Dear BMWK, Compromising or Simply Giving In?

Dear BMWK

by Lamar Tyler | on August 6th, 2008 | 10 comments

Compromising or simply giving in?

Is there a big difference between the two? I mean are both people happy by the end or is one person happier then the other? As I look at my friends relationships I find that they usually are the ones who are giving in or should I say coming out not so happy! Then I look at my own and sometimes see the same.

What do you do? Are you compromising or simply giving in?

BMWK, go ahead and chime in. Let her know what you think and we’ll jump into the comments section with our opinions when we get a chance!

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (10)

Shean Wednesday - 06 / 08 / 2008 Reply

I chose my battles. In marriage there is a lot of compromising..some things I am not budging on though!
Anonymous Wednesday - 06 / 08 / 2008 Reply

One person will get the short end of the stick, but it all comes back another way. You have to ask yourself, " Is it really worth it?" And really be honest with yourself. Some things are just not worth the headache or time. Live stress free!!! You will live longer and better.
key-2-life Wednesday - 06 / 08 / 2008 Reply

I must admit most times I don't want to do it! Compromising is hard sometimes when you want what you want when you want it!! When my husband wants to watch boxing...yeah suck it up and I watch! Damn I don't want too!!! But when I want to watch a “chick-flick” he will sleep, I mean sit and watch it with me!!!! So it is definitely a give and take...
Anonymous Wednesday - 06 / 08 / 2008 Reply

In my opinion, I believe that some compromise is essential (example: marriage). However, I do believe if you “always” have to compromise, it is assumed as weakness. Life can't always go the way I like, but I won’t allow myself to be a person door mat. If compromising gets to the point, where I feel like I am sacrificing even a little bit of my character...it is too far.
Anna Wednesday - 06 / 08 / 2008 Reply

I think simply giving in can be the conpromise. I am a biracial woman so I see things differently. Me and the hubby can be debating something and after about 10 minutes he will say "I'm going upstairs". The next day he will tell me "i was not going to win". LOL.. Now we can debate politics for hours. No winner only opinions. On a real note though, if you trully enjoy your husband and not just love but like him it is not necessarily "simply giving in or compromising" if you understand it is a give and take. If we all had spouses just like us what is there to look foward to? What growth do you get out of the marriage if you are always in agreement with each other? Sounds boring to me.
BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet.blogspot.com Wednesday - 06 / 08 / 2008 Reply

Hello there, A good compromise is an agreement in which BOTH parties agree to give up something in order that BOTH will have what each deems important. Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS! Lisa
elle denise Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

@ BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet.blogspot.com: I couldn't have put it better myself. Double ditto...!
TheDad Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

You basically pick your battles in marriage. Me and my wife are both strong willed people so sometimes I give in, sometimes we both compromise and sometimes I'm not giving up any ground and she's the same way. It's give and take like Anna said and like BWBTT said a good compromise comes into place when you both give something up so that you can both get something out of it.
Smooth Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

Its important to remember that loveand marraige goes hand in hand. Some days one may give more than 50% and thats okay but the another day you may receive more than your 50%. As a divorcee, I learned after that fact that marriage is work......not just understanding each other. If you work together and give and take more often, it helps the marriage stay strong and don't always remember who give in and why. Love and Marraige is a beautiful thing and it is what the two of you make it......
Barbara, The Beautiful Stranger Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

When I am faced with this situation unfortunately I always feel as though I have to please the other person by just giving in and saying "Yeah...you're right" which annoys me because I feel like they have that power over me! I just try to stick by the fact that COMMUNICATION is key...real communication!