Jonesi’s Journey – Introduction

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by Lamar Tyler | on October 24th, 2008 | 15 comments

In exactly 365 days, I will be Jonesi no more and embark on a journey as a married woman. Like the Nationwide Insurance commercial, life truly does come at you fast! While I am beyond elated to be marrying
the one man on this earth I couldn’t fathom living without, it didn’t take long for reality to set in on so many levels. I sort of felt like I just tookout a bank loan without reading the fine print – I had no idea how much money I was going to be receiving, what the interest rate was going to be and how long I had to pay it back. Though I hate to liken my partner to a bank loan, what I am trying to convey is that marriage, in and of itself, is a HUGE contract!

Even though I was more than content with my decision, I didn’t exactly know what I had just said yes to. The Monday after I accepted his proposal, I woke up feeling overwhelmed and confused. I don’t really remember what I dreamt about but I woke up in a panic. I was faced with the reality that I was entering into something I had never truly seen before or been a part of and the thought of getting married all of the sudden was my biggest fear.

If I could share one piece of advice right away, it would be to align yourself with people in healthy, holy, loving relationships. I grew up in a single parent home and coming from an environment where my mother was and is my everything, I didn’t quite understand how to fit a man in the big picture. We’ve been together for four years (I’m 23) and it wasn’t until we got engaged that I started assessing our relationship with a fine tooth comb.

Marriage is a huge pill to swallow when you are in search of its true meaning and ultimate value, yet I learned quickly that I can’t let that unknown inhibit me from doing what is in my heart. If anything, I just
pray this truly last forever. All I ever hear is how much work it takes to maintain a marriage, but I often question why exactly that is such a hard thing to do?

A month has passed since that special day (I will share details later) and the anxiety has turned into excitement. For the next year, I am committed to sharing with you all the ups and downs of wedding planning, the issues that come about, and most importantly our love. Feel free to ask questions, share wedding tips, insights, and experiences.

God Bless,
Jonesi

Check back regularly as we chronicle Jonesi’s trip to the alter here on Blackandmarriedwithkids.com!

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

TheDad

Great first post! We can’t wait to hear more. You’re already thinking the right way… “If I could share one piece of advice right away, it would be to align yourself with people in healthy, holy, loving relationships.”

For some reason there are people that tell you all negative things when you share your good news that you’re getting married. Brush em off and keep it moving. Enjoy every step of the way and God Bless the both of you.
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheMom

Thanks Jonesi!! That was a great post. I am looking forward to reading the updates on your journey. The advice you gave about aligning yourself with positive people is so right. After TheDad and I got engaged,some people had a lot of negative things to say about marriage. And I found that those people were in unhealthy relationships.

You should enjoy every step of this process over the next year. Just keep in mind that this day is for you and your fiance and that you are not going to make everybody happy throughout this planning process.

Oh yes, and unless you are super super rich…stick to your budget. No need to start a new relationship with this huge debt from the wedding.

Just reading this post makes me think about how much fun I had picking out the dresses, and visiting the venues for the reception, and even the drama behind the wedding invitations because we limited the wedding to 100 people.

Finally, the one thing that I am glad I invested in was a great photographer. I have a wonderful wedding album and and video and I love to look at it.

TheMoms last blog post..Jonesi’s Journey – Introduction
Jonesi

@Mom – OMG thanks so much for emphazing the importance of a great photographer! That really encourages me to follow my heart and splurge on the pictures and video
And yes people WILL be negative…I didn’t get the warm reactions from everyone that I had expected. But then I realized, it isn’t about them and gave myself the reaction I needed (lol). Being around people who are positive about their marriages is especially critical at a time like this and I am SOOOOOO thankful to someone I call my long lost sister because her advice, words of encouragement, and shared experiences have really kept me focused.
TheDad

I have to admit I was trying to fake out on the photographer we used when I found out how much those pics would cost but he did a fantastic job and looking back I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Jonesi

@Dad – I think you should start some mini polls. Ask people how much they spent on wedding photographers and/or videographers…I know how much we intend to spend but wonder is that the norm…
http://www.rawdawgb.blogspot.com/ rawdawgbuffalo

congraulations
http://ifitwalks.wordpress.com If It Walks Like a Duck

Oooh I’m so excited to read this written journey. It’s like “The Wedding Story” but better!

