Online Dating – Is It OK Yet? What Do You Think?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on October 15th, 2008 | 10 comments

While looking around on the newly installed BMWK ForumsI ran across something that was interesting. I had started a topic about how did you meet your spouse. Well the first two people to respond said they met their mates online. A third said she wasn’t married yet but was engaged and met her boo on myspace. They also mentioned how they may have felt funny about telling folks they met their other halves on the internet but have gotten over it by now. The first responder said it’s been 8 years now since her and her husband got married so it must have worked.

Now a few years back it was taboo to be trying to find a hookup on the web and people may have thought you were a weirdo but is it really weird at all anymore? Not that I’m looking for any hookups but I meet regular folks on the web every week and some of us become friends and even work together all without having ever met face to face. With social networks like myspace , facebook and twitter you’re constantly being introduced to people from all over the world. If you’re looking to meet someone it would seem possible that it could happen. At least in my opinion.

BMWK, what do you think? Is online dating accepted now or not? Has the perception changed? If you met someone on the net today and it grew into a relationship would you tell your friends and family how you met? Is there a difference between meeting someone casually on the web through something like facebook vs. an actual dating site? Let us know what you think and don’t forget to check out our message boards… the BMWK Forums.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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Comments (10)

Mrs. Harlem Wednesday - 15 / 10 / 2008 Reply

It is so very difficult meeting, dating and becoming serious with someone under conventional circumstances. They misrepresent, omit critical pieces of information, etc. It is for this reason that I absolutely couldn't imagine doing so on-line. That being said, however, you love who you love (or shall I say 'you fall in love with whom you fall in love) and, if it works, blessings.
TheDad Wednesday - 15 / 10 / 2008 Reply

Thats my point though. When you meet people in person they lie anyway so whats the difference between meeting someone online? The only difference is they could lie about how they look but that should be something you clear up quickly anyway. And when I'm talking meet on line I'm thinking about people that just establish a getting to know you then take it to the real world from there. Not necesarily you're dating that person for 5 years without having ever seen them.
kim h20s Thursday - 16 / 10 / 2008 Reply

the web's image has changed for the better. when i first started going online in the mid90s, nobody would ever share their picture. people were extremely guarded and there was an atmosphere of "i'm ok, but most people on the web are weirdos". i started to meet some people thru a music web site and they were pretty cool. but we still always lied about how the group of friends met saying "oh some of us worked together or were neighbors or college friends". now the web is perceived as being as safe as meeting in every day life. perhaps even safer, because you can always google a person to see if they are who they say as well as get an idea of what they are involved in. i'm 37 and i'm semi-open to the web. my old group of girlfriends formed a facebook group since we're scattered across the country, but we just send occasional message or post a pic now and then. my younger co-workers can NOT live without facebook.
Sista-WAHMs Saturday - 18 / 10 / 2008 Reply

Online dating is very much accepted now - at least to online users. If you're internet savvy then it's likely that you've networked online (because of sites like myspace and facebook) and intentionally or unintentionally built a relationship, whether it was a friendship or something more. Also, dating sites are huge online. They're so huge that if you wanted to make money with a website based around the dating niche, you would have competition and lots of it. The perceptions changed due to the fact that people can understand what is going on with the internet and it is no longer a "fear what you don't understand" type of mentality. Because of members of our family, close friends, and acquaintances who have met with mates online, it makes it reasonable/doable to admit to meeting a mate online. It's sort of the norm these days!? Meeting someone casually on the web through a social networking site (like facebook) is in our opinion different than meeting someone through a dating site. Here's why. We hear from so many of our friends who use dating sites that tend to end up sorely disappointed because their expectations are there and are really high. They're expecting to meet a "match mate in heaven" on the first date causing them to be reluctant to try the 99 times that it takes to actually meet a decent person. Now if they were on a site like myspace and were able to leave those expectations on the kitchen table and relax, be social, and get to know someone for the sake of getting to know them, building a relationship in our opinion would be way better and easier for them. If you're open to meeting acquaintances or business partners online (which many are) then opening up your heart for a potential loved one is just as possible. We love that the world wide web was created and we're very open to building relationships. Not only can someone meet a potential mate they can also meet anyone from anywhere around the world, to assist, create, build, or do whatever they're hearts desire. This is the ultimate meeting ground for so many valuable reasons such as dating. Thanks for the opportunity to give our input, you all have a very nice website with lots of interesting topics. Keep up the great work, we certainly hope to build a relationship with you all online :)
Anna Sunday - 19 / 10 / 2008 Reply

My hubby and I were a blind date. We had never seen a pic of each other and would talk many hours on the phone. I only knew he had no kids or ex wives and had a J O B. We finally met each other and I told him as he walked in my home(someone else let him in and he had to turn a corner to see me)I said "if you are not cute you have to go home. His eyes, smile and pretty teeth lit up the room. My best friends who set us up did not tell me I was taller than him. It was already too late because we had spent so much time on the phone that we "just knew". This month we celebrated the day we met 12 years ago. We also back in June celebrated 11 years of marriage. Internet dating, why not? Cut out the middle man and keep the friends who try to set you up and it does not work out, that way the only person you can get mad at is "you"..
beth Tuesday - 23 / 12 / 2008 Reply

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Harriet Tuesday - 23 / 12 / 2008 Reply

I met my husband online, but it wasn't through an online dating site. I was just networking, and we "bumped" into one another.
Dating Saturday - 14 / 05 / 2011 Reply

You have heard many successful stories from friends and relatives about internet dating.Online dating has been featured on TV and in magazine's, it's everywhere. Now, you want to give it a try. But, how do you start online dating without the pain and ... If you think trying to fool a prospective date with an old picture because you will win them over with your amazing personality can work, don't fall into that trap, both of you will be disappointed. ...
MelodyMaker67 Friday - 08 / 07 / 2011 Reply

My husband and I met 4 years ago online and have never been apart since. This is my second marriage. First time around, I was married to my high school sweetheart and he left after 18 years of marriage and two wonderful kids later. I know more about my husband now than I ever did the man I thought I would be with forever. I cannot see myself without my husband. HOWEVER, it is smart to take things slowly and get to know one another. Deception can happen at any time. So, just be wise and, if you believe in God, let the Lord lead you in it all. I prayed and I asked God POINT BLANK: If this guy is not for me, then remove him from my life quickly because I don't have time to waste!...AND HE'S STILL HERE! lol... It is ridiculous to stigmatize online dating. As if meeting someone in a bar is so much safer! You take a chance in it all. Use your head! Your heart will do what you allow it to do! There are no magic pebbles out there. Every relationship worth having takes lots of hard work no matter how HARD you FALL in love (what a concept) with someone. Selah... :0)
MelodyMaker67 Friday - 08 / 07 / 2011 Reply

My husband and I met 4 years ago online and have never been apart since. This is my second marriage. First time around, I was married to my high school sweetheart and he left after 18 years of marriage and two wonderful kids later. I know more about my husband now than I ever did the man I thought I would be with forever. I cannot see myself without my husband. HOWEVER, it is smart to take things slowly and get to know one another. Deception can happen at any time. So, just be wise and, if you believe in God, let the Lord lead you in it all. I prayed and I asked God POINT BLANK: If this guy is not for me, then remove him from my life quickly because I don't have time to waste!...AND HE'S STILL HERE! lol... It is ridiculous to stigmatize online dating. As if meeting someone in a bar is so much safer! You take a chance in it all. Use your head! Your heart will do what you allow it to do! There are no magic pebbles out there. Every relationship worth having takes lots of hard work no matter how HARD you FALL in love (what a concept) with someone. Selah... :0)