Guest Post: (Why) Do (Some) Black Women Love Thugs!?!?

I did not all the other comments.I hate to say it but I must comment. I grew up with the so called thugs and Bad BOYS. I could not buy a date. I was not a Jock either. I notice reading the other responses; you are not going to get the answer you are looking for. My opinion would be the one that likes the bad boy knows it is wrong and will not answer because of fear of the comebacks. The others might have tried the bad boy route and found out it will not work. TV Music and Movies have glorified the image for years. It is now reaching a high level because of the lack of family values and a whole host of other subjects. One way to stop the process might be to let the ladies see what a real man does. There is no one answer to the problem but core values of the family could help.

I think there’s a function within every woman that desires a man who can protect them and make them feel secure. Where the disconnect occurs is each woman’s standard of what that means to THEM.

If you have a woman who has, albeit unfortunately, chosen BET and the media to define what a “real man” is, then she is going to fall woefully short and settle for a man who can physically protect them, but many times, they will use that ability to beat their woman down either emotionally or physically.

I want a man like Jesus, personally. He wasn’t the gay looking guy that the sistine chapel portrayed, either. He had some swagger, for REAL. He could stand toe to toe with “thugs” like Peter (who cut off another man’s ear for trying to mess with Jesus) and Matthew (who was a loan shark, dangerous type of brother) and cause them to want to follow Him, because His game and His swagger made them want to change.

I want a man like Jesus who could be threatened with being thrown off a cliff, but was so confident in His purpose and ministry that He was able to walk through that angry mob and keep it moving to the next city.

I want a man like Jesus who could be tender enough to save a woman caught in adultery from being stoned, but tough enough to go to a tree, make His own switch, and barrel through the synagogue, evicting anything that wasn’t like His Father up out of there.

My daddy had Jesus’ swagger. On one hand, he would let me wet my eyes on his shirt because my feelings got hurt. On the other hand, he could correct my behavior with a force that made me want to be a better person (and he rarely ever whooped me).

My husband has Jesus’ swagger, too. He can be kind and compassionate, but let someone mess with his wife and children…although violence would be his last resort, he’s not apt to stand by and allow those God has entrusted to his care to be abused by ANYONE.

Jesus is the perfect standard. And He died for the very people who set Him up to be killed. But He did it for a purpose much greater than proving His point or being a thug. Personally, if I had been Jesus, I would have killed er’body who even THOUGHT about saying “crucify Him.” That’s what a THUG would do. That’s what a person with a mindset bent on doing things their own way would do. Yet Jesus showed more strength than a thug could ever muster on that cross.

I know it sounds preachy, but it just is what it is. Jesus wasn’t no punk, nor was my Daddy, nor is my husband. But a thug is just a person walking around with this caffeinated courage that the moment a greater force comes along, instead of taking the time to up the ante in their personality, they would choose to respond with violence and even homicide to ensure that greater force does not remove from them every excuse they have to live their lives with such a woefully impoverished mindset.

This thing about black men liking thugs is silly. For one if they do it’s there preference, but they are so many other sisters that don’t so go and talk to them! Or women of other races who you have things in common with you can get to know and have a relationship. One thing I notice in the black community, we accentuate the negative. We really do, they are plenty of black families that are doing they’re thing, married with kids and are happy, but we focus on stupid people, making stupid comments. But us talking about what Laura London comments, so something is us is incorrect. Because I know that if she wasn’t thought of as Hollywood fly, we wouldn’t even be talking to this stuff. If Laura was 300 pounds of pure ugliness, we wouldn’t care. The let’s me know that there is something inherently wrong with brothers, it exposes their superficiality. This thing only gets play when it some average brother who wants a drop dead gorgeous sister and she wants the thug. It’s a no sense conversation amongst very bright people. If she wants him, she can have him, you should get your PHD is psychology open up a practice and charge her, because the abuse she’s going to suffer, emotional and physical, you can get 150 per session. In the end it’s about cultivation, amongst other things that will determine what you like and don’t like. If that woman has been cultivated to be attracted to thugs, there nothing you can do, let her go and pray for her. It shows that there’s something wrong with her. If you like her, there’s something wrong with you! There too many good, nice sisters with great characteristics that you can be happy with. Stop focusing on the outer so much and began to explore the women you like hearts and mind, you might find a diamond in the rough. Peace!

