Whooping Time!

Good morning… You weren’t beaten but got whoopings? What’s a whooping then?

I call getting hit with a belt a whooping and a beaten…

I got ‘em when I was coming up. Belts.. shoes..extension cords.. switches. I can’t really say that I feel I would have grew up to be a criminal if it were not for them… but I wonder if many actions would have been different if it weren’t for the fear of the physical. Who knows.

I have said that I would spank my lil people… and others too.. .but when it’s come up, I haven’t been able to. (as far as others’ kids)

so who knows. I’m about talking though, so I’ll talk a kids head off about consequences…

Eh, I have hit my son out of sheer exhaustion and anger and whoa, did I ever feel awful for it. Thing is, I don’t feel any better if I’m all cool and collective about it, either. So, he’s four now, and after going through all the forms of discipline that I could, The Look and a warning of a time out does the trick. Sometimes, I’ll take away a toy. He hates time outs and hates having his toys taken away. I feel okay with this kind of discipline and it has been working for us (whew!). I am really against hitting my children because I don’t think it works and I’m concerned with him choosing to not do something because he is afraid of me instead of “knowing” the reason behind why he should choose differently. I focus on explaining why he went to time out or had his toy taken away then tell him the alternative behavior that would have been okay (like, don’t hit your sister when she snatches your toy, tell her “no, that is my toy Bella here is one you can play with” ect). He gets it. He rarely gets punished because typically I tell him the alternative choice to his misbehavior right after I tell him the consequences to the wrong behavior – giving him a warning. Its a lot of work, but here’s to hoping it helps in the future! My SIL is a heavy hand mama and her kids cower under her even when she’s not planning on hitting them. It makes me feel bad for the kids, to be so afraid of their mama. I know she loves em’ but there is def a line that can be crossed with too much hitting. I don’t freak out about corporal punishment when its done in a way that is fair to the kids, though. Like what you described your friend doing – giving warnings to the kids and having a swat be the final result of not listening. Just for me, I can’t carry out corporal punishment without feeling hellavah guilty about it.

Mothering Twos last blog post..Yeah, I gots me a few… New Year’s Resolutions…

Discipline is so very objective, yet it becomes subject by individuals. Every person is different from the youngest to the oldest. So, the measure, steps, and/or precautions you take with one may not be the same with another. Within the African American culture, as a result of a learned behavior for so many years, a “whooping” was subconsciously imbedded in us. As our former generations became more educated about “choices” then we became aware of other options. It is however, important to understand that not everyone is as educated as the next person. We all have to walk a different path in life, (which I believe is predestined by God).

The best way to raise and discipline a child is with and through the help of God. I would agree that we should never discipline a child when we are angry – wait until we cool off or calm down. At that point we would have come up with a better form of punishment – one that would not cause us to feel bad, nor cause our children to loose respect for us.

As a child, I receive “whooping” which I believe is no different than a “spanking”. I don’t think we should get caught up on a play on words so much. My mother did then what she knew how to do. Their are some many factors to consider when you try to understand an individual. As a child, I did not understand the stress my mother was going through, albeit, I felt it emotionally and sometimes occasionally. However, I really believed then and now that my mom “whooped” me because she loved me and she was doing her very best as a single parent of 5 children after leaving my father (an entirely different story).

When I had my first child, I was determined not to spank him. a few times, I spanked his hands when he was 3 and 4. Once he turned 6, I gave him his first spanking on his bottom (because that’s the only place I believe that you should spank a child), however my belief is not what I am trying to persuade you of. He’s 19 years old now, and he may have received a dozen spanking thereafter since I implemented various disciplinary actions in my parenting practice. Some of them I regret, others I do not. I did what I felt was best at the time, and I refuse to beat myself up over it. Parenting is a on-going practice and unfortunately the only perfect parent is God. I would always go back to my son when I did punish him and explain why I did it, sometimes I would even apologize if in fact I did overreact. As a single parent, at the time, I was doing the best I could.

With my youngest, things are definitely better. He’s seven! I learned a lot by raising my first child (yet I am not the perfect parent) however I still make mistakes and I communicate this to my children: “There is no perfect person, no perfect child, you will make mistakes, I only ask that you remember that there is no perfect parent and we also will make mistakes”. I believe more than anything, communication is necessary when parenting your children. This is not the same thing as allowing your children to make inappropriate or non-age appropriate decisions for themselves.

