Guest Post: (Why) Do (Some) Black Women Love Thugs!?!?
Today we’ve got a guest post by friend of the blog - Averagebro from www.averagebro.com. Make sure you check out his blog, we take it in on a daily basis. I’m telling you, you don’t want to miss it.
Before ya’ll jump down my throat for this one, peep the post title again.
I don’t wanna burn too much on this, since it’s been talked about ad nauseum on enough other blogs already, but Hollyweird lightweight Lauren London (ATL, This Christmas, and uhhh… what else has she been in?!?) recently sparked a minor controversy with some of her comments in the lad-mag King Magazine. When asked the type of guys she prefers, she responded with these words of sage wisdom and whatnot.
KING: So you want a man who’s both honest and thug?
London: An authentic gangsta—that deletes about half the rap game off your list. I love guys who are street. I won’t even give soft guys a chance. Menace II Society is my shit! Caine was like my first crush. Actually, O-Dog was my true dream guy. I was in love with him, from that opening scene where he pops the convenience-store worker. He had me from that gunshot [laughs]. He was ’hood, and I loved that.
Never mind the fact that Caine ended up dead on a sidewalk at the end of the movie, London (who always seems a few footlongs shy of a Quiznos) presents a sentiment that I’ve heard from lots of other brothers over the years.
My life as a single guy is distant history, so I’m pleading the fizzith on this one. But general reaction in the blogosphere from men has been that London’s right, Black Women do like thugs and pass over more “positive” brothers, while many Black Women think Lauren’s a bubblehead.
Since I’m an get-wit’ and this is a lazy Sunday, I figure I’ll leave this one up to you guys to debate.
Question: Does Lauren London have a point? Do Black women generally prefer thugs over more “upstanding” brothers or is she just speaking for herself? Fellas, assuming you’re not a thug (and I doubt you are if you’re a reader of this blog) do you find Black Women go for the flashy and gritty a bit too much?
(2 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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im not a guy buy wanted to say that when any woman/girl is choosing a thug for a relationship, she’s basically saying this anyway.
i think the whole “tough guy” exterior is what we as females have been groomed from childhood to expect and love about men. they’re bigger than us, stronger than us, voices deeper than ours, and will stand up and fight for a cause ( the army, respect, territory etc.) i think many black women are confusing “manly” for “thug”. they are completely different
I’m not a guy, but I have to speak for black women. There are MANY of us out here who really do not want a thug. I want that guy with a job, his own place, dreams and goals! I have a real life and I want a man with his own real life too.
Fellas, we’re out here!
Rachels last blog post..Big Brother 10 and Applebees
I’m not a man, but from my female perspective, I do not prefer thugs. As Kim C. said in her response, we seem to be confusing manly for thug. I think Lauren’s statement about loving O-Dogg from the first time she saw him pop the convenience store worker is just really sad. I’m raising my daughters to want more out of a man than his thug lifestyle. We have got to do better.
Ms. HMs last blog post..My Financial Confessions: Part II
I keep waiting for someone to tell me this is a joke. I really hope Lauren really didn’t make such an ignorant statement.
I’m a woman and I’ve never wanted a thug and neither have any of my friends. Truth be told, no one wants a ‘pansy’ dude either but there is a happy medium.
savvys last blog post..Miscellaneous Money Stuff
Girls prefer Thugs, Women know better. I was shocked myself when I read this on another blog. How you can be attracted to a character in a movie who commented Murder is beyond me. As a black woman I can say that I have never liked or been attracted to “thugs”.
I can’t and will not speak for all women… i’m orginally from NY and i love my NY “thug” brothers - period. When i was in my 20’s the average guys in my neighborhood were the thug brothers — rough-necks as MC Lyte would say…now luckily i didn’t date hard core drug dealers or was i abused by any of the guys i dated and for the guys i didn’t date some were more like brothers who looked out for me. But as I got older, i no longer though it was cute for a man to look or act like he had no intelligence nor did i want to be associated in a stero-typed relationship. This was the enviornment i grew up in which is neither good or bad, folks kept it real and kept it moving. But i also had old-school parents and a variety of positive influences so i had no problem interacting with all types of guys and people in general for that matter because we lived in a melting pot. My point is i wouldn’t date anyone that is a negative influence on my life.
But would i date a thug now? maybe if his name was Jay-Z.
Only woman on the site have left commments.
Ruby128 Saysents. But would i date a thug now? maybe if his name was Jay-Z.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is Jay-Z a thug or a thug with money?
Some woman like the thug life, the thrill is in the chase for both involved. Age does play a part of it. I am too old to chase a thug or even give him the time of day. If you ingonre a thug he gets mad at you and says you are a bitch because you ignored his advances or his comments. Thugs to me are nothing more than grown a@@@XXXXXXXXXX men who think because they have money they can have you, spit you out and talk about it all day long. I have never been with a so called “thug” nor do I want to. To all the thugs out there , don’t soliciate a real woman in the grocery store or shopping with her chidren and get mad that she does not holla back at you. All woman are not thug seekers and they are not for sale. It does amaze me how much clout a thug thinks he really has. SMH wondering why a “thug wants to be a thung”. I can only pray for their moms and hope they don’t encourage their childs “thug ife”".
I also noticed all women replied, maybe the fellas that read the site all have women so they’re not familiar with the plight of the man that’s home along because all of the women in his life want thugs. (Or their either thugs themselves… LOL.. or at least internet thugs
I sort of figured there wouldn’t be any women who would cop to liking thugs. Any regular dude out here has faced this struggle. lol At the risk of being called bitter, I won’t go much further, but believe me, they like the boys in the band, and the bad boy. lol Now there are some who have grown up a little and have realized that thug stuff isn’t getting it done, but then you have some who haven’t left that mentality. They want this new type of thug, the corporate thug. Whatever the heck that means. lol
I’m no authority on thug-ism, but in my opinion and in reply to the Jay Z comment….Jay Z is a thug with money or an intelligent hoodlum if you will, he flipped his situation and made it work for him…..he’s in the minority and not the average brother — hence my previous comment.
I also agree that age does play a huge part in it not to mention your surroundings…when i was in my teens most of the girls (myself included) were intrigued with the guys that had the cars, the money, the look, the attitude –the power if you will - and these guys were in their teens as well and they (so-called) had it all, so yes that was appealing, because in our naivety we didn’t know or want to know no better. But it was only when i matured (and when most them ended up dead or in jail) that my views on what type of man i wanted changed - not to mention my parents were not having it! As a woman (with my teens long behind me) I can only speak for the guys i dated or knew that are still here, most have matured and moved on, but still have that thug mentality because that’s just part of their make-up, and for the ones that are still acting like the menace II society fools…they will end up just like the characters in that movie. I really don’t beleive there are too many grown positive women that want to date a type of man that would bring violence to her and her family and keep her life in constant 24/7 jeopardy - that’s a thug! So the comment from Lauren doesn’t apply - that’s a comment of a young foolish child. I think the message that we have to send to our young males, is that a thug-type lifestyle is not to be glamorized because the cons outweigh the pros everytime and to the young females, we have to respect and deserve more of ourselves. Ignorance and negative influences is what clouds our judgement or lack there of.
And black woman wonder why brothers aren’t going
after them anymore.
A real woman first of all is petite not some ruff ass
woman.
And ladies if you think it’s hard finding a good man, will
your daughters don’t have a chance……..
And black woman wonder why they have the highest hiv rate in the world.
I guess when women realize that the independant complex is left alone. Then they will begin to actually appreciate a good man to come in and give him a G-damn hug. This has been the root of the problem since the women’s liberation, but that is just it black women got liberated for being women. Black men have a more tougher path, so that is why we cling to sports, entertainment, hustling, thuggin…This helps us as men to survive, I understand this but hustling/thuggin has consquences. Which infect the black family/community. For a Lauren London, to make that kinda statement is sad for that fact that it gives these men the incentive that doing dirt I can get a so-called beauty queen.
@LAMAR and the dude
A “petite” (which is used in the entirely wrong context anyway, I think you meant something more akin to feminine but humble– petite means small) woman likes thugs just as much as a ruff woman or hoodrat does. Trust I know.
And as for thedude. Black women liking “thugs” doesn’t have anything to do with HIV rates. “Good” dudes have HIV too. Wrap it up regardless.
Some black women do love thugs. I think of fast money when I think “thug”. And some women want a man who has that, who is considered “hard” because it makes them feel safe. Some want a man to buy them the flashy things and ask for nothing or some sex in return. To some women that’s nothing.
Lets just say that if the kind article is correct. There are alot of black women that have absolutely no idea what they want at all in a man.
I am starting to see why black women claim there are no “good” black men, because they look only for thugs and think that they become good men once they meet them(wtf??) So basically you want a thug that is willing to give you flowers, yet leave you taking care of baby when he gets ya pregnant but as long as he “carries a long pipe” he allllllllllllll good. Or maybe when he caps someone or jacks someone up and uses that money to take your ass to get nails or don pierron.
And you wonder why black women are not respected too much in overall society. Okay, I don’t want to go on because this kind of article really gives me bad state of mind about ALL black women. Good thing not ALL think like the London woman.
Some sistas want a thug yet complain about his thuggish ways. I know all black women aren’t this assine, when her ass gets capped by one, maybe she will rethink her “preference”.
when the brothers did come out they didn’t half step. wow
lol, not surprised by this article at all. All most woman do is complain about there being no good men but talk about they want a thug. Well thats why there are no good men because you dont have the sense to look for one. Also will one of the ladies please define what a thug is because I haven’t met one yet. Half of the woman who think they are with thugs are really wit fags who like it in t a$$. Why you think the black population holds the record for HIV/AIDS So you woman keep on wanting them thugs that like men and will give you a baby along with a disease. I grew up in Camden NJ and live in Patterson, NJ for years. Some ruff streets growing up but I could tell you what a thug looks like. I made my way out of the hood but I have class but ain’t no bitch either. So I think wanting a thug is more of a fake image but keep wanting them thugs and you will get exactly what you deserve, NOTHING…
I’m a woman. From Detroit…the actualy city aka the hood. I’ve never wanted a thug. What would we talk about? I can’t say Black women prefer one or the other. Especially since those aren’t the only type of guys out there. Just because you are successful doesnt mean you arent just as much of a thug at hear as a drug dealer. At the end of the day, women are attracted to confidence, command, and power. Some women have grown up seeing “thug” imagery as having that command and the more professional Black man as subservient. There’s a variety of Black women, so I’m sure we are attracted to all kinds of people. So, no, I wouldnt say the majority is attracted to “thugs”
Paulas last blog post..Come Close….*snicker*
I think its interesting that we (people commenting) Lauren London’s comments in KING Magazine as representative of Black women. If we took some silly statement from Plies and then say, “and black men wonder why…blah blah” then there would be problems. We can use her as representative because you’d expect her to be a dream come true because of the way that she looks…
Paulas last blog post..Come Close….*snicker*
Ouch Billionaire. Nothhing wrong with speaking the truth. A thug is a thug is a thug. Some woman may be so desperate that a thug is their only means of survvival. Parents kick out(throw away their kids everyday). Is it right? Heck no. There is a generation of kids who are now 18-20 yrs old whos parents don’t want anything to do with . Lauren London ’s statement is just a sad statement. We have to give her a pass for stupidy and age. I want a man with a backbone and a voice to back it up. If a woman wants a thug, you can have him. NO competiton needed. How does the song go. ” A real man know a real woman comes first”. i don’t want to be in a singular sensation with a thug man and his chosen girl. is she’s just a thug herself. I like to relish in the fact that my husband knows that his wife may not always come first b but I do know that PMS with men and woman takes turns.
Woman with HIV have a higher rate
because the black men they choose like the sex’ in jail with another man. They get out of jail and the waiting woman has a home for them to come home to and resumes his manly/husbandly duties and does not whisper a word to her that he likes male on male sex. Occording to him, he is not gay. Hiv is not a joke and a DL man is not the business, Are woman so desperate to have a man that they wait and sit around for him to to come home from jail. Nelson Madela’s wife waited for him for 27 years. A political jailing is different than a thug jailing. I know that Nelson and his wife are divorced. She did wait and protest for both ot them. Men if you are stupid I don’t feel a woman has to wait for you. Is a female stupid for having sex with someone whe thinks is the next best thing. Nope. I am not afraid of Aids or in the past afraid of getting tested. If you are active and don’t use a condom the worst thing that can happen is a unwanted child. Most children are a surprise but most wrap it up because of Aids.
