Diary Of A Tired Black Man Hits DVD Shelves

On the Web

by Lamar Tyler | on February 9th, 2009 | 38 comments

Who hasn’t seen this on the Internet yet? Below are the trailers for the DVD and the original short clip from the film that went viral all over the Internet a few years back. Would you buy this DVD? What’s your impression of the film and it’s look at ABWS (Angry Black Woman Syndrome) as the director calls it? Is this just more propaganda that feeds into stereotypes that we hold about each other? What are your thoughts?

DVD Trailer

Original Internet Trailer

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

http://www.thebottomofheaven.com Claudia

Is this for real? OMG – and is that the guy from Heroes? I guess I missed this when it was going viral. My knee-jerk reaction is to get upset and insist that yes, this kind of story is perpetuating views that are largely stereotypical. (And the acting is unintentionally hilarious.) But after some thought, I wonder if isn’t sad and really unfortunate that this filmmaker missed an opportunity to have would could have been a very interesting conversation about black masculinity by berating and caricaturing women. So we have this tired black man’s lecture, rather than an acknowledgment of the pressures and frustrations we all face.

Claudias last blog post..Lost & Found: Be Giving
http://justkeekicking.blogspot.com Married To It

This clip is under my skin. I missed this on the net also. I don’t think I will be watching this if and when it comes out. The acting is to basic for my dime.
I’m still waiting on someone to do a story with normal women and men without all these exaggerated character flaws. I guess if these was nothing wrong and nothing to fix we wouldnt be interested.
Jonesi

Awful…when will our people learn that they have to be more careful when documenting our “culture”, because “others” who don’t typically interact with us see stuff like this and actually form perceptions and opinions that are hard to break. Another sad moment in slap-stick black cinema….

From a critical thinking standpoint, I would have thought the director would have made the lead woman dark-skinned to further perpetuate the notion of ABWS…just an observation….althoug I may end up getting this movie to write a critical analysis for class…we like to tear this kind of stuff apart in my program
ayanna

I would love to see this movie. It is interesting to see different perspectives on black male/female relationships. Also, as a happily married woman, I can see some issues that are possibly painful for black women to see. Perhaps because we see some truth in the characters. In order for us to heal our families and relationships, we need to take an honest look at what ails us. It is important to work together as a unit, rather than in competition or against each other. Hurt, dissappoitment and disrepect often make black women angry. This is understandable. Men need to realize that they are not the only ones that need to be taken care of. We need understanding and strength as well as love and stability. Honor and respect us so that we can treat you like the kings you are. Black men and women need to put aside the scars from previous relationships and work on being the best counterpart possible to your mate.

This movie is just one person’s take on relationships, but the subject matter is a hot topic. So if nothing else, a movie that makes you want to discuss it afterwards is worth seeing in my book.
T. Rogers

I wouldn’t mind checking out the movie. Indeed it does seem to oversimplify black relationships, but what else is new. This time it is the sisters who are under the spotlight.

Jonesi thinks it would have been better to have a darker skinned black woman as the leading lady. I can see how that could better drive home the whole black woman/ white woman thing. But more importantly I think it would have been better to have the main male character as an American born brother. There are different relationship dynamics between American born blacks as oppose to foreign born blacks. I think our collective history in this country impacts the roles we adopt in relationships to some degree.

I take movies like this very lightly. It is just something I have learned over the years. If I took movies like this seriously I would hate being a black man. Lord knows we have had enough “black men ain’t …” movies and books.
Buck

Thank you, Ayanna. Although THIS film certainly isn’t the vehicle, there is a need “to take an honest look at what ails us”, as you put it. The operative word being “US”. Not just men, those dogs, deadbeats, and moochers. Face it, somebody is keeping those dudes in business. Examining what ails US includes a frank look at black women and their role in perpetuating this sorry state of affairs. Decent, mature men had to endure the one-sided “Waiting to Exhale” phenomenon, but if was a catharsis for some women and a wakeup call for some men, then maybe it was worth it. I have no problems with airing our dirty laundry about how awful brothers have been to sisters in a national forum, but it come off like a bitch session rather than a call for repentance and reconciliation.

We as a community need to examine, dissect, and hopefully heal the pathology of not only the whoremongering, miscreant, living-in-their-mommas-basement type brothers…but let’s confront and heal the women who keep these men. The overindulgent single moms and grandmothers who don’t demand the same maturity from their sons as their daughters… women with no compunction about sexing someone else’s man…women willing to put up with the worst behavior and disrespect rather than being single…women “playing house” who only want a child with certain physical features without examining the man she’s laying with. The list goes on.

