Is this what it was like when you talked to your parents about sex or when your kids talk to you? Check out this video:
About the author
Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.
I never talked to my parents about sex. The video is a little over the top..but I get what they are trying to do. Sex is every where and there are plenty of opportunities to talk to our kids about it. So if there is something on TV, the news, a commercial, or Oprah..then I take that opportunity to talk to my son about being responsible. You can tell them what the Bible says about sex and then you also need to tell them how to be responsible and safe.
That’s such a silly video and it didn’t make a lick of sense. My mother taught us about sex. It was common sense stuff with an emphasis on abstinence and sexual diseases and the result of intercourse, peer pressure, and having respect for ourselves and our bodies. Contraception (barrier methods) were mentioned. The hormonal stuff wasn’t because there weren’t so many out there back then like there is now.
Hubby and I will teach our children about sex, we’re not gonna rely on someone else to do it. What we’ll say, we don’t know yet. But we do know we have to be on the same page and consistent – no separate rules or lectures for sons as opposed to daughters. But we have plenty of time.
My mother gave birth to me at the age of 15 in 1976. Because of this reality she never saw the need to feel uncomfortable talking to me about sex. She broke everything down to me when I was 12. Of course no boy wants to have that conversation with his mom. I hated it. But looking back I am thankful my mother was real enough to talk straight to me about sex. She felt that if she did not explain it to me someone in the streets would.
Of course the video is a little corny. It completely stereotypes church folks. While I am all for getting rid of the “holier than thou” sexual attitudes we would be fools to let the pendulum swing totally in the other direction. We need to have real conversations with this younger generation about sex.
Harriet
I had friends in school that were having sex at age 8. I thought it was normal, and that I was the abnormal one because I was still a virgin. I happened to mention it to my father one day, and we all sat down as a family THAT DAY and discussed what sex was all about.
I will probably start even earlier than he did. I mean, yes, I will discuss it from a biblical standpoint, but I’ll make sure that I do not demonize sex, and that my children understand that it is a sacred, beautiful thing when done with proper boundaries.
I didn’t understand the double standard my parents employed…my brother was sent to college with a box of condoms, but I was sent with the whole “stay pure until you get married” speech. That made me rebel, so I started having sex my senior year of college at 21. By the time I turned 22, I realized that it wasn’t for me (too much pressure…couldn’t really enjoy it without worrying about getting a disease or getting pregnant…on top of all that, I knew it was outside the will of God).
I’m going to be explicity transparent with my children about it. Not to give them a play by play, but I’m going to be real about my poor decisions and what they led to.
