I enjoyed this post so much over at MochaDad’s spot that I asked him could we run it on BMWK. Check it out below then show him some love by stopping by his place. -TheDAD (Lamar)
In my interaction with some dad bloggers, I discovered a video clip from Pastor John Hagee. He contends that all stay at home dads are bums and are going to hell.
But it seems as if Pastor Hagee in not alone in this belief. Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church has also been quite vocal about his disdain for men who stay at home to care for their kids. Pete Janelle wrote a great post about Pastor Driscoll at Dad Blogs.
Here’s my take on the topic. If a man will not work or care for his kids in any manner, then I believe that he deserves scorn and ridicule because of his refusal to Man Up. However, if he is at home rearing his children in a respectful manner, he should be commended. Different people have different gifts and talents. If a man has the gift of teaching and nurturing, there is no reason why his children shouldn’t be the main beneficiaries of their father’s talents.
Stay Strong,
Mocha Dad
www.mochadad.com
Question: What do you think about men who stay at home with their children?
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It’s pastors like these that keep a Christian humble. I can’t just say “I’m a Christian” and expect that to make a good impression, because fools like these have made it into something crazy and ugly. I have to LIVE like a Christian. So in the end, I guess they are doing my soul some good after all……
What? Stay-at-home dads are going to hell?
Because, you know, raising kids and managing a household are not work. right?
Since when is judgementalism a Christian virtue?
well, my husband and i are a Christian couple. when i had our child, i was an officer in the military. i was making enough money that i could be the only one working while he took care of the baby, since we didn’t want to put him in day care.
we did that for 2.5 years, and until i separated from the military, that was what worked for us. he did a TREMENDOUS job!
we were no more or less saved than any of our counterparts who had both parents working and their infants in day care. now we’re both working, and our son is in school.
i can pretty much guarantee that unless my husband decides that he’s going to trip out and reject Christ, he ain’t going to hell.
After looking at the clip, I’m a little disappointed that it was only 25 seconds. Just like it’s easy to take any scripture in the Bible and make it say what you want it to say, it’s easy to look at this clip and get all offended without taking time out to view the entire thing.
Did he give any statements about men actually WORKING at home? Did he specify his statements by talking about the need for some couples to do that for a season? It just wasn’t enough of a clip for me to make a judgment call about the motivation behind his statement.
I agree with the statement the young woman from Driscoll’s church stated about the fact that “it’s hard to respect a man that’s not willing to provide for his family.” But it depends on how you define the verb, “to provide.”
I already talked about the decision my husband and I made about him staying at home and my continuing on to work. Yet, it was never our intent for that to be a permanent solution. Even if it had been, though, I think it all depends on the heartbeat of that particular family.
Proof that anyone can head a church……ridiculous! It’s okay, God is the ONLY judge and he will deal with His children accordingly.
In my family we know that it is my husbands responsibility to be the provider and my responsibility to take care of the home. We get this from the bible in Genesis, Proverbs 31, and Galatians.
But I also work full-time and he also works in the house and takes care of the baby. We have just made sure each knew that when all else fails, its my Honeys responsibilty to make sure we have a home, money etc. and that its mine to make sure we have meals, clean clothes, clean house etc. We’re just more like supervisors, we both do the work but one is held accountable when all is said and done.
With that said, Stay-at-home-dads are not going to hell! Like Harriet I cannot comment too much because there was no context surrounding the statement. When families work together and come up with a plan to meet a need I dont think theres anything wrong with that. At one point in time my husband was working part-time so he could go to school and I was the only one working full-time. Theres nothing wrong with that.
The only problem I would forsee is if one or the other parents was not in agreement. So if the dad stayed home and forced the mom to work when she didnt want to, that would be wrong.
Yes, his exact words in the clip are “if all you do is sit on your backside and let your wife support you in your life…”
This, in my mind, is not a stay at home dad, it is a bum. A stay at home dad is one who stays home with the sole intention of providing care for the children and taking care of the home, not just a man who stays home so as to not work.
For example, I am in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, and the mom’s boyfriend (and daddy of baby #5) sits at home all day watching TV. Now, he DOES keep the baby on the couch with him while he watches, but he does not clean the house up or cook or do anything, so I would not call him a stay at home dad, instead, I call him something a bit harsher than I will reveal here.
