Stay At Home Non-Mothers

Comments (20)

1. 

   Anna Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   I could not be a stay at home wife with or without kids. I like my own money and I'll be damned if I go to my husband and ask him for money like I am 12 and asking my dad for my allowance. If you don't work and you buy gifts for your husband i e bday, christmas, You are not buying him a gift, you are simply picking it out. LOL. Going to work to me is a vacation away from the kids. It's hard to miss something if you are around it 24/7. I have to have adult conversation. The wives who chose to do this I say more power to you. I read this article the other day and thought "what is the point of staying home if you don't have kids to rear"? They are being slaves to their husbands. The woman in the article has certain days to do each task. I thought doing laundry was everyday. Grocery shopping for me is on the way home from work a few times a week. If you don't have kids your chores are very minimal. It only takes a second to turn on the dish washer for a family of 2. The woman stated that becasue she no longer works she is less stressful at the end of the day vs when she was working. If you have a stressful job and no kids, I would find a less stressful job even if it means a pay cut. Doesn't seem like her income is needed anyway. You guys know where I am going with this. To each their own but I call it being LAZY. There is nothing wrong with a man washing his own clothes or helping out with dinner. I love my 2 income household. It use to be 3 but darn it., the last kid turned 18 last year. LOL
2. 

   kim h20s Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   i don't think i could just be a stay at home wife, because that means that bringing home a paycheck would be my husband's job, while all the cooking, cleaning, and housework would be my job. i don't want that job, i'm sure i'd be quickly fired, lol. seriously, i think i would be incredibly lonely. there wouldn't be anybody to socialize with during the day. i like my job. i tried working from home, but the one thing i hated was the lack of social interaction.
3. 

   OKA Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   Stay @ Home Non-Mothers... sounds like a cop-out b/c you can't handle great ole' Corporate America. This happened to my brother recently. However my sister-in-law and my bro have 3 kids together. LISTEN TO THIS: she wants him to be the sole breadwinner of the household while she stays @ home. Mind you... she's an attorney but w/o a license. Basically she busted her butt in law school but has not passed the bar. It's been nearly 8-10 yrs. and she doesn't want to study for it. What's the point of going to law school to become an attorney and then turnaround and say I want to be a stay @ home mom???? And she wants her student loans to be take care of as well. My bro told her "if I wanted a stay @ home wife, I wouldn't have married u!!!" PRICELESS.
4. 

   Teems Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   @ OKA -ROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though staying at home is tempting....I'll be a stay with salary wife. No thanks! Teemss last blog post.."A" Story: Crazy Phone Man
5. 

   Anna Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   LOL @ OKA. Oh bro thought he was getting an attorney wife. I would be peed also. Some woman purposely look for such kind of men. I had my student loans along with hubby when we got married. We did not combine to pay them off. His is his and mine is mine. I would be studying hard to pass the bar if I were your sister-in-law. I had to study and take a state test for my job. They tell those with kids to try not to do it all. If you have to order a pizza instead of cooking the 5 course meal for a week so you can study and pass the test just do it. My sympathy to your brother. My hubby would have kicked me to the curb along time ago for that triflin mess. If we had a contest for best comment of the week, OKA you win hands down. I would be embarrassed if I were your sister-in-law. If we don't show our kids we can do it, what makes them think they can? We lead by example and I may give in but I am not one to give up.
6. 

   Nicole Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   I know a lot of women who don't have kids and stay home. Basically, their husbands make six figures or close to it so they don't really need the money. They socalize with other stay home wives or stay at home moms. Right now I'm actually one of those women, but I'm 4 months preggers with our first child and just moved to a new state, so there's no point in getting a job. I do plan to stay home for at least a year and will probably only work part-time till all of our children go to school. Being with my kids is my first priority, but my husband makes enough money for me to do this. Plus he knew that I wanted to stay home with the kids from those early dating days.
7. 

   TheDad Thursday - 07 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   @Nicole - were you staying at home before you got pregnant?
8. 

   Lucky Chick Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   I'm a stay at home wife with no kids; who has a loving husband who pays the bills and we are happy. I love to cook, clean, and take care of my man. And he likes to work, earn and build. And ain't a damn thing wrong with it. At first we were classroom teachers; but after I earned my Masters while going to school I needed a break. It's been three years since I've worked. And with the exception of having a few odd jobs here and there my husband hasn't complained once; cause he's not sweating it. As long as he can provide and I can nurture him that's all the matters. And no he's not controlling or demanding. Just very loving, kind and supportive. And yes I do consider myself blessed cause my man is rare. In the three years of being at home I've gotten a chance to spiritually recoup, tighten my cooking skills, home entertain, exercise and take care of self, be there for my husband when he's had a bad day with the high school kiddies, rub his feet, and start a small business based on my passions and talents. Things that I would be too tired to do after working a full time job as a classroom teacher particularly with bad ass inner city kids. It was a risk that we were both willing to take as a couple and we've been happily married for seven years. I don't tell a lot of women; particularly black women my situation because they get downright hateful, jealous and resentful that I have someone who is willing to take care of me unconditionally. We've accomplished so much as a couple because of this very choice. We both have our Masters, we own a corporation together, we travel, and we don't get in each other's way. I plan on returning to work soon; cause yes I like having my own money. But there are some things money can't buy. Like time.
9. 

