Comments on: The Importance Of Sex In Your Marriage: Sex In The City Edition http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition Promoting Positive Images of Marriage and Parenting Since 2007 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 00:17:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: OMOLARA KIM http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-46000 OMOLARA KIM Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:45:00 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-46000 Pray and seek HELP.... Pray and seek HELP….

]]> By: OMOLARA KIM http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-45998 OMOLARA KIM Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:44:00 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-45998 PRAY.............. PRAY…………..

]]> By: OMOLARA KIM http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-45999 OMOLARA KIM Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:44:00 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-45999 PRAY.............. PRAY…………..

]]> By: Nat: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-25053 Nat: Tue, 20 Apr 2010 04:11:14 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-25053 Our sex life has always been crap !! No sex on wedding night or honeymoon, honeymoon was just a vacation. Wife wasn't ready and not in the mood. Finally had sort of sex about 8 moths later. By that time I totally lost interest, thought it was boring and unexciting. The best thing that happened to me I was transfered to the night shift also worked weekends. Wife worked days so we didn't get to see much of each other. That was great! I volenteered to work all my vacations also so I didn't have to sleep with her. As you can tell sex is a non-issue! I didn't want sex with her or anyone else. Been married 43 yrs and about 31 years without sex. Our sex life has always been crap !! No sex on wedding night or honeymoon, honeymoon was just a vacation. Wife wasn’t ready and not in the mood. Finally had sort of sex about 8 moths later. By that time I totally lost interest, thought it was boring and unexciting. The best thing that happened to me I was transfered to the night shift also worked weekends. Wife worked days so we didn’t get to see much of each other. That was great! I volenteered to work all my vacations also so I didn’t have to sleep with her. As you can tell sex is a non-issue! I didn’t want sex with her or anyone else. Been married 43 yrs and about 31 years without sex.

]]> By: Doc http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-12425 Doc Sun, 22 Mar 2009 13:53:02 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-12425 Ive been married 20yrs and when menopause started my wife quit making love to me ..its been 7yrs since we had sex.ive got 20yrs invested in this marrage and i dont think i should throw the whole thing away because we dont have sex...it saddens me because im called the cheater when she stopped having sex with me. i wait several years before going out to get what i need..i understand that sex is painful for some women when there going thru menopause so i didnt force the issue. we talk about it and i told her what i would do..we didnt really agree on it .but,she told me just dont bring it in her face..and i dont..but making love to someone else brings about transference of emotions ..first conversation then love making then becoming emotionally tied to someone else..and i didnt want to do that..my wife is a good woman so i spend more time without sex or just masterbating..im sad about no sex but i cant give up my marrage Ive been married 20yrs and when menopause started my wife quit making love to me ..its been 7yrs since we had sex.ive got 20yrs invested in this marrage and i dont think i should throw the whole thing away because we dont have sex…it saddens me because im called the cheater
when she stopped having sex with me. i wait several years before going out to get what i need..i understand that sex is painful for some women when there going thru menopause so i didnt force the issue.
we talk about it and i told her what i would do..we didnt really agree on it .but,she told me just dont bring it in her face..and i dont..but making love to someone else brings about transference of emotions ..first conversation then love making then becoming emotionally tied to someone else..and i didnt want to do that..my wife is a good woman so i spend more time without sex or just masterbating..im sad about no sex but i cant give up my marrage

]]> By: beauty4money http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-12417 beauty4money Sun, 22 Mar 2009 03:39:54 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-12417 Communication is very important in a marriage. Next to God its the thread that keeps everything aligned. But SEX is such a powerful component in a marriage. But I really feel that if u have picked a mate that is not your soul mate this would be a problem. Because the attraction for life is gone. Which will happen when u marry for the wrong reasons and not asking God for his blessing in your holy union. I have been married for 9 years and sex now is just as it was in the beginning if not better because i love him and the attraction is always there. so if its not there for yall ask your self what has changed. wanting more cause we give more now than then so step ya game up. But ladies please remember that they are growing to and have to be taught certain things just like we did in our relationship. most black been have never seen or lived in a successful marriage so how are they to know if we dont tell them. not yell but actually not be afraid to tell the truth with out breaking the po man down. if yo partner is not doing it how u like it teach him how to please u dont be scared nothin to it but to do it Communication is very important in a marriage. Next to God its the thread that keeps everything aligned. But SEX is such a powerful component in a marriage. But I really feel that if u have picked a mate that is not your soul mate this would be a problem. Because the attraction for life is gone. Which will happen when u marry for the wrong reasons and not asking God for his blessing in your holy union. I have been married for 9 years and sex now is just as it was in the beginning if not better because i love him and the attraction is always there. so if its not there for yall ask your self what has changed. wanting more cause we give more now than then so step ya game up. But ladies please remember that they are growing to and have to be taught certain things just like we did in our relationship. most black been have never seen or lived in a successful marriage so how are they to know if we dont tell them. not yell but actually not be afraid to tell the truth with out breaking the po man down. if yo partner is not doing it how u like it teach him how to please u dont be scared nothin to it but to do it