He does not lift a finger to help when I come over and organize a cleaning party, instead he just lays in the bed with the tv. To me, this is what Hagee is speaking of, but just as Harriet says, it is only a small clip.
This could just be someone trying to create drama by putting a misleading title on a speech that means something quite different…not sure, but God bless the true stay at home dads, who are caring for their kids and helping their families out.
If these are Hagee’s comments then he is over the top on this one. However, I am more concerned about the fact he says they are “going to hell”. What’s up with all these arbitrary reasons for going to hell? What’s next, kids that don’t take out the trash are going to hell? What about women who gain significant weight after marriage. Do they have a date with Satan as well?
Regina is right. People like this make it hard for all respectful and non-judgmental Christians when it comes to relating to others.
John Hagee irritates me to no end. If a stay at home Dad is sitting on his backside doing nothing, does that imply that stay at home Moms are doing nothing? When my husband was an officer in the military, I had to do everything from staying at home with the kids 27/7 to showing up bright eyed and bushy tail for all of those socials no matter how tired I was. Staying at home taking care of kids is hard work whether Mom or Dad does it. We have to do what we have to do for the team. Roles are changing.
Some Christians makes things so difficult for the rest of us trying to walk the walk of a “Christian Life”. I really hate to see something like this for public viewing.
All of you guys out there that stay home to care for your children..Kudos to you.
Ok, but let’s all actually LISTEN to what he says (there is a link in the article to hear the blurb) before we jump to conclusions about what he is saying. As I said, and as Harriet said, I did NOT HEAR HIM SAY THIS.
Let’s not maximize drama before we hear what he is actually saying.
While the Bible is explicit on male and female roles, it also explicitly outlines a father’s role on rearing his children. Fathers are responsible for teaching and guiding their children. If he must do this in a stay-at-home role, I don’t think that God would have a problem with that.
Mocha Dads last blog post..Wednesday Wisdom – The Heart of a Father
I don’t have a problem with a stay at home dad. I have worked at various day care centers with ages birth-latch key kids. Some kids were there before I even started my shift and left at the end of a long day because their parents were too buys working to chase after material things and keep up with the Jonses. Some ppl can get by on one income. The cost of day care for one child almost 20 years ago where I worked was $110 per week. I think that if possibe that one parent should be home to rear the kids. We also have to remember that just because women have kids does not mean they are maternial. There are many men stepping up to the plate and this is one of those things that you talk about pre marriage and kids. I know alot of single fathers with custody of their childen and that is a beautiful thing. Why can’t a married man stay home and take care of “his” while the wife is the bread winner? If I had another baby I would love for my husband to stay home and be a Mr. Mom. It is hard to concentrate at work when your child is at day care(for me it was).
Mocha Dad-
I agree that a man has a responsibility to teach and guide his children, and I definitely don’t think that God would have a problem with a stay at home dad, but I am confused about such a strongly worded title and then such a short clip from Rev Hagee.
As I said, I did not hear what you are arguing in his short snippet of a speech. I did NOT hear him say that stay at home dads are going to hell, what I heard him say, verbatim, is that “if all you do is sit on your backside and let your wife support you in your life…,” which is not the same thing at all.
Is there a longer version elsewhere that I can listen to? Otherwise, I don’t understand using the clip and making such a claim and inciting such anger.
Is there a longer version where he actually says this?
Ok, I just watched the clip of Mars Hill Church, and again, I did not hear him say that stay at home dads are going to hell. What I did hear him say is that his belief is that in the divine order of God in the Bible the women are more geared to raising the children, and that the dad’s responsibility is to provide for his family and keep them safe.
He said that men need to take more responsibility- that our culture has made them soft, and that we live in a culture of shack up, break up and move on, which I don’t disagree with.
Where are the clips of them saying that stay at home dads are going to hell?
@Sasha
You are right.
When I actually heard the short clip I realized that he was saying something that I agreed with.
As I mentioned before it’s not a problem if the family has arrangements that work for them but in so many situations I think we must all agree that many men have shirked their financial responsibilities. And women have been FORCED to take up the slack of a lazy or absent man. These are the ones I think Haggee is talking about.
