Does Parenthood Make You Lame?

@King James – I’m so mad you called me boring! LOL. I just have always hated the clubs. Perhaps it was because I don’t like rap music and I didn’t find grinding on different guys to be an appealing way to spend my evenings. Besides, I hate smoke and drunk fools so that says it all right there..LOL.

Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Capture the moment for your kids

Good stuff H.. I agree…

Matter fact…
yep T, your writing rocks!!
like gma’s favorite porch resting place
mama gave up hers, so we could have ours
many times found her blessing the space
but in reality
it was convo of the lord and herself
sometimes “oh gawd i need help”
other times “thanks for the blessings of wealth”
and by this wealth, she meant us
saying lord do i really deserve?
the lil people she birthed
that often placed both feet on top of her nerves
that gave her a different kinda joy
yet did murder on her youthful curves
no longer into the party scene
quicker to volunteer to chaperone parties for teens
always … she was speaking true
and now … your pathway home is uniquely you.
blessing others through how you give
inspring generations in the manner you live
bent necks from glazing at standards high
on this side we don’t lower the ball
mama… dear mama…
that’s a life that’s not boring .. .at … all

other times “thanks for the blessings of wealth”
and by this wealth, she meant us
saying lord do i really deserve?
the lil people she birthed
that often placed both feet on top of her nerves
that gave her a different kinda joy
yet did murder on her youthful curves

KJ, you’ve done it again, brother. The above part was my favorite, only second to:

blessing others through how you give
inspring generations in the manner you live
bent necks from glazing at standards high
on this side we don’t lower the ball
mama… dear mama…
that’s a life that’s not boring .. .at … all

GREAT stuff!

Parenthood, among other things really made me lame. I really had to try and revamp my whole life in the past few months. I came to St. Louis for grad school and ended up getting married and staying. The following contributed to me feeling lost in life;

1. I had no family nor friends in Missouri (and hadnt made any in grad school because I originally had no intention of staying here)
2. I started working full-time right after we got married
3. #2 caused me and my husband to end up working opposite shifts
4. The Good Lord surprised us (was on bc) with a pregnancy our second month of marriage
5. I had stopped doing the whole clubbing thing (which I used to do every week because I loved dancing) when I moved to STL
6. I hated my other favorite passtime-shopping-because I had no one to go with and I still hadnt shed the 45 lbs our daughter gave me during pregnancy.

So I went from a fun-loving young lady who had tons of friends and loved going out to an overweight mom who worked barely saw her husband and had no friends and nothing to do.

I had to do a lot of soul searching because I was so unhappy/depressed. Through much prayer I finally found the strength to become my own person again. Now I exercise regularly, have made friends with the young couples at my church, plan to take a couple of dance classes at the community college and will activate with the local chapter of my sorority (skeewee).

Being bombarded with so many life changes really sent me into a tailspin but I thank God that I’m out of it and am on my way back to being the fly woman that I know I am.

Hey LaKeysha..
One of my good friends is a 27 year old nonmarried mom that’s active with an STL chapter.. AKA. It’s good to know someone coming in and she works out alot…. plus there’s a difference in the chapters.. I’m sure you are aware. lol

gjames@fit.edu.
hit me for the info… and CC ur hubby
Roo

Parenthood does not make us lame, it makes us do what we are suppose to do, GROW UP. It’s not about us anymore, but for us to be the best and do our best to provide for our childs every need, not want. Being a parent is hard work, it’s fustrating and tiresome. It is also the most rewarding and fulfilling challenge one will face. They do get older and leave the nest and we can then resume our regulary scheduled lives, that is until the grandkids come along. LOL.

I believe this is something my wife suffers from more than I, although you’d never be able to tell it by looking at her. And maybe because of archetypal, outmoded roles, women feel this more or internalize it more than men. I’m not exactly sure.