Im 18 and im a college student. For me im caught in the middle of being a thug or a nice guy. I used to have to have the perfect view of what a black men should be, that is until i ran into this one chick. it was a lie after another lie. Slowly now i can see the change im making towards being a thug. I dress different, walk different, and even talk different.

I just find it really really hard to get back the views i once had. It’s almost like she just took them from me.

How in the world can i end this bitter trend?

Thank you so much Harriet for your comment.

To be honest i have compared other girls to the girl i tried to be with. I’ve even been making bitter remarks uncontrollably about women. It’s really hard for me not to generalize women.

Here’s another thing that i can’t get over. I have a niece that is 4 years old, and every time i see her it reminds me of what i wanted out that girl i tried to be with. I just a constant reminder of what could’ve been.

Lately i have had my head the books. I’ve decided to major in english, and plan on transfering after two years of college.

Maybe it’s going to take me a while to get back into dating, even though i would love to have a girl-friend.

Anyways thank you so much for the advice.

yeah whats good , please define thug 4 me: because one thing is for sure: Im far from soft, but at the same time im not IGNORANT, I dont go around selling drugs or shootin up niggaz, Im not a gang banger, and to me that whole thing is stupid, and it holds us back more than the white man does… but it seems like the SISTAZ love a man whos a GANGSTA, THUG, beats the hell out them, and treats them like @#$%.

meanwhile a DECENT, INTELLIGENT, young black man like myself whos GRADUATING COLLEGE, has GOALS, will get walked over by yall, once again im from the HOOD, born and raised in south bronx new york, Im far from a punk, and i put dudes in check each time they try to violate my girl at the time…so….no i dont walk around with my pants off my behind, i dont sell crack, i dont walk around with a gun,
I got in trouble with the law when i was 16, im 28 now.

im good with CALCULUS, PHYSICS, and alot of the other sciences.

so i geuss im a NERD, rite? so when i mess with white women or latin or asian womem, am I wrong.

seems like the sistas want a Black man whos IGNORANT not INTELLIGENT.

Like barak obama.

yall black women are GONE.

HELLO PEOPLE,

Stop all this bickering(Its not funny)and trying to take the worldly stress out on each other(black racism). I, as a black man find it very hurtfull sometimes when I look at a black female to speak, and she either turns her head or roll her eyes at me. On the other hand, I
encounter caucasian females and they will speak,nod or even complement me on my appearance etc.. I am thankful for the complement, but on the other hand, it hurts me because it is so simple to acknowdlege each other without thinking someone want to get in bed with each other. No, I am not happy or feel better because she is caucasion, but blacks need to treat each other with the same respect as they do other light skinned races. Sometimes, I stop and observe the same black woman who ignored me will grin like a chestcat and speak to other races. Oh yeah, I hear all the time that ladies want to have kids by the light skinned guy or another race so their baby can have the light skin or good hair. Come on. I have had instances where I would go in to put in my resume and the sisters would try to get me out the door as soon as possible. One
occassion, the caucasion was looking at the sister like why was the sister handling me like that. As the sister was rude, I had to ask the sister was it O.K. for me to leave me resume. Maybe some of our people have not experienced racism or are from another planet. I LOVE all people and would mainly love for the interracial hate to cease. It is up to us to teach our kids to respect BLACK as well as we do other races. LOOK AT HOW BLACKS ARE PORTRAYED ON THE NEWS. But some of us dont look at the news !!!. MEN and WOMEN, CHILDREN, we must treat each other in a respectful and SPIRITUAL manner!!!. I am a hard working black man who keeps his head up!!!. Oh, I forgot it not about good men, its about thug glorification. I want to THANK all the men and women who work hard to respect all genders and races. PRAY

