The Signal

 When I was little, if I was cutting up all my mother had to do was look at me and I would straighten up right then and there. It was a look that she gave me that told me that I was one step away from getting jacked up. It was the signal.  For my mom, her lips would get tight and her brow would get wrinkled and her normally big beautiful eyes would almost get a little squinty. And she would just stare at you.  You could be acting a fool, laughing, giggling, whatever and then you would look over at my mom and just get a chill throughout your body. And you knew!!!  At that point you would just stop what you were doing and find some corner somewhere to sit in until that look went away.

I was not as successful at the signal as my mom. It took a lot longer for me and my kids to get this signal thang perfected. When my son was younger, I would give him the harshest signal I knew to give…forehead wrinkled, lips poked waaay out, eyes almost squinted shut, and arms folded.  But my son would continue to act a fool.  Laughing, running, playing, jumping…and would sometimes stop to say” Mom…what’s wrong…why are you looking like that?”  Needless to say, this child forced me to embarrass him on several occasions before we got this signal thang down.  But maybe my method of disciplining him was not effective enough. Which is why it took us so long to get it right.  If I needed to correct him, I would either say something to him in front of his peers. Getting in trouble in front of your peers always caused instant heartache for him as they would snicker, laugh or point.  Or, maybe I would pull him aside, holding his arm really tight.  I would get real close up to his ear and with clinched teeth I would tell him all of the things that I would do to him if he did not straighten up. Then I would give him a time out or something like that.

But that is not what my mom used to do if the signal did not work.  It was Oops Up Side Yo Head..I said a Oops Up Side Yo Head.  It only took one time for that to happen and you knew you did not want to take things that far ever again. I think kids now-a-days know that parents will not do that in public anymore…and they take advantage.

Well guess what. TheDad accused me of not knowing the signal twice this weekend while we are on vacation here in the ATL.  Each time, we were visiting my family or friends and he was basically tired and ready to go.  He said he did everything in his power to signal to me that he was ready to go.  Besides looking sleepy, he said he touched my knee. He was wiggling in his seat. He rubbed my back.  I asked him was he tired and ready. and he said “Yes” And for some reason, I still did not get the message. He said that I would announce that we were leaving and then proceed to talk another hour.  He knew I had not seen my friends for a hile, so he was a good sport and let me get caught up…Thanks Dad!!!  We are normally very respectful of each other, so this does not happen very often… I am sorry DAD! 

BMWK Family – Do you have a signal with your kids?  What is it and does it always work (or am I the only mom that struggled with that.)  Do you and your spouse have a signal or code word? If so, what is it?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and their latest documentary Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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