Does Marriage Turn You Into a Fuddy-Duddy?

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by Lamar Tyler | on July 29th, 2008 | 9 comments

Today we have a guest post by friend of the blog – one of NC’s best bloggers – Dara who blogs about raising her daughter at Jasiri-Blog and has just started a blog about being green called Eco-Friendly Momma. Feel free to show her some love by visiting her sites and giving your two cents on her post question.

I’m a 28-year-old single woman who has never seriously contemplated marriage. Recently I’ve wondered from whence my marriage views stem. I’m beginning to think my reasoning comes from a lack of images of successful marriages in my personal life. My own parents separated when I was 4-years-old, and divorced several years later. I’ve witnessed friends and relatives whose marriages are rife with arguments, adultery, and just plain old boredom! The latter brings me to my next point and the source behind the post’s title. Boredom seems to be common amongst the marriages I see. A few days ago I was having a conversation with a co-worker who was reminiscing about his “good ‘ole days.” He summed up the conversation by referring to those memories as events that happened a looooong time ago. Since meeting his wife and having kids he says he’s become an old fuddy-duddy. Now I don’t know if he believes he’s a fuddy-duddy because he’s old, or because he got married and had kids. But I’ve heard many “good old days” stories where folks admit to feeling bored after years of marriage…or worse, feeling as if they’ve lost themselves. I understand every marriage is different, and marriage is what you make it. But to all those married folks out there I ask, “Are you and your spouse still madly in love? Is your love life, or life in general with your partner, exciting and fulfilling, or has married turned you into a fuddy-duddy?”

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (9)

TheMom Monday - 28 / 07 / 2008 Reply

You are right when you say Marriage is what you make it. You can become a fuddy-duddy being married or single. Some people would say hanging out with your kids and husband all of the time makes you a fuddy-duddy. But to tell you the truth, I enjoy it. However, I do like when TheDad and I go off for some time alone from time to time. And every so often, I do like to have a girls night out. Some people would probably call me a fuddy-duddy. But as long as I am happy, I don't think it matters. The dad and I went to a party last weekend at a club. I can't tell you the last time I went to a club. I didn't really enjoy it like I used to. The DJ kept saying raise your hands in the air if you are an 80's baby. I raised my hand in the air....and TheDad just laughed at me. I think being a fuddy-duddy is a state of mind. If you feel like something is missing from your life, then I think you will feel like a fuddy-duddy. But if you enjoy spending time with your family..and doing the marriage thing..then no you are not a fuddy-duddy. The way to keep your marriage from becoming boring is to make a concerted effort to do things with your spouse and to do things for yourself.
TheDad Monday - 28 / 07 / 2008 Reply

I agree with TheMom, like you said it is what you make it, are these people putting anything into it to make sure they are not fuddy-duddies? I'm sure if they were single, they'd probably hit the hair dresser or baber shop more, work out, get new clothes, head to the club etc. etc. etc. but are they putting that same effort into their marriage? To me having kids limits what you can do a lot more than being married so maybe the question should be does having kids make you a fuddy duddy?
Mommyagain30 Tuesday - 29 / 07 / 2008 Reply

I agree with themom, I think having kids makes me a fuddy duddy more than being married. I still love and enjoy being with my husband. Would I love to have more alone time yes but again I think that is more from the kids than being married. If we did not have kids I think my husband and I would do more things together, but I truly love playing and spending time with my kids. I recently went to a club for my sister-in-law's bachelorette party, and I was like why am I here. I felt like I was in a meat market, I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything . So I guess I am proud to be a fuddy duddy.
Ruby128 Tuesday - 29 / 07 / 2008 Reply

I agree with TheMom and the other comments as well, but i don't like the term "fuddy-duddy" that in itself sounds old :) but i understand the mindset of it. I think kids can make you more grounded because you get into a routine and it can be a comfortable and fun routine, the same with marriage. But everything can get stale at some point , so as a family you just have to try to find new ways to keep things fresh for everybody.
T. Rogers Tuesday - 29 / 07 / 2008 Reply

My wife and I have been married for five years. Our son just reached his first birthday. I totally agree that having children changes the situation. It was so much different in our childless days. We used to be able to get out of the house so fast! However, we still have a good time together. We do a lot of 'little' things together. We take a lot of walks together. Living in Southern California provides us with a lot of very scenic places to explore. We still hit some of our favorite restaurants, although not as often. And we have not been in a movie theater in well over a year. Still, we have not stopped enjoying each others' company one bit. Being married with children does stop you from doing some of the things you are used to. However, if you are creative, you can still have a good time. If you really want to enjoy your spouse you can. We are still young, we are still in good shape, and we still have a good time.
Erin Wednesday - 30 / 07 / 2008 Reply

Interesting thoughts! I was just discussing this with a friend the other day, who said that she had no faith in marriage, that it seemed boring, etc. I told her that boring is how you look at it. Is my marriage boring sometimes? Sure, but not in a bad way. It's a comfortable sort of boredom, in that we don't go out partying like we used to, instead we take a walk or watch a movie. And I LOVE that we've settled in to those routines. We still go out sometimes, but I'm incredibly happy with how we are. Erins last blog post..You've been warned
Kim C. Wednesday - 30 / 07 / 2008 Reply

truthfully, it's me that is always keeping the excitement going. i can see where my husband would easily fall into a boring routine and would have stopped the dates and vacationing and joking after the 1st year. sometimes, he catches my drift and will do something exciting for us, but it's like once in forever. maybe it will always be up to me. i believe that while people are just getting together, everything is new and exciting and when time goes on, the newness thrill goes and many people and couples just let it go. i refuse to do that. i'm just not a boring-type person
tina Thursday - 31 / 07 / 2008 Reply

I was a fuddy duddy before marriage and am still one after marriage. I don't think being a fuddy duddy's a bad thing. It's what you make of it. I was never one who had to be out in the clubs or doing this that or the other. I was perfectly content to sit at home with my parents and watch a bad movie. My hubby's the same way. Hubby and I still have fun even if all we're doing is playing separate games on the nintendo ds. Now that baby's on the way we don't do nearly as much as we used to do, primarily because I feel like crap all the time, and that makes me sad. But we do still have our great moments here and there. It was never the stuff we did like going out or vacationing that defined our relationship. Bottom line is my hubby is my favorite person to be around, he feels the same about me and we love each other. That has never changed. tinas last blog post..The tina reflects.....again.
Dara Saturday - 02 / 08 / 2008 Reply

I love all of the varied responses! Although thus far I've had a fairly negative view of marriage, I haven't given up on the idea of someday finding that person who makes me want to take the plunge. I'm not a boring person and know that in marriage I would be like Kim C. If hubby started slipping into the realm of boredom I would have to take the initiative and spice things up! Daras last blog post..Natural Food Find: MaraNatha Creamy Peanut Butter