]]> By: ewok http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-8412 ewok Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:44:58 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-8412 Good for you Chrystal! Good for you Chrystal!

]]> By: chrystal martin http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-8410 chrystal martin Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:24:04 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-8410 Now i can't comment on the men,But with the stress of modern society to be these "super moms and wives" we tend to forget that WE (women) LIKE SEX!! I went through this myself ( and i has 23 at the time, i'm 25 now) With bad advice from "unmarried" girlfriends and some crappy self help stuff, i started to resent my hubby for wanting sex so much from me. It affected our marriage badly. And the problem was...Me I was a new mother, in college, dealing with in-laws living with us and bills. I forgot about him and his feelings for me. I was buying into the "sex isn't the most important thing in marriage"BS! Well it is. I feel as women we try and repress our sexual nature because "men don't marry the bad girl", But women get horny too!! I knew things had to change or I was going to lose a great man due to my own hang-ups. So I did a few things 1) Kicked out the freeloaders lol 2) Took some time out to get back to looking good and dressing like i did before my baby But this is really what help me 3) Masturbation It really got my sexual juices( no pun intended) flowing. It really helped me awaken that "bad girl" again. Just because we become wives or mothers doesn't mean we have to stop being sexual vixens. It helped with my stress and it made me feel sexy, which in turn he loved because i felt sexy with him too!! It really helped our relatinship and from here on out, we never go longer than a week without doing something sexual ( not just intercourse) with each other Now i can’t comment on the men,But with the stress of modern society to be these “super moms and wives” we tend to forget that WE (women) LIKE SEX!! I went through this myself ( and i has 23 at the time, i’m 25 now) With bad advice from “unmarried” girlfriends and some crappy self help stuff, i started to resent my hubby for wanting sex so much from me. It affected our marriage badly. And the problem was…Me

I was a new mother, in college, dealing with in-laws living with us and bills. I forgot about him and his feelings for me. I was buying into the “sex isn’t the most important thing in marriage”BS! Well it is. I feel as women we try and repress our sexual nature because “men don’t marry the bad girl”, But women get horny too!!

I knew things had to change or I was going to lose a great man due to my own hang-ups. So I did a few things

1) Kicked out the freeloaders lol

2) Took some time out to get back to looking good and dressing like i did before my baby

But this is really what help me

3) Masturbation

It really got my sexual juices( no pun intended) flowing. It really helped me awaken that “bad girl” again. Just because we become wives or mothers doesn’t mean we have to stop being sexual vixens. It helped with my stress and it made me feel sexy, which in turn he loved because i felt sexy with him too!! It really helped our relatinship and from here on out, we never go longer than a week without doing something sexual ( not just intercourse) with each other

