Bottom line is this…upon meeting men, smart women won’t allow these men access to their homes, bank accounts, or hand over the keys to her car…and most important, will not allow him access to her child/children…why should she be any less cautious with her heart and emotions?

A man’s sex organ is exposed and on the outside of his body. A woman’s sex organs are internal, you literally have to get inside of her to procreate. That, the author believes, says everything about how men and women are different in relationships and how intimacy (or lack thereof) affects us.

I tend to agree. Any men with daughters out there? How often did you tell your daughter she had to protect herself from boys and what they want, especially physically? I point this out because I think it’s both hypocritical and somewhat naive for any man to tell a woman she needs to not have a wall of protection. Even more important for women who don’t have the protection of a man (father or husband, brother, etc) in their lives.

Afterall, we(women) are the ones who usually must deal with results of lowering said wall… uintended pregnancy comes readily to mind. What generally speaking, do men really have to protect themselves from that will have such lasting consequences?

But, I guess this is really more about emotional walls. Do a lot of black women have up walls? Sure. Do a lot of them have good reason to ? Absolutely. Frankly, I don’t think the world is a safe place for black women to be too open.

I don’t think the issue is whether or not to build up a wall but learning to better discern who to lower the wall for. That’s a risk and we have to make calculated risks.

I used to be a very open loving person. With that came a small amount of joy but a tremendous amount of heartbreak.

My newly formed wall keeps it much more balanced in my opinion. The wall has helped me avoid a lot of potentially devestating heartbreak and at the same time some good people filter in here and there.

Only if I believed there were more good people than bad…in the sense of there being more people, (esp. men) having my best interests at heart or no ill intent..would I think of tearing down
the wall permanently.

…

D.C. used to be much warmer in spirit. It’s gotten rather cold lately. But a good brotha keeps on tryin! “We keeps on tryin!” lol!

When I read the reports that there are now almost 27 women to every 1 man out here (I can remember when it was 12 to 1) and I hear the single ladies frustrations, the main question I always ask is “have you seen the lack of social etiquettes and common courtesies most men do not get in return just for saying hello?” lol!

I am not only speaking in a downtown business envionment, I also mean right on the job! People you work with everyday! No one speaks!

I have noticed though that is much better further south from my experiences where at least some warmth still exists!

Signed,

“Can a brotha get a simple hello, good morning, good evening, have a nice day, see you tomorrow, or take care in return?” lol!

~LT

LTs last blog post..New Book & TV Special: ‘Lincoln On Race and Slavery’ & ‘Looking for Lincoln with Henry Louis Gates, Jr.’ on PBS

My wall came from past heartbreaks but feelings of abandoment left by my parents.

It can help you in the beginning by not allowing you to fall to quickly; however the damage it does to a relationship in the long run of things is…………the wall never really allows you to have a real relationship.