If my tone upset you, I apologize because I definitely was not trying to be condescending. It just frustrates me as a mother for people to think that it’s the mother’s fault why the father isn’t involved. I know my mother had an open door policy with my father. It was HIS choice to go to Europe rather than checking to see if his kids had lunch money. It was HIS choice to make plans with us and then cancel at the last minute. To say that a single mother ALLOWS a father to be irresponsible is inconceivable, in my opinion. Now there are SOME women that use their children as pawns, but I think for the most part single mothers want their child’s father in their kid’s life.

Clearly you either didn’t read my whole message or you tried to twist my message to fit your line of thinking.

Yes you sound bitter. To me if you weren’t bitter then your discontent would be directed towards your baby mama (or whichever woman hurt you) vs. all women in general.

I do not think that you are stupid. You sound like a rather intelligent man. Your views might be a little callow, in my opinion, but I definitely do not think that you are stupid.

I don’t see how you could perceive my response as indicating that I believe fathers are only there for a monetary responsibility. I brought up money once and what I actually said was this, “A good father is someone that wants to know his child, not just be content with sending the check every month.” So clearly I do not think that fathers are only there for money.

All of the things that your father instilled in you are great and you should be thankful and he should be proud.

I don’t see how my “definition” doesn’t grasp the concept of a father. Please “inform” me some more.

why is it that whenever a man has a problem with a woman he is bitter? And it is your condescending tone that tells me that you think that I am stupid. So let me tell you something… just by your definition of a “taking care of his responsibilities” tells me that you have bought into this whole idea of a father as being a monetary position.
Allow me to inform you… the greatest thing that a father can give his child has NOTHING to with money….
My father gave me a love of learning, and reading, which took me to college, and has my apartment full of books…. I think THAT is a RESPONSIBILITY.
My father established a moral and religious foundation that has kept me out of prison. He showed me that a man can have a love for God and be fallible… a regular guy who showed me that you dont have to turn water into wine to love God.
that too, is a responsibility….
as I read your definitions I KNEW you had no concept of what a father is….

I for one don’t think that men are stupid, nor do any of my friends. Maybe you’re just dealing with the wrong black women because I know plenty that are sane and rational.

I think that it’s sad that the only way that you really came to be involved in your daughter’s life is when her mother got kicked out on the street. But hey however it happened, the end result is that it happened and that’s a blessing.

I didn’t have a real relationship with my father, but yet when I look at my husband I know that he is one. When I see my kids enjoying time with their father that I missed out on growing up, I know that’s what a father is supposed to be like. When I see them running to him when he comes home from work, that feels right. When I see him getting excited about their developmental milestones, that feels right. When I see him forsaking some of his social time to take the kids to the park or to teach our daughter how to ride a bike, that feels right. When I see him commenting on how short little girl’s clothes are or getting excited about our son throwing a ball accurately, all of that feels right. So as you can see regardless of the fact that my father wasn’t a big part of my life growing up, my children are blessed with having a good father.

Just because I used the phrase “taking care of his responsibilities” doesn’t mean that I don’t know what a good father is. I don’t have to know the inner workings of man to know what a father is supposed to be. A good father is not one who will wait on his baby mama to demand that he be involved in his child’s life, but will take the initiative from the get go. A good father is someone who wants the best for his child regardless of his differences with the mother. A good father is one who the child can always count on not just when it’s convenient for him. A good father is someone that wants to know his child, not just be content with sending the check every month. And as far as the check goes, a real man would do whatever it takes to get that paper for his kids vs. being content with “I don’t have it” excuses. And to me if a man was doing these things then he would be “taking care of his responsibilities”.

As for myself, I don’t need anyone to kiss my behind and frankly I would think a man was weak if he did. Just because it’s your perception doesn’t make it reality.

Like I said, I just think you’re messing with the wrong chicks or maybe your head isn’t at the level to know a good chick when you see her.

And also a woman doesn’t have to have a relationship with her own father in order to know what a good father is supposed to be. If my guy is not taking care of his responsibilities (i.e. kids) then he is not a good father regardless if I knew my father or not. It is completely irrelevant.

I can’t really relate to having to decide this issue personally because I’m married to my children’s father, but I was raised by a single parent. My dad paid the bare minimum of child support and saw us even less. But as a child all my sister and I wanted was his time. I can definitely relate to MyOwnSwaG when she says that men will disown their own kids. My father got remarried to a woman that had 1 child, then had another child with her. He had a new house built in the suburbs, bought several cars, taking road trips and overseas vacations every year and my sister and I were eating Ramen noodles for dinner living in the hood.