Dealing With The In-Laws

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by Lamar Tyler | on August 13th, 2008 | 10 comments

On the way home yesterday I was flipping through the radio dial as I normally do and ran across Monique’s radio show. On the show she had her mother in-law and her aunt in-law and was talking about how much she loved them and how they embraced her etc. etc. etc.. Well I’m cool with my in-laws, let me start by saying that but I know that a lot of people struggle in this area.

I’m not sure if it stems from mama’s boy syndrome sometimes or what but some in-laws just want to give you the business. Monique suggested that you just be the best you that you can be and eventually, hopefully that other person or people will come around. I felt like that was solid advice and perhaps maybe all that you can do. Where does the hate stem from? Are you taking that person away from their family, do they feel that you aren’t good enough? Let us know.

BMWK do you have any in-law horror stories? Why do you think some in-laws be tripping? Have you overcome this situation and if so how? What advice would you have for someone going through this?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://singlikesassy.blogspot.com SingLikeSassy

I wish I had some in-laws. Both of my husband’s parents died before I met him, so I only know them through stories and photos.
HoneyChile

We equally hate each other on both sides. We stay away from them and they us. There is peace in my home. When he wants to visit his, he goes alone and vice versa.
http://www.mylifemylovemyfinance.blogspot.com Ms. HM

I don’t have any horror stories, but I don’t see eye to eye with my in-laws most of the time. Some of it stems from my mother-in-law wanting to keep my husband a “momma’s boy’. Other times it is because my mother in law tries to tell me how to raise my kids, the same way she does her own daughters. My own mother doesn’t try to do this, so it is annoying to me. I just say okay and yes and keep doing things my way. I live about 10 minutes away from my mother in law. When I stayed 5 hours away from her, we got along much better.

Ms. HMs last blog post..My Life: I’m Back!
Quelle

My mother in law still plays the I need to protect my son roll. Whenever she finds out that we have had a disagreement, she makes sure to let me know not to be so hard on her son. Let him go…he’s my husband now.
TheDad

is the beef always between the mother in law and the wives? what about the father in-laws or the husbands?
http://kinkytwists.blogspot.com Kinky Twists

There was a little tension between my MIL and I back in the dating stage. Once we got married it got a lot better mainly because my husband wasn’t having it. He made his decision and she had to respect it – end of story.

My mother and husband also had a lot of tension (even a few arguments) back in the day but they also got over it and are quite close now.

I think both spouses have to really put their foot down when it comes to in-laws. If they don’t respect your choice, they aren’t respecting YOU. People are going to have disagreements and personality differences but you respect is a most. Personally, I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t stick up for me 100% when it came to his parents.

Kinky Twistss last blog post..Products: What Works
http://keepittrill.blogspot.com Kit (Keep It Trill)

Here’s a story. I dreaded going to the Thanksgiving dinners at my brother’s home. One year I told them I had other plans, and my mother was mad as can be because she had to drive herself there. She adored her son and had mixed feelings toward his wife.

During dinner, his wife wanted to take a picture of them at the table. My mother has always hated this since she got old (over 70). She said don’t take mine. His wife said she was going to anyway. Mom said you better not or I’ll break your camera. Wife said I’ll smack you if you do.

Everyone was stunned, but my brother sat through this exchange not knowing who to side with, because it was a no-win situation. He sat there like a bump on the log and said nothing, not even a “ladies, calm down, please.”

Idiot.

Mom left in tears and was left traumatized from the event. She cried off and on for months. Meanwhile, the 15 year marriage of my brother, which was already on shaky ground for many reasons, deteriorated. He left her that summer.

I’ve often wondered if his wife threatening his mother wasn’t the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m glad I skipped I followed my hunch that I’d have a miserable time and skipped that Thanksgiving dinner and spent it at home with my kids and spared them of that drama.

I made up my mind that no matter how much I may not like whoever my children chose to be as their spouse, to always remain respectful to them, and my kids, who will discover whatever flaws in their mates all by themselves and without my help.

Kit (Keep It Trill)s last blog post..Hard Rocks Love – Lesson 5: Treachery & Toxic Secrets
Anna

I am so glad I don’t have this problem. I can’t imagine with all the other issues that arise in a marriage to add in-laws that don’t get along in the mix. I have stated this on another post this summer. If you can’t beat them join them. I took the reigns in my own hands quickly in the relationship. Don’t only ask your mother-in-law what her son (your husbands ) favorite dishes are. Get in her kitchen and make it with her. Take what you leaned back home with you and all is good.
My husband talks to his mom everyday, either in person or on the phone. She will ask him what did you eat today. Even if he says fish and spaghetti or roast and potatos (which everyone knows how to make) she is just happy her son is getting fed.
I suppose being my mother-in-law is married she is on our side and wants us to be happy and be married as long as she has (50 yrs. almost).

On another note. If you don’t get along and realize nothing will be resloved it is ok to distanst yourself and let your spouse visit his mom/family on his own. A in-law is not just the mother and father, but the whole family on both the wife and the husbands side. Now my parents and their in-laws are a different story. It was less acceptable to inter racial marry in the 60′s My black grandmother and white grandmother got along good. My white grandmother only tolerated my dad(her black son-in-law).

@ Kit, some men have a hard time picking between a fight between his wife and his mother. I just wish that a mom and her sons wife realize that they love the same man and only want the best for him, that this is not a competion but a mutal love for him.
http://myspace.com/elle_denise elle denise

Wow…
Misbeehavin

I’m happy I’m not the only one who has in-law issues. I’m gonna sit this one out, too many horror stories.

Dealing With The In-Laws

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