Should Women Say “I Love You First”?

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on January 5th, 2009 | 5 comments

Being the father of three daughters I ran across an interesting article on CNN.com a few days back. The subject was, “Why Women Shouldn’t Say I Love You First”. Hmmm, made me think. In the article the author Wendy Atterberry goes on to say:

Unlike asking a man out, making a move on him, or even proposing, there’s no action-based response to the first “I love you.” It’s all words, it’s all emotion. In that moment, he either loves you back or he doesn’t — you only hear the black or white of a ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ not the gray of “Well, I like you a whole lot and I could see myself falling in love with you, but I’m just not quite there yet.”

And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, they’re usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level.

So what happens if you get there first and you say it and he’s not there yet? What happens when your “I love you” is met with a “thank you,” or worse, a deer-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy

Wendy thinks if you feel compelled to tell a man those magical three words you better be prepared to roll. Now you can’t debate with her, injecting I Love You does change the entire dynamic of a relationship. Whether it be for the good or for the bad, lol. Thinking back I might recollect using the old, “Thank You” myself .

Also in general I don’t trust dudes or at least won’t with my daughters so I’d be worried about a guy just going along for the sake of going along, not like that’s never happened before. So I guess I agree with Wendy. Let him step out there, that’s what us men do and I don’t see a problem with it.

For the full article click here…

BMWK, do you think women should say I love you first? Ladies have you ever told a man I love you first? What happened next? Did you ever tell someone that and got a different response than expected?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheMom

@TheDad…I told you “I love you” first and you just melted in my arms

Seriously, I kind of agree with Wendy. However, if it has been a long time and you know you love this man and you want to know if he feels the same…then I suggest putting it all out there so that you can determine if it is worth investing even more time in the relationship.

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Daisy

I have never told a man I love them still w8n on that day.
Anna

Daisy said:
I have never told a man I love them still w8n on that day.
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Not necessarily a bad thing Daisy, some ppl say it to so many different ppl of the opposite sex it makes me sick. Everyone has a female friend that is in love with a new man every other month. To me that just shows that some ppl really don’t know what love is. Some ppl go looking for love, I believe it will find you. Some ppl are also to picky and see one flaw in a man and keep it moving not knowing that was the one “GOD” sent them. If you can’t commit to a relationship because you think someone is beneath you because you only see their job title or the car they are driving that is shallow. If I waited for hubby to get a decent car before marrying him we would have got married last October vs 11 1/2 yrs ago. LOL.
Daisy, there is nothing more special than being in love and telling the one you love that you love them and not only being able to hear those words come from his lips but the feeling within that I get in hearing it knowing this is the truth, is amazing. I wish new things for in you 2009. Daisy are you also from SR.com?
Constance

I don’t see the harm in women saying “I love you” first. If the guy explains that he wants to remain in a relationship, but he’s just not there yet, then the woman needs to just cool her heels and wrap her head around the fact that the guy will probably get there one day, just not that day. lol But then again if the guy says that he doesn’t really see the relationship heading down that path, then it’s time for the woman to cut her losses and move around.

I’ve never told a guy I loved them first, but I’ve definitely tried to subtly express my feelings without definitively saying the 3 words. The 1st time, it was met with a “oh you’re cool too” type of response. And the 2nd time, it was met with the same kind of subtle “I love you”. I guess he was scared to say it too. lol
Ptconsulting

Some men can not take the I love you” they run like hell!