Guest Post:Sista, Where Art Thou? : The Missing Link In Critical Self-Thought About Black America.
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[Writer's Note: This one's a doozy! You're probably not going to agree with me, and you're certainly entitled so your opinion. But read with an open mind if nothing else. Then flame me.]Every month or so, there seems to be some sorta televised “Townhall Discussion on The State Of Black America”. BET always is airing something or another about hip-hop’s effect on black kids. T(r)avis Smiley’s got his annual State Of The Black Union. And now, not to be outdone, CNN is diving headfirst into the sewer of Negro Dysfunction with it’s own series, entitled Black In America.
The prelude to this series aired last weekend. It was your typical townhall discussion about how screwed up black folks (particularly men) are, and took place in New Orleans, the new Ground Zero for Negro Intellectualism. On the panel were the usual suspects: an academic (Cornell West in that same damn black suit), a preacher (TD Jakes), an entertainer (Tom Joyner), a journalist (Ed Gordon), and the token woman (the always brilliant Julianne Malveaux, spoken over repeatedly) to round out the bunch. And as expected, the show was little more than a feelgood hour of SoundByte Olympics™. Lots of $5 words were bandied about. Black men were singled out as the Root Of All Negro Evil. White folks and “the system” were blamed. And at the end of the 90 minute discussion, I walked away with no greater insight into exactly what the solutions are.
Like every other panel discussion, this one delved headfirst into everything that’s wrong with black men. They don’t want to get married. They make babies and don’t support them. They get locked up and bring home AIDS. They don’t take responsibility for what they create. Blah, blah, blah.
These are all very valid points, and I’d be the last one to catch feelings, given the fact that I more or less advocate the very same thing here daily. There is little doubt that we as black men need to get our collective sh*t together. This is an indisputable fact. No denying it. You won’t hear any sorts of denials of that on this site. No siree Bob.
But what about the other side of the equation?
I know I’ll probably lose some female readers here, but it needs to be brought (BRING IT!!) so I can’t hold my tongue any longer. How about somebody on one of these shows challenges Black Women to make smarter, less emotion-driven decisions about whom they give the nookie to?
Yes, there are, have always been, and shall always be triflin’ men (Negroes or otherwise). But blaming them for every societal ill misses the fact that it takes two to tango. Two to lay down and make a baby. Two to get married. Two to maintain a healthy marriage. Two to run a household. Two to make a family, at least as defined by the standard everyone seems to advocate.
By just continually calling out black men, yet treating women as perpetual victims, you’re missing a huge chunk of that whole “shared responsibility” thing. Women are on average vastly smarter than men, but they sometimes choose to see what they want to see. Women have a far greater gift of discernment when it comes to relationships. They remember things better. So why let them off the hook if they’re so much better equipped when it comes to sniffing out B.S.?
Let’s keep it 100, ladies. You know you can tell if the Negro is sorry from the moment you meet him. You know that if he’s already got three babies by five women, chances are you’re just gonna become another harrowing statistic. You know that if he’s got a crime record longer than Manute Bol, he is prolly not gonna be able to hold down a 9-to-5. You know that is he looks like a playa, walks like a playa, and talks like a playa, chances are he’s a sorry, triflin’ assed Negro. This is all common sense, yet so many women overlook this glaring evidence when it comes to choosing mates.
Yes, I know some men lie. Some of us are exceptionally good at doing so. But women are always smarter. They always know what’s up. They just choose to see what they want to see.
Men in general do about 75% of what we do to attract the opposite sex. Wack Guys do about 110% of what they do to attract the opposite sex. Wack Guys will not evolve as long as they’re rewarded (with cookies) for being Wack. This isn’t too complex an equation, ladies.
In short, stop giving your cookies to Wack Fellas!!![1]
Think about it, Barack Obama got both applauded (by me) and reamed (by others) for challenging Black Men to step up during his recent Father’s Day speech. This was completely necessary, and any dude who caught feelings about this needs to seriously check himself. But cunning as Barry is, there’s no way in Holy Hades that Beige Negro would even remotely consider pulling such a stunt on Mother’s Day. You know this and I know this. Because you just don’t talk about nobody’s Mama, and most Black women will be somebody’s Mama during the course of their lifetimes. But that’s a part of the problem that these shows, and black culture in general, seem to ignore for some odd reason.
Here’s some real solutions for Black America.
Nope, no solutions. Just plenty of pontificators “gettin’ off”, thus the photo above, in case you were looking for context.
So, I prolly won’t be doing any recaps of CNN’s Black In America, because I’ve frankly got better things to do, like being a husband and father and generally making sure I’m more of the solution than the problem. And who the hell wants to sit around watching more and more bad news about Black folks? Shouldn’t any black person with a brain already know most of this stuff by now? Aren’t Black people more or less born knowing this stuff? So since we’re putting our worst foot forward, I wonder exactly whom this show is for? It’s clearly not to educate, inform, or challenge Black America to grow. So it must be for White America to watch, and gawk at, and further ingrain the same negative stereotypes about Negro life in America.
Sorry, but I can’t bother watching any more of this crap until we can be totally honest about the issues that plague Black America, not just pandering to see who can get the loudest applause.