Black women are raised to be trapped. Especially when it comes to the old school ways. My father was never the right kind of model for my life. He was overbearing, insecure, mean, irresponsible, and very neanderthal in his ideas about women. He treated my mom, my sister, and me like we were brainless and that we were supposed to be home, never go anywhere, and be afraid of the world. I can’t stand him to this day and he knows it. We have never had a good relationship and never will. My mother is a shell literally. She has been racked by mental illness. He knocked her up with eight children that he could not provide for. I remember us growing up always having financial issues. He was never home. He went through issues of having gambling problems too. I never once can remember having a meaning conversation with my father growing up. He never talked to us and he was always trying to keep us under his control through punishments. I hate him literally. I have tried many times in my life to have a relationship with him. Each time, it never works out because he shows the man that he has always been. I will never like him. I tolerate him when he comes to my house. My poor mother can’t even think for herself anymore. He just takes her everywhere- this shell of a woman literally who can’t even carry on a conversation anymore literally. She is not in touch with reality at all. She is deathly skinny. My mother was my best friend growing up. She was a brilliant woman who had just good common sense and who always told me the truth about everything. She was my anchor. She never left my father even though she should have. She should have many times. He was a monster. I commend her for staying, and I know she did it because of us. She did it for her children. Not only that she never worked. My father moved us to the sticks- deep woods in a community that was riddled with people who were ignorant and “Christian” but were the biggest hypocrits on earth. My father wanted to please himself and other people. He wanted to put on airs about who he was and how our life was. I never had any true friends growing up. People were so fake. Constantly talking about each other and judging each other. Yet they were in church every week supposedly praising God. I hate where I grew up to this day. I think the only nostalgic feelings I get about are all related to my mother. She was a woman who I saw slowly but surely disappear into depression and hopelessness. She is gone from me. All that remains of her is a shell. I miss her terribly. More than anyone will ever know. I will never forgive my father and I have said many times that I would have forfeited ever being born had it would given my mother a better life- helped her to make a better choice for a man than my father. You would think after having such a poor image of a man in my life, I would have never had any relationships with black men. But I did. All romantic relationships I have had have all been with black men. Like my father, they disappointed me. I have given up on men, but I will not become a lesiban. I know what the Bible says and I know it is wrong. I know that in my soul. I don’t feel unnatural feelings toward women and never will, I will however stop looking to be in relationships. I have been hurt too much. I need to just be at peace with me now.

Thats real talk @ MARCUS.

YES there are some decent brothers out here like you and myself,
who hold their own and do what they gotta do , and it aint gotta be selling crills (crack) or walking around with the pants off the azz,
and growing up in the south bronx thats what most of the young brothers out here be doing (ignorant). thats because im from the ghetto does not mean that my mentallity has to be like that.

at the same time im one of the realest brothers you can know,
Cause i takes no shyt off no one either, and i dont need to be a blood or a crip to prove that, I could just be my thourogh strong black self, and if a chick cant get with that then the hell with her,
i like black women with CLASS, I like a Black woman who needs an INTELLEGENT black man like myself in her life someone whom she could build somthing with, someone she dosent have to worry about watching her own back when shes rolling to the store with me, whos ducking the cops or got beef with the niggaz down the block, becasue this is how it works in the street: 9 times out of 10 when a drug dealer has beef with another drug dealer they dont go after HIM, they go after were it HURTS: his woman……………..

so let these fake chicken heads go with these fake guys and wait till their in thier late 30s and 40s to find out that their to old and worn out for the REAL black men to take them SERIOUS, go ahead let em be stupid.

mean while a brother like me will be a SYSTEMS ENGINEER, in 3 months,
I work I go to school, and I have a FUTURE, iM 28,

AND my future doesent consist of JAIL, WHEEL CHAIR, or the GRAVE.

