What Makes a Healthy Marriage?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on October 29th, 2008 | 5 comments

A few days ago I got into a debate on marriage with a friend. One of her arguments was that people are married but they aren’t in healthy relatoinships. When she stated this I advised her that I know plenty of married people that are in happy and healthy marriages through my offline life and through BMWK. We then went on to debate what makes for a healthy marriage.

BMWK, what do you classify as a healthy marriage? Are you practicing these things. Do you know couples that are in healthy relationships or are most of the married people you know not in healthy marriages? Let us know.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

My thoughts- Being able to communicate. Being respectful of each other and always trying to make the relationship better. Having the right attitude in regards to your marriage. No marriage is perfect but you can always work to make it better each day.
Dina

A healthy marriage is one in which the spouses transcended “I” and understand the concept of “we”. They understand they are on a team and that, in order to win, the team has to work together. Each spouse, as with an athlete on a team, doesn’t choose a play without considering how it affects the other teammate, picks up the slack when the other teammate isn’t at full speed, etc. I could go on with the sports analogy all day, but I think you get the point.

Too many people these days are self-centered and focused on “me me me” and, thus, cannot sustain healthy relationships even when married. The “me me me” terrible twos mentality that some grownups seem to have never outgrown creates power struggles, thereby inhibiting good communication and little things spiral into hell from there. Hence the obscene divorce rates.
Anna

Dina said:
A healthy marriage is one in which the spouses transcended “I” and understand the concept of “we”. They understand they are on a team and that, in order to win, the team has to work together. Each spouse, as with an athlete on a team, doesn’t choose a play without considering how it affects the other teammate, picks up the slack when the other teammate isn’t at full speed, etc. I could go on with the sports analogy all day, but I think you get the point.

Too many people these days are self-centered and focused on “me me me” and, thus, cannot sustain healthy relationships even when married. The “me me me” terrible twos mentality that some grownups seem to have never outgrown creates power struggles, thereby inhibiting good communication and little things spiral into hell from there. Hence the obscene divorce rates.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So true. If you are not in the “huddle” together thinking of ones self and not the “we” that should be, will never work.
Dee

I totally agree with Dina and Anna. You must have Communication first and foremost and respect and love for one another. Without that, the marriage is doomed for failure.

You cannot focus on just me, me me There is no more me.It’s now “Us”! This is a team and a committed partnership, so with that, you are both on same team.

I was once married and it did not work out, due the fact that the other person did not want to help out in any way, shape or form, financially or otherwise.

I learned with experience and now I’m dating a great guy in my life who was in he same boat as I few years ago. He’s sweet, generous, loves me to death as well as my two sons and yes I considered myself to be blessed!

If marriage for me becomes an issue again, I will make sure that the person I’m with will be on the same page as me on all levels. That’s the key to a great, happy and long lasting marriage
CartersMom

A healthy marriage is when two individuals are committed to each other and values their relationship. The relationship is based on trust, love, communication, friendship. Each individual admire’s each other strength and weaknesses, without judging or envy. In a healthy relationship, there is respect, and laughter. Just knowing that you are with someone that has your back no matter what circumstances may occur. This is how I view my relationship with my husband, he is my best friend, the shoulder I cry on, the one I love, the father of my child.

What Makes a Healthy Marriage?

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