How Do We Handle Our Daughters?

Jesus be a fence…

elle denises last blog post..Event: Muffins with Mommy

I think it is a MUCH deeper problem than missing love at home. I think we need to look at our culture, our media, our society, music videos, and even the parents. Everyone is so about the BLING BLING, and flaunting it and getting it and obsessed with getting it, of course the kids pick up on all of that. It is a complex and multifaceted problem, with many different layers. Here are a few examples of the different layers:

I am in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, and my lil sister’s mom always gets her Baby Phat pants (about $60) with matching tops, Hannah Montana stuff, etc…

Now, they don’t brush their teeth or take baths (not kidding), or always have electricity, but they are all about what they can get and what they need to do to get it. Her mom is taking her to get fake nails (she just turned 8.)

This example is NOT an extreme…this is prevalent in most every school I have ever worked at, and all of public housing that I have worked in. Now, I am not saying that every mother is like this, I am merely stating that I see with my own eyes how many of them do this.

The poor kids look up to the drug dealers because they are the only ones with a car and food all month long. The young girls look up to the strippers because they always have their hair done and nails done, and always have cash to buy whatever they want. This seems like a glorious life to kids that don’t have anything.

It is also in how things are explained to the kids:I worked at a middle school in Austin, and one of my girls wrote an English class essay about how many men come over and spend the night with mommy so that they could pay the bills. She didn’t even know that she should be embarrassed about that, because it was just the way that it was at her house, and at all of her friends’ houses, too…just another ordinary thing that happens at home.

Kids as young as 8 and 9 now know what “friends with benefits” are, and there was even an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL a couple of years ago that had to treat the whole school for an outbreak of an STD because they were giving each other oral sex.

So I would say that it is a much bigger problem than missing love. I think it is an epidemic that is raging, and we must look at who our role models are, and who we are allowing our kids’ role models to be, and what kind of role models are we being…

What are you teaching your child today???

@ Harriet:
I am going to watch that movie, thanks for mentioning it. Also, have you seen Thirteen? It was the true story of one of the girls in the movie: she wrote it based on her life and then appeared in the film. SCARY SCARY SCARY!!!

I agree that running these things and having the idea to start businesses takes brains…if we could only harness all of those smarts for something good, our nation wouldn’t be in such a financial crises!!

This breaks my heart! This young girl is smart and there is no reason besides herself) why she can’t succeeed.

I agree 100% with everyone.

I must also stress that it is not only society, home, and the media that does this, but also coping mechanisms. I know people who have grown up in terrible conditions and they are very successful and well grounded. And I also know individuals who have grown up priviledged with loving parents, and in the church that did not turn out so good. Each situation is so different and needs to treated as such.

The key factor is being born in these situations and how well you adapt to change or lack thereof.
It is in your DNA no matter what color you are, backgorund, or living conditions. We would like for everything to be in black and white and unfortunately it is not.

This young lady may need need a hug and all, but she also needs someone that can stimulate and cater to her intellect in a productive way.
She does not need to be babied because she has already seen and done things I will never witness or hope not to in my lifetime. That ship has sailed. She was pimp! Any girl that can identify her problem and the person she “followed” is no dummy. That means she can help herself find a solution. Ignorace is bliss and no one had to tell her why she was in the situation she was in.
And they must act swiftly to fill that void, She already knows how to be sneaky and get over on people. Turn those negatives into a positive before it is too late.

Now, as a mother this scares me. If this is any indicaton of the girls my baby will be going to school with, then I have even more work to do than I thought.
We can only lay the foundation with positive examples by staying involved in our daughters’ lives wether we are tired or not, community service so they understand how blessed they are while helping their fellow man, go to church regularly, and pray for the best.

You can give your kids all the love and all the attention that you think you can. The problem is that some parents don’t worry or wonder where their kids are. I also believe that jail is not the answer. If a kid steals and gets charged as an adult and we put them in a jail with adult prisoners they only get introuduced to more “dirt”. Some kids only know what was taught or done to them and we need to reprogram them with counsleing and teaching more self esteem.
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Sasha your comment made my stomach churn. Kids 8-9 with STD’s, moms wanting kids with the latest fashion and fake nails for a little girl and can’t keep the household utilites on. The little girl who wrote the essay and read it aloud not knowing what is going on in her houshold is not normal. SAD! All kids will want and seek for something. Keep them busy and on speed dial, even if they are dropped off at church for choir practice it is still my job and right to check on my child.