“Tired Black Man” is lowbrow, too simplistic, insulting, and too low quality to articulate some valid issues. Hopefully something will come along that will be embraced by the culture (like the Terry McMillan movement), but also spurs scrutiny on some uncomfortable truths about black women just as it we continue to do to black men.
Harriet

I’ve never heard anything about this film before now. At any rate, I agree with Buck. It IS “lowbrow, too simplistic, insulting and too low quality to articulate some valid issues.” Well said.

Personally, I think “Not Easily Broken” outlines some important points that put the spotlight on black women and the issues we allow to influence our relationships.
http://joeblessing.wordpress.com/ Joe Blessing

I have not seen the clip, but the subject is one I used to complain about in my younger days. I found that very often sista’s would confuse being angry and loud with being a “strong, black woman.” And then say a man could not handle her strength when he did not want to deal with the attitude.

We all know that both brotha’s and sista’s have things they do that are not very…nice. Cultural habits, let say, that should be changed. BUt if you don’t even admit they are there or attack someone for pointing them out, then nothing changes.

That’s my objective view.

My subjective view, is its about time someone put something out that does not pick on men all the darn time.

Joe Blessings last blog post..MESSAGE TO BEYONCE
Anna

My computer did not want to type my words for a few minutes. Did Chris and Rihanna see this movie? PPl act like men are not allowed to react. Male or female we both get tired at some point. The problem is we don’t move on fast enough. I say that if you are so big and bad to hit a man don’t think that he in every circimstance will walk away to avoid hitting you back. A woman gets just as angry as a man, only thing is ‘a man is considered a whimp if he defends himself. A woman gets to call the cops or let someone else do it and say that she has a bruise and the man gets charged. I totally now understand when I see on the news that a male of any color left the scene or is not present when the cops show up in a domestic violence situation, they don’t have a chance sterotyping a man for harming his mate/wife or girl. Woman are just as much to blame as men. women want equal rights I say it’s now time for some to take “equal blame”.
http://www.tiredblackman.net Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

You are all so wrong… Here is a review from someone who has seen the movie as you have not:

‘Diary of a Tired Black Man’ is bound to raise some issues

By ROBERT W. BUTLER
The Kansas City Star

Like pebbles dropped in still water, some movies create ripples that spread to cover the entire culture. “Diary of a Tired Black Man” is one of those ripple-makers. Except it’s more like a hand grenade tossed in a toilet.

Tim Alexander’s super low-budget film, fresh to DVD this week, is nothing less than a messy, sincere and occasionally savage dissection of male/female relationships, particularly as experienced by African-Americans.

Once people catch on to this movie — and it’s only a matter of time — it should have a major sociological and cultural impact.

This is not to say that “Diary” is great art … just the right movie at the right time.

It began with a three-minute Internet short Alexander wrote and directed a couple of years back. In it a divorced black father named James (Jimmy Jean-Louis, the memory-stealing “Haitian” on TV’s “Heroes”) shows up at his former home to pick up his daughter for a weekend.

His ex, Tonya (Paula Lema), is waiting with several of her gal pals. They’re livid that James has shown up with his current girlfriend, a white woman who waits outside in his car.

In response to their insults that he’s a typical black man and “too weak to deal with a strong black woman,” James announces that he’s not weak. He’s tired — tired of pointless fighting, tired of useless confrontations. He points out that he was faithful throughout the marriage, that he provided the luxurious home in which Tonya lives and that he’s never missed an alimony payment. Oh, and by the way, it’s nobody’s business whom he dates.

In short, he silences the angry women.

“Tired Black Man”— the short opens this DVD package — became a viral sensation. Subsequently Alexander traveled to several cities showing the short to men and women and videotaped hours of their reactions and comments. Later he wrote and directed several additional scenes depicting pivotal moments from James and Tonya’s marriage.

All these elements have been loosely thrown together for the DVD package, a provocative mashup of fiction, documentary and cinematic essay.

If you really want the full experience, watch “Diary” with Alexander’s commentary track, in which he codifies his ideas about ABWS — Angry Black Woman Syndrome. There’s an epidemic of ABWS, he claims, and it’s threatening the very soul of African-American culture.

