Sometimes Kids Are Just Bad

Comments (35)

1. 

   TheMom Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   The only thing I can say is don't give up on them. Our teenager is not living up to his potential in school...I am trying everything short of doing the homework for him. It hurts to see him impacting his future in this way..but he is going to have to deal with the consequences of his actions. I guess there are some kids out there that may be just bad. But I think in a lot of cases it might be due to the environment that the kid is in. Perhaps the kid has both parents at home..but the parents are working hard and can't give the child the attention that he/she may need. TheMoms last blog post..Voletta Wallace (Biggie’s Mom) Interview With Essence
2. 

   doris Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   There are some just head strong children out there and these are the people who only learn from the hardest of lessons, too many of these individuals are the people who are so broken inside and have done a great deal of irrepairable damage to themselves, their name and their familes. Today there is a whole differnt kind of problem child. These stem from individuals who have children and don't have the skills or committment to parenting. The young women who bring children here and are still children themselves. These are the people who now need to be asking themselves, why would a child want me for their parent, what am I offering, what am I willing to deny my self. Just because you can dosen't mean you should. Too many people use the excuse that they can't displine a child, not so. Not abuse but direct the child. MOst times it's not the child, but the people who are charged with leading the child, and if they so called parents aren't perpared you get to out of control child.
3. 

   TheDad Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   @Doris - "There are some just head strong children out there and these are the people who only learn from the hardest of lessons" -Agreed Most of the time there are other factors that come into play but sometimes kids are just bad. I'm telling yall. TheDads last blog post..Voletta Wallace (Biggie’s Mom) Interview With Essence
4. 

   Jonesi Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   I also agree that some kids are just damn BAD! And to witness it is even more astonishing. I sit back and think how the heck do her/his parents deal with this all day? My youngest sister is 7 and though she is very mannerable she has a mouth and intellect way beyond her years so it catches people off-guard alot. I'm saying this because her personality is the result of constantly being around adults and older children. Other than church, she is really always with myself, mother or my other teenage sister so we understand her confusion about being a child. So we try to foster that by surrounding her more with childlike things and attempting to expose her to more age appropriate tv shows, events, etc. But giving up on a child is assisted suicide...even well into adulthood a parent should still continue to be there for there child.
5. 

   Jonesi Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   By the way, not to talk about a kid, but talk about looking BAD! At first I thought it was Biggie's son haha...
6. 

   Harriet Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   Hmm...I knew kids that grew up the same way I did, with the same opportunities, the same supportive parents, even the same intellect. I turned out fine, but through a series of bad choices, they either had babies too early, got caught up in crime or drugs, whatever. Yet I think what kids fail to realize is that every choice they make, whether positive or negative, will affect their future. Our lives are shaped by the choices me make from day one. I'm not saying I didn't make my fair share of horrible choices myself, but it was the grace of God that kept me, even when I didn't want to be kept. It still amazes me that I am where I am, instead of locked up, homeless, addicted to abusive relationships, etc. I don't deserve it any more than anyone else, but when the Lord provided an escape route, 9 times out of 10, I took it the first time. As far as TheMom's child is concerned, that's not a "bad kid," per se, but a lazy one. LOL I think every child has the propensity to not want to live up to his or her potential academically, athletically, spiritually, etc. Even in adulthood we struggle with that from time to time. Be encouraged, Ronnie. It takes some kids longer to realize the importance of what you're trying to convey. You're doing all you can as a parent, and it may not sink in right away like it does with typical teenagers that have a goal in mind for their pursuit of higher education. But eventually, it will kick in. Stay encouraged, and stay on his tail! :)
7. 

   Anonymous Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   what is wrong with a person that would make him or her attack the way a kid looks? my heart broke when i read that. now a person like that would be sure to have a loser kid and all they would have to do is look in the mirror for all of their answers they are going to need to address the issues with their kids.i saw pictures of president obama when he was a kid and he was chunky and cute just like this little boy, now you do the math.
8. 

   Jonesi Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   Um...ok lmao! *blank stare* So are you saying, being the passionate child advocate that you are, that there is a such thing as loser children? Or am I only capable of such a creation?!? Thanks for the laugh...:-) That little boy STILL looks [adorably] aggressive and physically resembles CJ when he was younger!
9. 

