A Message for Overwhelmed Moms
Oprah had a very interesting show today about Overwhelmed Moms.The show opened with a guest, Brenda Slaby, whose life changed drastically one day after she unknowingly left her child in a hot car for over 8 hours while she worked as assistant pricipal. Brenda stated:
“It was very hard trying to be the perfect mom and the perfect employee,” she says. “I try to be everything to everybody. … I’ve always been the kind of person that lived for doing things for other people.”
Several other woman on the show also gave examples of how being overwhelmed nearly caused devastating consequences for their families. Norman Fischer, a well-known Zen teacher, was also on the show and he stated that:
…. busy moms should stop trying to reach perfection and focus more on their happiness, attitude and state of mind. “I think that the first thing we’ve got to do is recognize that especially as mothers, but all of us, our state of mind and our attitude is our most precious gift that we give to each other,” he says. “Every day, we ought to wake up and we ought to say: ‘How is my state of mind today? Am I losing ground?’ If I am, I better address that first because the rest of the stuff I do won’t be worth anything if I’m harried and hassled and in a bad mood.”
Norman stated that women should take time for themselves each day (20 to 30 minutes) …even if it means getting up a little earlier. This time will give you a chance to breathe, get a handle on your emotions and prepare yourself for the day. Another good tip that Norman gave for married women is to turn to your husband or family/friends for help.
The first person a woman should turn to for help is her husband. “I can’t believe the husbands are not the first line of help,” Norman says. “I mean, the husbands should be sharing all these burdens exactly equally. It makes no sense to have a husband and not get any good out of him!”
Oprah says husbands are more involved than they were 20 years ago, but the workload certainly isn’t equal in most households. “For a lot of women, it hasn’t [changed], because women don’t know how to ask for help,” she says. “Also, [they] think that it’s their burden and responsibility to carry it all and do it all.”
After a year of dealing with this awful reality, Brenda Slaby came on the show in hopes that her story will help prevent the same thing from happening with other mothers. And I must say when I saw the show, it served as a wake-up call and a reminder for me to slow down. While I listened to Brenda’s story, my mind flashed to some things that I did while rushing that could have caused harm to my own kids. For instance, one time I got all the way home and realized that while I locked my daughter into the car seat, I forgot to actually buckle-in the car seat. So if someone had actually hit my car on the way home, my child could have gotten seriously hurt or even worse and I just shudder to think about it. I was probably rushing like I normally am….rushing frantically to the daycare … gotta be there by 5:30 pm….getting there at 5:33 pm and rushing inside to get the 2 babies and the car seat and bottle bag…trying to get the 2 year old to walk because my hands are full with the baby bag and the baby and the car seat. Trying to get both babies into the car, buckled in, and then out of there in enough time to get to cheerleading practice for my six year old that starts at 6 PM. Leaving cheerleading practice at 7:30…rushing home… cooking dinner…and then off to my home office at least 3 times a week to have night meetings with my team that is overseas. That routine was killing me and I when I realized it… I started making adjustments. I told my manager I could only work 2 nights a week, we don’t get to cheerleading practice at 6 PM anymore. I try not to be too late..but getting there safely is a little more important than getting there on time. And at least 3 to 4 times a week, I take time for myself in the mornings by taking a jog for a few miles. Also if you don’t have a husband, then perhaps family and friends can help out. Our 2 youngest kids, the babies, are with my mom this week. For no special reason other than my mom wanted to give me a break. Isn’t that wonderful…my mom is the best!!!
BMWK family – please check out the story on Oprah’s site. None of this is new news…but it could be that reminder or wake-up call that we all need. I feel sorry for Brenda and I am thankful that she shared her story. Can any of you relate? Please share what you do to de-stress when you are feeling overwhelmed.
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