I’ve heard sistas tell me that the attraction to thugs stems from women (or girls) not having had a relationship with their fathers. Whether that’s true or not, my boys and I have a pact to let each other know if a woman we’d consider dating had a past with thugs. If so, they get treated like women treat men who’ve been known to frequent prostitutes in their past.
Anna good point. The thing is Lauren is not the first person to make that comment. That’s why everyone is comparing it to black women because a majority of black women have made that same statement but worded it different.
Paula you also hit the nail right on the head. People have this so called image of a thug but a business man can have just as much heart but just doesn’t wear his pants down to his ankles with a dirty dingy tee. I think I just get aggrevated when I hear the word thug because to me they dont exist to me because I can do anything a so called thug can do without thinking twice I just dont have that image.
Not all women like thugs but a certain type of woman likes thugs because that is how they think men should behave, they like drama, and they choose men that reflect what they believe relationships are about.
*Some* black women like thugs because they think it’s all that they deserve plus, if you *only* want to be with a black man, you may think that your pool is a little shallow and fiercely competitive if you only fish from the professional pool.
Lauren London is basically saying ‘I like excitement. I like men who have a whole lotta drama in tow with them because I think that relationships are about drama, ambiguity, and never being too sure of what your man is going to do on any particular day. I’m turned on by power and authority, even if it is a man that walks into a shop and shoots up some people. But I won’t seek out power and authority with a professional black men with his trousers on tight, because he won’t be exciting, and secretly, I don’t think I am good enough to be with a man that isn’t a thug.’
wow - Mwanga Says….if a woman we’d consider dating had a past with thugs. If so, they get treated like women treat men who’ve been known to frequent prostitutes in their past.
So a woman that had previously dated a thug would be treated as such and compared to a man that frequented a prostitute?? i get the “you can turn a ho’ into a housewife” logic, but not all women regardless of age that may have dated a thug deserves to stero-typed because of that - maybe she learned from that and is a better person because of it. What if the woman had a past dating only accountants - she should then only date guys in finance or would she be treated as a gold digger, of what if she only dated guys with degrees would she be considered boughee (sp?), the list could go on and on. A person’s character, or if their (negative) past represents their future should be part of the defining factor for deciding to date someone.
Wow, I’m blown away by how one general comment represents all of the black women in the world. I agree fully with NML how they are looking at what London is really saying. Yes i believe that there are many black women young and old who do not have the right perception of a healthy relationship and what it entails. With more positive images and influences, these females who want a “thug” would realize that it’s so much better to deal with a man that values you and doesn’t degrade you. I think its the mentality of a lot of black women, if they felt better about themselves and demanded more from themselves they would’nt want that man with so much drama, 10 baby mommas, hood rat extroidinaire, secretely on the DL, non educated talking kinda brothas.
It’s not right to generalize all men or all women. But i’ve been noticing black woman especially in entertainment have been degrading themselves and it misrepresents all black women as a whole. i for one am and have been taking back my power. Black woman are going to school, raising kids alone, setting positive examples for the younger generation, for the most point, we as women need to demand more from men. That’s why the cliche’ is “there are no good black men”. I used to believe that but when i started respecting myself and demanding more from the men who approach me, i started attracting the “good” black men. What a lot of women have forgotten and maybe don’t know is that we set the standard for relationships. The men then follow the lead for the values we have set in place. If women stop lowering their standards and stop accepting every man that walks in their life, then maybe we could have that healthy loving relationship we long for. Patience is a virtue. It won’t happen overnight, but while you’re waiting for your situation to blossom, do you. Get your mind right, spirit right, bank account right, accomplish your goals, and do more for your own community. We have to get focussed on us, life is not all about finding a man. Concern yourself with your goals and get to it, and when you least expect it, love will walk into your life.
I think I understand your point Ruby128, but I was referring to the similarities of the prostitute and the thug–both are amoral, reckless, and destructive, not just to themselves but also to those around them. And having a history with one or the other speaks to giving in to things you know are wrong, and could have life changing impact, regardless of your age (we can’t write-off a wayward youth like some of our anglo counterparts). Living in D.C., THE DAD and MOM probably remember the notorious case of Kimba Wood, a young lady with great potential who paid a heavy price for her thug fettish. I really hate to see sistas go down that road, but if they do so willingly and over the objections of others, it’s not our job to ’save’ them.
Sorry for the previous typos
I have to regretfully say that woman do want thugs. Of course, this is not my preference but a couple of my closest friends that are older than me (one of them turning 40 this year) who have a lot going for themselves (one even a teacher) choose and prefer low-class, headed toward a dead end thugs. I first and foremost think that they have an unrealsitic idea that these type of men are better lovers and they are going to get some type of “thug lovin” that they would not be able to get from a more educated man that his life together. Secondly, I think it is for the security. They feel like the thug has “street cred” and that makes them feel safe and important. However, the reality is that they are immature, cannot commit, and have no real idea on how a woman is to be treated so it leaves my girlfriends constantly complaining and sadly enough, lonely. When I have tried to take them to more mature places with a better class of men, they have referred to the crowd as weak, and corny. I just want my sistas to come up out of that ridiculous mentality. It is just so sad!
All I got to say is where is Lauren’s daddy?
I am in love with a thug…I’ve been in love with him since the day we met 11 years ago..11 yrs ago, a guy had to be from the street to gain my interest….my husband no longer roams the streets, but he still has that swagger…most women can’t tell the difference from thug to swagger….”good guys” can get more play if they had more SWAG…it’s not about money, drugs, cars, etc…it’s about the way you carry ur self….if you ain’t got that SWAG, then you ain’t got much….
I disagree with Deelightful1974….all thugs are not immature, some do committ and know how to treat a woman..as i stated earlier, my husband is now a hard worker, great provider, exceptional lover and most important my best friend. when we met, he was in the streets, however, he was smart…graduated high school, graduated college, committed himself to helping me become a more stronger and mature woman. back in 97 when i met him, it was for me all about the money, cars, and other stuff…as i grew older so did my outlook on the type of man i wanted to be with…my husband understood that in order to be with me he wld eventually have to give up the “street life”..he was able to do that with no problem and still keep the SWAG….you can always take the guy outta the hood, but not the hood outta the guy……if ur man is willing to step up and do what’s right, then a thug wldn’t be all that bad…..wome who chose thugs based on money and fast life will never reach their lovers true potential…luvn a thug whose in it for the moment, but has a long term plan isn’t all that bad, but luvn a thug with no dreams, then you get what you deserve.
we as women set the boundaries on the treatment we accept…so if you settle for less then that’s what you get…that’s with all men, blue collar, white collar, or street collared…
I think thugs are not real men and give good men a bad wrap. I am a grown man that love to get my grown man on. My definition of grown man is having great credit, a job (with benefits), transportation (charger 08), apartment, providing for my daughter, loving my lady(that im about to propose to today her bday), and not needing anyone to contribute to my finances. I feel that women who pass up other men like me for thugs are as dumb as the thugs they goin after. Thugs can be punks too… just because they can have tatoos and muscles or whatever they can be poodles in the inside… cream filled niggaz… i aint no thug but best believe aint nobody running up in my house that aint gone jump out the window when they hear the sound of that 45 pistol or aint nobody gone disrepect me/family. I feel men can be protectors and providers without being a thug… dont let a college degree fool ya or the fact that i go to work in slacks and ties. I takes care of mines and i get my grown man on… do thugz do that?…There is more to life then just thugn when REAL thugz realize that they will become real men…and when ladies that chase thugz or desire thugz realize that…they will become wifes and not baby momaz……..BAY AREA
a ganstas girl said:
“my husband is now a hard worker, great provider, exceptional lover and most important my best friend….he was smart…graduated high school, graduated college, committed himself to helping me become a more stronger and mature woman”– and also declared he was a thug
YOU just got lucky to get with a thug that decided not to be one anymore (one in a billion chance). this situation is not typical. i hope you do not teach your children this ‘love story’
[...] had all of you going as evidenced in the comments section. If you missed the original post by AverageBro you can click here to read it. Our favorite black, British, blogger NML who blogs at baggage reclaim was so moved by [...]
Nice decent guys don’t finish last they finish 30-35. What I mean is blk women from age 15-29 blk women date everyone that don’t or can’t do anything for em, cheat on em, talk down to em, and more than likely going upside their head, and when they finally want something real they come get you at 30-35. Now here you are been having relations with women, but constantly trampled on and passed up for the thug wanna be, going to school, getting yourself together, and finally you get your chance oh how lucky are you!!! Now here comes this “reformed” woman who might come to at age 30-35 with more than likely emotional,or physical scars from the very same men her people warned about and you gotta deal with it. Lets not even get into financial scars possibly from her ruining her credit buying Jordans, One’s, and co-signing for cars and apartments for these sorry cats, or dealing with her kids from these other guys how lucky you are. I also hear that no father excuse alot and I call it BS!!! I know plenty of women who come from 2 parent homes who still chased thugs, drug dealers, whateva so thats another excuse. I always say-Blk Women know how to treat a wrong man the right way, and a right man the wrong way.
I just think a majority of black women are attracted to thugs because they confuse cockiness with confidence. Quiet confidence is routinely overlooked, imo. But, I think that’s just our community/generation as a whole. You can look at all forms of entertainment and facets of life. Too many of use don’t do or understand subtilty.
8thlights last blog post..They Finally Got O.J.
I’m a masculine Black man and I’m 38. I have a theory that I believe is applicable to state of young black men and young black women conversely. I think young black girls are getting too much of a bad rap when it comes them being associated with wanting to date thugz. And most of those negative comments come from Black men who are not being totally honest with themselves or with the public. Check this out…again, it’s just a theory. When I was in high school in the 80’s on Chicago’s south side, young black girls liked the athletes who sometimes were also the smartests dudes in school…(back then, athletes had to perform well scholastically but I guess now that’s changed). The brothers the young girls admired were the ones who seemingly had a “future”. Girls hoped their boyfriends would get recruited to college on scholarships for sports or academeics. Let’s keep in mind back then, young men carried themselves as “young men”. Over the last 20 years however, young black men 16-25 are having serious identity crisis. Young black men are no longer as masculine as they were when I was a youth. Boys my age all played sports, or had recreation outdoors. Now, before young black boys reach the age of 15, many of them are video game proned. Many of these kids never play outside with other boys nor are they introduce to interacting with girls in environments condusive to their development. What I am saying is, young black men now are SOFT. We see them every day in the schools, in the malls and on the street being more concerned with fashion and material things more than they are about doing push-ups, or running a few laps or playing sports. Young black women really don’t have much to choose from in terms of finding young masculine and intelligent black men among their inner circle. Older black men usually get angry from not being able to attract young black women because they feel they must compete with the men that young girls prefer…thugs. What older black men have a hard time coming to grips with is that young black girls want thugs and grown black women want MEN. I don’t really hear the young straight and masculine black men complaining about not getting attention from young black girls. I realize the attraction young women have for thugs is an alluring fad or trend so to speak that ages and dies out by the time she is mentally and emotionally mature enough to identify the noncondusive relationship. She will eventually grow and seek a real man who can lead her and demand her respect. However, no young girl respects and old man old enough to be her dad, vying for her attention. Whatsmore, no young girl finds a fashion obsessed boy more attractive than a young man who acts masculine. If there were more young men being raised with values such as, self-respect, work ethic, intelligence, and an apreciation for young black women, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. YOUNG BLACK MEN AND OLDER BLACK MEN NEED TO STEP UP and walk the walk if they’re gonna’ talk the talk…the women are WATCHING!
@Omegaman,
You went pretty deep with it, bro! I agree with most of what you said. However, there is a part of this dynamic I want to address. When I was in high school in the 90s I was a pretty straight arrow type of guy. I was an introvert who liked reading and conversing about relevant political and social topics. With that said, if a girl was into the bad boys, or thugs, then I was not her type. And there were many sisters who did not give me a second look. However, there were a lot who did.
I got a fair share of attention because even though I wasn’t a Crip (which was the IN thing back then) I was still fairly athletic, slim, approachable (and good looking IMO). But most of all I was not resentful because a certain group of sisters chose to ignore me. I did not get upset. I just accepted that those women were out of my range of possibilities and focused on the ones who were interested.
What irks me about this topic is a lot of men focus more on the women who reject them than the ones who accept them. There are plenty of intelligent and beautiful black women who do NOT want a thug. I have found the only thing worse than a woman who loves a thug is the men who love women who love thugs. Some of those brothers are really bitter. A truly upstanding, decent, hardworking, minimal issues having, black man will have no problem finding a decent woman if he is patient.