Alexander — he says he’s been a victim of ABWS — acknowledges that many women have reason to be angry after being abused and used by their men. (He also chides women for choosing “bad” boys when there are plenty of decent guys out there.) But so many women have become so angry that they cannot appreciate even good, upstanding black men, he maintains. And angry women rarely enjoy lasting relationships.

Some of Alexander’s comments are sure to stir controversy:

“Women will get into another woman’s relationship in a finger snap.”

Women “will attack like pack animals. They all come and circle around you and rip your flesh off.”

The older women get, according to Alexander, the more self-aware they become and the less likely they are to blame everything on men: “The second and third marriages are more successful not because we found someone better, but because we found ourselves.”

Fascinating insight into human relationships? Or just genteel misogyny?

Arguing those points is what makes “Diary of a Tired Black Man” so interesting. Expect “Tired Black Man” discussion groups to spring up in church basements and at community centers. Alexander — a fashion photographer who has never made a film before — even provides a “cuss-free” version on this DVD so that it can be enjoyed by those who cannot tolerate rude talk.

Rude talk or not, expect “Diary of a Tired Black Man” to raise voices and blood pressure.

Can a movie be a culture changer? If so, this is a prime candidate.

_END

Do you still think it is shallow?

Go to this link and find out more http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums/

Read what other men and women had to say after they saw it. Thanks
kim h20s

the most interesting part of this movie is the mashup mentioned by Filmaker – Tim Alexander. the plot is old and tired — that in order for a black man to find peace and happiness, he must date a white woman. i have no problem with interracial dating. but what i do have a problem with is the very small, yet vocal, minority of black men (and black women) who put their white mate on a pedestal at the expense of other african americans. if you as a black man want to date a white woman, that is fine. but it is an insult to me (and to her) for you to claim that the only reason you’re dating her is because she is submissive and quiet.
http://joeblessing.wordpress.com/ Joe Blessing

Kim, your point is a good one. Especially given that white women are not passive, or submissive. They just don’t a make scene, or feel the need to voice a loud opinion all the time. They will make thier point later and in a different way. They are masters of the passive-aggressive manuever.

Joe Blessings last blog post..Day 30 After Break-up:The Road Ahead
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

You are so overreacting and wrong about this movie. You just saw the white woman’s entire role in the film. It is less then 20 seconds and she never comes back or is even mentioned again! This film is not about black men being with or preferring white women over black women – it is about the anger in SOME of our black women – and I will continue to make that fact clear publicly.

You have not seen this film and you pass judgement on it? On what grounds?

That clip was designed to do what it did – start a fire. But it is a bait and switch. This film was never about an interracial relationship or a white woman – it is about the black women among us who Have an anger issue. If you are not a woman with an anger issue, then what are you angry about?

You are hanging yourself with talk of the white women, you will see when you finally see the film or hear more about it, and you will – this film is not going anyplace.

It was never stated all black women are angry, this film is directed at the ones who are. If you are not angry, then et it for a woman who is – like the ones you know at work, church and school that have given you a hard time as well and you watched as they ran a good man away.

I am on the side of right, and this is a message movie to help make our families stronger. Believe it or not, just see it and you will see… It is not what you think.

Tim Alexander

Filmmaker-Tim Alexanders last blog post..Soy – It’s in everything and BAD for our men!
http://mysite.verizon.net/vzeo9ewi/proudtobeblack1/ PTBBNEWS

I saw the movie when it first came out last year , it is great from a man’s view on how SOME women try to grind their men down even when the man is doing everything thing he is supposed to do, i won’t tell you the plot but he starts to date a white woman and he has a child by his ex- who is black and his ex’s girlfriends try to say he’s no good because they do not have a man, but i enjoyed the movie i think SOME women can learn that if they have a good man some complaining and moaning about really small things and work on the union. now her girlfriends where trying to say he left her for a white woman because they are more docile but it was really because she did not cause him grief and the his ex- in the flim had some man issues from old boyfriends
http://justkeepkicking.blogspot.com Married To It

I think my real problem with all of this is the general terms. There are good and bad in all men and women or all races. To say there are no angry white women is wrong. I think its not so much cultural as personal. What you are exposed to an accept as right and wrong in a relationship. This movie is holding onto a sterotypical view of women like so many other movies directed at the African American viewers.