   LaKeysha Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

   No one is beyond redemption. But it takes that right combination to bring out the best in each person (child and adult). we know some parts of the equation (two parents, stable home, positive peers etc) but unfortunately the full formula is only gained by trial and error. There are so many factors that influence a child and it is only as an adult that we-most of us- learn to filter what goes on around us and stay true to our values. I believe that there are many mischevious children (the ones that make you count to 10 and breathe deeply) but the truly "bad" ones (the ones that make you want to drop them off at the hospital in Nevada? and leave them) are that way for a reason. I have worked with children all of my life and the ones who stuck out because of horrible behavior ALWAYS had a reason. We have to remember that kids dont know how to cope with stressers and so they act out. Its just like a baby, you may get frusterated that they keep crying but you have to understand that that is their only means of communication and it is just as frusterating for them that you can't understand and meet their needs.
10. 

    ewok Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Some kids are bad, some are products of their environments, some are chemically imbalanced...I remember reading about Yummy Sandifer (look him up!) and thinking "whoo-hooo this kid was a piece of work, but look at what he grew up in?" I myself was a headstrong child, and I learned from falling on my behind and then later realizing that my mother was (GASP!) right the whole time! My parents divorced when I was young and it hurt me to the core. Bad relationships, failed endeavors and running in circles hendered my growth as a person. Now? Everything is lovely and my mother and I cannot go a day without talking to each other. I love her to bits and am willing to listen to whatever she has to say wether I agree with her or not.
11. 

    Nicole Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    I don't think that children are bad for no reason. There's a reason why everybody makes the choices that they make. I worked as a social worker for many years and was surprise at how parents would complain about their children, but wanted somebody else to solve their problem. Especially in the black community. I would say that 90% of the black children I worked with were living in single parent homes and had little to no contact with their father. Which I think is a big part of delinquency, along with peer pressure. I would recommend therapy, but a lot of the times the parents wouldn't take the child, participate themselves, or get upset because after 2 sessions the child was still acting out. I got so frustrated that I told my husband that I needed to make a career change, and that's exactly what I'm doing.
12. 

    Anonymous Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    According to the Annie E. Casey 65% of African American children live in single-parent households as of 2006 (http://www.kidscount.org/datacenter/compare_results.jsp?i=722&dt=2&rt=2&yr=7&va=a&s=a&dtype=&x=143&y=4). Depending on your work or environment, you might see differences in this estimate. Children are not "just bad". Maybe they are strong willed, which can be managed. Maybe they have emotional or neurological problems which can be diagnosed and treated. We have to be committed to our children by providing the best nurturing environments that we can on a consistent basis. "Some kids are just bad" is a cop out and I am surprised that we are even entertaining the question.
13. 

    TheDad Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Strong Willed is just the PC way of saying the same thing. So they do what they want to do because they are "Strong Willed" They won't listen because they are "Strong Willed" etc... I've got to keep it real. Its the only way I know how. Some kids are just bad no matter how you dice it up. That doesn't mean you give up on them, that doesn't mean they can't be managed either. And still regardless of if they are in the perfect space as far as emotional, psychological, physical support, two parent household it doesn't always make a difference. Most of the time it does but there are exceptions. TheDads last blog post..Website Wednesday - African American Brides
14. 

    Jonesi Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    It just amazes me how people play word games and think it changes the situation. I'm guilty of this at times but in order to progress we have to be real with ourselves and our situations. Unfortunately some kids are bad...I have a cousin that has been a lying theif all his life. In and out of jail, just damn bad for as long as anyone can remember. His twin sister, raised in the same household, is totally opposite. No one in our family has given up on him but we recognize he has a problem....I'm not here to offer any solutions but to give an example that it is, what it is....and calling him strong-willed doesn't change the fact that he has a crinam record....
15. 

    Harriet Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    @ TheDad...I agree. Let's get beyond all this PC stuff and just outline some alternate words for "bad" so we can get beyond all the posturing. ROFL Euphemisms for "Bad:" Precocious Mischievous Strong Willed Inquisitive Emotional Expressive Disobedient Out of Control He/She doesn't have enough support Nefarious Unscrupulous Wretched Atrocious Cruel Anyone care to add anything? ROFL But like Lamar said, that behavior can still be structured and disciplined. It requires consistency, patience, prayer and above all, unconditional--and at times--tough love. Parents cannot expect their children to respect them if they prefer their minors to consider them friends instead of authorities and guardians. Additionally, a parent cannot kill the personality of their child by locking them down. Boundaries are not synonymous with imprisonment.
16. 

    ewok Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    @ Harriet I have one: Touched Used in a sentence: Lil' man will not stop banging his head on the wall to get attention. He is a little touched. LOL!
17. 

    Harriet Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    ewok, you gotta get hooked on phonics! it's not "touched," but "turched." ROFL!!!
18. 

    Anonymous Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Nevertheless, when I hear "bad", I hear "hopeless". In that case, some children may be bad (for lack of a better term) for any number of reasons. In any case, we should never give up on any child.
19. 

