way, but there’s also something to establishing a tradition.

My question is how hard would you/have you encouraged your child to follow your path as far as a sorority/fraternity/college. If you were a Q would you be mad if junior came home and said he wanted to be a Kappa? How about after you and your mother went to Hampton and your daughter tells you she wants to attend “the real” HU – Howard? Let us know…

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://singlikesassy.blogspot.com/ SingLikeSassy

I am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. and my mother is a member of another sorority. She would have liked me to pledge her sorority, but she understood I needed to choose what was best for me.
kim h20s

My father and his brothers all went to Morehouse. When I got into Spelman, for some strange reason I chose to a local university. I often regret I didn’t listen to my parents.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

@ Kim h20s- why did you regret not going to Hillman?
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

@SingLikeSassy – Even though your mom understood do you think she was disappointed in a way or was it no biggie?
http://singlikesassy.blogspot.com SingLikeSassy

I think she was slightly disappointed, but she was very glad that I pledged a sorority at all, as that was important to her.

Also, all the women on my father’s side of the family are my sorority sisters and that had some bearing on my decision as well.

I also chose a different HBCU than the ones my parents attended (and they went to different HBCUs).
kim h20s

@theDad, i don’t know if regret is the right word. perhaps i just wonder what life would have been like at spelman. plus here in dc, certain hbcu’s carry a lot of prestige.

i grew up very sheltered in the maryland suburbs, i was encouraged to have friends exactly like myself. going to spelman just seemed like i was going to meet a bunch of people exactly like myself. i went to university of maryland (ironically that’s my mother’s alma mater, lol) and had a great time. being on such a large campus meant i had four years of meeting all different types of people and trying new things.
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

@ kim h20s “being on such a large campus meant i had four years of meeting all different types of people and trying new things.”

i.e. flipping over cars and setting college park on fire whenever the terps win a final four? just kidding, just kidding LOL
http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheMom

I went to Spelman and I would love for my daughters to go there too. But….it is so far away. I keep telling TheDad I don’t know if I want my kids going so far away to college. Ultimately, I know they are going to want to decide which college they go to…but I am going to be Spelman’s biggest cheerleader while they are deciding.
Anna

I tried college and it did not work out. I do have a great job that I have to get CE credits every other year. I have 2 daughters in college who have not shown interest in being in a Soroity. Is it because I did not go to college or make a bigger dream for them? I only wanted for them to go to college and get a degree. I guess I just did not want to live vicarously through my kids but I did let them go to the college of their choice. Now I am feeling like they are missing out on somethng special, a sisterhood sort of thing. I am visioning the episode of “The Cosby Show” when Denise had to choose what college to go to. Which one do you choose when you are sitting around a dinner table and there are alma maters from different schools? At the end of the day it is and should be the childs pick. Never regret the sorority you chose for you when that was your choice. After a certain age your life does become your own and you only need to listen to your parents and still weigh the good and bad that best suits you.

@SingLikeSasse
My childrens ppl on their fathers side are well educated and did pledge and were in a sorotity. Not sure how many or if any joined a frat. I know your mother is proud of you no matter what sorority you chose. Don’t ever beat yourself up for not folowing in the mommy footsteps. As a mother we want our kids to do better than us and be able to make their own decisions. To be a mom is a blessing. As a mother I do know that their life is not my life. I just hope that they remember if or when I need a loan it will be interest free. LOL.. (They get interest free loans from mom and I only want the same favor returned should I need it), Life is short and never regret some of the downfalls we may experience. If you learned from them that is priceless. If anyone really thinks that choosing the wrong school or sorotiy is a downfall or a regret. Read the news, watch the news. Some ppl don’t get to redo or undo a mistake they think they made. Life does go on and you will still be you at the end of the day. I say live and let live, but watch your back. LOL. Haters come in numbers now.
http://www.songsinthekeyoflife.wordpress.com Vivrant Thang

I am also a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated. I just can’t imagine my daughter wanting to go any other way BUT I’m quite sure there will be bigger battles to pick with her.

I can only share my story of why I chose the way I did and hope she sees the light. LOL! But I am also going to leave it to her as a thinking, educated ybw to make her own choice. Do her own research. A lot of it will also likely have to do with what school she goes to and what the sororities on that campus are like.

I started out at an HBCU and transferred because it was too trifling and I would have never made it out. Half my class didn’t return after the first year. I would still encourage my daughter to research and apply to one though. My experience didn’t sour my views on HBCUs as a whole. I just picked the wrong one at the wrong time. Things looked to have gotten a lot better after I left.

By the way, I’m not married with kids but I love your site! Prepares me for the future

Vivrant Thangs last blog post..Gossip Folks: How Dare You Disrespect The Queendom?!?!

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