The Lost Art of Dating

Relationships

by Lamar Tyler | on January 8th, 2009 | 9 comments

We talk about relationships a lot because of the nature of our site. In all of this relationship talk I often wonder one thing. Do people still date? Now I mean really date. Now dating is not meeting one guy or one girl and trying to make them “the one”. The entire purpose of dating before marriage is to meet different people. Learn about them and at the same time you’ll also be learning about yourself.

Once I received an email here at BMWK that had this in the body:

Often, people will waste time and energy on a relationship that will never really blossom. People have forgotten the art of dating, where you sift through many prospects to find the prize catch. Too often, daters will cling to one person too long, only to find their needs continuing to go unmet.

I think this is some good stuff right here and that people forget about it. Now I know we’ve all been guilty of holding on to somebody for too long but hopefully at some point you realized it and got to steppin. Hopefully while you were holding on to that one person for too long you didn’t miss the person that was really intended for you.

Here are a five tips for dating:

Don’t be afraid to date more than one person (not necessarily the same night of course)
Live in the moment while you’re dating. Don’t put pressure on yourself that each date could be,”The One”. Instead just enjoy it for what it’s worth and see where it leads. Every guy in the club doesn’t have to be your soulmate!
Like Steve Harvey says, when you first meet someone make sure you take that opportunity to set up your “Standards and Requirements”. It will be much easier than trying to do it after the fact.
Take your time and get to really know the person you’re dating. This will give you the chance to see the real them come out sooner or later.
Never, I mean never, say I Love You on the first date!

What do you think about the current dating scene? Is it the same as it’s always been? Are people not dating enough before making long term commitments? Do you agree that it’s better to date more people? What would you add to the dating list?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

King James

That’s one definition of dating. Issues come from the MANY different definitions… although they can be handled with communication either way.

Dating scene. It’s cool as far as I know. I can’t really afford (rather don’t wanna afford it) to date much. I’d rather work or spend time with friends.. or really just chill at the house. In the case that this isn’t what some young lady is looking for at the time, we both have options. That’s the beauty of it.

Many folks I know (mostly women) think it’s taboo to ‘date’ more than one at a time. Not sure the woman is built for it, honestly.

Plus society is quick to call a dude a playa.
http://www.mochadad.com Mocha Dad

My wife and I always say that we have to stay together because we would have too much trouble dating.
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com TheDad

@ King James – “Many folks I know (mostly women) think it’s taboo to ‘date’ more than one at a time. Not sure the woman is built for it, honestly.

Plus society is quick to call a dude a playa.”
================================================================

The problem is when you date more than one person and one of those people thinks you’re in a relationship with them.

I think the key is to have casual relationships, not casual sex. Sex is what creates that bond and has one person thinking its more than it actually is. Once you drop that in the mix someones feelings can get caught up, especially women where I think most men just treat it as another night and keep it moving.

@ Mocha Dad- one of the best parts of being married is always having a locked in date and not having to figure out who you’re taking where.

TheDads last blog post..MSN- Why Small Weddings Rock!
Harriet

@ Mocha Dad

I agree with you 100%. I wrote off dating years before I got married. I just got tired of putting myself out there for a potential Mr. Right. He found me, put on the chase (because I was content where I was), and eventually won my heart over.

@ TheDad

“I think the key is to have casual relationships, not casual sex. Sex is what creates that bond and has one person thinking its more than it actually is.”

That’s wisdom right there, man. I think a lot of people in the dating scene get too caught up with their hormones and the impulsivity of sex that they don’t stop and THINK (with the head above their waist, anyway).
http://www.theduckwalk.com TheDuckWalk

I am in 100% agreement with TheDad. I have not been one to date more than one guy at a time in the past. I usually find one that I’m into, date him exclusively, eventually get into a relationship, then end up disappointed a while later when it ends. Lately, I have revamped my dating style to include more “options”. It’s a bit awkward, since I’m a one guy kind of girl, but I have to remind myself that “this is a date…he’s not necessarily “the one”, but then again he may be…just roll with the punches and keep expectations low for now.” I’ve got to disagree with King James…I have been on multiple dates, slept with none of them, and no one has thought I’m in a relationship with any of these people. The men are equally aware of the situation. I don’t lead people on and I make it explicitly clear that this is a DATE…don’t start calling me 20x a day and trying to take up all my time. lol I believe women are equipped to date as long as they aren’t having sex with those they are dating, like TheDad said. That’s another thing: People rush into relationships too fast (guilty as charged, myself) without taking the time to cultivate the situation and really get to know him/her. Dating someone for 3 weeks and deciding he’s the one is usually not the best move.
http://politicalmusic.wordpress.com Political Pete

I love you on the first date? lol

Political Petes last blog post..Harry Reid: Welcomes Senator Roland Burris – AP
http://blog.urbanobservation.com/ Urban Thought

Dating needs a comeback. I’ve come across people trying to lock you down after the first night. Asking “where are we going or what are we doing?” All I can say is going out. I’m not trying to get locked down in the first six months. It is going to be a minute before I label us “together.” And do you really know that you want someone in the first six months anyway?

I think what is lacking is an understanding in the beginning. All you have to do is tell them it isn’t just you and I’m not trying to get with you so quickly. Let’s get to know each other.

Urban Thoughts last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Banana & Cream
Leslie

This is funny. Finally, a post single ppl can (but obviously may not have) comment on. [Just kiddin, kinda]

Anyway, I agree with the post and the tips. It’s funny that the moment I decided not to date was the same moment people wanted to date me. I’ve been on a few non-date “dates”, and I’m just trying to not get too attached, because remember, I’m ‘not dating. Lol.

Plus, I feel sleezy going on dates with different guys. It feels misleading for some reason. In my dating experience, I date, and am not afraid to LET A GUY GO. Quite of few people (men and women) overlook that perk of dating – ya know, the part where you don’t have to marry that person. Anyway, my motto is to take dating one person at-a-time. I’m really in no hurry (maybe I should be, I dunno).

Anyway, great post!
Pingback: art Fact

The Lost Art of Dating

About the author

Facebook Fan Page

You Saved Me – DVD

Happily Ever After – DVD

Men Ain’t Boys – DVD

BMWK Classic Posts

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

BMWK Partners