5 Things To Do Before You Get Married

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by Lamar Tyler | on July 17th, 2008 | 8 comments

We see a lot of things in the comments of our posts so we decided to come up with our list of 5 things to do before you get married. Enjoy!

1. Get to know the person you’re going to marry!
(This may seem like a no-brainer but you’d be surprised. The better you know them the less chance there is of you being shocked by that person.)

2. Discuss your expectations for the marriage.
(Talk about what you envision the marriage being like. What will your roles be? What will his roles be? Make a list of short term and long term goals then compare and discuss. Chores, parenting, intimacy, talk about it.)

3. Talk about finances.
(Money ruins a lot of marriages. Before you take the leap get to know what your mate’s spending habits are. What their credit and debt looks like. How will the two of you work the bills and finances, etc… There is enough to worry about in a marriage without having to worry about the stress of money!)

4. Kill your old drama!
(Don’t let lingering issues and drama linger into your new relationship or even worse your new marriage. Cut the ties with bug-a-boos, handle your family, squash your baby mamma, baby daddy drama.)

5. Communicate!
(OK this was kinda covered in some of the previous topics but we can’t emphasize this enough. You have to communicate before then during your marriage. It really is that important. Without communication it just won’t work.)

BMWK what would you add to the list? What order would you put these five in?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (8)

Ruby128 Thursday - 17 / 07 / 2008 Reply

Great list! Sometimes we can take #1 and #5 for granted and not realize the opportunity to discuss or explore anything from A-Z, you never know what might bring you closer, pull you apart or what can be worked on together. There's no perfect list that will work for everyone, but these are great tips to keep in mind!
Vivrant Thang Thursday - 17 / 07 / 2008 Reply

Thanks for this list :) I agree with all of it them. I know with me - a discussion of finances is especially key. A lot of couples I know talked about how they laid out all their bills and papers on the table beforehand and it was one of the hardest things they ever had to do - but so necessary. I've actually been thinking a lot about my expectations and making sure they are reasonable and realistic. I don't expect to get everything I'm looking for because no man is perfect -and neither am I. So it's turned into more of what is negotiable / non-negotiable. I laugh at how that list has changed over the years. What's your take on the need for premarital counseling? And living together before hand? You may have covered this in previous posts but I'm a relatively new reader. Vivrant Thangs last blog post..Gossip Folks: How Dare You Disrespect The Queendom?!?!
rawdawgbuffalo Thursday - 17 / 07 / 2008 Reply

great, no exceptional advice rawdawgbuffalos last blog post..kabul b4 december
Mrs. D Thursday - 17 / 07 / 2008 Reply

Great list especially on finances. Get that credit report and take a look at each other. If you can do this, take a cross country drive. You will find out a whole lot about a person taking a road trip. You will either have a really, really good time or they will irritate the heck out of you. I would suggest pre-martial counseling to anyone. You get an opportunity to discuss things that you otherwise wouldn't until it becomes a problem. @ Vibrant Thang. Living together? I am on the side of the fence that says just don't do it. Besides religious reasons, statistics show that these relationships have a higher divorce rate. When you just live with someone, you have in the back of your mind that you can always leave. When you are married, you have made a commitment and it is much harder emotionally to just pack up and leave.
Ruby128 Thursday - 17 / 07 / 2008 Reply

I love the idea of taking a cross country trip! I did the living together thing with my ex-husband but we already knew we were going to be married so we were only living un-married for less than 3mths. With my current situation, I would not do it until we are married or and that's because living together is not a test for being married just because you love each other. I knew my ex-husband since childhood and we still ended up divorced because we weren't ready. We took pre-marital counseling with the church, but we just didn't know how to be married. I have no desire to be divorced yet again. And I would highly recommend relationship counseling, this works for us because we needed to cover the finance topic throughly and as mentioned previous times communication is key. Most men have a harder time than women communicating let alone seeing a professional and telling them all your business which is why most folks don't go, but a third party not to mention books and other forms of effective communication help as well. But if you have doubts about living together or anything else in your relationship proceed with caution and listen to that inner voice. Good luck.
Teems Friday - 18 / 07 / 2008 Reply

::Taking Notes::
key-2-life Friday - 18 / 07 / 2008 Reply

@Ruby128 - I also think counseling is also as important as the other five. I admire you for saying, "...but we just didn't know how to be married" simply because it doesn't come with a manual. It seems to be a trial and error factor most times because even with a “list” some things are just not going to surface until you're in it.
Kim C. Monday - 21 / 07 / 2008 Reply

think ya'll nailed it!