I was forwarded a link that brought me to this sight. I was totally taken aback by the film I saw. But what is it that pisses me off more? The fact that TWO black children are being tried as adults? or the situation they found them selves in? I agree with the sentiments of every individual who had the courage to comment. This is a social thing, a communal thing, an economic thing, a hope thing, a black thing and a white thing, this is a parent involvement thing as well as Psychological.

Any child that has the sense and the know how to hustle money, get hoes(excuse the expression), rent an apartment, and then be intelligent enough to know and admit a problem is not a child who belongs in a correctional facility. Because we all know that those facilities do not correct anything, they only make matters worse.

I am going to step out on a limb and say “Be like Sister Sasha” give up some of your time to our youth. I always hear the elders say, “it takes a village.” But the villagers are not responding. WE the people are responsible for this. The government told you to get DTV or else and WE did. Instead of being courageous and defiantly saying no. lets just turn the damn thing off. The government poisons OUR neighborhoods with fast food chains and half empty grocery stores. Instead of standing up against the toxins, we feed it to our children and ourselves on a daily basis. Not once have I heard of a community demanding a well stocked clean and healthy grocer for their neighborhood. Instead of monitoring the activities of our children, we buy them cell phones, and two ways, pagers, and the internet.

When will it stop? and When will we come together as a community STAND, TAKE ACTION, and SAY NO MORE? WE ARE TAKING BACK OUR CHILDREN, OUR SCHOOLS, OUR PRIDE, OUR TRADITION, OUR LEGACY. DON’T CROSS THESE TRACKS UNLESS YOU ARE BRINGING SOMETHING POSITIVE; BECUASE IF YOU ARE NOT STAY THE HELL AWAY.

PeaZe

the story didn’t surprise me. these girls are not the first and they won’t be the last.

this is a community issue.

thanks to all the people that are working in our communities to help our babies. i would encourage each of us to make sure that we are giving of ourselves, not only to our own kids, but to every person that we come in contact with.

i created Bigger Than Your Block as a way to share information about money management with youth. as others have stated, giving our kids a way to get and keep money is way to encourage them to start thier own legal businesses and have pride in thier communities.

if anyone is in Los Angeles, San Diego, or Philly/New York and would like to work together on a community project let me know.

PEACE,
Shay Olivarria
President
Bigger Than Your Block

Ok…OUR system has failed them, but WE ARE OUR SYSTEM. The government does not put fast food chains in our neighborhoods, entrepreneurial people put them there.

The government does not create all of these stories and songs about pimpin’ and hoin’, our people are doing it, and WE ARE BUYING IT, and letting our children listen to it…

The government did not make us buy a DTV or make us PAY for denigrating stations like BET, WE CALLED AND INSTALLED THESE CHANNELS OURSELVES, and PAY EXTRA FOR THEM!!!

Amen to Ariela in saying let’s take back our communities, our schools, our pride, our legacy, and show our children a different way.

LET’S TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for ourselves, our neighborhoods, our schools, and ourselves, and STOP BLAMING OTHERS FOR THE STATE THEY ARE IN!!!

Let’s stop teaching our kids to blame others and take responsibility for themselves. Let’s create a world that we are proud to live in, and a world that we are proud and happy to leave for our kids.

As a white reader of this blog, I just wanted to make sure it is out there that this is NOT a problem of Black America, it’s a problem in America generally. I saw several years ago a statistic saying that 95% of 15-year-old girls had given a boy oral sex (and what makes it even more twisted, only 5% had GOTTEN oral sex from a boy — what are they doing it for??). They didn’t get to 95% by starting at age 15, they have to be starting a lot younger than that. That freaks me out! I was 15 in 1982, and I was skipping school and smoking pot and popping pills and just generally f*d up, and even I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 16, but back then that was really young. And I know I was damaged by it. I don’t have any kids, but I have a 16-year-old niece, and she’s a very good kid, but still … I just get sick with worry. And the Catholic schools are no better. I would not want to have kids if I couldn’t home school them! And no TV!

And I totally agree that throwing these girls in adult prison is as wrong or worse than what the girls themselves did.