I am not giving the thug loving sisters a pass. I believe many women ruin their lives (and their children’s lives) in a silly, albeit intentional, quest for the wrong kind of man. I think is shows a lack of maturity. However, immaturity is not a crime. It can, though, be very costly.
I’m forever and a day late on this post, but here goes…
Black women: if you want a thug, find you a thug; if you don’t want a thug, then wait for the type of man that YOU want. Don’t settle, regardless of how long you’re ‘doomed’ to being single. Lol. [I'm single, and I love it. I'm not having sex, and I'm not even dating, I'm just happy with me, and the people God has placed in my life.]
Black men: if Black women ‘all’ want thugs, and you’re not a thug, then move on. Black women aren’t the only women. I know I’m getting virtually stoned for encouraging interracial dating, but I don’t care. People are people, love is love, and life is life. Live it up!
If most Black women want thugs, so what?! It just makes me feel special to know that I’m rare - a minority within a minority. Haha.
Im a young black man 19 years of age fly as can be but i have had bad experiences with most black girls because im to nice and respectful hell i was raise with manners and i finally understand why i cant attract black females as friends or girl friends is because i dont act like a hood ass nigga thats why i refuse to approach any more black females unless they come talk to me there will be no conversation period.
@Brandon,
That is the wrong approach, bro. My brother is 20. He complains about the same thing. He told me he does not think it pays to be a nice guy with most black girls. He says most do not show him any respect. Whereas women of other ethnicities respond well to his approach. My advice to you is the same I gave him.
1) Don’t change who you are. Don’t start being hard on women because it seems that is all they will understand. Don’t let other people change you.
2) Keep giving the sisters a chance. That is what my stepfather told me. I took his advice and am now married to a wonderful sister.
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As someone who has lived out this whole experience of actually straight up losing women to “thugs”, I think that I am the most qualified to comment.
What I noticed was that I got older, the women who were giving me a chance (all the way up to the point I was no longer available) had some horrible war stories to tell about ex boyfriends and baby daddies who gave these women hell. Though they wouldn’t admit they they had liked thugs in the past, I had to settle for my perception of the situation. You fell in love with an unsavory character, you had kids, he abused you and made your life a living hell, and now that you are much older, you will finally date little old me. LOL. It was kinda funny. I would ask myself why I spent years in dry spells, and I couldn’t help but think if I met these women then, that they wouldn’t be “feeling” me because they’d think I was soft or corny or something.
Another thing I would like to comment on is what about the dude who reads a magazine like KING in the first place. They, like me, back in the day, like women who are slutty, half naked, or who give it up. There was a point when I turned the whole black women luvs a thug inside out, and I started to pursue skanky, ho-ish type girls.
Though I didnt end up with a slutty girl for a wife or a girl, I think that we shouldn’t just check the sistas without checking ourselves. Look at all these videos on BET or MTV Jams, check your strip spots, check your local club where these girls hang out! For every woman that loves a thug, there is a freaky dude (who might hide his freakiness) who is “in luv with a stripper.” I know, I was one of them
Omegaman/T. Rogers has the mindset of one of those BM who enables The heck out of BW no matter what they do. While men are just supposed to accept. I’ll leave them to deal w/ the trash and ihnore the problem. Marriage/children/sharing of finances/residences is to be avoided w/BW because they refuse to deal with their issues while adding neon to mine. Both of the above would have younger BM (thanks for the piss-poor advvice) ignore the Marriage/Birth rate is crumbling for a reason. Never allow bullying to push yourself into a bad situation w/ a BW. Same goes for BM.
To accuse the effected of being bitter?
Pull your panties out your Arse. BM are ahead of the curve in avoiding BW in general. The onus is no longer in the victim. Enjoy your 38 old piece of trash.
BM going their own way.
hurrup2sghphnkap
As a 26 year old woman that isn’t into thugs, know that we are out there. I think a major reason some black women are attracted to thugs, is becuase some don’t have good father figures to show them the type of man they should be with.
Also, just as I would tell many of my women friends that like to complain that there aren’t any good black men, I would say you have to really look inside to see what you are displaying that attracts those particular types of people.
Ruby128 and A Gangstas Girl: Amen to the both of you breaking it down right! I have dated all type of guys and to be honest the last thing I need in my life is a 24/7 drama guy!
A Gangstas Girl’s:”you can always take the guy outta the hood, but not the hood outta the guy.” True!
E.R. said:
As a 26 year old woman that isn’t into thugs, know that we are out there. I think a major reason some black women are attracted to thugs, is becuase some don’t have good father figures to show them the type of man they should be with.
You’re right on some black women but I grew up with a father around and dated thugs. Now I’m grown up and hope you understand where I’m coming from by reading Gangsta Girl’s comment. Peace.
@Craig,
You are way off the mark, bro. I am not enabling anyone. My point in my second post was many brothers complain about the women who want thugs while IGNORING the righteous sisters right in front of them who don’t want thugs. How is that enabling? Oh, you must want me to get into a bashing session on the women who prefer thugs. Why? What good does it do?
What begins as a session to call out the sisters who like thugs becomes a bashing session on ALL black women. In your own post you lumped all black women in one category. That is ignorant, short sighted, and downright immature.
As a black man, I cannot stand when people lump us all together. I can’t stand when people generalize and refuse to see me and instead, see caricature of me based on a stereotype. I am sure you don’t like it. But that is what you are doing with black women. Generalizing.
If you don’t like black women, hey, that’s your choice. I’m not mad. Just like I am not mad at women who choose thugs. You are the one who has sworn off an entire race of women. That’s an extreme reaction, the reaction of someone who seems bitter.
This whole subject of wanting a thug, isn’t quite meant to be what it’s interpreted as. In my younger days, I was infatuated with the whole aspect of having a thug, and to this day, there’s something about one that still brings forth that hint of attraction. When in my infatuation stage, i loved the fact of having a man with street cred, big money, fighting skills, that aggressive love (no, i’m not talking about beating my azz!) and that thug motivation, but after my boyfriend who was also the love of my life, and future husband was labeled a kingpin and sentenced to 25 years in federal prison, my eyes opened. He never beat me up, or called me anything but beautiful. He was what i refer to as gentleman with a thuggish mentality. So i haven’t been negatively withdrawn from a relationship perspective, just the consequences he had to pay. Now that i’m a bit older, and have expanded my horizons, i see that i’m not fully happy with that lifestyle, but because i didn’t have any negativity within our relationship, i guess that’s why some aspects of a thug still interest me, but not enough to do a major follow-up!
Well for me I was a kid when I met my sons dad we grew up together. I was completely and blindly in love with his a**. Then we had a kid. A little boy no less. My whole state of mind did a 180. I started to cook more, stopped hanging out and drinking with my friends. I was like I have to be an example of the kind of girls he will date, so i felt like i needed to step it up, drastically. It seemed as though my old way of thinking was just wrong, even when it came to my boyfriend. I look at him sagging and no job trying to be a rapper and I’m thinking WTF was i thinking. I can’t have my son thinking this is OK. So I changed myself, but at the same time what am i to do; keep my son away from his father because all of a sudden i can see clearly now. I am still with him today i do care about him and we’ve been through so much. We have our problems like any one else. but i am happy with what he does do for me and his kid. And even though we come from the same place i can’t knock him for being him, who he has always been. We are working on the job thing. We all have our faults and I can’t say that being with some square ivy league dude would be better maybe only financially.
[...] Guest Post: (Why) Do (Some) Black Women Love Thugs!?!? [...]
I did not all the other comments.I hate to say it but I must comment. I grew up with the so called thugs and Bad BOYS. I could not buy a date. I was not a Jock either. I notice reading the other responses; you are not going to get the answer you are looking for. My opinion would be the one that likes the bad boy knows it is wrong and will not answer because of fear of the comebacks. The others might have tried the bad boy route and found out it will not work. TV Music and Movies have glorified the image for years. It is now reaching a high level because of the lack of family values and a whole host of other subjects. One way to stop the process might be to let the ladies see what a real man does. There is no one answer to the problem but core values of the family could help.
I co sign with what Leslie said. I am single in every sense of the word for the past x amt of years (I really need to stop counting) anyway I refuse to settle and have never settled my last male friend was not a thug but he did have swagger. I believe somebody touched on this earlier its not about being a thug so much as having flavor or swagger per say. Derek Luke, Idris Elba, Will smith to name a few none of them are thugs but they all have swagger and arent bad on the eyes either!!
Sidebar women could say all men want an eye candy video model ( I am a size 8 gym rat but im trying to make a point)
I think there’s a function within every woman that desires a man who can protect them and make them feel secure. Where the disconnect occurs is each woman’s standard of what that means to THEM.
If you have a woman who has, albeit unfortunately, chosen BET and the media to define what a “real man” is, then she is going to fall woefully short and settle for a man who can physically protect them, but many times, they will use that ability to beat their woman down either emotionally or physically.
I want a man like Jesus, personally. He wasn’t the gay looking guy that the sistine chapel portrayed, either. He had some swagger, for REAL. He could stand toe to toe with “thugs” like Peter (who cut off another man’s ear for trying to mess with Jesus) and Matthew (who was a loan shark, dangerous type of brother) and cause them to want to follow Him, because His game and His swagger made them want to change.
I want a man like Jesus who could be threatened with being thrown off a cliff, but was so confident in His purpose and ministry that He was able to walk through that angry mob and keep it moving to the next city.
I want a man like Jesus who could be tender enough to save a woman caught in adultery from being stoned, but tough enough to go to a tree, make His own switch, and barrel through the synagogue, evicting anything that wasn’t like His Father up out of there.
My daddy had Jesus’ swagger. On one hand, he would let me wet my eyes on his shirt because my feelings got hurt. On the other hand, he could correct my behavior with a force that made me want to be a better person (and he rarely ever whooped me).
My husband has Jesus’ swagger, too. He can be kind and compassionate, but let someone mess with his wife and children…although violence would be his last resort, he’s not apt to stand by and allow those God has entrusted to his care to be abused by ANYONE.
Jesus is the perfect standard. And He died for the very people who set Him up to be killed. But He did it for a purpose much greater than proving His point or being a thug. Personally, if I had been Jesus, I would have killed er’body who even THOUGHT about saying “crucify Him.” That’s what a THUG would do. That’s what a person with a mindset bent on doing things their own way would do. Yet Jesus showed more strength than a thug could ever muster on that cross.
I know it sounds preachy, but it just is what it is. Jesus wasn’t no punk, nor was my Daddy, nor is my husband. But a thug is just a person walking around with this caffeinated courage that the moment a greater force comes along, instead of taking the time to up the ante in their personality, they would choose to respond with violence and even homicide to ensure that greater force does not remove from them every excuse they have to live their lives with such a woefully impoverished mindset.
Most young african american girls are corrupted from an early age to think that thugs are the way to go. My father use to say “Show me a thug and I will show your a loser”. Unfortunately, young girls do not get the message until they have 3 kids by three different thugs who all say that the child is not theirs.
Generally, black men/boys are to be blamed. They have removed themselves from the leadership and passed it to our women. Women are bearing the burdn of provider and fulfilling the fathership role while the thug finds another host.
Where I grew up, dating thugs and prison bunnies would make you an outcast.
This thing about black men liking thugs is silly. For one if they do it’s there preference, but they are so many other sisters that don’t so go and talk to them! Or women of other races who you have things in common with you can get to know and have a relationship. One thing I notice in the black community, we accentuate the negative. We really do, they are plenty of black families that are doing they’re thing, married with kids and are happy, but we focus on stupid people, making stupid comments. But us talking about what Laura London comments, so something is us is incorrect. Because I know that if she wasn’t thought of as Hollywood fly, we wouldn’t even be talking to this stuff. If Laura was 300 pounds of pure ugliness, we wouldn’t care. The let’s me know that there is something inherently wrong with brothers, it exposes their superficiality. This thing only gets play when it some average brother who wants a drop dead gorgeous sister and she wants the thug. It’s a no sense conversation amongst very bright people. If she wants him, she can have him, you should get your PHD is psychology open up a practice and charge her, because the abuse she’s going to suffer, emotional and physical, you can get 150 per session. In the end it’s about cultivation, amongst other things that will determine what you like and don’t like. If that woman has been cultivated to be attracted to thugs, there nothing you can do, let her go and pray for her. It shows that there’s something wrong with her. If you like her, there’s something wrong with you! There too many good, nice sisters with great characteristics that you can be happy with. Stop focusing on the outer so much and began to explore the women you like hearts and mind, you might find a diamond in the rough. Peace!