   TheMom Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

   Lucky Chick..thanks for giving us your perspective on this. Kids or no kids...I think everyone needs a break from time to time. And if you and your husband can afford it...go for it. I think it is about what makes you happy. For me, I don't think that I could be a stay at home mother. I have just had two babies back to back. And I took some time off after each baby. Being a stay at home mom is a HARD job!!! I give them all of the props. Especially if you have kids of various ages... because once you get the older the kids on the school bus.. you are dealing with babies and dishes all day... and you look up and the older kids are home..and you are dealing with babies, homework, dinner and dishes....And it does not stop until they go to bed. If I was a stay at home mom... I would not feel guilty about expecting some of my husbands pay check. I would feel like we both are doing our parts and I am supporting him and HIS (Our) kids and home... and therefore some of that money is mine too. Now-being a stay at home non-mother. I still say I could do it for a little while too..like you. But after a while... I would probably have to get involved with something..it would be work or some type of other organization. Also, if I had a husband that was tripping over the money..then I would be back to work in a heart beat. But this is what I don't like. When the man is struggling to make ends meet and the woman refuses to work. Now that ...I don't like. That does not sound like your situation. Too me, you sound like you were a Lucky Chick for 3 years.
10. 

    kim h20s Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    lucky chick - i'm sorry that you feel that you can't share your situation with black women. as with so many knee-jerk reactions it's well...a knee jerk reaction. black women have been working ever since we got here. i've discussed this issue (being a housewife) with black women of different generations. some feel that it is important for them to work because their parents scrimped and saved to put them through college. they don't[ want to be seen as having 'wasted' an opportunity for higher education. our community still views education as the means for economic advancement as opposed to valuing education simply for education. other black women who have stayed home as housewives have done it because they made a decision to run the home while their husbands devoted their time to very demanding and lucrative jobs. i thought about marrying a military officer, until i really realized what it mean to me that his career would be the 'career' for both of us.
11. 

    Novella Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    Being a stay-at-home wife if my ultimate goal. This working outside of the home thing is not for me and I have always known it. My husband knew my goal before we were married or even "dating." My husband has set a salary goal for himself and once he reaches it, I don't have to work if I don't want to. I do all I can to support him reach that goal...oh, you need help taking that final for your masters...I can do that...you need to me read over your meeting presentations...I can do that...whatever it takes to make that money, and I don't have to kids in order to stay home. I am the most content, happiest, and healthy when I am taking care of our home full time. I have no problem filling my day with craft projects, yard work, and just chillin. It's really is a matter of choice, it's not for everyone, but I have quite a few friends that know that if they have the chance, they will become a stay-at-home wifes. The stigma associated with becoming a stay-at-home in the Black community is slowly fading away as more women embrace making their own choices, and not following the norm. A couple of my husband's friends just had babies and the wife/girlfriend said they were not going back to work after having the baby, but not telling the husband/boyfriend. I was thinking, that isn't something you just spring on someone, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to stay home and raise your kids full time. If this is what you want/need, make your goals clear.
12. 

    Anonymous Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    The stay at home mom or wife is not new. I used to work at a dry cleaners in a wealthy part of town. I saw women in their mid life that had careers but gave them up because they wanted to have children, another thing, they had house keepers and some of them had sitters. They were home because that was the plan, to take the kids to play groups, on walks and have a parent involved in all aspects of their life.Most of the women were there not only for the kids but the husband's career also. Planning dinner parties, making sure they were involved in the right social clubs that would enhance their careers and traveling I say they had the best of both worlds. When the kids went to school then it was the activites that they were involved in after school music lessons, soccer did this make them have better kids no way, sometimes the kids would come in with them and i would be saying to myself i wish that was my kid or grandkid. My mom would say, you better act like you have some home training when i take you somewhere followed by a pop on the head when you got back to the car. If the wife could stay home that is a plus, with a little planning it could work.
13. 

    OKA Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    Anna - LOL. Shoot, what's my prize? I'll take a gift anytime. lol. Unfortunately, my bro is going thru a divorce w/ his trifling wife. He takes better care of the kids than she does and works two jobs. And when I say trifling... I mean trifling w/ a capital T!!!! At first, she wanted a divorce but he wanted to work it out. But after her utter nonsensical-a$$, he went and got the divorce papers. U know what she told him......"when I'm ready to divorce you, I'll let u know." WTF????? Just b/c he went and did it first. Nevertheless time goes on and he's trying to hang in there b/c they've been together for @ 10 yrs and for the kids. Eventually they get into a big argument (an argument... not a physical altercation), and that crazy woman calls the police, telling them that my bro threatened her. WTF???? The cops called her out on her foolishness & lies b/c there were holes in her story. Clearly that was the last straw, so my bro moved out. ***SIGH***
14. 