    Harriet Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    @ anonymous It's all semantics, but I think we all agree on the bottom line: no one has the right to give up on their children. We are mandated both biologically, emotionally and spiritually to do the best we can by our children. We must be in partnership with the Lord as well. Too many parents these days are too quick to give up. Some parents have come to the end of their proverbial rope, but that's where a relationship with the Lord comes into play. I know this example sounds minimal, but I'm ready to give up on potty training. I just can't take it. However, I can't expect my son to just catch onto it if I don't give him proper training in it. That's why it's important to start setting healthy boundaries and communicating with children early. By the time they turn 5 years old, it's almost too late. It must be instilled early so they can carry it with them. Yet even when a parent has done so, that's not a guarantee when dealing with human beings and free will, no matter what the age. If they're old enough to talk, they're old enough to make their own decisions, right wrong or indifferent. And, as the late Bernie Mac said, they're also old enough to be punched in the stomach and in the throat! ROFL...I'm really just kidding! I hope no one gets all sensitive and takes offense. That last statement was a JOKE.
20. 

    Marcus Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Look people! This is no roacket science. Woop they behinds. I know too many parents scared to woop their kids. Let me tell ya'll something. I come from a west-indian back ground, and west-indians don't play that. I would like you to make that a topic, moderator; West-Indians compared to regular African Americans, as far as success. Anyway moving on. Woop your kids, and talk to them. My little girl is two, and I talk to her. Believe it or not, she talks back. I mean it's mostly baby jibberish with a little bit of what I can understand lol. However, the point is that I want to develop the type of relationship where I can reason with her. I want to be able to tell her about life, and the consequences. Punish her if she is supposed to know better. Reward her for excellence, not for mediocre work. I know a friend that hung her child's report card on the fridge, and she had mostly C's. I told her to take that down, and only hand it up when she gets A's. Let's stop treating our kids like doing okay in life is acceptable. That's where the trouble starts. We start allowing them to believe that doint okay, well...is okay. So they look at trouble as not too far a step down. Raise their standards, raise their expectations out of life., so that they can expect that out of themselves, because that is what they were raised on. Only then will we fill the earth with excellent children with limiless potential. Simple.
21. 

    Harriet Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    You should check out the link to the "Whooping Time" article I wrote. You would love to read the commentary there. Just put whooping time in the search engine at the top of the page.
22. 

    ewok Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Harriet! "Turched" is right! I was sooo thinking it... Jonesi: Yes, some kids are just bad....faulty wiring maybe? But, there are strong willed children out there as well that just need the proper guidance. I think of it as how people learn things....some are audio learners and some are visual learners. I was a visual learner...had to experience the hurt of my consequences. My mother knew I was a sweet and giving child. But, if something was funny in church? I was snigglin' about it...you know, the shouler shaking, uncontrollable laugh? I knew I would be getting The Goon Hand later......but MAN was it funny anyway. Another example: Skipping homework to watch The Cosby Show. My mother was a teacher that taught at the same school I attended. This was sudden death for me, but it was the "I say Eh Man" episode....come on man...miss that? LOL! And what was worse, my mother asked me if I did my homework. It was a long homework assignment that would have made me miss The Cosby Show.....so I said yes. Yes ya'll I lied......lied like a rug. I got swats at school the next day by my mother and then The Goon Hand when I got home. See, I wasn't bad, but I needed that Goon Hand to keep me in check.
23. 

    ewok Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Harriet, I agree completely. Very well said. And, yes!......cut them to the white meat! Bernie did say it best.
24. 

    Jonesi Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    @Ewok - Please don't bring up the church memories. I was also that kid that laughed so much it was annoying to others, had a smart mouth, talked too much, was (and still am) very moody, and at times could be very whiney with a terrible, stubborn mean streak! So I am in no way being harsh....unbecoming behaviors have been exhibited by all of us at some point in our lives. But when I think of friends, associates, or random people (even moreso kids) that steal, are very violent, etc. I really do think to myself, "What happened to them?" It's like I don't understand extreme behavior because I've never had the desire to rob someone (lol). Not funny but you get my point. As stated by someone, raising a child is indeed a community effort which is why I take being a God-parent so seriously. Kids wanna hear that they are loved, that you care about how their life is going and that no matter the choices they make you will always be there for them. So in the spirit of "turchedness", people PLEASE stand up to these kids when they are out of order....I am only 24 and I sure do! I spent alot of my childhood being raised in Cleveland so it takes alot for me to be scared to speak my mind and tell people how I feel (most times):-)
25. 

    Marcus Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Thank you. I'm not advocating whoopings, but when you do this, you show your child that in this REAL world there are consequences for your negative actions. Do it in the house NOW, so they don't have to learn it outside. Because a whooping may seem brutal, but when "them folks" get you in the prison system....They show no mercy. Let's lift our young black youths up. Let's lift them up to the TOP! So that's where they aim when they shoot for goals.
26. 

    ewok Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    @ Jonesi, so true! There is a big difference between snigglin' in church and robbing banks lol! You hit the nail on the head. I never felt that urge either. I'd get caught anyway. I can't even taste a grape at the store withourt thinking the Fuzz, or worse, my mother is watching. And yes, it does take a village to raise a child. My family has full reign to lay down the law as I do with their children. This is how it was when I was growing up. If my aunt said I did something shady, then that was good enough for my mother. I also hate being in the store and seeing parents bargain with their kids after they have been cussed out by the little terror from A to Z. Our house will not be the "bargain basement" Mommy and Daddy's word will be law.
27. 