The goal of american culture for centuries was to strip black men of their power and authority. And centuries later we are still trying to recover.
Women are attarcted to confidence and power because to us it equals security and stability, what we crave. And the ostentatious thug is more readily achievable/plentiful then the powerful and confident professional BM. For example, I work at a national african american org. and in my divison there are about 20 black men to about 200 black women, only about 10 of the black men have degrees, 140 of the black women do. So many women lower their standards or expectations. Also, many of us BW have been taught to be strong and independant and we want someone who is going to be able to “handle” that strength and few see professional black men as having that ability.
The image of the bad boy is not singular to BW. White women also lust after those with that persona, usually a rocker or some frowning myopic boy in black. Becuase Someone who bucks authority seems to exude confidence.
The delimma for many BW is trying to find a man who can successfully adopt the duel identities. Professional but still down to earth aka has Swagger. So since there are so few who have both, many tend to go for just the swagger without any substance.
Now me, I am married to a strong-willed man of God who knows responsibility and has swagger. A rare combination to find but one for which I am grateful.
Those women who prefer thugs just need to mature. Because believe me, you learn to value a stable job, benefits, and retirement funds the older you get.
Im 18 and im a college student. For me im caught in the middle of being a thug or a nice guy. I used to have to have the perfect view of what a black men should be, that is until i ran into this one chick. it was a lie after another lie. Slowly now i can see the change im making towards being a thug. I dress different, walk different, and even talk different.
I just find it really really hard to get back the views i once had. It’s almost like she just took them from me.
How in the world can i end this bitter trend?
@ Joe,
First and foremost, I give you props for being bold enough to at least ask the question before going down a road that will be difficult to return from. For you to be 18 and asking these questions tells me that you are more of a man than you thought you were…more of a man than the young lady you were dealing with could appreciate.
It’s safe to say that you probably put a lot into your relationship, and after investing so much, you feel like this young lady betrayed your trust. If that’s accurate, by all means, keep reading.
I work on a college campus (an HBCU at that), and I’ve seen this pattern a million times: Boy meets girl, boy falls in love, boy sees a future, girl is just that–a girl, and too young to know a good thing when she has it in front of her–girl takes boy for granted, breaks his heart, boy uses that as an excuse to either A) go the homosexual route or B) go the thug/playa/pimp/misogynist route.
Guess what, Joe? It’s all a part of life and growing up. You have to take the good with the bad, but what makes you a MAN is how you respond to the ugly. Do you allow this situation to totally alienate you from who you know you already are? What happens when a woman who has all the qualities you’ve dreamed of comes along? You won’t be ready for her, and you won’t appreciate her because you have colored the way you look at women through the lens of a young lady that should not have that much power over you.
You know what you can do? Stay focused on those books, find out who YOU are and solidify that person through studying, prayer, declaring your major, getting a personal relationship with the Lord, etc. Then, no matter what skeezer comes along trying to spit game, you’ll be able to see right through it, because you’re solid in who you are as a man.
I know it’s ironic that this is coming from a woman, but I’ve got brothers who have been through it. My husband went through that stage as well, and if he hadn’t taken the time to really get to know himself, he never would have been able to hook a woman like me…a woman who lives to shower love on her main men: Jesus, my husband, my stepson, my son, my brothers.
The ball is in your court, Joe. You got this. You’ve been who you are for 18 years. Why let ONE little girl ruin your life, and possibly cause you to miss out on the woman of your dreams? Why get in all the drawers you can get and possibly cost you your life? Why get in all the drawers you can get and create another life with a woman you really don’t want to be connected to past one night, much less a lifetime of raising a baby?
THINK, Joe. You already know the answer. I know you’ll do the right thing. I’m praying for you.
Thank you so much Harriet for your comment.
To be honest i have compared other girls to the girl i tried to be with. I’ve even been making bitter remarks uncontrollably about women. It’s really hard for me not to generalize women.
Here’s another thing that i can’t get over. I have a niece that is 4 years old, and every time i see her it reminds me of what i wanted out that girl i tried to be with. I just a constant reminder of what could’ve been.
Lately i have had my head the books. I’ve decided to major in english, and plan on transfering after two years of college.
Maybe it’s going to take me a while to get back into dating, even though i would love to have a girl-friend.
Anyways thank you so much for the advice.
Joe, you’ve got this, man. Life can be hard on a brother, but you seem like you’ve got your head on straight.
One more thing to think about: let’s put the intelligent Joe (Joe #1)vs. the Joe that dogs women out (Joe #2).
Fifteen to 20 years from now, let’s say your 4 year old niece (now 19-24 years old) starts dating, and she truly values your opinion about who she should be with. The brothers she has to choose from are either Joe #1 or Joe #2. From what you’ve said, it seems like you have a lot of love for your niece. Out of love and protection of your niece, which Joe would you rather her choose?
Just some food for thought. Work at becoming someone you would like your niece and future daughter to date later. Then pattern that behavior so they’ll know what’s healthy and what’s not.
[...] got this in over the holidays in response to an older post: (Why) Do (Some) Black Women Love Thugs!?!?. There were a few follow up comments that I’ll move into this [...]
yeah whats good , please define thug 4 me: because one thing is for sure: Im far from soft, but at the same time im not IGNORANT, I dont go around selling drugs or shootin up niggaz, Im not a gang banger, and to me that whole thing is stupid, and it holds us back more than the white man does… but it seems like the SISTAZ love a man whos a GANGSTA, THUG, beats the hell out them, and treats them like @#$%.
meanwhile a DECENT, INTELLIGENT, young black man like myself whos GRADUATING COLLEGE, has GOALS, will get walked over by yall, once again im from the HOOD, born and raised in south bronx new york, Im far from a punk, and i put dudes in check each time they try to violate my girl at the time…so….no i dont walk around with my pants off my behind, i dont sell crack, i dont walk around with a gun,
I got in trouble with the law when i was 16, im 28 now.
im good with CALCULUS, PHYSICS, and alot of the other sciences.
so i geuss im a NERD, rite? so when i mess with white women or latin or asian womem, am I wrong.
seems like the sistas want a Black man whos IGNORANT not INTELLIGENT.
Like barak obama.
yall black women are GONE.
Black Intelligent men( the type CLASSY black women want) vs Black Igonarant men ( the type STUPID black women want.)
First let me start out by saying the so called GANGSTA image is fake.
black people trying to IMITATE what the ITALINS started …GANGSTER.
What ever happend to us just having STYLE,SOUL, and FLAVA, why do we have to be IGNORANT to be cool. The Black man is NATURALLY strong, and NATURALLY bold, why should we have to be THUGS or GANGSTAS or STUPID, to be somebody…. and most of the black women who support this are CHICKEN heads, their not CLASSY women , their weave wearing,
wead smoking (some of them) ghetto azz, mcdonalds eating, kfc eating,
gut hanging out, contact wearing, tounge ring wearing / whore non queen
looking chin ring wearing, …TRASH. Their not acting like QUEENS .
with DECENCY, CLASS and RESPECT, GANGSTA…….WHITE ITALINs started that, black people are STUPID for imitating it. were KINGS, QUEENS, PRINCE, and PRINCES, but as soon as she discovers this GANGSTA/THUG,
will bring her down, while a INTELLIGENT, CLASSY, black man will bring her up, her dumb azz finds out that its to late, wow…how did we go from being the kings and queens of civilization, owning over 18 dyanasties in ancient egypt….being the IMAGE of GOD…TO BEING IGNORANT and STUPID.
WE natuarally have SOUL, STYLE, and SWAGGER, WERE BLACK!
give me a REAL Black woman with class.
and tell the chicken heads to shut up.
HELLO PEOPLE,
Stop all this bickering(Its not funny)and trying to take the worldly stress out on each other(black racism). I, as a black man find it very hurtfull sometimes when I look at a black female to speak, and she either turns her head or roll her eyes at me. On the other hand, I
encounter caucasian females and they will speak,nod or even complement me on my appearance etc.. I am thankful for the complement, but on the other hand, it hurts me because it is so simple to acknowdlege each other without thinking someone want to get in bed with each other. No, I am not happy or feel better because she is caucasion, but blacks need to treat each other with the same respect as they do other light skinned races. Sometimes, I stop and observe the same black woman who ignored me will grin like a chestcat and speak to other races. Oh yeah, I hear all the time that ladies want to have kids by the light skinned guy or another race so their baby can have the light skin or good hair. Come on. I have had instances where I would go in to put in my resume and the sisters would try to get me out the door as soon as possible. One
occassion, the caucasion was looking at the sister like why was the sister handling me like that. As the sister was rude, I had to ask the sister was it O.K. for me to leave me resume. Maybe some of our people have not experienced racism or are from another planet. I LOVE all people and would mainly love for the interracial hate to cease. It is up to us to teach our kids to respect BLACK as well as we do other races. LOOK AT HOW BLACKS ARE PORTRAYED ON THE NEWS. But some of us dont look at the news !!!. MEN and WOMEN, CHILDREN, we must treat each other in a respectful and SPIRITUAL manner!!!. I am a hard working black man who keeps his head up!!!. Oh, I forgot it not about good men, its about thug glorification. I want to THANK all the men and women who work hard to respect all genders and races. PRAY
Like many of the other females that have commented, I think that females liking thugs is a maturity issue. When I was younger (I’m only 23, but I feel alot older), all that I would talk to was thugs. The type of guys that had been in jail, warrants out for their arrest, stuff like that. One of the guys I talked to always reminded me that if we got pulled over I had to switch seats with him because his license was suspended. And then he couldn’t come visit me when I moved back home because he had warrants in a couple of states along the way. My husband is from Baltimore (we live in Houston) but lived in Houston for almost 3 years before our paths crossed. He always jokes that we met at the right time in my life because had we met earlier I wouldn’t have talked to him since he’s not hood. But so the guys that I talked to before him all smoked weed, roamed the streets all day and all night, stayed getting in a fight with somebody, had kids, all that stuff. And I loved it, well not the kids part. I definitely could have dealt without the baby mama drama. But I loved the cruising the city, hanging out, smoking. All of that. The sight or even the thought of them getting in a fight was sexy. But it’s like I just woke up one day and realized that I was worth more than what these guys were willing to give me. It was definitely freeing because I was so DUMB!!! One guy had this friend that I hated. We’ll call him Jace. But so Jace talked to this girl named “Sheri”. Jace treated Sheri like ****. At one point I asked the guy I was talking to why Jace treated Sheri like that and he said, “I don’t know. Why do I treat you like ****?” And even though his question angered me I couldn’t be mad at him because he was treating me how I let him treat me, which was horrible.
But so once I had my awakening moment I decided to abstain from a relationship until I figured out what exactly I needed and wanted from a man. And after this period I met my husband and the rest is history.
Black women are raised to be trapped. Especially when it comes to the old school ways. My father was never the right kind of model for my life. He was overbearing, insecure, mean, irresponsible, and very neanderthal in his ideas about women. He treated my mom, my sister, and me like we were brainless and that we were supposed to be home, never go anywhere, and be afraid of the world. I can’t stand him to this day and he knows it. We have never had a good relationship and never will. My mother is a shell literally. She has been racked by mental illness. He knocked her up with eight children that he could not provide for. I remember us growing up always having financial issues. He was never home. He went through issues of having gambling problems too. I never once can remember having a meaning conversation with my father growing up. He never talked to us and he was always trying to keep us under his control through punishments. I hate him literally. I have tried many times in my life to have a relationship with him. Each time, it never works out because he shows the man that he has always been. I will never like him. I tolerate him when he comes to my house. My poor mother can’t even think for herself anymore. He just takes her everywhere- this shell of a woman literally who can’t even carry on a conversation anymore literally. She is not in touch with reality at all. She is deathly skinny. My mother was my best friend growing up. She was a brilliant woman who had just good common sense and who always told me the truth about everything. She was my anchor. She never left my father even though she should have. She should have many times. He was a monster. I commend her for staying, and I know she did it because of us. She did it for her children. Not only that she never worked. My father moved us to the sticks- deep woods in a community that was riddled with people who were ignorant and “Christian” but were the biggest hypocrits on earth. My father wanted to please himself and other people. He wanted to put on airs about who he was and how our life was. I never had any true friends growing up. People were so fake. Constantly talking about each other and judging each other. Yet they were in church every week supposedly praising God. I hate where I grew up to this day. I think the only nostalgic feelings I get about are all related to my mother. She was a woman who I saw slowly but surely disappear into depression and hopelessness. She is gone from me. All that remains of her is a shell. I miss her terribly. More than anyone will ever know. I will never forgive my father and I have said many times that I would have forfeited ever being born had it would given my mother a better life- helped her to make a better choice for a man than my father. You would think after having such a poor image of a man in my life, I would have never had any relationships with black men. But I did. All romantic relationships I have had have all been with black men. Like my father, they disappointed me. I have given up on men, but I will not become a lesiban. I know what the Bible says and I know it is wrong. I know that in my soul. I don’t feel unnatural feelings toward women and never will, I will however stop looking to be in relationships. I have been hurt too much. I need to just be at peace with me now.