I am not advocating for “whooping” or “spanking” a child, nor am I saying that it is wrong. There are degress of whooping/spankings and you know when you have breached the line of control – that is abuse. Otherwise, you are a parent trying to prepare your child for life, which can be good, even great, but it can also be hard and challenging. I received “whooping” that I did not deserve growing up, but it caused me to become more determined to seek other means of discipline, but I am not above resulting to an old familar. I would rather my child suffer a slight hurt by spanking him/her than suffer a greater hurt when he goes out into the world that is far less understanding, and loving.

Best wishes.

i totally agree with and use the same tactics as Mothering Two. especially at a young age. my daughter’s 2 and she wouldn’t understand anything about a spanking except pain. a change in my tone, time-out and the loss of privileges are like death to her, crying and screaming, so there really is no point to spanking her, because i’d get the same reaction only for a different reason. i don’t want her to fear me or as she grows, choose to do certain things for the temporary discomfort of a spanking, rather than a lengthy or more uncomfortable punishment. the lesson is lost in that. but thats my method and it works perfectly for us

I am a mother of a 3 year old little girl whom I love to death and due to this found the idea of spanking her almost heart breaking. I was spanked as a child and believe that my mother only had my best intentions at heart, I was never abused. My mom was never quick to hit but when talking didn’t work she was never ashamed to apply the “spare the rod spoil the child” mentality. At first I couldn’t understand how parents bought themselves to the point of spanking when there were options such as timeout and taking things away, until at 2 my little princess decided she’d take a little trip to the stove and fiddle with the knobs, I quickly grabbed her and instructed her of the dangers of playing with the stove the best I could for a 2 year old, until the very next hour I caught her doing it again and in an instant my reaction was to pop her hand! All I could think was I just told her not to do that, all of the horrors of what could have went wrong flashed in my mind and then I knew and understood exactly how parents are driven to spanking. I have learned that sometimes a spanking with a nice lecture can make all the difference in a child’s safety and harm and that there are also times for timeouts and taking things away.

I agree with Philly Mom.

I think that spanking or “whooping” a child is sometimes an excuse for lazy parents. Why not talk to your child and find out why he/she did what they did and explain why it’s wrong. I don’t want my child to be scared of a belt. I want her to be scared of the look of disappointment on me and her father’s face. What happens when they get too big for a spanking? Plus, when you spank a young child (2-6 y/o) do they really understand why your doing what your doing?

I’m pregnant with my first child and I don’t plan on spanking. I got a few ( maybe 2 or 3) when I was young. I honestly think I was happier that I got a swift punishment rather than a long one, like having to stay in the house or not being able to watch t.v.

I don’t see what spanking ever gets you that talking or withholding of priveleges won’t. When my son was too young to understand all of my words, he did understand my tone and facial expression well enough to know when his behavior was inappropriate.

I will agree that parents who spank get faster results–but not necessarily long lasting results.

I would rather take the time to discuss a situation with my son than to spank him. After all, that’s what he will have to learn to do as a citizen of the world. We can’t hit people when they offend us.

I don’t have children but my mother only used force in the most extreme situations it seems – like when I broke our glass coffee table stacking glass bottles (lol – don’t ask). But I don’t intend to use wooping as an initial option. I say this because this wasn’t my reality growing up. My mom told me she didn’t enjoy giving us woopings and I imagine I would probably feel the same. To hit a child just seems unsettling. Great topic I need to bring up to my fiance to see how our views are different. I think I would rather take away things from my child than use force….but when necessary in extreme cases I am NOT opposed lol.

We try not to spank, but it had a few situations when it seemed like that was the only means. Call what ever you will (lazy), but if one of my 3 children don’t seem to understand by talking, timeout(in a bare room free of phones, tv, and video games), or withholding sentimental items, they will recieve a spanking.

However, I think (my oppinion) is blacks spank more because it’s part of us from slavery. The slave master would beat the slave and force his will.

This is why we try not to spank which is about 90% successful so far.

I do have one experience spanking a child. I had a friend that has a child, at the time he was about 8 I think, and I agreed to be a sort of big brother to him because his father wasn’t around, and he was getting a little out of control. We’d go for rides, to the movies, one time I took him and a bunch of other kids to the circus. I was the only adult, had NO idea what I was in for. It was a complete X P E R I E N C E! Anyway,

One weekend little Ron and I went for a drive to Indiana and when we got back to my house he was still restless. I owned a huge home at the time and my girlfriends kids loved to run around when they came over. Well, Ron was running around, coming really close to knocking over my plants, so I told him to stop running. Three or four times I had to tell him to “please stop running before you knock something over.” Well, you know it, he knocked over one of my plants… wham! Dirt, water, ad a broken clay pot all over my hardwood floors, I was pissed. I told him to sit down on the couch. I got the broom, mop, dustpan, and bucket and began cleaning up the mess he made. The next thing you know, I hear laughter. I looked over at him and he was cracking up at ME! I was pissed!! I took off my belt and actually gave him a whooping, but after a few seconds I stopped because he was crying and everything, and I REALLY felt terrible. He sat back down on the couch, and I continued to clean up the mess. When I was finished I sat down next to him. There was a show on TV about sharks, and he began to ask me questions about them and I answered every one (because I’m an absolute shark fanatic), but the point is that he was SO calm after that, I felt as though I took the appropriate action. I was still feeling bad though.