I said it once and ill say it again,

give me the INTELLEGENT black women and tell the chicken heads to SHUT UP.

because their only playing THEMSELVES.

@ Harriet,

Thank you for the complement my sista,
I hope my future wife is as intellegent and classy as you are.

peace.

Such a fictitious statement that black women want thugs, for me atleast. I am a 23yr old black women and in no way, shape, form, or fashion do i want a man caught up in shady dealings with pants below his knees. Thats not attractive. But i guess first we have to define what a thug is, Websters defines thug as an aggressive young and violent criminal, Tupac defined a thug as someone who is going through struggles, has gone through struggles and continues to go through struggles. Now if Tupac definition is correct, then yes, im guilty of dating thugs, heck, id consider myself one then. But if Websters is correct then hegs to the naw! I can see though how some women are attracted to certain personality traits of the badboy/thug. Women want to feel protected and safe and i guess a ‘thug’ may provide that. Me personally, i want the same. But if it comes down to it, protect me with your mouth and hands if you have to, not with the pistol tucked under your white tee. Women want a man with a go getter attitude, someone who has a clear definition of what they want in life and pursue it with a passion. I want that as well, but if go get it to you means go get that n*gga that stuck me for my paper last week,..dont call me, i’ll call you. Women want a provider, a man that can provide them with financial stability. (i say this in the most non-gold digger way possible, i’ll hold down my own as well), but if a brotha cant produce any W2′s at the beginning of the year, stuffs money under the mattress and version of a money clip is a rubber band, then your sniffing up the wrong tree. I want a man not a thug. The two are not interchangeable. I want a God-fearing man, who protects me, provides for me, respects me, and educates me and inturn i’ll play my position. Now if there is some distant land where this is the exact definition of thug…sign me up…

I believe SOME sistas, young and a bit older, want thugs for the same reason men, young and older, want women with a big booty and a cute smile…both are considered to be “sexy”. Let’s keep it real, now…think back to h.s…who were the brothas who were getting stared at, and oohed and aahed over? It wasn’t the straight A nerd…it was the jocks…and the “thugs”…who really weren’t “thugs”, just a bunch of wanna be’s…cute, with a lot of mouth and a lot of swagger…but, as Jay-Z said, couldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight! LOL!!

I won’t lie, I’ve always had a thing for a brotha with a swagga, an “intimidating” presence, someone I felt could and would protect me should the situation call for it. I married such a man…tall, darkskinned, swagger, long locs, and a look/persona that is intimidating. Very few people, myself included, know what a sweet, loving and gentle man he is; a wonderful husband and father, sibling, son, etc.

I believe many sistas just want a brotha with the combination of intelligence, sexiness, the swagger, the education, the stance that makes most think twice about messing with him…but no, I don’t think most sistas want REAL thug, shooting up the neighborhood, causing murder and mayhem…

@patra

If it dont apply then let it fly,

to be honest i attract ALL kinds of sistas, from the ghetto azz ones to the CLASSY ones who graduated college…I attract them ALL.

it appears that i stepped on some toes with you….Im only 28 I dont know it all, but im learning. I dont discriminate when it comes to sex, but as far as a FUTURE is concerned i want a sista who i can take SERIOUS,, not a chicken head….but a QUEEN.

theres nothing to be angry about, im actually confused at how stupid and ignorant someone can be to want a man who sells drugs and goes in and out of jail, and shoots people, sex is sex, but they actually take these men SERIOUS, thats where SHES stupid at….

look, when it comes to sex, ill bone a stripper if im horny.

but i wont start a RELATIONSHIP with her or take her serious.

get it?

yeah like i said STUPID chicken head type women who cant find anything BETTER…besides a low life…

because they THINK they can change him…only to find out they CANT.

People can only change THEMSELVES……..

Oops did i just drop a jewl?

Im not a thug ( even though dont take shyt from no one either..so..what does that make me…uh..duh…. a MAN? PERIOD. has nothing to do with being a thug)

Im a NERD, but im one of those nerds who know how to dress and look good and has STYLE…so dont get it twisted.

