Black and Married With Kids.com – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

People In Hell Want Ice Water

Parenting

by  |  on January 7th, 2009  |  8 comments

By: Stephaine Iszard

Do you recall when going “coach” wasn’t considered a positive social status?  My, the times are a changing.  With my daughters upcoming birthday and Christmas finally over (my credit card can now exhale), my youngest is again telling me what she wants.  It is “all about” Coach.

I am not talking about an airline seat.  She wants a Coach purse.  First of all, I do not own a Coach purse, and I actually have money to put in it. Second of all, she loses everything.  Oh, no, she is giving me the “such and such mama” speech.  Of course my retort is ask “such and such mama” to buy you one.  She begins to loudly demand. She has now plucked that last precious nerve (We all know the color of that nerve.)  After her last “WANT” speech to me, I began to channel my mother.

Without batting an eye I quoted that dear lady.  “Girl, hush! People in Hell want ice water.”  She was both dazed and confused by my apparent harsh statement.

Then, my adorable child gave me another look.  She gave me “that” look.  You know the look.  The one that makes you feel guilty when you go through a red light, or when you tell them to turn it inside out until laundry day, or when you serve leftover microwavable food two days in a row.

I determined to stay strong.  It was for her own good.  She left the room looking like someone applying for a car loan and did not know their credit score.  She was rejected.  I thought I was okay.  My mom would have done the same thing.  As a matter of fact she did.  Then it dawn on me, she made decisions based on a lack of funds not on teaching me a lesson concerning the value of a dollar.

At that point, two faces made an impression on my mind.  My mama’s sad face when she could not give us what we wanted and my sweet  pre-teen who did not get what she wanted.  With the economy in bad shape, my money has been kinda funny these days.  However, my child would come first.

I gave into part of her request.  I bought her two pair of Coach shoes.  I figured she could not misplaced those at school. Now, do not get me wrong.  I do teach her the importance of self-control when it comes to money.  But when it comes to love….well, I did not feel the need to control my pocket book.  I know people in Hell will NEVER get ice water.  However, this is not Hell.  You should see my baby’s face; she is in Heaven.  I am too.  Oh, by the way, I got the shoes on sale!!!

BMWK, do you give into your kids request? Do they have a look that they use on you also? Let us know.


About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.



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Comments (8)

  1. Harriet Wednesday - 07 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Thankfully I haven't hit that stage yet. Hopefully by that time, I'll be financially independent, and I can show them the value of earning what they want (my parents were well off, but by the time I got to a certain age, they required that I pay 50% on purchases of items that weren't necessities...otherwise, it was going on layaway).
  2. Tara Pringle Jefferson Wednesday - 07 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    @Harriet - My parents did that too! I remember I wanted some Jordans so bad and I was like 11 years old! They cost about $110 at the time and they made me pay for half. All of a sudden I'm like, "They aren't THAT fly." LOL. But I did get them and I have them TO THIS DAY (12 YEARS LATER) because I remember how long it took me to save up $60. Tara http://theyoungmommylife.com Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Why I can’t wait to move - Reason #134
  3. Gwen Jimmere Wednesday - 07 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    The look? What's that about? The look never worked on my mother. :( I think kids should have some responsibility in paying for expensive things they want so they realize the emotional and fiscal value tied to it. My oldest nephew wants to take some super-expensive acting lessons. I was excited for him, but I also realize he's 15 and like most 15 year olds, a lot of things sound like a great idea when others are paying for it and they are reaping all the benefits. I also know teens will decide they want to do something then get bored after the newness wears off and eventually quit. He has a job, so I told him he'd have to help pay for it along with his mother and I. After that, he decided he needed to think about it. He eventually decided he still wanted to do it. His classes start in the summer, so we'll see what happens
  4. Anonymous Thursday - 08 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    "People in hell want ice water" Must we "go there" with our children in the same way that our parents went there with us? Yesterday we were whooping our children the way our parents whooped us. (see it's whooping time.) Today we are using the same harsh admonishments that our parents used because they were too overworked, busy, or limited to have a conversation with us. Certainly, it's important to make sure that our children have the strong values that carried us (and generations before us) through. But for goodness sakes. Let's join the 21st century and have a conversation. Your daughter probably gave you that look because she was shocked that you went there--not because you gave her a well-deserved "no!".
  5. Anna Sunday - 11 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Ppl in Hell do want ice water and just like them my kids did not get. If they wanted what I consider "extras" they would ask their dad or take my advice and get a J O B. My kids did not know that most of the times I said no I was calling their dad so we could be on the same page and agree that it was a want and not a need. If they needed it, it was provided, if they wanted they found a way. To babysit a family members kid so they can have "date night" is a pretty good gig. Parents will pay a arm and a leg to get away from the kids for a few hours.
  6. Danielle Ojeabulu Wednesday - 08 / 07 / 2009 Reply
    I believe that children don't understand the value of the dollar. Most adults don't. No one taught me how to balance a checkbook or to keep my credit score good. I learned the hard way. But, my children will not be disadvantaged that way. I believe that giving a child what he or she wants is good if it is earned. I don't believe that good grades and completed household chores deserve reward. It is a responsibility that the child has to honor for free because they were born into your family. I would, if it was within my budget, allow my child to work for the item. My child would not be able to do one little thing and get rewarded for the big quickly. If so, it would teach him not to delay instant gratification. Those type of children grow up and abuse credit cards. The work depends on the value of the item. If he wanted $100 shoes, I figured out what he was worth per hour and he had to work for it. He appreciated what he purchased himself more. We need to prepare our children for the future. When they get out in the real world, nothing is handed to them for free. They have to work and be responsible with what they get. It starts at a young age. Danielle Ojeabulus last blog post..Preserving the Crib Mattress
  7. lilkunta Wednesday - 08 / 07 / 2009 Reply
    Stephanie : I think you're too nice. I would have said no and explained why. Those bags & shoes are overly expensive. Material things do not determine your worth. I know she is in junior high when peer pressure starts & she wants to fit in, but whether she wears a baby phat shirt, seven jeans, fendi shoes, & has a coach purse ; she will still be teased ; some1 will still find something negative to say. All that name brand stuff is over priced, & in this worldwide recession Im not giving any of my $ to fendi, gucci, coach and all the like bc they dont need it.