Me, I’m no thug. Just a good, strong, man. And if a black woman don’t want to be with that. Then what can I say? Most thugs are in jail anyway, and I’m not trying to go. I think women that like thugs must also like drama in their lives.
Thats real talk @ MARCUS.
YES there are some decent brothers out here like you and myself,
who hold their own and do what they gotta do , and it aint gotta be selling crills (crack) or walking around with the pants off the azz,
and growing up in the south bronx thats what most of the young brothers out here be doing (ignorant). thats because im from the ghetto does not mean that my mentallity has to be like that.
at the same time im one of the realest brothers you can know,
Cause i takes no shyt off no one either, and i dont need to be a blood or a crip to prove that, I could just be my thourogh strong black self, and if a chick cant get with that then the hell with her,
i like black women with CLASS, I like a Black woman who needs an INTELLEGENT black man like myself in her life someone whom she could build somthing with, someone she dosent have to worry about watching her own back when shes rolling to the store with me, whos ducking the cops or got beef with the niggaz down the block, becasue this is how it works in the street: 9 times out of 10 when a drug dealer has beef with another drug dealer they dont go after HIM, they go after were it HURTS: his woman……………..
so let these fake chicken heads go with these fake guys and wait till their in thier late 30s and 40s to find out that their to old and worn out for the REAL black men to take them SERIOUS, go ahead let em be stupid.
mean while a brother like me will be a SYSTEMS ENGINEER, in 3 months,
I work I go to school, and I have a FUTURE, iM 28,
AND my future doesent consist of JAIL, WHEEL CHAIR, or the GRAVE.
I said it once and ill say it again,
give me the INTELLEGENT black women and tell the chicken heads to SHUT UP.
because their only playing THEMSELVES.
@ Marcus and Carl,
See, that’s what I’m talking about. I’m so glad there are men like you, my husband, my brother, and plenty of others out there who are transcending the negativity they see portrayed on a daily basis. Thank you for being real men, and by your example, teaching boys how to mature into one.
@ Harriet,
Thank you for the complement my sista,
I hope my future wife is as intellegent and classy as you are.
peace.
@ Carl,
Thank you, sir. God bless you! Keep on doing what you’re doing. I’m excited for your future wife!
Such a fictitious statement that black women want thugs, for me atleast. I am a 23yr old black women and in no way, shape, form, or fashion do i want a man caught up in shady dealings with pants below his knees. Thats not attractive. But i guess first we have to define what a thug is, Websters defines thug as an aggressive young and violent criminal, Tupac defined a thug as someone who is going through struggles, has gone through struggles and continues to go through struggles. Now if Tupac definition is correct, then yes, im guilty of dating thugs, heck, id consider myself one then. But if Websters is correct then hegs to the naw! I can see though how some women are attracted to certain personality traits of the badboy/thug. Women want to feel protected and safe and i guess a ‘thug’ may provide that. Me personally, i want the same. But if it comes down to it, protect me with your mouth and hands if you have to, not with the pistol tucked under your white tee. Women want a man with a go getter attitude, someone who has a clear definition of what they want in life and pursue it with a passion. I want that as well, but if go get it to you means go get that n*gga that stuck me for my paper last week,..dont call me, i’ll call you. Women want a provider, a man that can provide them with financial stability. (i say this in the most non-gold digger way possible, i’ll hold down my own as well), but if a brotha cant produce any W2’s at the beginning of the year, stuffs money under the mattress and version of a money clip is a rubber band, then your sniffing up the wrong tree. I want a man not a thug. The two are not interchangeable. I want a God-fearing man, who protects me, provides for me, respects me, and educates me and inturn i’ll play my position. Now if there is some distant land where this is the exact definition of thug…sign me up…
I work in the Streets of Baton Rouge and I can tell you that a lot of beautiful young female college students seem to be drawn to thugs. I dont know what it is. It’s sad because we are loosing a lot young black men to the system. So they meet these young sister’s get them pregnant and go to jail. Then the young sister grows up quick and a decent hard working brother is left footing the bill trying to raise the kid.
I believe SOME sistas, young and a bit older, want thugs for the same reason men, young and older, want women with a big booty and a cute smile…both are considered to be “sexy”. Let’s keep it real, now…think back to h.s…who were the brothas who were getting stared at, and oohed and aahed over? It wasn’t the straight A nerd…it was the jocks…and the “thugs”…who really weren’t “thugs”, just a bunch of wanna be’s…cute, with a lot of mouth and a lot of swagger…but, as Jay-Z said, couldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight! LOL!!
I won’t lie, I’ve always had a thing for a brotha with a swagga, an “intimidating” presence, someone I felt could and would protect me should the situation call for it. I married such a man…tall, darkskinned, swagger, long locs, and a look/persona that is intimidating. Very few people, myself included, know what a sweet, loving and gentle man he is; a wonderful husband and father, sibling, son, etc.
I believe many sistas just want a brotha with the combination of intelligence, sexiness, the swagger, the education, the stance that makes most think twice about messing with him…but no, I don’t think most sistas want REAL thug, shooting up the neighborhood, causing murder and mayhem…
Carl, take a deep breath, calm down and stop trippin’. :rolleyes:
You ARE aware that the name of this blog is BLACK and MARRIED WITH KIDS…I’m assuming the majority of the people who post here are African American, and that many are married. That alone should speak to you in a positive manner.
I’m a bit concerned…you label yourself as this great guy with a great future, yet you can’t meet ONE intelligent sista who’d be interested in you???? Sorry, but I’m not buying your story…
“so let these fake chicken heads go with these fake guys and wait till their in thier late 30s and 40s to find out that their to old and worn out for the REAL black men to take them SERIOUS, go ahead let em be stupid.”
The above statment sounds extremely immature, and the words of man who is angry and bitter. And you wonder why you’re not attracting quality women??
LOL!!!!! As for being “too old and worn out for the REAL black men to take them seriously”, well, my “old and worn out” behind married in my 30’s and have two beautiful little boys. I think in general that people are waiting until they’re a bit older to wed…
Let go of the anger; perhaps then you’ll be able to attract nice sistas. Just like brothas can detect an “angry, bitter” sista, sistas can detect an “angry, bitter brotha”.
@patra
If it dont apply then let it fly,
to be honest i attract ALL kinds of sistas, from the ghetto azz ones to the CLASSY ones who graduated college…I attract them ALL.
it appears that i stepped on some toes with you….Im only 28 I dont know it all, but im learning. I dont discriminate when it comes to sex, but as far as a FUTURE is concerned i want a sista who i can take SERIOUS,, not a chicken head….but a QUEEN.
theres nothing to be angry about, im actually confused at how stupid and ignorant someone can be to want a man who sells drugs and goes in and out of jail, and shoots people, sex is sex, but they actually take these men SERIOUS, thats where SHES stupid at….
look, when it comes to sex, ill bone a stripper if im horny.
but i wont start a RELATIONSHIP with her or take her serious.
get it?
yeah like i said STUPID chicken head type women who cant find anything BETTER…besides a low life…
because they THINK they can change him…only to find out they CANT.
People can only change THEMSELVES……..
Oops did i just drop a jewl?
@Patra
QUALITY women?
me an my quality women broke up in december due to our differences…
and maybe it was the age…Im 28, shes 37 go figure, plus she had a daugter..a woman with a child, what do you expect?.
she was: 1. A little hood, but had class (Something like MYSELF)
2. educated, she had a B.A degree
3. had her own, didnt leach off me for anything
4. into fitness, went to the gym kept that body looking good at 37
4. and alot of other things.
and then i had women or been with women who were strait up HOES…
got the draws the same night and we never spoke again…
THAT type of sista is just SEX material not RELATIONSHIP material..
a hoe is a hoe….I can TRY to change her, but she can only change HERSELF….u see unlike MOST people i know the difference.
I can TEACH her and INFLUENCE her…but only SHE decides that she wants to change…….same apply with a so called thug…
not the way tupac described it ( which is POSITIVE)
BUT A FOR REAL THUG…who kills , robs and shoots people and dont want to do much with his life…….
Know the DIFFERENCE
Im not a thug ( even though dont take shyt from no one either..so..what does that make me…uh..duh…. a MAN? PERIOD. has nothing to do with being a thug)
Im a NERD, but im one of those nerds who know how to dress and look good and has STYLE…so dont get it twisted.
I rater be a NERD who can explain every formula in advanced calculus and theoretical physics than a so called COOL kid who looks cool on the surface but barley has a brain…dont forget us NERDS are extremly intelligent…need me to build you a computer? LOL…
yeah im a geek…but so what….im SMART as hell compared to most.
yeah im a geek….but i work out have a tight firm body, and play ball…. eat right, and take care of myself, and know how to turn a sista on in AND out the bedroom.
yeah im a geek…but i damn share aint no square and i protect whats mine…so….yeah im a geek but so what.
yeah im a geek, nerd, braniac..or whatever but…..
I look good.
YUP i look GOOD.
Tall, slim, firm hard abs (NO body fat) , wavy black hair, chinky eyes. yeah im a geek…but im a sexy azz one though….
with a BRAIN.
so good look with the thug/ so called cool guys.
Im glad that im DIFFERENT, and not like EVERYONE else.
well since majority of the black women dont like us NERDS..
geuss i should go for a white women whos attracted to a guy with BRAINS…….
LOL….just kidding
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Carl!
Although I totally disagreed with what Patra stated, I think you showed your behind (almost literally) in your response. Just my opinion, and I think you and I have the kind of rapport where we can tell the truth without offending one another.
Let me shape the reason why by asking you a couple of questions:
1. If you’re willing to “bone a stripper” if you’re horny, then what is your viewpoint on the act of sex? If it’s just relegated to you being horny, IMO, it’s just animalistic. Then what does that say about you? (if it don’t apply, let it fly LOL)
2. If you “don’t discriminate when it comes to sex,” then how is it that a queen would be willing to settle for a king that acts only like a peasant? Wouldn’t a true queen have standards that would disqualify you because of your indiscriminate behavior towards sex?
3. Now, if your argument is that you’re young and you’re learning, and that everybody makes mistakes, and that you have to get it when you can get it, that’s fine. Yet from a woman’s standpoint looking at a man, wouldn’t that merely make YOU just SEX material, not RELATIONSHIP material?
4. All things being equal, whether you attract a prostitute or a princess, it seems to me that you’d be willing to settle for either and adjust accordingly. But being ROYALTY (which I believe you are, in spite of you showing the crack of your behind on your last two posts LOL) requires consistency of behavior. How difficult would it be for you to START showing some discrimination in who you decide to have sex with? How difficult would it be for you to not have sex AT ALL until you meet the queen that was destined for you?
Just food for thought, my brother. You’re a lot bigger, stronger and more courageous than the two responses you left. But hey…that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong. (*wink*)
us geeks
also get PAID…$$$$$$$$
becasue of what we KNOW, not our REPUTATION in the HOOD.
My ex made a joke..she saw me with my du rag after my basket ball games and then i be in her house..into my BOOKS…
she said jokingly your such a NERD, you study all the time.
but you fine as hell too…and guys like yall get money though
yup…a nerd thats me.
@ harriet
that was just an anology…i used the stripper in place of the thug because im a man, in other words , and lets be honest we both know that men are motivated by sex, im just one of the last ones who tells the TRUTH about things when it comes to us men.
yeah we like to screw alot…thats how were genetically built.
of course i rather have a classy women instead of a hoish one..
but when it comes to just sex…its just sex and thats it.
now when it comes to LOVE, thats different, i cant LOVE a hoe..
but i can LOVE a real women who carries herself with decency and respect.
but of course i can have sex with both…just like a women can have sex with the so called nerd and so called thug but at the end of the day which one she can build a FUTURE with is the question.
the same thing applies to us men. which one can i build a future with?
and which one is fun and ONLY fun, and nothing else.
AND…
I married a NERD, thankyouverymuch.
