Dear BMWK, What If… “You Are Not The Father!”

Comments (16)

1. 

   Smooth Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   Yes, he should especially if it was court-ordered. Court-ordered should include interest as part of the system not making sure that he is the true father.
2. 

   Trickydix Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   Back way very slowly, lol
3. 

   VEe! Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   The law can be very tricky and thanks to many antiquated laws, its interpretation and special interest groups many men have been caught on the wrong end of the law. Some men who have been legally declared the father (biological ties notwithstanding) have been ordered to CONTINUE to pay child support for children they did not father. There was a case concerning a father paying child support for a 16 or 17 year old child, who happened to pass away at the age of 10. Note, each state has their own set of rules concerning child support and their own interpretation which can some times depend on the socio-political climate of the region.
4. 

   Adra Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   Yes he should get all of his money back
5. 

   Jaclynn Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   Wow. I have to say a person very special to me is going through something right now. I have asked him over and over what would happen if he found out he was not really the baby's father. He won't even consider it. According to that state's laws it does not matter he has to pay. He's been paying for me, if he finds out he's not the father I would be like stop paying, but I think at some point men grow attached to the children and likely don't wanna stop supporting them. BUT, if he does and she's been lying just to be trifling then he should absolutely get his money back and an apology. Jaclynns last blog post..Learning to Be You...
6. 

   rawdawgbuffalo Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   wow is all i can say some women i tell ya rawdawgbuffalos last blog post..$3 ATM
7. 

   kim h20s Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   the answer is that a dna test should be a required part of every child support order. the purpose of the test is not to discredit the woman or humiliate her, but just to establish that the right person is being ordered to pay. much like how i have to show a drivers license to write a check, there's no presumption my check is bad, it's just a way to establish i am who i say i am.
8. 

   A Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   In california they are trying to prevent this but not putting any name in the fathers spot until he is there to sign the paper. My daughters father was out of town and stuck because of weather- she was a month early- and he couldn't get back before they submitted it, they would let me put his b-day and other stats but no name. When he got back they had to add it- and you can totally see it was added after the fact since it is a different type font. Totally looks like I didn't know who her dad was. With our second, he was at the hospital in time... but still had to sign a long form about stating he was the father and what it meant in terms of support, etc. It says on that form they only have 3 months from the date of signature to contest as well. We are into the terrible 2's and now he wants to say she isn't his!
9. 

   SingLikeSassy Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

   This is complicated and most of the time it happens when two people have a messy relationship/situation. I think at the end of the day, it's the child that matters, so whatever situation will be best for the child is what should be decided upon.
10. 

    Anna Wednesday - 09 / 07 / 2008 Reply

    This does depend on the state. If a man has been paying child support in some states and later finds out the child is not his, the courts will make him continue paying until age 18 because the child is use to that lifesyle. I know a man right now who both he and his wife have moved on and have other kids. His wife that he has not been with in 5 yrs in now pregnant. They have filed for divorce but until the baby is born(which they both have stated is not his)has to wait until the baby is born and a DNA is taken to relieve him of his child support obligation. He told me "Anna, that baby is not mine and will never look like me because the dad is black." I told him that does not mean anything, my dad is black and I am whiter than you. We both did get a laugh out of that, but we both agreed that the system does suck.
11. 

    key-2-life Thursday - 10 / 07 / 2008 Reply

    Every dime! And women need to step up and take more responsibility since they're so quick to say its "their body". How can you look at yourself and say you are a true woman, knowing that you are making another man pay for somebody else's child? If you want to be loose, be loose! But don't bring somebody else into your foolishness because you can not conclude who got you pregnant. I'm pretty sure if women had to come out of their pockets because of their carelessness, this problem would go away very quickly!
12. 

    ewok Thursday - 10 / 07 / 2008 Reply

    of course! it is reeeaaallly low when a woman does that. why don't you try testing that OTHER guy who you didn't want to be the father....but you know it is.
13. 

    Mrs. D Thursday - 10 / 07 / 2008 Reply

    WOW. There is no blanket answer to this question. I have a friend that married a girl "doing the right thing" because she was pregnant. The marriage ended in divorce with two kids. He was ordered to pay child support and he provided more on top of that. Years later, because of some "trifling mama issues", he decided to file for full custody of the children. As a matter of procedure, paternity tests were done on both of the kids. He found out that he was not the father of these children. By this time, one was almost grown the other a teenager. When I asked him what he was going to do, he said, “nothing” and that “it wasn't their fault what their Mom did” so he continued to support the children and he never told them the truth. He left that to their mama. He concluded that he was the only father that they knew and that he didn't think that they needed to suffer for what their Mom did. His not interested in getting money back because he loves those kids as his own he just dropped the case in getting full custody. It's a raw deal but he was thinking about the children. Now the Mama...that was trifling. We have to do what is best for the kids in all situations. Children don't get to choose.
14. 

    Anna Thursday - 10 / 07 / 2008 Reply

    Mrs. D, thanks for sharing that. What a great man. He was not only cheated on but the kids are not even his. Well not genetically. You never stop taking care of what you invested in. Kids are either pawns or praised. I am glad he got rid of the wife. Serves here right.
15. 

    Kit (Keep It Trill) Thursday - 10 / 07 / 2008 Reply

    If I was a guy and this happened to me, I'd be livid. From an ethical standpoint, he should no more have to continue to pay child for a kid not his than paying for someone who stole his credit card and ran up the bill. But what about the child? If it's under three, I don't see a problem. Women have boyfriends all the time and those relationships dissolve when their child is young, but used to this man coming around. It's life for many. It's more complicated for the older child, particularly from four or five when they understand what a father is, and Daddy is no longer Daddy. I worked with a teen client, a girl, and this happened to her. She said he made a good effort for the first year to continue visiting her, but the visits were fewer, and after a few years had trickled off to nothing. It left you quite sad. Me too. Kit (Keep It Trill)s last blog post..Welcome To The Suicide Club
16. 

    Acomplia Thursday - 14 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    Lovely post. Please add my email address to your list and email me the updates if possible. I always like to read your blog and comment on it.