Married To Its last blog post..Outlet Shopping
http://joeblessing.wordpress.com/ Joe Blessing

You mean like Waiting to Exhale???????
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

I never said it was only black – of course it is all nationalities of women with these issues – I just made a film from the point of view I lived it – and I made it to help my people, as I think we are least aware of our issues. Why so defensive Married To It?

Filmmaker-Tim Alexanders last blog post..Soy – It’s in everything and BAD for our men!
http://joeblessing.wordpress.com/ Joe Blessing

Let me answer that for you. It’s like telling someone that smokes they smell like an ashtray. They smoke cirgarettes, of course they smell that way, and they know it, but they don’t want to admit it or hear about it.

Joe Blessings last blog post..Validating her Feelings
Jonesi

I know I’ve commented but from a theoretical perspective realizing the culture-contemplative POV….I am starting to understand the creative measures that were taken to get a very poignant point across. I would like to watch the film….to understand the agenda. I can admit I am getting annoyed by Hollywood’s new phenomenon hailing white-women as the black man’s kryptonite (i.e Not Easily Broken, Beyonce’s up-and-coming movie), but in reality this concept isn’t foreign – it’s just being sensationalized by various media outlets.

Black women do need to check ourselves and hold ourselves more accountable for our individual predicaments. But I think the anger does come into play when one starts to identify with themes and scenes they find offensive. We never like to “see” the truth…especially when we’ve lived it – not saying this movie represents total reality. But most scripts, though understood to contain some element of creativity, are created by people from their perspective – their REALITY!

I rather comment more after watching it…I would also consider using it for my graduate program as discussion piece and maybe explore what makes this topic so sensitive.
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

Thank you Jonesi. And again, the film actually has nothing to do with the white woman! That is a purposely misleading scene! You will see.
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

I love how you ladies have access to speak to the actual source about what my film is about but you chose to completely ignore me like I am not even here. Why do I even bother…

I’m out.
http://justkeekicking.blogspot.com Married To It

I dont think I”m defensive at all. I am speaking from my “reality”. I’m tired of the save people appearing on tv, film, print, or whatever. My point is again the generalization of black women as if there is one general trait all black women share. That may have been your experience with a few women or some of the people you associate with but its not all. The sassy neck roll with a gaggle of negative friends who give bad advice is become the standard sterotype of what black women are.

My only point is that it is a very limited view of who black women are and how they behave.
http://joeblessing@wordpress.com joe blessing

Married to it–I go back to my post, “Do you mean like Waiting to Exhale???????” i seem to remember quite well (cause I actually got into an argument with Terry at a convention about this) women saying black men just could not take their truth. I don’t remember Oprah or others empathizing that was some men, or that the characters or the women they represent in real live, had total control over their circumstances via picking the wrong guys. On this point I am with Tim, and I even wrote my own play about it.

it is not all black women, any more than terry’s books represent all black men. But both points in each viewpoint happen often enough to make it not just an occasional occurrence. I personally did not see a single attribute of myself in the men in Waiting to Exhale, but does not mean I don’t know there are millions of guys like that. Ditto for women. Hopefully you’re nothing like the ones in this movie, but there are millions of black women who are–unfortunately.

joe blessings last blog post..January Wrap-Up
Daisy

I heard the filmaker on Rev Al’s show last year I do believe. I was not impressed then and still have no desire to see the movie. Blacks are more emtional and expressive per say in general its in our culture. My friends describe me as reserved so I know I have never been labeled loud or combatative (another word use to describe black women)When I have something to say I will say it sometimes it may be delivered soft/quietly other times maybe a little louder depending ont he situation. I bet my man will get loud at times well. There is a time and place for everything as my mama always said. For you men who are so tired of all these loud black women either grow a pair or stop dealing with G fab women. Cause the sisters I know from all walks of life are not loud for the sake of being loud and controlling and causing a scene!

Toodles
http://joeblessing@wordpress.com joe blessing

Daisy, I’m sorry but that looks like you are making excuses. Little kids are loud as well, but no one thinks you should not teach them to keep quiet in certain circumstances; like say on a plane or in the mall. AND no I’m calling women kids. I’m just using a vivid analogy.

In college I had a female friend admit to me once, that she used to be loud and had to make sure she gave her opinion, etc. or whatever. And then she discovered that many times she was so bent on saying something, she didn’t realize she wasn’t “saying anything.” meaning she was just having attitude just to have it. Men don’t need to get a pair. Why should I have a “pair” to deal with a sista such as you describe, when I can just go look for someone with a bit more sense, or decorum. There are times to get loud, and there are times as Monique once said in a comedy routine, “to shut the @%^ up.” Her words not mine. Example, catching your man cheating on you is a time to get loud. Finding out your man, who does work hard, just got laid off, is not.

