We’ve talked about having a plan before you enter into a marriage or perhaps even a serious relationship. Recently we watched Lakeview Terrace on DVD (good flick) and they had an example of this.
Kerry Washington was married but her husband didn’t want a baby yet. She went behind his back by not taking her birth control and ended up pregnant. She was elated about this but he was not.
She’s mad that he’s not happy about the baby but he feels betrayed in the first place and is mad at her for going behind his back.
The topic of having children or when to have kids can be a major obstacle in a relationship. It’s definitely something that should be talked over and discussed, “truthfully” before hand. If one person has kids already do they want more? How many? When? If you’re finishing up school or have big career ambitions where does raising a child fit in?
Did you/will you have this talk before marriage? On a side note in the movie, who was wrong? Kerry, her husband or both and why?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that Kerry was wrong for deceiving, even if he is her husband. It would have been better had she just husband till he said yes! lol
My fiance and have been talking. We both agreed maybe two years into the marriage. But now hes “kid talking” and we aren’t even married yet. I think he feels secretly pressured since hes the only one of his friends that doesn’t have a child yet.
We’ve had that talk. Over and over again. Everytime a financial situation comes up we talk about it. I think that’s one of the most important topics to discuss before marriage.
That was a good movie. And I think the wife was wrong for what she did. I thought the husdand was messed up for how mad he got. I can see his side more so than hers. Yes they could afford children, but he wasn’t ready.
I am current in the situation above BUT…the roles are switched. My boy-friend wants to start a family but I’m not ready…WE’RE not ready. I am on birth control (which I take FAITHFULLY!)I feel he doesn’t understand the responsibility that comes with a child and or starting a family. We’re not in a position to raise a child. He has no job therefore he has NO INCOME and lives with his aunt. Which would leave me to support our…this family of his. NEGATIVE. We are not in a position to raise a child. Children aren’t cheap and he doesn’t understand that. There is NO WAY I can’ support a family on my income alone. Bottles, Car seats, strollers, diapers, milk formula, baby crib, clothers, Doctor visits, hospital bills, toys, diaper wipes etc… on top of rent, cell phone bill, car notes, car insurance, gas…ABSOLUTELY NO WAY can I make it on my own!
Most importantly…WE’RE NOT MARRIED!! It would be diffrent IF we we’re husband and wife with our own living space and he had some form of income. Then it would be a different story but being that we’re NOT married, there aren’t ANY guarantees and I’m not to put myself in a “sloppy” situation.
our situation was unique…my system doesn’t agree with any kind of birth control, and since we are married, i opted not to use condoms (it’s so much better without them).
we opted to use the “pull out method,” which worked until i was gone a couple of days and came back home to a horny husband that couldn’t control himself (nor could i, to be honest).
hence we were pregnant 5 months into our marriage. but three years and some change have passed, and the same method has worked famously for us since our son was born.
however, i realize i’m going to have to get the tubes tied after the next baby if i don’t want to be raising oh, say, 14 kids by the time i’m 40 years old. LOL
our situation is rather unique, though.
@Harriet – The pull-out method? Let me introduce you to Baby #1 and #2 over here! LOL. But seriously, I know you said your body doesn’t respond well to birth control, but I got the new IUD and I LOVE IT. Nothing to worry about, the insertion’s easy and it lasts for five years. I know I sound like the lady in the commercial, but the lovin’ is sooo much better when you don’t worry about getting pregnant.
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Day #4 – Making Cents for You – The dollar store is your friend
the loving is not a problem…and right about now, we want baby #2 to come along. after having her (or him), i’ll consider the new iud as opposed to tubal ligation…i just don’t know about the long term effects. heard too many horror stories to be completely comfortable with it.
i’m glad it works for you, though.
@Harriet – Ooooh, I’m happy for you guys working on #2! How fun! Your younest is 3 now, right? Sounds like a perfect time.
Yeah, I heard the horror stories too, but there’s horror stories for every type of birth control so you just gotta jump in and cross your fingers. Because there is NO WAY I’m having any more babies. Did the whole two kids in two years thing and I’m out! Shutting down the factory, all my eggs have been laid off – EVERYTHING MUST GO! lol.
I really must talk to you outside of BMWK sometime. You seem like really cool people!
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Day #4 – Making Cents for You – The dollar store is your friend
sounds like a plan, tara
i’ll shoot an e-mail from that message you sent updating your blog with us.
by the way, ROFL at the egg factory shutting down.
Yeah that egg factory liquidation sale analogy was funny!!
Hate to be graphic but I’m with Harriet’s method…lmao…and watch as soon as I get married it will no longer work
@Jonsei – Yeah, we had used that “method” for about 11 months successfully before we had baby #1. Had baby #2 after using it successfully for another 11 months. Something about my body won’t let us outsmart it for an entire year. LOL. I know my eggs were like, “Who do they think they are? We’ll get ‘em next time….” I didn’t even ATTEMPT to go with that method after baby #2. I waited my six weeks, got the IUD inserted, and then waited an ADDITIONAL month just to make sure that sucker was working. LOL. I told you, times are rough and layoffs have hit my uterus too…
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..From the mailbag: Money tips from the masses
haha…I have more to say off record about this…I will hit you up on FB
The wife in the movie was wrong, but it takes two to get pregnant and I think that if you don’t want kids that both should take precautions . Never let a decision like that be made for you by not protecting your own body, that goes for men and women.