@LaKeysha
Right…so why are these clips put under this title? I think it is unfortunate that with so much anger and drama in the world already, some feel the need to perpetuate and incite peoples’ emotions without validity.
@MochaDad
Can you help us out here? I am having a hard time understanding this
@Sasha
Hagee was referring to Goliaths in people’s lives. Here is his full quote relating to men who stay at home: “For others its laziness, you’re too lazy to work and support your children. I’m talking about men. You call yourself Mr. Mom, God calls you a bum. St. Paul says you are worse than an infidel. Let me look you right in the eye and tell you that Hell is your future home if all you do is sit on your backside and let your wife support you in your life.” His reference to “Mr. Mom” is a clear attack on men who stay at home with their children. I disagree with calling a man lazy just because he doesn’t work outside the home. However, if men are actually lazy and refuse to accept the responsibility of working or caring for their children, then they are no worthy to be called men.
The other thing that bothers me about Hagee’s statement is that he proclaims laziness as a reason to be sent to Hell. The Bible doesn’t say this at all.
Mocha Dads last blog post..Wednesday Wisdom – The Heart of a Father
Ok…that is not what I got from it at all. He says that hell is your future IF ALL YOU DO IS SIT ON YOUR BACKSIDE AND LET YOUR WIFE SUPPORT YOU IN LIFE. This is not a stay at home dad to my way of thinking, so I don’t get this as a “clear attack on stay at home dads.”
And let me reiterate that there are plenty of me who stay at home who are NOT responsible, contributing members of the household. I believe that this is who he is referring to.
I also don’t believe that he is saying that it is laziness that is going to send you to hell. I believe that he is saying that a father and husband who does not provide for their family is going to hell. I think that there is a difference.
In an age when technology makes the impossible possible and the home the new office—dads that are working stay-at-home dads actually are benefitting their families. Just like when mom works in the home and is able to tend to the house and children throughout the day; the same holds true for dad.
For years I tried to get my employers to give me the flexibility to work from home at least two days a week (never happened) but my idea was: less stress, less money spent on gas, more productivity AND I could place a load of laundry in the wash and be home when my son got in from school (instead of coming home to an empty house).
Hagee’s statement about the scripture that says “worse than an infidel” is in the context of one that is able-bodied but refuses to work. A fuller contextual examination of those scriptures (I Tim 5:1 ff) is about orderliness among God’s people in the first century church.
Dads that can care for their families while working from home, more power to you—dads that are freeloading on moms and hindering instead of helping, MAN UP!
Peace,
Thomas
Rites Inc.s last blog post..Spiritual Manhood
i love your comment Thomas! and to those crazy pastors.. i dunno, you’re just crazy haha
I feel like Past Hagee should be careful what he says to the people of the world today. He as well as other preachers/prophets are being watched closely in this day and time by God. Hagee probably is getting his opionion on what the bible says, that if a man don’t work he don’t eat. But that can be viewed in many ways. A wife is call a help meet for a man (husband), now if she is out working and the husband is helping with the kids that is team work. Not to mention that the woman is helping her husband by bring home the income. The man is working because being a parent full time is a job within itself.
Hagee can not relate to a lot of things because I feel like he has not been through somethings to understand. The husband might have lost his job and he has to step to the plate and be a stay at home dad;while the wife works. Of maybe it was a netural decision, either any man who is man enough to be a father and take on the nuturing role; I ask that God bless him because he will have caring and sharing moments with his children that will be dear to him as they grow. Not to mention that way he know what the wife goes through while he’s at work.
A lot of you are trying to qualify Hagee’s statements by saying ‘if the Stay at Home Dad just sat on his rear end’… but what if the Stay at home Mom did that? Would she go to Hell according to Hagee? He is wrong on this. This is his opinion, that men should work and the woman stay home. That does not make it a Biblical doctrine to enforce. Even Paul made a distinction between one of his opinions and God’s word, when talking about not getting married to live fully for God. In Hagee’s defense though, he talks alot. Years of televised & recorded messages, eventually with your mouth open that often you are going to say a bit of bullcrap… lol