I rater be a NERD who can explain every formula in advanced calculus and theoretical physics than a so called COOL kid who looks cool on the surface but barley has a brain…dont forget us NERDS are extremly intelligent…need me to build you a computer? LOL…

yeah im a geek…but so what….im SMART as hell compared to most.

yeah im a geek….but i work out have a tight firm body, and play ball…. eat right, and take care of myself, and know how to turn a sista on in AND out the bedroom.

yeah im a geek…but i damn share aint no square and i protect whats mine…so….yeah im a geek but so what.

yeah im a geek, nerd, braniac..or whatever but…..

I look good.

YUP i look GOOD.

Tall, slim, firm hard abs (NO body fat) , wavy black hair, chinky eyes. yeah im a geek…but im a sexy azz one though….

with a BRAIN.

so good look with the thug/ so called cool guys.

Im glad that im DIFFERENT, and not like EVERYONE else.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Carl!

Although I totally disagreed with what Patra stated, I think you showed your behind (almost literally) in your response. Just my opinion, and I think you and I have the kind of rapport where we can tell the truth without offending one another.

Let me shape the reason why by asking you a couple of questions:

1. If you’re willing to “bone a stripper” if you’re horny, then what is your viewpoint on the act of sex? If it’s just relegated to you being horny, IMO, it’s just animalistic. Then what does that say about you? (if it don’t apply, let it fly LOL)

2. If you “don’t discriminate when it comes to sex,” then how is it that a queen would be willing to settle for a king that acts only like a peasant? Wouldn’t a true queen have standards that would disqualify you because of your indiscriminate behavior towards sex?

3. Now, if your argument is that you’re young and you’re learning, and that everybody makes mistakes, and that you have to get it when you can get it, that’s fine. Yet from a woman’s standpoint looking at a man, wouldn’t that merely make YOU just SEX material, not RELATIONSHIP material?

4. All things being equal, whether you attract a prostitute or a princess, it seems to me that you’d be willing to settle for either and adjust accordingly. But being ROYALTY (which I believe you are, in spite of you showing the crack of your behind on your last two posts LOL) requires consistency of behavior. How difficult would it be for you to START showing some discrimination in who you decide to have sex with? How difficult would it be for you to not have sex AT ALL until you meet the queen that was destined for you?

Just food for thought, my brother. You’re a lot bigger, stronger and more courageous than the two responses you left. But hey…that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong. (*wink*)

@ harriet

that was just an anology…i used the stripper in place of the thug because im a man, in other words , and lets be honest we both know that men are motivated by sex, im just one of the last ones who tells the TRUTH about things when it comes to us men.

yeah we like to screw alot…thats how were genetically built.

of course i rather have a classy women instead of a hoish one..
but when it comes to just sex…its just sex and thats it.

now when it comes to LOVE, thats different, i cant LOVE a hoe..

but i can LOVE a real women who carries herself with decency and respect.

but of course i can have sex with both…just like a women can have sex with the so called nerd and so called thug but at the end of the day which one she can build a FUTURE with is the question.

the same thing applies to us men. which one can i build a future with?

and which one is fun and ONLY fun, and nothing else.

i guess my viewpoint about sex is peculiar as well. i just don’t think it should be relegated to a recreational sport unless it’s in a married relationship.

now, i was no virgin when i got married, but i’d been celibate for 7 years before i got married. so now, i can be a ho…it’s only with one man, and i enjoy the recreation, communication and procreation that sex affords me.

it’s fun to be able to express myself like that with no worries about disease or pregnancy or lack of commitment. i think everyone is worth that wait. but everyone doesn’t realize it.