When his mom came over, I told her what happened, the whole story, and she told me “Good, that’s exactly what he needed”. I was relieved.

Little Ron eventually really straightened out after that. After high school he joined the military, and when he got out he started his own business and then got married.

the above (anon) comment is me…

“Lord, I sure don’t feel like WHIPPING nobody today! …”

Ruth to Mama in “A Raisin in the Sun”

The way some people are talking its as if all parents whoop their children daily. I can say that when I was young i got whooped, but i can count on one hand how many times it happened. Most parents resort to this after all options have failed to convey the point.

Someone mentioned how whooping your child makes them fear the pain, and doesn’t actually convey the lesson the parent is trying to teach; well thats what all punishment is, be it time outs or whoopings. Unkowningly the parent is conditioning their child to associate certain consequences with certain actions.

I think when it comes to punshment parents should be creative, but don’t point fingers and label one method as wrong. Because some kids may work well with time outs, but the majority need a smack once in a blue moon.

Perhaps you were whooped as a child. But I would venture that you were because your parents didn’t have the resources to consider other options. No child needs to be hit to emphasize appropriate behavior–unless of course, s/he has been conditioned this type of “discipline” from the start.

We don’t spank because of our own beliefs and values. (And my pre-adolescent is not “running the streets like some fool”.)

In addition, The American Academy of Pediatrics, in its policy on discipline, says, “Corporal punishment is of limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects,” and that spanking “has been associated with increased aggression” in children. The group says that other methods such as time outs and removal of privileges are more effective.

Mother-wit is not always the way to go.

I agree with TheDad, it all depends on the child. I got spankings or whatever you wanna call them, time out, things taken away, and grounded. I’m a pretty well balanced adult. I personally did not get that many spankings as I learned that when I do this, I get the belt, therefore my parents did not have to spank past the age of about 7 or 8 with me.

The point about studies is a good one. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. The same doctors who say don’t spank your child could end up with children who grow up and “run the streets like some fool”. This is one of those topics that we’ll all have to agree to disagree on since what someone else thinks probably won’t dictate what you do in your household.

a couple of things:

1) I am sure that there are enough people “running the streets like fools” who received whoopings. So the fact that you got whooped and are not running the street like a fool is not enough evidence that it was the whooping that saved you.

2) A parent cannot wait until the child is aged 3 and is in a supermarket (for example)”ranting and raving, and going completely BALLISTIC” to think that this is the time for discipline. Children are learning from Day 1. Therefore, we must be mindful of teaching them at their developmental level. This does not mean that they whooping them is the only way we can communicate with them at that level.

3) Finally, come on. We don’t “faith in academic studies since a lot of times their done with an idea in the beginning of what they want the results to be”. What kind of reductionist thinking is that? Don’t we have the critical thinking skills to examine a study on it’s own merits without thinking that it has been fixed?

Aghh!

The thing about studies is that we need to keep in mind that not every group is included in the research. Let’s be realistic about it. A lot of research studies do not include, and do not relate to Black folk. For example, we’ve heard that the unemployment rate is now up to 7%, but for Black folks it’s actually 12%.

To spank or not to spank is another great debate that I think may be viewed differently by race. There are numerous articles and theories on the subject. It’s imperative that parents, Black parents in particular, figure out what works best for them in order to keep our boys and girls, (particularly our boys) walking on the straight and narrow, and stressing, more than anything else, that we love them, and only want the best for them. We need to let them know, regardless of the type of discipline you choose, that we love them. It’s much better for YOU as parents to find the proper discipline that works to hedge against them going “buck wild”. School authorities don’t care about your children (especially Black children). Police don’t give a care about your children (especially Black children). At one time it took a village to raise children, but the village is gone. In obtaining the “American Dream” somewhere along the way we lost communication with our kids, and neglected the discipline they need.

Here are two opposng links on the subject:

In this one:
Study: Spanking kids leads to long-term bad behavior research shows that “90 percent of U.S. parents spank their children. A majority of pediatricians and psychologists also do not discourage occasional corporal punishment.”

