The Glass is Half-Full Approach To Parenting

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on December 29th, 2008 | 7 comments

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.

When you become a parent, it’s easy to come up with a tremendously long list of things you gave up all in the name of becoming a mother, father, amateur doctor, pastor, psychologist, chauffeur, butt-wiper, etc., to little beings who can’t do for themselves.

But there’s a (not-so) hidden joy in parenting that can help lift your spirits when you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of taking little clumps of baby-clay and turning it into a fully functioning, intellectually capable adult.

It’s all about looking at what you’ve gained in your life, not what you’ve lost. It took me almost a year to fully understand the challenges of motherhood. The sacrifices I’d make, the difficulties I’d face, the mistakes I’d make and later learn from.

I began to see that for everything I thought I lost, I gained something even more wonderful:
True, I might have given up my (somewhat) flat belly….but I’ve got the best biceps this side of Angela Bassett from carrying around two 20+ lbs kids all day.

My mind might be too frazzled to remember much…but I can recall with amazing accuracy the look on my daughter’s face the first time she put her shoes on the right feet by herself.

I might not be able to sleep soundly with two kids I’m constantly worried about…but I have a new reason to thank God every morning when my alarm goes off and I’m still alive.

My meals might no longer be long, leisurely affairs where I’m savoring each bite and delighting in the flavors dancing on my taste buds…but hearing my daughter exclaim, “Yummy, Mommy! Oooh! Tastes good!” is all I need.

My husband and I might not have as many date nights and Lord knows we have rarely get to see each other without a little one clinging to us…but when I look at him out the corner of my eye and catch him being “Daddy,” it gives me a new appreciation for the man.

Seeing my name in a magazine masthead might have to wait a little while longer than I would like…but having my current job allows me the flexibility to be home with my kids more, which wouldn’t be likely at the magazine jobs I was gunning for.

I’m not living in NYC, the city of dreams for writers like me…but I’ll be damned if I didn’t luck up and find a place to raise my kids that has new, affordable housing, top-notch schools, and a low, low crime rate.
I love my kids more than life itself. While I might have given up a few things to become a mommy of two, it was all worth it, and it was ultimately a net gain. I wouldn’t change a thing.

BMWK family, what are some of the ways your parenting glass are half full? Share with us and let us know.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Simone P

Well, while being a childless aunt of two, I can’t directly relate; however, having both my darling cutesy pie niece and my handsome little nephew has definitely made me a believer of the adage “it takes a village to raise a child.” I can look back on my life and remember vividly the things I’ve learned from my aunts and uncles. My life has purpose through them, for I too am somewhat responsible for seeing that those two adorable munchkins grow up to be successful, healthy, happy, productive members of society. Although the responsibility is not fully mine, that doesn’t stop me from worrying, caring and hoping that I’m doing a good job.
http://radiogirlradiogirl.blogspot.com kim/radiogirl

Very nice job on this piece. One day the kids will know how much their parents love and appreciate them. Awesome and priceless.

kim/radiogirls last blog post..Music Monday 8 :: Lyle Lovett "I Will Rise Up"
Harriet

Honestly, Tara, I appreciate your article. For me, I think because I had my first child at 28, I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I feel like I exchanged the “freedom” I had for another type of freedom. The freedom to raise another person to be a functional and valuable member of society.

I understand where you’re coming from…but my cup is neither half empty, nor half full. I can sincerely say that with the challenges and spontanaeity of motherhood, my cup overflows.
Anna

All the work we put into kids does pay off. I had my first born after being 18 for a whole 1 1/2 months. My glass then and sometimes now is filled with “being over whelmed”. Over whelmed then for my first born being helpless and dependent on us, over whelmed now for my first born being indepenent and dependent on us. LOL. I am kidding my first born turned into a great young lady. She is independent, bossy and opinionated(she has it honest). I am not sure if that is learned, a gene or our stubborness. Either way she does give great Chrismas gifts. I am sure she may ask me for a loan before the week ends. Only she won’t call it a loan but say “Mommy, I need some money”. I bought her a GPS for Christmas, so she can always find her way back home(and because she is bossy and I am afraid of her, being that was what she asked for).

Disclosure: My child is not what I make her to appear. She did ask for a GPS months ago and I said “why can’t you mapquest where you are going in the new city you live in to get to school and work”? (she is a floater and has to get to different places of employment) her answer: mom I/they don’t have printers, mommys respons: you can mapquest and write it down on a piece of paper.

The day before Christmas she wanted a CD of “The Best of Debarge”. I hope she got it, or used her computer to down load it. You don’t need a printer for that. LOL. Kids no matter how old they get will always need us, or use us. It’s up to us to decide which one we let them do. I am glad I can pick and choose which one I let them do.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara Pringle Jefferson

@Harriet – I think having a child later in life has a lot to do with it. I love my kids more than anything and I always have, but it took me a long time to get to the point where I was fully happy with my life.

I was a junior in college, barely 20 when I got pregnant with my daughter. I went from kicking it at my parents’ house during winter break, to moving in with my boyfriend (now husband) in the blink of an eye. I basically went from being a daughter and student to being someone’s wife and mother. That’s a major switch that I wasn’t at all prepared for.

Like I said at the end, While I might have given up a few things to become a mommy of two, it was all worth it, and it was ultimately a net gain. I wouldn’t change a thing. I hope someone who might be struggling like I had been, might read this and realize that their life is not over because they had a child.

Whew! Didn’t mean to start blogging in the comments! LOL.

Tara
http://theyoungmommylife.com

Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Weekly inspiration: Who’s your personal cheerleader?
Harriet

I think you’re right. I was a straight up knucklehead when I was 20 years old. I didn’t have any of the experience or wisdom I have now, which makes a huge difference.

I think your story definitely brings a lot of value to the experiences of the young mommy demographic you speak about in theyoungmommylife.
http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara Pringle Jefferson

@Harriet – LOL at being a “knucklehead.” I was too, (just a little) but having a baby (and taking the responsibility seriously) made me age 10 years overnight. It’s been a good thing.

Tara
http://theyoungmommylife.com

Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Weekly inspiration: Who’s your personal cheerleader?