Tell The Truth: How to Speak Life into Our Children

Parenting

by Lamar Tyler | on January 28th, 2009 | 7 comments

By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter founder of Life Editing and the Black Wives’ Club. Administrator for Stilldatingmyspouse.com

When our children are young, we are definitely their biggest influencer. That type of imprint must be used to build up and not destroy. They believe any and everything we tell them. What we say to them about their family, this world and even themselves, remains with them and is considered the truth. As parents, one of our major responsibilities is to fill their minds with nothing but the truth. And it might not always be the truth at the moment, but we need to build them up with all that is possible.

Let me tell you how I turned my young daughter’s math situation around. She’s only 5, and in kindergarten, but she attends a gifted school and does advanced work. Based on the grades she was bringing home, it appeared that math was difficult for her. While I helped her with the homework, I just began to feed into her mind how great she was in math, how smart she was and how she could do any math problem with ease. I believe, I may have even used the term “math beast”, I learned that from my oldest daughter. But, to my surprise, she started to believe this about herself, her grades improved greatly, and she began telling me how great she was in math. It really worked.

Our children need us to believe in them, encourage them and tell the truth about who they can become. We can do this daily through praise and affirmations. The same is also true for their self-image. I’ve always told both of my daughters, since they were very young, how beautiful and wonderful they were. I was nervous at first using these affirmations, because I didn’t want them to backfire into conceit. But, once again, I can tell that they believed me. They carry themselves with confidence, they know they are beautiful and wonderful too. They are hardly ever bothered by kids at school talking negatively about them, because they believe what I told them. Our words carry so much weight in a child’s world. They can truly make or break their spirit. If all parents were able to take this step and make this effort, everyday, just building, praising, lifting up, encouraging and supporting our children (and it doesn’t even have to stop at our biological children, do the same for nephews, nieces, neighbors etc.) their futures would become limitless.

Parents, I am challenging you to tell them the truth, speak life into these little beings and then sit back and watch them soar.

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

Harriet

Wow, Tiya, this is a great article! Thank you for speaking life into us parents.
http://www.lifeediting.com Tiya

Thanks Harriet!
http://www.singlemomandmore.com Lisa Maria Carroll

Great article. My aunt once told my daughters that pretty girls don’t wear bangs because they don’t want to hide their beauty. My daughters are in their twenties, and they still don’t wear bangs.

Lisa Maria Carrolls last blog post..Wifeyhood or Motherhood, Which is More Important?
MissJay

Great article!

@Lisa

I never thought of it that way. Interesting…
Anna

I do believe that if you plant a positive seed good things happen. This is not a great analogy, but even a liar can convince themselves that what they are saying is true. Nothing wrong with a little reverse psychology on a child to get them to believe what we are telling them is the truth and they quickly and naturally do what we knew they could accomplish all along.
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Tchicaya

You nailed it once again, Tiya. I have a testimony about positive affirmations I can share. I grew up in the ‘cute to be dark’ era, where being dark wasn’t cool. Had it not been for my mother telling me every day how beautiful I was, I would believe that my skin color was the most hideous thing since Freddy Krueger (sp?). Why couldn’t I just be cute? It was like I was an exception because all dark people are ugly. But not me, I was ‘cute to be dark’ People, especially kids, don’t realize the damage they can inflict on one another using only words. Thank God for mothers who have smarts and take the time to combat those negative forces our children face out in the world every single day. Imagine how things might have turned out for me had I not been re-programmed by my mother…what a blessing!