This one is pro-spanking:
A Parent’s Rules for Spanking: The Correct Way to Spank Your Child

This is a really interesting topic because while I can say at this very moment I don’t intend to whoop my children, once I become a parent I know I will do what I feel is best in order to provide my child with the discipline necessary to ensure they grown-up with the skills sets needed to become civilized adults. Personally, I don’t remember being “whooped” except in extreme cases….and to be honest when I look back I needed that. The crazy thing about this is that childen don’t fear their parents anymore and when you don’t fear or respect your guardians, why the heck would they care about anyone one else on the street. There is no “community” anymore. Kids do what they want because they are savvy about their options to elude discipline.

I find it quite funny that services like 241-kids exist because it’s a false sense of security. Keep in mind we are talking about tough love NOT ABUSE and people get the two mixed up. I grew up with the mentality that either your parents will get you in shape or the government will in JAIL!

@Gregg – to save you from a major arguement (lol), it all comes down to preference not nesessarily love (in my opinion). Lamar makes perfect sense when he stated that each child needs to be dealt with accordingly. My fear with today’s society is parents allowing the children too much input in their growing up process. Children really aren’t mature enough to have a voice as to what’s best for them….and I am speaking from my own upbringing. My mother didn’t ask me but told me what to do most times and I really appreciate that now. Now my mother has a very soft heart but her desire to make sure I was eqipped to survive in this world once on my own took precedence over being my friend and this may be an elitist comment but until my peers and younger quit popping out babies and growing up with them…this trend will continue. That was a very general statement but I have friends who I know aren’t parent material at this point in their lives but the babies are here yet the appropriate guidance
isn’t

However I do applaud those who take on the commitment to be parents at a young age and strive to provide their children with the love, nourishment, guidance, stability AND discipline (including whoopings if necessary) they need and deserve

Hello All!

I am so glad to be back with the living…..teething baby girl. Not fun for her at all.

My mother put the “goon hand” down on me as a child. I was her ‘ever so slightly’ spoiled baby girl. My brother was the perfect son that never broke a curfew and never made his mother cry from worrying. He works at the church he attends and is one of their most active members along with my sis in law and nephews to this very day….(Mr. Goody Goody…lol.)

Me? I pushed it to the limit more than once….and every time I got my clock cleaned. I remember the feeling I would get before and knew my mother was on her way to smack my backside. She said she knew from birth that I would be different than my brother. I also thought my mother was crazy when she would get those nostrils to flaring! LOL! Very Effective!

So, I will fully use the “goon hand” to enforce the law of the land in my home.
I will not let society dictate how I deal with my own child.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Nothing abusive…..but my point will be made.

@ Harriet

OMG! My mother was a physical education teacher for 30 years…athletic like your mother. So, there was no out running her.

And yes, it was a last result of the daughter that would just looove to push those buttons.

@ Harriet

A book yes! I am all over that one! LOL!

And thank you so much for your kind words. I hate to see my little one in pain. God Bless and thanks for the hearty discussion. I look forward to more in the future. God Bless.

As a child I did get whoopings, all of the time, most of the time I felt I didn’t do anything that bad. My mom was a single parent and very angry, she was stuck rasing a child, and living in her mothers house. When my father was in college having the time of his life,and getting a degree. I was a very quiet child, I feared my mom so I knew better than to act up. In school all of the teachers loved me they would say that I was a very well mannered child, I just had a learning disability. At home during homework time was very frustrating for my mom because I didn’t understand what I was reading. She would yell and scream at me, and I would just cry.
I remember when I was 13 or 14 years old I wanted to be like the other kids at school and wear make up so I put some on and came home from school and she just snapped. She hit me up against the wall and wrapped her hands around my neck, I was terrified. I’m not saying that she was a bad parent, she provided for me the best way she could. SHe could have given me up but she didn’t. I have always been scared of her. Now that I’m 27, and recieving my degree from college. I have so much hate and anger toward her. we don’t get along at all. Everything that she askes me to do for her I’m negative toward her. She wants me to be supportive in everything that she does but I’m just so angry that I keep my distance. I haven’t talked to her in 2 weeks now. I just don’t know what to do. I have told her how I feel about what she did to me as a child and all she said was that she was sorry. I’m still holding on to it. I want us to have a better relationship but its hard.

I say this to all parents that think that whooping their kids is a good idea, you should think of what that child did and is there a better way, also will this affect the child in the future. Will they thank you or will they hate you.

If someone has any advice for me please let me know.

whooping/spanking your kids is wrong period. There are other forms of discipline that you should consider and if you are not smart enough to think of other ways to discipline your child then shame on you