Last time I looked in the mirror, I was still the luscious brown chocolate woman I have always been.
But then again, I don’t fit the majority of black women, either.
i guess my viewpoint about sex is peculiar as well. i just don’t think it should be relegated to a recreational sport unless it’s in a married relationship.
now, i was no virgin when i got married, but i’d been celibate for 7 years before i got married. so now, i can be a ho…it’s only with one man, and i enjoy the recreation, communication and procreation that sex affords me.
it’s fun to be able to express myself like that with no worries about disease or pregnancy or lack of commitment. i think everyone is worth that wait. but everyone doesn’t realize it.
@Harriet.
you have a point my sista, I lost my virginity at 16, and yeah I Love my sex, i aint gonna lie, but after the sex i want someone who i can build something with…you know…grow together, maybe save money together, buy a house , get into our careers have a family…
yeah that would be nice…and yeah she can be a ho to ME, because im a damn sure be one for HER…lol,
I rather have a wife than a girlfreind ANYDAY…dont get me wrong.
I want my OWN woman , i dont like to SHARE.
see what these sistas dont understand is that THUGS ARE NOT FAITHFULL IN RELATIONSHIPS….. us GOOD MEN ARE/ NERDS are.
even though ALL men have the potential to cheat..most times the good one will stay loyal to you, quicker than the “thug” who has more than one sex interest, thugs dont take women that serious to tell you the truth…they might take care of em but they dont really take a “bych” that serious…i use that word to demostrate their mentallity when it comes to females…but this is the kind of guy that black women..excuse me STUPID black women respect….
but ME im faithfull when it comes to relationships…now when im SINGLE like i am now…. I can date as many women as i want till i find the right one.
so yeah thats the difference you dont have to worry bout me screwing someone else or bringing you home STDs, 100% std free by the way.
this DICCK is YO DICCK and yo dickk only…..
im a GOOD black man…..
@midnite_locs
well by TUPACS deffiniton im a thug…
by websters deffiniton, HELLLL NO IM NOT IGNORANT AND STUPID.
and its the websters dictionary that these stupid chicken head black women glorify. not the REAL black women with CLASS
@ carl-the-nerd-with-the-pocket-protectors-but-no-protection-over-his-heart (LOL)
Come on, man…your logic is KILLIN’ me! You’re faithful in relationships, but dating (screwing) as many women as you want until you find the right one.
So what happens if the condom don’t work, the birth control was forgotten, and/or the sperm was just so swim happy that it found its way around every barrier to get to that egg?
What happens when the HO you sleep with gets pregnant? Then you have a life long commitment (like it or not) to the child you two created! And somehow I want to believe that you won’t be a dad that would abandon a child you took part in creating.
I mean, you’re too smart for that. You’ve got too much potential for that! I know abstinence is a tough lifestyle, but dang…if you’re everything you’ve said you are in this forum, I would think you would only want to pull your “dicck” out for two reasons: to piss or get down with your WIFE.
All these casual relationships are making you look casual and not the catch you say you are. Just based on what you wrote about your personality, you’re worth more than that, Carl. Much more. I mean really…just chew on that for a while.
@ Harriet,
I would LOVE to have a wife, in fact i asked god for my ideal…
( and by the way i stay safe, i always protect myself and know i wouldnt abandon my child who has to grow up one day and learn about me in other words…..im not a thug lol, i dont get women pregnant then don t be a father to my child. in fact thats one of the reasons me and my ex broke up, she got an abortaion and that shyt hurt me….
i dont beileve in abortion, thats ONE thing me and the republicans can agree on, everything else is garbage. I dont care how you look at that abortion is MURDER, i dont believe in killing babies but apparently SHE did, to be honest i dont even want to think about it or talk about it….so i ll stop (smile)
any way back to the wife thing my ideal : 1.) brown skin
2.) thick hips
3.)full lips
4.) big butt (gotta have the butt…its the LAW with me lol)
5.) good heart
6.) educated, at least completed high school)
7.) loyal
8.) likes and respects my acomplishments but loves me for ME, no matter what i have or dont have.
9.) high sex drive
10.) good mother
11.) goes to church or at least open to going to church, she needs to be a christian
12.) well behaved in public like a lady, but Nasty in the bed room with me( high sex drive)
13.)a GOOD black woman
Know where i can find one of those?
if so then yeah ill get married….i wouldnt mind
i asked god for this type of black woman lets see what happens
@ Anonymous 4:04 pm:
sorry…i’m already taken. ROFL!!!!
seriously, though, they are out there. i was in hiding. i was quite satisfied with being single and the freedom that afforded me in terms of community service, solitude and my career.
when i met my husband, i wasn’t interested in him beyond a friendship. but he put on the chase, i ran like there was no tomorrow, and he still caught me. LOL
instead of being afraid of rejection, if you meet a woman that’s NOT MARRIED and has those qualifications, i’m not saying to stalk her, but i am saying that you should be willing to work to gain her interest and eventually love. my husband worked HARD for it, and four years later, i’m still his prized possession. i’ll be that…he ain’t beating me or abusing me. he shows his love more now than when he was trying to catch me. that says a lot about a man.
all that to say: keep hope alive. you’ll find her if you don’t get distracted by all the chickenheads that throw themselves at you.
one more thing: if you asked God for it, she might be right in your face. but if you’re too busy being indiscriminate about sex and how you expend your affections, she won’t want to have anything to do with you.
ESPECIALLY if she’s a person who takes her relationship with Christ seriously. if you want to have your cake and eat it to (no pun intended), then stop settling for the muffins and WAIT.
besides, if that’s what you asked God for, rest assured you won’t get it until God knows you’re ready for it. otherwise, why would He waste giving His daughter to you if you’re going to take her for granted?
@harriet.
Dont ego trip on me sweetie…..I wasnt trying to get with you,
I dont even know what you look like, ????????
no i was just making a point my dear
@harriet,
i forgot to put my name when describing my ideal….
yeah, your deep alot times god could put a blessing in our face and we dont even know it…well hopefully i find her soon…
im tired of going in and out of relationships already….
I want my OWN woman..I want my wife.
a sexy azzzz one too. lol
(you know I had to add that)
carl, dang…
i was JOKING, hence the “ROFL” at the end of my statement. you’re going all left on a sister. i’m very well spoken of, and i would never imply that i’m looking for someone else. my apologies if that statement was misleading.
i hope you find what you’re looking for. every king needs a queen, and i pray you find yours soon.
God bless!
@Harriet
ok sexy….lol, now im MESSIN with you.
but seriously thank you for the inspiration spiritually.
because at these trying times i can hear stuff like that.
peace
@ carl,
no doubt…times are difficult, but i’m going to tell you like one of my brothers told me:
One of Newton’s laws of physics is that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So when negativity tries to multiply itself in your mind daily, be the opposite reaction to turn it into positivity. I can’t just let all kinds of drama and negativity run up and through me anymore. I have made a decision to be the opposite reaction to it.
Even if it’s as simple as shouting HALLELUJAH in an elevator full of brothers and sisters cussin and fussin…just the fact that they may have laughed makes me the opposite reaction to that drama.
Life is too short. A few breaths and we’re gone. I gotta live, laugh and love. Can’t do that trying to carry a thug (or in your case, a stripper) around. LOL
God bless! I know you’re going to find what you’re looking for, and I know when you find her, you’ll be ready.
by the way, you may be interested in the article I wrote today on the site called “sick to my stomach” based on your comments about abortion. check it out and leave a comment!
To Carl,
Negro, please…you didn’t step on my toes…like I said, I already have my family. I was trying to express to you that you come off a bit angry and with a bit of an attitude. As for you attracting all these women…brotha please…if you WERE pulling all these women, you wouldn’t feel the need to come here and spill your cyber guts to a bunch of folks…many whom have already found the love of their lives.
And Carl, here’s some food for thought…
A college degree does not equal “class”. I know women who have obtained college degrees, who don’t have an ounce of class. I also know women who only have a high school diploma and are the epitomy of class. Degrees and money don’t determine class. s
Seems to me…and this not intended to disrespect you…but you have some really warped views and concepts about relationships.
First: I’m concerned with this “Queen” mess. And not only from you, but from AA folks in general. Unless a sista was born into royalty, she is not a queen. She is a woman. A woman is a woman. A man is a man. We have our good qualities and bad qualities. We are imperfect, although we should always strive to be our best. I love my husband to death, but he is not a king, he is a brotha who happens to be a good husband and father. I am not a queen. I am a woman, a wife and a mother.
My point in saying that is that from what I read, you are suffering from a bad case of the Madonna/Whore Complex. Seems you see women in terms of “good” or “bad”…either she is a ghetto, golddigging, uneducated, unclassy whore…or she is a pristine, perfect, college educated virgin-esque woman who is perfect…but in the meantime, you’re willing to “teach” and “influence” a woman you consider to be a hoe…one that is willing to change. I’m afraid your judgemental views on women and sex/sexuality will hurt you and your woman in a potential relationship. Because I hear/read a LOT of distain in your words, for the women you’ve supposedly been sexual with…alot. For you, there seems to be no middle ground in your logic…either a sista is something to bust a nut in, or she’s supposed to be this pristine, perfect, shiny, damn near virgin-eque version of your “perfect” woman.
You speak of having many sexual episodes with “ho’s”. Yet you want to give the impression that you are some kind of “special, stand up brotha” that any woman should be, I dunno…grateful? to have. You don’t want a “ho”, yet you conduct yourself as a “man-ho”; from what you say, you indiscriminately sex anything that has a hole. Yet you expect damn near perfection from a woman.
Tell you what…perhaps when you start holding YOUSELF to a higher standard, then you’ll be in a better position to hold women to a higher standard. Perhaps you could use a little bit of therapy…a Jesus.
And Harriet…
You seem like a wonderful sista…but I’m not going to coddle Carl. Seems he’s speaking with forked tongue…asking for a sista to have certain “qualities” that he does not possess…he doesn’t want a “ho”, yet, by his own description of himself, he behaves like one.
Perhaps if he’d stop screwing around so much, he’d be better able to find the kind of woman he wants…claims to want.
Lastly…I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone like Michelle would come here and criticize this website. Not surprised by her appearance…at all.
@patra
no, im just young and expressive.
not old and boring like YOU…
be quiet lady.
have a nice day
p.s come correct or dont come at all.
no time for non sense
@patra
The black woman is a decendent of queens,
which makes her part of tha lineage.
and blacks period are the DIRECT decendent of God.
wheres your brain at?
@patra
I appreciate your opinion…
but what IS a stand up brotha?
what IS romance?
each woman has their OWN perception of what is and whats not.
Im still a man, and I never claimed to be inocent.
but at the same time i can see where your coming from in a sense.
and the point i was trying to make is that people can only change themselves, all we can do is just encourage them.
@harriet
you know what time it is with me already.
so i dont think i need to explain.
p.s i read the abortion thing and left a comment tell me what ya think…
luv ya
peace
@ patra, i think we spoke on different sides of the same coin. i wouldn’t necessarily call it coddling, though. i gave the truth just like you did…just a little more nicely. LOL
@ carl, i didn’t see your comment on that article.
and your statement about blacks being direct descendants of God is true…but that’s true of every human on earth. God doesn’t do the whole segregation/prejudice/racist thing. He loves all of us.
and truth be told, He wanted everyone to be white…that’s why He said He would wash us white as snow! ROFL (not talking about the skin tone, brother…don’t get all political on me).
@harriet.
then my comment must have not went through…
oh wait a minute it wasnt that one…it was the one a bout open marriage i commented my bad, you will here a comment soon.
and yeah…but ALL races and colors come from US..They are decendents from the DIRECT decendents ( which is us).
i like you..you mad cool my sista.