I hope that Emmy was worth it, Mrs. O’Brien.[2]
Question: Did I just lose half of the females? Were my points about the victimization of Black women anywhere in the ballpark, or is this just a piece of sexist propaganda? Did you watch Black In America? Did it “need to be brought?”
CNN Presents: Black In America [CNN.com]
[1] I hate using that word, but sometimes it’s the only one that’s appropriate. Forgive me if you’re as squeamish about this sorta thing as I am.
[2] BTW, I didn’t even watch this crap, but I told ya’ll about Soledad “color-me-mine” O’Brien months ago. But you ain’t wanna hear me though. Now ya’ll mad. Hmmmm.
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Damn, you sound awful bitter! How can you write a blog on somehting you didn’t even watch??
I think it’s funny that black folks are so upset about this program. I knew most of that stuff before I watched the show. Would it make you feel better if they lied and said that blacks were doing great and everything was equal among races. Yeah, it was kinda one-sided in regards to the black man, but who’s gonna argue that if more black men were in the home or taking care of their children that things would be better.
I agree that woman need to check themselves before they mess with sorry men but like you said it takes two, so the man needs to step up regardless.
Totally agree with you regarding Soledad though, she’s very phony. I wish someone else would’ve done the segment. Anderson Cooper would’ve done a much better job.
I thought the series was decent. When no one does any stories about us folks say we are being ignored. When someone sets out to do a story people complain. I think the goal of the show was to present black Americans in a realistic way. Now defining ‘realistic’ is another story. We are a complex people. A fluffy, super positive portrayal would have been a flat out lie, as would an overly negative piece. I do not think this was either.
I do agree with some of your points regarding women. I am not sure criticizing women more is the answer. However, the shortcomings do need to be pointed out. I think black women need to get beyond the superwoman thing and realize their own limits. Single motherhood is heroic, however it is not very smart. Based on some of the choices some women make in men many are literally choosing single motherhood. Both black women and black men have some work to do.
You didn’t lose me:) I think that both black men and black women need to step up. We are at the point that we need to take responsibility for our own actions. I won’t comment on the series because I did not watch it. My husband taped some of it it but I have not looked at any of it yet because I figured it would be bashing someone, even with the people on the panel. Why do we even have to have these types of shows. I wonder what was the racial breakdown of the viewers. It was probably mostly black people. Was the show for black people or to state our case to other races? Black people know what they have to do and we don’t need a show to tell us where we have been, what we are doing now, or what we need to do in the future. We just need to do it.
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Wow! This one left me a little speechless at first because the tone comes off a little harsh…but…..there are some valid points here to take heed to because as adults both men and women do have the responsiblity to make choices that are best for us and our children. But i still didn’t hear any ’solutions’ in this rant as well, for example…how do we get the black church to engage in more classes, how do we teach our young people about being responsible, etc, etc….we all know the issues, but we still haven’t come together to fix the “how” and until we do that, we will still have the same issues.
I watched this program and others from time to time but I never get offended. I have witness many of the stereotypes/facts first hand. In my opinion, it is all about choice and not necessarily about the limited opportunities. Opportunities can be created and molded.
Both my parents started their lives very well and strayed down the wrong paths. They are no longer alive and fall into some the statistics on this show. And guess what? I have never lived in “hood”. At least not the kind depicted on TV. But its TV, they are going to only show two extremes. I look at my family and I see no negative history or trickle down effect that could have led to their actions. I am sure my grandparents feel they have failed but that was my own parent’s choice (for whatever reason) to live they way they did.
Now aside from being an “Orphan” I have been through many trials and tribulations and my head is still attached to my shoulders. I have no children, I have a job, and decent education and wonderful man whom I wish to marry one day. How do I do it? I live my life trying NOT to be like my parents or the crap I see on TV. Reaching for the goals my parents once had. Being the person that my mother/father could have been…. Choosing my own path was the only thing I ever had control over. I surrounded my self with positive people. I have had my share of no good people and made mistakes but I learn and moved on. So strangely, I have to agree with The Dad. There is a general understanding of what is right and what is wrong. It is up to the individual to choose. Drug dealers know that the right thing to do is get a legal job but they are infatuated with “fast money”. There are consequences for all these negative actions and they know that. Clearly are or know the same people suffering with disease, addiction, and incarceration. For some reason, they still do it. To this day I still do not understand how one could witness consequences first or second hand and still choose the wrong path.
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You didn’t lose me! I am a woman and I’m so tired of hearing other women constantly putting everything on the black man. If they’re too successful, then he is intimated by them. Or better yet, if they are too loose by giving up the goodies, then he is a dog if he doesn’t take care of his responsibility! I’m just like damn!!! When will women step up and realize that majority of the things men do is because they allow it? By no means am I saying that there are no cruddy dudes. But come on, why is it no fault when she has messed up? I can’t believe that every man that a women has gotten pregnant, played or hurt by didn’t throw a sign or two before they got caught up. That is the wonderful thing about choices! Just how we choose to be stupid at times, we can also choose to be smart. Like the good old saying goes, “Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice shame on ME!” It does not say fool me twice and still shame on you regardless because I not wrong!!! Come on women…it’s time to have some shame for your sh*t.
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