I want my OWN woman , i dont like to SHARE.

see what these sistas dont understand is that THUGS ARE NOT FAITHFULL IN RELATIONSHIPS….. us GOOD MEN ARE/ NERDS are.

even though ALL men have the potential to cheat..most times the good one will stay loyal to you, quicker than the “thug” who has more than one sex interest, thugs dont take women that serious to tell you the truth…they might take care of em but they dont really take a “bych” that serious…i use that word to demostrate their mentallity when it comes to females…but this is the kind of guy that black women..excuse me STUPID black women respect….

but ME im faithfull when it comes to relationships…now when im SINGLE like i am now…. I can date as many women as i want till i find the right one.

so yeah thats the difference you dont have to worry bout me screwing someone else or bringing you home STDs, 100% std free by the way.

this DICCK is YO DICCK and yo dickk only…..

im a GOOD black man…..

@ carl-the-nerd-with-the-pocket-protectors-but-no-protection-over-his-heart (LOL)

Come on, man…your logic is KILLIN’ me! You’re faithful in relationships, but dating (screwing) as many women as you want until you find the right one.

So what happens if the condom don’t work, the birth control was forgotten, and/or the sperm was just so swim happy that it found its way around every barrier to get to that egg?

What happens when the HO you sleep with gets pregnant? Then you have a life long commitment (like it or not) to the child you two created! And somehow I want to believe that you won’t be a dad that would abandon a child you took part in creating.

I mean, you’re too smart for that. You’ve got too much potential for that! I know abstinence is a tough lifestyle, but dang…if you’re everything you’ve said you are in this forum, I would think you would only want to pull your “dicck” out for two reasons: to piss or get down with your WIFE.

All these casual relationships are making you look casual and not the catch you say you are. Just based on what you wrote about your personality, you’re worth more than that, Carl. Much more. I mean really…just chew on that for a while.

@ Anonymous 4:04 pm:

sorry…i’m already taken. ROFL!!!!

seriously, though, they are out there. i was in hiding. i was quite satisfied with being single and the freedom that afforded me in terms of community service, solitude and my career.

when i met my husband, i wasn’t interested in him beyond a friendship. but he put on the chase, i ran like there was no tomorrow, and he still caught me. LOL

instead of being afraid of rejection, if you meet a woman that’s NOT MARRIED and has those qualifications, i’m not saying to stalk her, but i am saying that you should be willing to work to gain her interest and eventually love. my husband worked HARD for it, and four years later, i’m still his prized possession. i’ll be that…he ain’t beating me or abusing me. he shows his love more now than when he was trying to catch me. that says a lot about a man.

all that to say: keep hope alive. you’ll find her if you don’t get distracted by all the chickenheads that throw themselves at you.

@harriet.

Dont ego trip on me sweetie…..I wasnt trying to get with you,

I dont even know what you look like, ????????

no i was just making a point my dear

carl, dang…

i was JOKING, hence the “ROFL” at the end of my statement. you’re going all left on a sister. i’m very well spoken of, and i would never imply that i’m looking for someone else. my apologies if that statement was misleading.

i hope you find what you’re looking for. every king needs a queen, and i pray you find yours soon.

God bless!

@ carl,

no doubt…times are difficult, but i’m going to tell you like one of my brothers told me:

One of Newton’s laws of physics is that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So when negativity tries to multiply itself in your mind daily, be the opposite reaction to turn it into positivity. I can’t just let all kinds of drama and negativity run up and through me anymore. I have made a decision to be the opposite reaction to it.

Even if it’s as simple as shouting HALLELUJAH in an elevator full of brothers and sisters cussin and fussin…just the fact that they may have laughed makes me the opposite reaction to that drama.

Life is too short. A few breaths and we’re gone. I gotta live, laugh and love. Can’t do that trying to carry a thug (or in your case, a stripper) around. LOL

God bless! I know you’re going to find what you’re looking for, and I know when you find her, you’ll be ready.

To Carl,

Negro, please…you didn’t step on my toes…like I said, I already have my family. I was trying to express to you that you come off a bit angry and with a bit of an attitude. As for you attracting all these women…brotha please…if you WERE pulling all these women, you wouldn’t feel the need to come here and spill your cyber guts to a bunch of folks…many whom have already found the love of their lives.