@ carl
it’s all good, man.
hey, look, i wanted to comment on your questions,
“but what IS a stand up brotha?
what IS romance?
each woman has their OWN perception of what is and whats not.”
i think that’s an outstanding point, which is why it’s important to measure yourself up to an absolute standard that cannot be corrupted by man’s (or woman’s) opinion.
check the first comment i made in this forum. who are you measuring yourself against? if you’re measuring yourself based on the last woman’s definition of romance and a stand up brother, then what happens when the next woman’s definition is totally different?
you’d be schizophrenic if you tried to fit all the requirements!
get yourself an absolute standard of manhood (the only one i can think of is Jesus) and then follow it. perfection in your sense is not doing everything right, either. perfection is being complete…nothing missing, nothing broken, no unresolved baggage, and having the ability to be confident in the man God created you to be.
do you know who that man is? beyond your name and how you were raised, who is the man that goes deeper than that?
as far as romance is concerned, the Bible is also a great place to start. think about the sacrificial love Jesus poured on us. go read Song of Solomon…it’s X-rated, for REAL! if you want romance, check that out!
everything we need in life is located in God, our Creator. but you know what’s ironic about that? God turned around and injected Himself into the hearts of men (that’s why the Bible says that eternity has been planted in the hearts of man), so that after giving our lives to Him, we would have confidence in knowing that He placed within US everything we need to become just like Him!
that’s why the bullets that killed your boys long ago, but didn’t seem to ever hit you missed you. you CANNOT DIE until you fulfill the purpose God had for your life in this earth. you can decide that you don’t want to live this thing out with honor and integrity, and then you let the chips fall where they may.
but God’s Word is literal…we can do ALL THINGS through Christ Who strengthened us! that’s why i asked you those questions about who you wanted and why. you can have whatever you want IF you put your feet on the path God has for you!
now that path…you’re going to have to seek God personally to find out which one is for you. your burning bush experience will be totally different than mine. but i know without a shadow of a doubt that if you’re still alive, then He still has a plan for your life.
@ harriet.
We also get closer to God through fasting,
fasting and praying is the way to get closer as well
I know when i fast i get a clearer perception of whats going on around me and i get the answers im looking for…
no doubt @ carl
it’s a lifestyle…like breathing. there are times when you just have to shut all the “normal” things out so you can hear from God more clearly. fasting for my family and i is just like inhale, exhale. only it causes our spiritual walk to take a DEEP breath! LOL
there’s a purpose behind every problem (whether you caused it or not). it’s just a matter of your focus being placed in the right direction.
You know, i cannot believe i actually read this whole blog, i guess i got a lot of time on my hands, but what i would like to say that how can you blame men or young boys for this problem when society has made black women so independent that they can do anything with out the need of a black man in the house. I am talking about the government programs that offers federal housing for these women who have kids. These same women go out and invite these losers into the house, get them pregnant again and have them selling drugs out of the apartment, are you to say that black men are supporting this or is it black women? I think the main problem is there being too much government assistance to these women for just the wrong reasons.
They make it a requirement that when these women get these federal homes the man is not suppose to be there, so these women with sons and daughters grow up in a home with out seeing responsible men around, yet alone seeing mom bringing all types of different men when things do not work out. These things have serious effects on children. Then we have the hype of miss independent, gosh each and every time i hear that word coming from a black woman’s mouth about being strong and all this other crap is just straight up annoying, your this independent, but show me your man, more than likely its a loser, show me your baby daddy, chances are they look like pirates and my hard earn tax dollars is what is supporting this foolishness? You got to be kidding me, i guarantee you, you take away all these so call government programs from these women, i bet they would straiten the hell up to find a man with a stable income, i feel that should be the requirement when these women are on government assistance with peoples tax dollars for a period of time.
Also we all can thank B.E.T and the hip hop videos that glorify false images of real black men, i think the positive image of the masculine black man has been destroyed and replaced with mama boys. So its obvious than young boys who grow up in single homes ran by women are more than likely to take on female emotionalism, disrespect for women god for bid his mother never treated him right when he was younger and we have young girls growing up in a home not seeing any kind of love between her mother and a responsible man, most of which young girls get the idea on how they must act and be around a man is off television. It is a vicious cycle and we all can thank the women’s movement for exactly that.
Slavery of course is the main perpetrator to the reversal of roles between man and woman in the black community. The effects of this is self evident today. I just do not think many black women understand the black mans worth and when brothers are constantly hearing sisters go up on these t.v shows and radio shows complaining about there is not enough good black men and stereotype black men as such, it becomes counter productive. When brothers hear the complete opposite of what black women are saying about black men from other elasticities of women, whether they are white, Russian or German the attitude and views change in terms of IR, many black women feel brothers deal with white women or other women because of this notion that brothers are doing it to get back at white men which i think is completely false. I think the main reason why brothers are not dealing with much sisters because of the fact they are just simply tired of hearing nothing but negative comments being made by black women generalizing all black men as bad and that would indeed piss a lot of brothers off when they then see these same sisters dealing with thugs. I mean like WTF? In other websites you hear and see other women other than black say so many positive things about black men and i just think its a darn shame that it have other women who sees the worth of black men and understanding the struggle black men face each and every day in this not so perfect post racial society. Black women are the only women who will criticize black men to death on all the negatives and they are the only race of women that does that to their own men, brothers are just fed up and you cannot blame them.
LOVEALL said:
@Anonymous
Your comments are so truthful!!!. Now you know some of these STRONG BLACK WOMEN are trying to find some distorted reason to say you are wrong(who cares what they think). These are the same women who are constantly telling their kids how no-good their father is, which creates a hate in these kids towards their father and other BLACK MEN. Mom will speak highly of the THUG that their mom brings into the house to be the father figure(contagious). The next thing you know is the THUG is beating the kids and abusing mom. Now keep in mind when all this crap and beating go down, the good man(ex-husband)is being blamed by mom for running away from and leaving the family in this situation. Lets back up, hopefully all the kids were born in wedlock, because some of these STRONG BLACK EDUCATED WOMEN(book sense only) will give it up for the thug in less than 5 minutes. One thing you will notice that these women will skin and grin in the THUG FACE,
THESE WOMEN ALSO WILL SKIN and GRIN IN ANY OTHER RACE FACE, EVEN THE ONES WITH THE SO-CALLED ‘GOOD HAIR’. Now some of these will tell the
good BLACK MALE PROVIDER that will take them to the system and boast that the system will side with the BLACK WOMAN. Tell these women the so called perfect life that they see on TV soap operas or in magazine are fiction and you wont come close until you cleanse the hate out of yourselves(I WONDER IF SOME OF YOU’ALL HAVE A HEART) So, the next time try to speak to this black hateful women or the kids she has corrupted and count how many times these knuckleheads look at you crazy or roll their eyes. Then watch how these same knuckleheads speak and bow down to THUGS and OTHER RACES. AFTER ALL THIS, I WANT TO TAKE THIS TIME TO THANK ALL THE BLACK MEN and WOMEN, and ALL OTHER RACES WHO SPEAK, SOCIALIZE IN A POSITIVE, SOCIAL, SPIRITUAL MANNER !!!. I advise any man BLACK or WHOMEVER, to socialize with any
one you get along with or who loves you regardless of skin color. BLACK WOMEN, BLACK MEN STOP HATING EACH OTHER FOR BEING BLACK BECAUSE YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT RACISM, BUT IT IS WITHIN YOUR RACE(BLACK RACISM). THERE ARE GOOD and BAD PEOPLE IN ANY RACE !!!. BLACK MEN ARE TIRED OF
THIS CRAP being DIVIDED AND CONQUERED !!!. We blame the young people for the way they act, but how can anyone blame young people when some elders teach this art and are hateful and dont respect younger people. THINK PEOPLE !!!.
@ANONYMOS
yo who are you?
can I shake your hand?
everything you just said is RIGHT ON MUTHAPHUKIN POINT!
This guy is a genius.
not enough black women embrace their brothers through the good times and bad….they only like the good times but when the bad times come they talk down to us and walk out our lives and go from man to man…
women from other races will at least stick with a black man for better or worse because they know his TRUE worth….
But I dont want no other race of women…I want a Black woman
its a damn shame when a brother is on TOP and successfull then yall come runnin…but when hes at his down point yall dont stick by him or love like you would when hes top…PHONY.
damn shame but that IS true about black women.
Wow, I’ve read some of the comments to this post, and all I can say is WOW, and of course give my 2 cent..
I’ve dated both, my son’s father was a thug, but we really wasn’t a couple we just messed around doing the grown up at a young age, and i got pregnant at 16. And when he turned out to be a deadbeat dad, that turned me off to thugs. As I got older I realized that I really like nerd boys, and really nice men, (I hate to be told NO, lol”) so I’ve been with my husband since I was 20, and he was 18, and at that time, back in 93 when thugs were everywhere. All my friends dated thugs, and they talked about how much of a square my now husband was. Now 16 yrs later, we are still together, and none of my friends from back home (yeah we moved away) are married and, most of them have 2 or 3 (4,5, ect.) kids by just as many no good thugs. Oh and the time between my thug baby daddy, and my wonderful husband was about 3 to 4 yrs, and in that time, I only talked to men who had something going for them. I had 2 jobs and my own place and my own car, why would I want a man who couldn’t bring just as much positive energy as i was giving off. So to answer the question, not all sista’s want a thug, but the ones that do, let them do them, and us good sista’s will do our thang too…
LOVEALL said:
Speaking for myself as well as some of the other BLACK MEN and BLACK LADIES, we all agree that NOT all women prefer or worship THUGS. We MEN have nothing but LOVE and RESPECT for the FEMALES and MALES who appreciate and support BLACK MEN and BLACK WOMEN and understand what each one us struggle with daily, whether it is racism, suppression, job discrimination(etc). So, please people try not to add more pressure to each others lives. There are so many positive things in ’some’ relationships that we are guilty of not appreciating the good things we have in common that go unnoticed between us because we only notice and focus on the negative or what we think is not going smoothly. I must add, SOME BLACK PEOPLE need to stop thinking we are more than each other, but as you notice these uppity rascals are submissive to other races. I notice how other races observe us just to see if we will speak or communicate to each other in a business or public arena. We have witnessed within the last couple of weeks how we fight at the HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL GAMES or COLLEGE TRACK MEETS!!!. I guess these people say they were handling their business. We can not afford to act/behave like this. How do we reverse this behavior that is being passed down to the YOUNG PEOPLE. THANKS AGAIN TO THE GOOD SISTAS and BROTHERS who support each other, but keep in mind as AMERICANS/HUMANITARIANS we must love and support all people regardless of race and be careful not to get bitten by a snake of any race!!!. Please do not put yourself in harms way. WE MUST DISCUSS THESE ISSUES WHETHER WE ARE GUILTY OR NOT ! PEEEAACCCEE !!!
Women respect Alpha.
Always have and always will.
Beat on your chest and demand your respect.
Or be a casualty of your situation.
Plus, every woman who is willing to admit it… loves great sex.
Which doesn’t come from soft spoken or timid men.
It comes from gorillas of all color.
Nothing is more sexy to a women that a man in charge.
In charge of her, or his life, or whatever.
– this includes being a father a loyal husband and provider who will ride her, not hide from her –
Women who disagree with this… stop trying to run the men(boys) in your life and get a man.
loveall
@ anonymous
There is nothing a BROTHER would not do for a SUPPORTIVE SISTER(NOT MEANING A BROTHER WANT THEIR MONEY)let’s make that clear. I must state that most women, if you ask them if they cook(SOMEBODY HAS TO ASK THE QUESTION 1ST), most(NOT ALL)will tell you HELL NO!!!. Now that is a bad start. The first thing(thang) I’m thinking is, can a brother ever expect a homecooked meal. Now, if you ever expect to have a family in the future together, wouldn’t it be great if your lady/wife would show some love for the brother/family by throwing down by homecooking a tight meal on a few occasions. A lot of women will tell you, we will just go out and eat. Now,restaurant sanitary conditions or someone putting a foreign object(spit etc.) in your food is not uncommon. I am not saying, I expect the ladies to be like mom or grandmother, but these are arts(cooking) that SOME females are CUTTING TIES with. As a man, I will cook sometimes(from scratch), wash clothes(sometimes), cut grass, wash the ride, wash dishes(sometimes). My dishwasher is O.K., works fine. On the dishwashing deal, It is my secret to keep my masculine hands soft(the hands can palm a basketball off the bounce), plus the hands must not be too rough(callouses) for the ladies(I dont discriminate). I dont believe in who’s job is what, but I be damn if I will put up with a female telling me what she is not going to do in support of our household. I as most real men do not expect our ladies to wash cars, cut grass or do other chores that is a to masculine unless they want a little light exercise or have a little fun outside in the yard(to each it’s own). I enjoy eating out regularly, but I am very cautious on how restaurants handle the food I eat and snatch a knot in a hind-part quickly when the food is handled nasty. I believe in treating my lady right, but I ‘will not’ have my lady arguing or giving me a bunch of crap, but on the other hand see my lady taking crap from outsiders(argue with AMERICA like you argue with your man). Now, in the SEX category, I am a MASTER/BEAST, HAVE NOT LOST A BATTLE YET !!!. So, I am a ROMANTIC as well, but bad attitudes from females is REAL TURN OFF/TURN DOWN/WONT GET ME EXCITED sexually, if the ladies get my drift. I can not use the words I want out of respect for the post. I will make you take a NAP when we finish if you know what I mean!!!. YOU WON’T GET BORED. I MUST ADD, TRY TO GET ALONG and DO NOT GET
ANGRY WHEN YOU SEE MIXED RACE COUPLES, BECAUSE SOME(SOME!!!) PEOPLE JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE FOUND LOVE IN OTHER RACES. Some got to get it where they can find it!!!.