But being at the club has nothing to do with swagger or cool. In fact although going out to dance is cool every once in a while, but the regulars at the club (specifically one club they always go to) looking for the same old same week after week is beyond lame. But chillin’ at a lounge or a swank restaurant is something I truly enjoy.

I believe swagger begins internally – it is a state of mind – it has to be otherwise it is nothing but an act that fades over time and real swagger is not an act. A few years ago when I knew I was going to be a dad (my biological first, I have a teenage stepson) I was quite panicked about the whole thing. I happened to read an article in GQ magazine that put fathers into about 6 categories. The one that resonated with me the most was Prada Dad, the father everyone wants to know and be. In fact the Prada Dad is so cool, he makes childless men want to be fathers, and women — well I don’t need to go into that here.

President Obama (currently the king of swagger) has swagger for days and talks about his kids. Brad Pitt can’t seem to have kids fast enough and he’s got swagger, shouting them out every chance he gets. Will Smith has swagger and he’s an outspoken family man. And the modern day father of swagger, Denzel – well do I need to say more? I don’t even have to say his last name and you know who I’m talking about. Now all of these men are celebrities and they have plenty of money and help, but unlike plenty of other men who are celebrities and acting a fool and keeping their kids secret, you know these men are parents and they are proud about it. It actually adds to their cool.

But to answer the question do I feel I’m as cool as I was before I had kids? No. Because it’s a different cool. I’m not stupid cool anymore. I’m really cool — that grown man cool that will last over the years, like a classic muscle car. And why do I maintain my cool? For my kids. I want my kids to know I’m cool so that they know they can always come to me for anything. I want to be their superhero, their supercool dad that they’re not horrified to see when I pick them up from school. And I don’t want that to change as they grow older and wiser.

In my travels and at work when it come out that I’m a father and even I’m the age that I am, people look at me almost bewildered. “But how?” “What are you doing…?” “You don’t look like a…?” And because I am a parent of a baby I barely get any sleep and I feel like I’m being run ragged on many days. But that doesn’t mean I have to wear that for the world to see. This is my badge of courage and I wear it proudly (well). The problem is that being a parent or married person over time has come to be associated with looking like behind on a stick. And that’s the real problem.

Swagger is a state of mind. It begins with you and it is determined by you. Parenthood can’t mess with that. It should in fact enhance it.

Great topic! Sorry to ramble, this has just been a hot topic in my personal life as of late.

Erics last blog post..Despite the Economy

You guys have great comments on this subject. I kind of feel like I can’t weigh in because I’m not a biological parent yet.

Eric I agree with Chad you certainly gave a great description of swagger and what it’t like to still be “cool” but be a parent.

Wow Eric, you just blew me away with the cool swagger break down. I do have a question for you though. Why are so many men so unwilling to share “what women need/want to know”? I don’t have this issue but sometimes wonder why women have a problem chatting/talking to their men to “open up with what they think or their feeling”. I with no authority on this site grant you the right to give us a “Eric Post as our wonderful Harriet gives us great posts to comment on.

@LaKeysha,
The hardest thing seems to be learning how to meet my own needs without feeling like I’m neglecting my family. For example, after having my baby at her great-grand-parents’ all day while I’m at work I feel neglectful if I dont spend those last 4 hours with her before she goes to bed and unfortunately the things I want to do are not always kid friendly. I guess its a learning process.
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It is a learning process and if any woman has not thought this something is wrong. Some women find it beneficial to wake up a little earlier to find “me time” before getting the kids up and ready and also do it after putting the kids to bed. I know at some stages in a parents life that it is hard to believe, but they really do grow up. This is truely one of those “One Day At A Time” examples. Everyday is never going to be like the day before. As long as we remember that it may feel like there is no end we may feel like we are doing it alone sometimes, but to know that we are not alone in what we are thinking or going through can help. Don’t forget to phone a friend, even if you have to do it at work on your lunch hour. Everyone has gone through it and someone you already know may need a “pick me up”, as much as you do.