Not all black women are loud, or have attitudes. That goes without saying. Not all brothers are commitment phobic. I sure ain’t. But for the women that are that way, I truly believe that it is because of something I said in an earlier comment. that they think being loud is the same as being strong. Well let me change a bit. Because I don’t think any man really has a problem with loud talking, unless its in public. It’s the attitude with the loudness that grates.

I’m curious though. Why is it that if men complain about something, we need to just let it go, or get over it. But if we say the same thing about stuff said about men, we’re given this crazy look. I especially love this when it comes from a woman that talks about the dearth of good black men, and yet they chose every bad black man they ever dated.
http://www.djednice.com DJ Ed Nice

You know I bought this DVD when the movie originally came out a few years ago and I honestly think this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen… You have to look at it for what it is and with an open mind… It’s purposely designed to invoke a reaction in hope of stirring up conversations between us (Black men & women) to resolve our issues…

There has been a void of ‘men’ voices in the public airwaves about this topic…

I would seriously suggest that everyone check out the movie & then lets talk about it…

1

Ed
Patra

I have no interest in seeing this garbage. Tim Alexander is just another negro making a profit from the flaws some AA’s have. Had he been interested in showing the reality of AA male/female relationships, he could have put together a documentary about AAs and married life. But then, he wasn’t interested in reality, he was interested in stereotypes.
Daisy

@Joe I did not make any excuses. I dont care if its men or women bitching and moaning about xyz and abc (mainly sterotypes) is NOT going to bring us together. Stop painting with a broad brush and look at the person and go from there and call it a day!
Harriet

i just watched the movie, and i really enjoyed the documentary portions. there’s truth in a lot of what they had to say, but i question whether or not the filmaker actually sought out any black women that were NOT bitter.

there are plenty out there, but it seems like all the black women he pinpointed were ones that made piss poor decisions or were embittered by their past experiences.

i totally agree with many of the points that were made:

– the way you act, and the people you surround yourself with is what you inevitably will attract
– we are products of the choices we make…if we don’t like where we are, there’s no sense in pointing the finger at a man…look at those 3 fingers pointing back at you first

you know what, though…this phenomenon is not relegated to just women who didn’t have their fathers, or grew up with abusive fathers. my pops was the best there was, he loved my mother fiercely, he poured out love for us that was sacrificial and unconditional. yet even though i wasn’t dating thugs, i found myself many times dating men that didn’t value me as a woman.

i could only blame myself, though. if i don’t appreciate my own value, the world is not going to stand by and raise my price. i have to be willing to have enough love for the Lord and love for myself to keep from making poor choices.

my husband is a good man, but that is the grace of God. he dealt with a lot growing up, and he wasn’t fully over it when we got married. i looked past a lot of that, and in the early days of our marriage, i reaped the consequences of rushing to get married. thank God there was no physical abuse, but emotionally, i had to heal from a lot of things that were said.

i think we, as women need to realize that we cannot change another person. we can change ourselves and thus adjust our surroundings based on a new mindset, but there are so many stuck in the paradigm that they have to treat a man with contempt or manipulation, OR that they have to make a man miserable so they can feel good about themselves.

i hate to admit it, but i saw a lot of myself (attitude when simple things got on my nerves) in this movie/documentary. i don’t have trust issues, but i’ve been known to nag a time or two. to see it on film really convicted me.

all that to say that i have to eat my earlier words. although i didn’t enjoy it, i’m GROWN, which means it’s important to look at the role i play in some of the negativity that attempts to attack my marriage from time to time.
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

No Harriet, I did not pinpoint any particular type of people to interview. I just randomly stopped people I did not know from cities I did not live in and asked them to tell me what they thought about the issues. And that is what people across the country had to say.

I mad this film to do one thing and one thing only – to help women to look at themselves in a different light and to take responsibility for their actions and choices, as the film has helped you to do.

I am glad that you took the step to see it for yourself. And thank you for your honesty about what you found in the film’s message.

I am a 49 year old married man with 4 kids and I am just like the rest of you. And I am offended that none of you here have been willing to talk to me but instead chose to ignore me reaching out to you to discuss the true intentions of my film. Isn’t this site for positive men and women with families? Well that is what I am, and I feel I was treated rudely and with no respect here.