If It Walks Like a Ducks last blog post..Pure Foolishness: What Not to Wear
MissJay

@Jonesi

Congratulations!!! I know the feeling you’re having now. I also like you’re advice about surrounding yourself with others in healthy relationships. I would continue to ignore the negative comments. Good luck! You’re an inspiration for me as well! When is your wedding?
Jonesi

@MissJay – October 24, 2009. Things are going smoothly thus far…well kinda…and I have so much more to share! It isn’t so much that people around me are being negative. Honestly I have been really blessed to have fam and friends that are anxious to roll up their sleeves and help. I’ve had a few negative comments come my way and not so pleasant attitudes but they are extremely outnumbered by the positive
http://blogitteems.blogspot.com Teems

@Jonesi- Congrats! I haven’t gotten to the excitement phase yet. I’m still in anxiety mode and It’s been over a month. I actually just choose my wedding party today. It made the anxiety worst knowing they were officially involved. I was bullied by a few people, none of which made my cut lol. I simply followed the same rule of surrounding myself with healthy and supportive people. Now I feel good about my decision. OMG to your wedding date. I am shooting for Oct 10th 2009. It will definitely be in October. I love the fall.

@Mom and Dad- I have only have one photographer in mind so far and I would love a recommendation. What company did you use? BTW. I be getting married in your neck of the woods. I moved here already.

Teemss last blog post..Pieces of Me: Randomness
Jonesi

@Teems – I really don’t even want to discuss a wedding party…I am seriously considering having just a maid of honor…I am so over the drama already and do not want to fall out with anyone over such a special day. I never thought it would get so complicated…
http://blogitteems.blogspot.com Teems

@Jonesi- Yes I understand. I have came to terms that I need help, and they WANT to help. I chose one Maid of Honor and two Bridesmaids. These ladies offered to help, not “be in it”— before I was even ready to plan! Even though I feel “good” about the people I chose, I am not prepared for snubs about my decision.

Teemss last blog post..A Simple Thing
Jonesi

@Teems- But why the snubs? That has to be the most disappointing thing about the wedding planning process to me. Not that I feel people should be honored to be apart but….honestly this is one of those occasions where family and friends should take this opportunity to step outside of themselves and let the couple enjoy every moment, every aspect of their engagement. I went into this thinking about all the fun I intended to have with this but now see why people choose to elope. I used to think they were crazy but now see how crazy I was for thinking this would be easy!
Anna

Jonesi said:
@Teems- But why the snubs? That has to be the most disappointing thing about the wedding planning process to me. Not that I feel people should be honored to be apart but….honestly this is one of those occasions where family and friends should take this opportunity to step outside of themselves and let the couple enjoy every moment, every aspect of their engagement. I went into this thinking about all the fun I intended to have with this but now see why people choose to elope. I used to think they were crazy but now see how crazy I was for thinking this would be easy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I understand why some elope also. I am one of them. The reasons are:
1. Money
2. You don’t want to hurt anyones feelings for not being in the
wedding.
3. Somebody tries to take over and tell you what to do.
4. The families don’t get along.
5. It’s not easy to plan a wedding when you work a 9-5 J O B.
Reasons to have the wedding:
1. You can never make up for that day.
2. It is your day not anyone elses.
3. To have your dad walk you down the aisle.
4. The video and pictures are so priceless.
5. Celebrating your first year of marriage and looking back you both
realize it was worth it. While sharing your wedding tape
laughing at Uncle Jr. trying to
hook up with the wedding party or even the guests.

My 10 opinions are not necessarily in that order. My name is Anna and I do endorse my comment.

Don’t forget to vote and may all the ghosts and gobblins be safe this Halloween.
Jonesi

haha…

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