    Mrs. D Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    @ Lucky Chick. Amen Sistah. I love you!!! It is so hard to find my life sorors. I have been home for seventeen years, married for eighteen years, five kids and do my own gigs when I feel like it. My husband too "is not controlling and demanding" and views our relationship as a partnership. As long as we can afford it, I will be here for my family.
15. 

    Kiki Michelle Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    Why is it that when a white woman is a stay at home or an extremely rich woman is a stay at home wife they are considered lucky and when a black woman does the same she is considered lazy. Aren't their situations similar, regardless of the kids. I think people who say things such as stay at home moms are lazy are just jealous because they don't have a man whom can afford for them to be at home. Why make comments about others being lazy for being at home without kids, when did that become your business to judge them on that. I say stop being a crabby B**** and be happy for a sister. Just a thought
16. 

    Teems Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    Oooo Good point Kiki! I would have to revist this topic when/if i have the opportunity. But I do know stay at home wives and they aren't really happy. Then again, I got to work , make my own money and I'm not happy either (with the job). LOL It all depends on who you are married to and the relationship and understanding you have with eachother. To each, her own. Even if she did spend thousands of dollars on advance degrees that they aren't using. As long as she's content.... Teemss last blog post.."A" Story: Crazy Phone Man
17. 

    ericka Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! These comments make me so sad & disturbed...why on earth is a stay at home wife & or mother so haunting..WT? At least Lucky Chick offered up some positivity, because being a stay at home mom, and or wife is the best as far as I am concerned. I have done the whole working and sending the kids off to daycare and then "visiting" him at dinner and on the weekends, and I can tell you that now that I am a stay at home mom & wife I could not imagine missing out on the daily growth of our son and the little things that I would have missed out on if I were stuck at work. My husband is also hard at work to be a stay at home dad(working for himself from home) It just makes me so mad to hear many of us defiling a decision such as this. By no means is there ANYTHING lazy about it! And just because you stay at home, does not mean you cannot help with the income. Start a business! get a hobby..start a blog...something, but lazy it is not!!! We are on a VERY tight one income budget(we sacrificed a steady 2nd income for me to be a stay at home mom, because we feel it is important) & I started ymib & jubella for many of these reasons, I homeschool our 4 year old son, and plan to open up a couple of online boutiques. I guess what I am trying to say here is that it is not as bad as many women(and some men) make it out to be. Why would raising the kids on the daily be so horrific...their your kids! Many stay at home women are getting things done...not just sitting there twittling their thumbs.
18. 

    Anna Friday - 08 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    I guess my biggest concern besides it has not been very long that we could get an higher education and have a career instead of working raising someone elses children and cleaning their home. I just look at the reality of a wife//mohter with a higher education and stays home. If you don't do something outside of taking care of the husband, kids and the house, what are you going to do with a degree that has not been used in a decade or two? It does not look good on a resume' when the question is last employer and you put raising my husband, children and cleaning the home. I know women who have gone the stay at home with a degree route and then have kids and still stayed at home. It is not a matter of me being jealous or mad. It 's a matter of a woman sacrificing her self , her being for her family and sometimes some woman don't feel fulfilled and nurture and grow their own being/self. Sometimes a divorce follows and sometimes the woman just realizes after raising the kids "It's my turn" , and how do I get back in Corporate America. I say find something you are passionate about and turn it ito dollars. I watched a Oprah show and stay at home moms are creative becasue times have changed and not all needs are met for our kids. Moms think of ways to make things easier for other moms, market easier freindly products and are smart enough to get a patent and put them in our local stores. I don't care if you are a stay at home mom. Find something for you besides a bubble bath after the end of the day. Write a childrens book, a stay at home mom can be an event planner or be the president of ther cul-da-sac with ideas and unite other stay at home moms with play dates for the kids. We all know that a a mind is a terrible thing to waste and I don't wnat my fellow sisters to think that they don't have options. Always have a back up plan. There is nothing wrong with making money and there is nothhing wrong with spending what you make aside from what your husband contributes if he is soley willing to take care of the household. I just feel better when I buy my husband a pool stick or a fishing pole with my money not our or his money. Once again just my fyi//opinion.
19. 

    elle denise Saturday - 09 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    Must be nice... (to have that option) But I like having my OWN money.
20. 

    Nicky Saturday - 09 / 08 / 2008 Reply

    I am divided on this. Black women have been working for a long time and I think it's time to really live. By that I mean take advantage of our options(white woman have had them all along) invest in ourselves and children. We can be better sisters and friends, we can really develope and rise to the occasion by taking some time if that option is available. If our motives are not good then the payback would be a stagnant boring life. Rock on either way.