Please, take the time to see the film before you criticize it – it is unfair to pass judgment on something you have not seen.

It is not what you think and it is not about the white woman – at all. It is about the issues we have in our relationships that we are over due to look at squarely in the face.

The few people here that have seen the film feel a lot different about it then all the rest of you who have not. I would expect more from a group of people such as yourselves.

I would like an open dialogue with you here, this is another request for a chance to be viewed fairly.

I have a forum, reviews, interviews, and so much more I could share with you to help you see where I am really coming from – if you would just take the time to look instead of jumping to judgement about that which you know nothing about.

I extend my hand to you again to open a meaningful dialogue with you here. I am here to help, not destroy.

Filmmaker-Tim Alexanders last blog post..Strawberry stupidity
Harriet

Mr. Alexander,

I didn’t even think twice about the white woman. That was a non-issue to me. I guess because I grew up in a very diverse neighborhood as a military brat. There was a little bit of everything in the military environment. It was beautiful.

I actually read your commentary and from there decided to watch the film. Initially I wasn’t going to bother…the previews didn’t really do the film a whole lot of justice. The ONLY reason I decided to watch it was because of your comments on this site.

I really didn’t mean to ignore you…I just wasn’t willing to say anything else until I saw the film. Last night was my first opportunity to do so. I don’t think there’s any reason to take offense that no one decided to talk to you. Perhaps they had the same mindset I did. IDK…

All in all, although the reasons I didn’t enjoy it were unique (the movie called me to the carpet on the nagging thing…I’m not really big on letting a lot of immature people into my relationships, but that nagging thing…the shoe definitely fit), I have suggested the movie to a lot of young ladies I know just to elicit discussion.

You did a good job of that.
Jonesi

@Tim – First I would like to apologize for my initial negative remark…especially being that I had not even seen your film. So, I went to Target, pondered whether I wanted to spend $20…and I have to say, it was worth every penny! My fiancé equally enjoyed it as well

Ok as for why I am glad I viewed this documentary. Talk about “from the outside looking in”! Yes it is very easy to get caught up in the fact that the man decided to hook-up with a white woman after his divorce, but if you pay attention, black women were his first option. We can argue all day that the characters were exaggerated and a poor representation of how black women really are….but I don’t mind being honest about the fact that I know realistic women that fit EVERY character…and it was shocking to see “them” on film.
I would like to focus on the young woman that so belligerently stated she felt black men were pretty much worthless yet she confidently used “love” as an asinine excuse as to why her poor judgment, lack of self-worth, and non-existent standards led her to “date” a married man for two years. After that I wanted to turn the movie off because it is these women who are so vocal when it comes to tearing black men down when she is the epitome of what I feel is the source of the problem – a black women with no standards with an unstable sense of self-worth. Her imaginary pedestal is getting her nowhere in life and her false “diva/original” black woman-ness, allowed her to waste two years of her life on a man who was blatant about the fact that he didn’t give a damn about her….and she has herself to blame. But instead of taking responsibility for allowing herself to be used, her strategy is to tear other women down in the process who are fulfilled and satisfied in their relationship (she was completely out of order for what she said the Puerto Rican woman) and blindly date out of her race claiming white men are of higher moral character (I still can’t believe she was stupid enough to try to claim on camera that white men don’t lie about being married).

One of the people you interviewed, Maggie, has some great points that align with my own way of thinking. (By the way we went to high school together) I think because we both come from very diverse backgrounds, it’s hard to label issues black and white. I’m confident these issues happen within every (ethnic) community, but as a black woman, it “seems” we are suffering more because instead of learning from our mistakes, even learning from others’ mistakes, we still seem to fall into the trap thus continuing the cycle. I decided I didn’t want to be a baby mama by the time I was 20, never allow men to control my existence, refused to lower my standards to keep anyone around, and most importantly I kept my happiness and well-being first. I just don’t see what is so hard about that. I have the SAME issues as everyone else…but yet I’ve lived a very intentional life that allowed me to maneuver through earthly chaos according to how I wanted to – of course with exceptions – but I had a goal and that was to NOT be another broken hearted women left with a tattered soul and a baby on my hip. You have to be a realist to survive, but most importantly, you have to love yourself enough to know when to put your happiness and well-being at the forefront of all relational interactions.

