Taking the “You” out of the Two

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Of course you love him, you adore her, can’t get enough of them. It’s normal. Feeling that way about your spouse is healthy. But, and it kills me to say this, the best thing you can do for your relationship is spend some time apart. Before you were committed to this person, you had your own life, things you enjoyed doing alone or with friends, you had hobbies and so did your spouse. You were two individuals. Yes the two should become one flesh and you are, but in order to stay married for the long haul, there are certain actions you have to take for the good of your marriage. Neither of you wants to drive the other crazy or become a turn off. No one wants to appear too needy or too demanding of the other person’s time. If you’re always together doing the same things it can become a little common. Or resentment can even set in if one mate is doing things that bring them satisfaction and the other is not. So here are a couple of quick steps for taking the “you” out of the two:

1. Get back into you. Don’t drown yourself in your relationship and find that everything about you centers around your marriage. What were some of those major hobbies you enjoyed before the spouse and children came along? Recreational sports? Knitting? Reading? Meeting up with friends? Not suggesting that hanging out with friends is a great thing to do every night, but maybe once a month.

2. Encourage your spouse’s hobbies. Just think about it, when they’re enjoying their own personal time, you could be doing the same. Having those outside interest makes you value the time you do spend together.

3. Create new hobbies if the older ones no longer interest you. What have you always been curious about? Taking a class, starting home projects, volunteering with a local organization or maybe joining a professional networking group? Then do it. It will bring you peace of mind and provide a great way to release the stress of the world.

Whatever your interest may be, it is crucial that you, in addition to nurturing your relationship, are also nurturing yourself. Remember to take time for yourself and show yourself love by doing more of the things you enjoy. The marriage can’t be healthy and happy if you’re not.

By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter, Certified Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing, Creator of the Black Wives’ Club and an Administrator of Still Dating My Spouse.

What activities do you or your spouse do on your own? How often do you take time for yourself?

About the author

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com . They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me and Men Ain’t Boys that explores manhood in the African American community. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

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