    Anonymous Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    jonesi when you attack a child no matter what the reason, i say you have a problem. do you know why this kid is having problems, no. how small of you.
28. 

    CS Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Hi Everyone, I'm new to this site but really love it! But to the topic: I do believe in children getting spank with the situation is warranted and all other factors are not effective. Not all children in the same household respond the same to to different forms of punishment. I remember growing up my parents were friends with a family that had 4 kids. 3 of them were really well behaved and the typical 'good kids.' But one of their sons wasn't he was quite simply a delinquent. Now that he is an adult his is much more mellow but pretty much said the same thing that some of you stated. He was simply hard headed and its regretful now for his actions as a child. I do believe some kids just don't listen, or are simply programed to do whatever it is they want to. Yes there are reasons behind their actions and yes, the parents can not give up, but some kids really do test you. CSs last blog post..DeSheawn Snow Is OUT For Season 2 Of The ATL Housewives
29. 

    Anna Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Great comments once again. I know of a family when I was a young teen. The girl got good grades and got attention from mom and dad, the son in order to get attention got in trouble. The girl realizing her brother was getting more attention with mom and dad spending more time with him in between court dates and in and out of jail decided she would find attention elsewhere(We all know what kind of attention she sought). Mom and dad worked so hard to provide a home in the "burbs" and all the gadgets and brand named clothes out at the time in the early 80's that they forgot that kids only require" love, attention and understanding along with praising good grades and not making one kid more important for being in trouble over her getting good grades. Are there kids that are really bad seeds? I think so. Are there kids who do bad things for attention, of course. Kids who grow up with "everything" are the most likely to kill their parents when the parents stop paying their bills. Kids of today have too much time on their hands because there are too many single parent households and the kids either have to fend for themselves or mom makes them the "babysitter" for each new kid she comes home from the hospital with. I can keep going back and forth with my reasons, but I do think kids want attention from a parent(s). kids do want us to put our foot down. Kids want to know they have a curfew and we get upset that they are 10 minutes late coming home. some kids act out because of the foods we feed them, and the list goes on. There are many reasons a child is a bad child. Let us look in the mirror and find out. It could be a inbalance as one commenter stated. It could be lack of parenting from one kid to another. A kid who acts out is only acting out for a reason. Does that mean that we as parents have to dismiss whooping a child like that, heck no! Some kids do need their butts whooped. I will add that some parents need a good kick in the pants also.
30. 

    Dantresomi Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    I was one of those tyrants. My mother ruled with an iron fist, but i rebelled against her dictatorship. I regret it all. I wish I had been a better son. Then again, compared to a good number of my peers, I turned out pretty good. I owe that to my mother. Dantresomis last blog post..
31. 

    King James Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    If only we knew...
32. 

    Harriet Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    @ KJ If only we knew what?
33. 

    Sasha Friday - 16 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Thank you Marcus!!! So well said: let's RAISE THE STANDARD FOR OUR CHILDREN!!! Let's also BE THE CHANGE WE WISH TO SEE (Ghandi.) Are we leading by example? Are we telling our kids one thing but doing another? Do we have a different set of standards for ourselves than our kids? Do we have a different set of standards for different siblings? Some kids may be, as the author suggested, just "bad" and make bad choices, but I believe that it is never too late for anyone. Don't give up!!!
34. 

    Freeware Gallery Tuesday - 20 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    Hello, Every one starts his life in the shape of a kid. So we should not feel bad any kid because every one was a kid in the past and then goes up to a tall person. I feels "Kids are Smiles of any society".
35. 

    anonymouse Sunday - 25 / 01 / 2009 Reply

    ...hitting our kids is ok if nothing else is working. That's the message that's being conveyed here? I think all who belive that garbage deserves your "bad" kids. I have on occassion spanked my child, but I hated doing it, and I would never suggest anyone hit or woop their child. If you ever have hit your child, then you have seen the fear and pain on their faces as they realize that the one person whom they can trust just breached that trust and don't understand why. If anyone has seen that look on a childs face then I don't know how, if you are a decent, caring person, could do it again, or suggest that it may be "the only way". I'm am sickened and repulsed by the remarks that hitting a baby is ok. IT IS NEVER OK TO BREACH THE TRUST OF YOU CHILD. They depend on you to feed them, clothe them, and KEEP THEM PAIN FREE and safe. Why the heck do you think confusing them and taking all that trust away from them is helpful.