I’m just saying, there is a difference between compromise and being confiscated in a relationship…and if we don’t learn to play the game right….we will have more black women like the women who did such a great job looking foolish, continuing to live in denial that they are also a part of the problem. The best advice I was ever given is, “A man will only do to you what you allow him too”. Learn when to move on or be prepared to deal with the consequences. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single….true happiness is internal

I just wish I could figure out a way to continue this study for my applied project next spring…in the meantime I will be planning a major movie night with all my girls until everyone I know has seen this!
Jonesi

And I want to make it clear that my mother always taught me to worry about myself and my actions for I am the only person I have control over which is why I don’t waste time addressing the issues that do indeed exist regarding our black men. But because I am blessed to have such a good black man in my life and I know so many other good (not perfect) black men, I can’t waste my time agonizing over these cowards that prey on women that (in my opinion) allow it. Every worthless guy I dealt with, I allowed it – why? – because I felt like it for one reason or another. I was young and the situation wasn’t that serious to me. But I was fully aware of the position I was in and when things started to get carried away, it was easy to bounce because I was fully aware of what was happening. I’ve been with my now fiance since I was 19 and I will be 25 this year (we are getting married in October) and the major difference between my position in and my friends who I know are unhappy (with children in tow) is that they were never comfortable being alone (single). Never understood a women that had to be up under a man at any cost…
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

Hey everybody, sorry to dig this one up again, but I just launched a new blog today for the movie “Diary Of A Tired Black Man” – and I wanted you good ladies and gentlemen to check it out and tell me what you think.

It is reviews both good and bad from around the country – it will give a lot of perspective on what the film is really all about.

The URL is: http://tiredblackman.blobspot.com/

Please take a momnet and check it out – it has some great stuff and you can even see photos of me, my wife and kids!

Leave a comment or two with the reviews.

Thanks,
Tim

Filmmaker-Tim Alexanders last blog post..SO YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND IS CREEPING. WHAT ARE THE SIGNS
http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums Filmmaker-Tim Alexander

The link above did not work try this:

http://tiredblackman.blogspot.com/

(My bad, I misspelled the last one)

Filmmaker-Tim Alexanders last blog post..SO YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND IS CREEPING. WHAT ARE THE SIGNS
http://www.dvdshelves.net Mr-DVD

I would love to see this movie. It is interesting to see different perspectives on black male/female relationships.
http://www.tiredblackman.com Filmmaker-TimAlexander

Hey everybody! “Diary of a tired black man” is on SHOWTIME 13 times this month! Please check it out!

http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=7543

Check your local times!
Pepper

I won’t be seeing this garbage, and any Black woman with sense won’t either. You can read the aggressiveness in Tim’s post here and it’s easy to get a sense of his instability. But I will not be surprised if this (or any other work of his) is successful. So many black people are used to being entertained by pathology.

Tim claims that he used the white woman for a “bait and switch”, but even if that were true why would you support a movie by a man who has chosen to play on 1. Your intelligence and 2. A sociological phenomenon that has very real implications for Black women (especially upper class black women) seeking stable mates?

You won’t pull in a Jewish crowd with some anti-Jewish “bait and switch”. Black women-don’t fall for the trap.

Lastly, holding up some camera to a bunch of people pontificating on relationships (and selectively choosing to highlight negative black women, while barely mentioning black male issues) isn’t clever, artistic, interesting or even intriguing. We can read any message board for that.

No, I won’t watch this film. It’s available for free online and I considered it, but why bother? Why bother listening to a man who was ENGAGED SIX TIMES, married, and divorced faster than I can get my mascara on. He brags on his website about not having to pay child support (and insults his ex wife on his site as if his kids will never be able to read). He defames his wife on his site, but none of the knuckleheads have asked him why, if he is SO smart, did he choose the same time of woman he claims is unworthy of a good man????

If NONE of you get the sense that he has SERIOUS personal issues, I feel sorry for you-and I’m selling the Brooklyn bridge for 5 pennies. Taking advice or a “wake up call” from a man with his track record is like getting financial planning advice from MC Hammer. I’ll pass on that.

If you’ve allowed him to convince you that his inability to find a good woman (A TOTAL OF SEVEN FAILED engagements/marriage) is the fault of Black women rather than his apparent issues, you are a SUCKER. If you know you have issues that you need to work on, see a good therapist (nothing wrong with that), not an equally effed up guy with a camera and too much time on his hands.