Anonymous (2 March 09 at 10:49 am) said:
“its a damn shame when a brother is on TOP and successfull then yall come runnin…but when hes at his down point yall dont stick by him or love like you would when hes top…PHONY.
damn shame but that IS true about black women.”
***************************************************
man, you’ve got to quantify that statement unless you’ve met every black woman on earth.
i married my husband at his worst of the worst moment, but i saw beyond his circumstances. i stated it earlier, but i saw his love for the Lord, his boldness, his compassion, all these intangibles that brothers “on the top” who had tried to get with me didn’t have.
i saw a leader and i was endeared by his ability to be what random viewer described as “the alpha.”
i’m all for a woman having some standards, though. alpha means not only the ability to lead, but the ability to protect and secure. i’m neither afraid of nor intimidated by my husband. i am a leader in my own right, and i didn’t want to marry a man that i had to lead…unless his hand was on the small of my back after opening the door for me leading me into a room. LOL
Omegaman and T. Rogers, thank you for your much appreciated dialogue when it comes to black women. We are all different and not all of us like men who treat us bad. Craig is bitter and I believe is pretty much looking for an excuse to write-off black women and date women of other races. Degrading a whole race of women is a poor excuse to ease your conscious; accept your dating preferences and move on, but check the black women bashing at the door—it makes you appear small (minded, that is).
My son is eighteen and a senior in a majority white high school; he asked me about dating white girls because he thought the few black girls were shallow and immature. I told him to date whatever girl (of any race) that he enjoyed as a person, but do not make excuses and label the few black girls because he was looking for an excuse to ease his conscious and/or make himself feel better for choosing outside of his race. Every girl is different (no matter their race) and he may find that other girls (of other races) are also shallow and immature and maybe he is waaaaaaaaaaaay to serious; after all, this is high school.
I AGREE WITH MS. PARKER, VERY WELL SAID ABOUT BLACK WOMEN DATING THUGS. I THINK IT IS SO HARD TO FIND A BLACK MAN WHO ISN’T A THUG. I DATE ALL RACES AND I THINK WE ALL NEED TO GET OVER THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN BUT REALIZE WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD.
I’ve been reading the comments on here for quite some time and value a lot of what’s been said thus far. But truth be told, for some reason SOME black women do find superficial “thuggery” appealing, while others (including myself) find it entertainingly repulsive - I say that to convey that all it is, is a show. I mean, I refuse to believe that a grown man subconsciously accepts his foolish ways as his true identity and ideal way of living his life. There are many underlying and institutionalized factors that result in black men conforming to this low-class lifestyle and honestly when I see a man old enough to wear a belt but doesn’t, intelligent enough to go to school or get a real job but doesn’t, and insist on shaming his existence and family by re-enacting music videos, “hood” films and rap lyrics, I look at him with sorrow because he thinks that low of himself that he doesn’t aspire to do better.
But as I digress, the issue is women supporting this foolishness by falling for this facade that is killing our community. My best friend who is a beautiful, college-educated woman and mother of 1, and has a great well-paying government job, recently decided to start a relationship with a man, in his 30s, no hs diploma, several children, no job, felony record and currently on probation (mind you her son’s father was of [almost] the same caliber and background) and I may have ruined our friendship by expressing my concern about her decision to date him. I mean I don’t get. It hurts my heart to know she doesn’t value herself enough to choose a man of higher quality….at least someone who can actually help her advance in life. But her story isn’t unique…I just can’t wrap my brain around what could be remotely appealing about a man who clearly has no true, sound identity or productive goals in life
Being a black man at 46 years old, I have seen the younger women wanting a ‘thug’…from what I read here a Thug is someone who have the ‘walk’ ‘talk’ and suppose to back all of it up by being more Manly then the non-thug. I myself grew up in the 70s when the only thug was anyone who was in the MOB or mafia. Now, it seems to stand for nothing more than attitude or ‘Swagger’. I have met a wonderful younger woman of 34 years old with 2 children. I fell in love with her and showed her the ‘old school’ ways (having hot water in tub waiting for her after work, dinner made and waiting, long firm massage in bed, good conversation before she drift off to sleep) (Putting food on table, paying bills, good love making if presents itself) of how to treat a real woman. But, after almost a year, she goes back to her old boyfriend whom she calls a ‘clean-cut thug’….She said ‘oh, you’re nice and kind, but, you are not a clean cut thug…sorry.’ And now she’s back with him and from what I have seen she is ‘Happily Stressed’…. So, I don’t know what’s a ‘clean-cut thug’ is but from what she have said about him before me, he stays out all weekend, flirt shameless with other females, and will rise up to her if he do not get his way. I know she is not all women in the world…no way. But, it seems if a brotha is kind, caring, etc… SOME women will not have anything to do with you. Why?? Because YOU-are-not-a-Thug……Sad.
Loveall said:
Where(whey) the party people at??????????
A lot of women are attracted to thugs and for good reasons of their own. If you are a good guy that is not a thug, then remain that way. In the long run, thugs will have impregnated the majority of the unmarried women and the good guys will be left to marry those unmarried women when they reach middle age, and they will raise the children of thugs to be other than thugs long after the thug fathers has died or been incarcerated. These good guys will do their best to show the progeny of thugs and alternative to thugging to survive, yet nature or nuture will be the true determining factor. We will raise up seed unto our brethren if our brethren should fall that none shall be counted absent from the ranks of Israel. The whole scenario reminds me of the movie “Last American Virgin”. I guess women do not necessarily want a thug, but they want a man that’s going to know how to put a firm foot down and DICtate what will be. A facet of women’s nature is to arrange the material world for the male while the male is the spiritual motivator of how and when arrange the materials. Thugs may seed the world and are the genetic precursors of who will walk intot he future, yet it is the words of the intelligent man that will provide a way of LIFE for the children of the thugs to live by.
Peace.
I am so confused. I thought this was a universal thing of women. I know plenty of white women who love rough whiteboys. So why do black women keep getting the bad name of all the stereotypes. like the goldigger. You think white women don’t like money. Try asking all the white women married to all the rich white men. lol this blog is ridiculus. Once again debating with each other over foolishness that does nothing to help the black community. While other groups (races) push on. And for the record no one else is going to save you. The well being of the black race is of no other group prime interest! So get it together.
What is the definition of thug? Does this guy need to be a shooter because most respectable thugs are just trying to survive and would like to be legit. I used to sell drugs. When I went to college I noticed that my people perceived me in a whole other light. Unfortunately, black women were less attracted to me. But the drive for a successful business and to not be a bum in life is greater in the end. Now, I’m 26 and most of those girls are unhappy overweight(no longer little skinny fine college girls) and the men in their lives did them pretty bad. I dont think I can be put in a category I just tell women I’m a gentlemen. I feel like whatever I decide to do is whats cool. I never understood why a girl could pass me up for a relationship of pure hell. But if they want a thug then I can show her that its her decision and I am not crying about it. Its sad too cause one girl I really liked could have me as a husband instead she has dealt with rape and a couple other similar situations. If I’m to tamed and domesticated now guess what I dont give a F*ck! I didn’t need her anyway. I want to be somewhere playing golf not in jail like all my friends. As soon as the guys get locked up the girl is right on to the next thug talking about the last guy didnt leave her anything. Ha! Comedy man. Comedy.
I am a young lady and when wemon say they love thugs they mean the mentality of a thug. And I say that because I love thugs and bad boys. I’ve been raised by a single parent who has always showed me to to aim higher than what i actually want. Growing up in a prodominatly white neighborhood I’ve Never been around the real fast life with drugs and money my mom or dad never even smoked around me. but for some reason I am attracted to bad boys and thugs but of course my plan isn’t to support a grown man with no job. I do want a successful man. But i just ? the mentallity of a thug or bad boy. Standing up for me, Geting The Job Done, Hood, But NEVER TO LAY A HAND ON ME, But someone who keeps me in the latest and greatest, tatted up wit a swift body and his own. But that’s my take on thugs and bad boys when it comes to black wemon.
How many sistas up in here want a Black man whos a gentleman
say “I”, How many sistas up in here want a Black man who can support and be their backbound without worrying about catching an std because he sleeps around say “I”….LOOK,
Its like this man, I cant be something that Im NOT, Im deffiently not a THUG, but I aint a punk bit ch either (pardon my language)
what I am though is a MAN. I hold my own with or without a woman in my life, I take care of MINE and those who mean something to me
and did I mention : I CAN GOOD JOB CAUSE I DONT HAVE ANY FELONIES LOL
BUT to all the sistas out here who want a FELON in thier life who cant do sh it for them, good luck its sistas like yall that make PRODUCTIVE, CLASSY, black men like myself go to white women..cause it seems like they like a MAN who REALLY a man and dont have felonys
yall LOVE yall some felons though
oh well, I REALLY want to be with my own women…..
but if they wanna be stupid and go for a man who aint about sh it
then let em go
and Ill keep doin ME.
BLACK WOMEN PERFER FELONS
THATS WHY ALOT OF EM DONT MAKE IT OUT THE GHETTO
TIME TO FIND ME A PRETTY LOOKING WHITE WOMAN WHO CAN USE
A YOUNG HANDSOME BLACK MAN WITH “CLASS” AND “BRAINS” WITH NOT FELONIES, WHO LIKES A “GENTLEMAN” CAUSE AS FAR AS I SEE
THERE IS NO BLACK WOMEN OUT HERE WHO LIKES US BLACK NERDS
WERE TO SOFT FOR EM…..OH WELL WHERE ALL THE SEXY WHITE WOMEN AT
WHO WANTS A ‘REAL” MAN
MIGHT AS WELL CROSSOVER, CAUSE YALL SISTAS ARE FULL OF SH IT
4REAL
Guess she got her wish…Lauren London Gives Birth To Lil Wayne’s Baby!! According to eurweb.com, the baby was born at Cedars Sinai hospital, in Los Angeles, on September 9th and weighed in at 7 lbs. and 12 oz.
Lil Wayne has two children, a daughter named Reginae Carter, from Antonia “Toya” Carter, and a son, Dwayne Carter III, who was born on October 22, 2008 at Christ Hospital in Cincinnati.
His other baby mama Nivea should be be giving birth soon.
SMDH
To be brutally honest man, if they want those types of brothers then they can have them. Me and all the other men with substance will just date outside the race. Besides, because of feminism (satanism), black women in particular have lost their “feminimity.”
I’d recommend Latin America (Brazil) to find some ladies with more “traditional” values (who looks like models & loves kids/family/home cooking). The women in this country are simply out of touch. They don’t know the difference between “modesty” and “slutty.”
There’s too much of a risk (gamble) with these women. It’s probably not that there isn’t any good men (who are mostly overlooked). No, instead it’s probably that there aren’t many good women anymore. But feminism taught you to blame everyone but yourself for YOUR ACTIONS! If you choose those type of men and then wind up getting pregnant (when there are better alternatives/options available), then it’s YOUR FAULT and you only have yourself to blame. But since the system favors irresponsible people, you don’t feel you aren’t to be blamed. So sad..
From my experiences, men who carry themselves with respect/honor/class want a woman who:
a.) Hasn’t had loads of partners (shows restraint/self-esteem/self-respect).
b.) Doesn’t have kids from previous relationships (no one wants to raise someone else’s bastard child, only a desperate man would).
c.) Has traditional family values (these are your STRONG BLACK WOMEN, not those irresponsible single moms).
d.) Is GENUINE (both in personality & attitude).
e.) Is A Natural Beauty (feminine physical features like curves, not too masculine or aggressive, no plastic surgery, not too much make-up, no fake hair/nails/etc.)
To my dissappointment, you can’t find that much anymore. Pretty much extinct, and you only have women (feminism) to blame. You wanted independence right? Well, the first thing about being independent is to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for ALL YOUR ACTIONS. You chose to have unprotected sex without taking the necessary precautions. Now deal with it, and stop blaming the men who you give it up to too easily (and give those with a hint of substance a much more difficult time). Stop ABORTING your responsibilities please.
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