We often talk about how improtant communication is on this site. We also go into how men and women think, hear and react differently. Well, I was happy to find an article that not only talked about these issues but addressed them. Here are four ways the author says you can demystify your differences through communication:
1. Allow Room for Venting
I tend to think aloud. I use my words to help me sort out my thoughts and decide how I feel about something. Sometimes I don’t want a solution; I just want to “vent.”
For some reason this makes my husband, Ron, uncomfortable because he wants to fix it, forget it, and move on. I like to take a long, hot bath in my problems before I even think about solving them.
Now if I just want to vent, I tell Ron ahead of time. He’s even learned to ask me, “Do you want my advice or just my ear?” What a guy. I think I’ll keep him!
2. Want to Please Me? Don’t Tease Me!
Many couples tease each other, and if you can keep it friendly, it might be fun. If, however, your humor is at someone else’s expense, it’s too costly.
We had some of our biggest fights about his definition of humor. After I explained how much it hurt me, he stopped making my butt the butt of his jokes. He’s still funny, and we often write comedy scripts for Christian plays. But now, we share the same rule: cruel personal insults are not funny.
3. Be Specific; Be Heard
A few years ago, I hit on a principle that’s saved us from hundreds of misunderstandings and arguments.
I had the expectation that he’d do something as soon as I asked, but I wasn’t specific on my timeframe. Here’s a news flash. Your spouse can’t read your mind!
Now I ask, “Can you do this by 6:00?” or “Will you be able to have this done by Tuesday?” If he can’t do it, he’ll tell me, and then I can either do it myself or make other arrangements.
4. Hint and Miss
Another way I drove Ron crazy was to hint at something and then throw a fit because he didn’t “get” the hint. For example, one warm, sunny day as we drove by a Baskin Robbins Ice Cream store, I said, “I love lemon sherbet.”
He just kept driving. How dare him! I guess he didn’t know that my hint meant, “Stop the car. I want some ice cream!”
Men rarely hint because they’ve learned to ask for what they want. If women would stop the “hint-speak” and ask for what we want, we’d be much more likely to get it.
These changes didn’t take place overnight. I think the issues related to teasing took several years to resolve. If I can see that Ron is making an effort, then I give him some room to fail occasionally. If I went “postal” on him each time he forgot, he’d get discouraged and stop trying.
So as you see your mate start to develop new positive patterns, encourage him or her, and be willing to overlook an occasional slip. Be sure to verbalize your praise and notice when your spouse does it right. Your marriage will grow sweeter as you have less conflict and more understanding and patience.
I think these tips were great and practical. Hopefully there are some things here we can put into play in our own marriage. I really encourage you to read the entire article here to get the info that I left out.
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Great article. I like the “hint or miss”, I thought I knew what I was doing a few years ago by suggesting one gift but hinting another. The suggested less expensive gift was the one I got vs the hinted pair of earrings I really wanted. I did a few months after getting the suggested gift get the earrings, I think more so because my hints got better and of course it was not a muliple choice. LOL. The sad thing is I lost one of the earrings, hubby does not know that yet(or does he)? Now I have only a few days to suggestively hint how I want one earring for Valentines Day. Or maybe hubby is one step ahead of me and found the earring and will regift it back to me for Valentines Day. What’s a girl to do?