]]> By: Also Anonymous http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-6949 Also Anonymous Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:53:00 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-6949 I have been married for 20+ years and I have a similar problem ... except that I am the wife. It is a case of one partner controlling the other by withholding the intimacy that is so important to the other. In my situation, after years of begging and pleading, I am leaving the marriage. Will I find someone who is a better fit for me? Maybe not. But I have decided that the sheer possibility that I might find someone who is a better fit for me is worth the risk. If your needs are not being met now, early in the marriage, I can assure you from my personal experience that the situation will not improve, and when you receive attention, it will be given begrudgingly and will not be satisfying. P.S. Don't assume that women always need flowers, soft music and mood lighting. Sometimes that's nice, but we also need the act, we need to be desired, and many of us in our forties possess more passion, sensuality, self-awareness and confidence than we had in our twenties. Also, for those of you with young children, take the initiative, arrange a babysitter and take your wife to a hotel. I have been married for 20+ years and I have a similar problem … except that I am the wife. It is a case of one partner controlling the other by withholding the intimacy that is so important to the other. In my situation, after years of begging and pleading, I am leaving the marriage. Will I find someone who is a better fit for me? Maybe not. But I have decided that the sheer possibility that I might find someone who is a better fit for me is worth the risk. If your needs are not being met now, early in the marriage, I can assure you from my personal experience that the situation will not improve, and when you receive attention, it will be given begrudgingly and will not be satisfying. P.S. Don’t assume that women always need flowers, soft music and mood lighting. Sometimes that’s nice, but we also need the act, we need to be desired, and many of us in our forties possess more passion, sensuality, self-awareness and confidence than we had in our twenties. Also, for those of you with young children, take the initiative, arrange a babysitter and take your wife to a hotel.

]]> By: ewok http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2008/11/25/the-importance-of-sex-in-your-marrigae-sex-in-the-city-edition/comment-page-1#comment-6945 ewok Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:04:05 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=2044#comment-6945 I so agree with Rebecca...the one thing that everyone should understand is that men are primal....women are emotional (with the potenial to be primal...you have to bring that out..lol.) I am sure you don't need much romance as a man...just your wife naked gets you going which is awesome! I am more than certain your wife needs the "I care" approach from you. The one thing that gets me hot and heavy is knowing my honey knows what makes me tick outside of the bedroom. We rub each others backs, ask how our days went, make each other meals and most importantly with having an infant.....he scoops the baby from my arms so I can do whatever it is I need to get done for my next day at work. This turns me on! Sometimes actually put the baby in the crib afetr he does that to let hiim know just HOW much I appreciate it. Seriously, when your love knows that you are still connected to her, she will be way more receptive to your advances. So, when she falls in the bed looking sexy to you,what have you done before that to bring the "primal" side of her out? This is not to say you have to do this everytime to get some or that you need to jump through hoops. Just make sure you are doing your part as her partner to make her feel wanted and needed. Now as for her, she has some responsibility to you to make sure your needs are met as well. Does she do the same things for you? Go back to the way it was when you two were jack rabbits....pin her in the laundry room, or when she prances around naked....give her something to take to work with her....lol. Women like that one thing you guys do (you know what it is).....make it happen captain! See if that doesn't make her head spin. If none of these things work, and there are underlying issues. 6 months is a long time to go without making love and she needs to be honest with you about what is eating at her. The longer this festers, the longer it will takes to fix the issue. I so agree with Rebecca…the one thing that everyone should understand is that men are primal….women are emotional (with the potenial to be primal…you have to bring that out..lol.) I am sure you don’t need much romance as a man…just your wife naked gets you going which is awesome! I am more than certain your wife needs the “I care” approach from you. The one thing that gets me hot and heavy is knowing my honey knows what makes me tick outside of the bedroom. We rub each others backs, ask how our days went, make each other meals and most importantly with having an infant…..he scoops the baby from my arms so I can do whatever it is I need to get done for my next day at work. This turns me on! Sometimes actually put the baby in the crib afetr he does that to let hiim know just HOW much I appreciate it. Seriously, when your love knows that you are still connected to her, she will be way more receptive to your advances.
So, when she falls in the bed looking sexy to you,what have you done before that to bring the “primal” side of her out? This is not to say you have to do this everytime to get some or that you need to jump through hoops. Just make sure you are doing your part as her partner to make her feel wanted and needed.
Now as for her, she has some responsibility to you to make sure your needs are met as well. Does she do the same things for you?
Go back to the way it was when you two were jack rabbits….pin her in the laundry room, or when she prances around naked….give her something to take to work with her….lol.
Women like that one thing you guys do (you know what it is)…..make it happen captain! See if that doesn’t make her head spin.
If none of these things work, and there are underlying issues. 6 months is a long time to go without making love and she needs to be honest with you about what is eating at her. The longer this festers, the longer it will takes to fix the issue.

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