Comments on: Til Death Do Us Part….Or once I’ve had enough? http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough Promoting Positive Images of Marriage and Parenting Since 2007 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 00:17:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: LA Momma of 2 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-16192 LA Momma of 2 Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:49:29 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-16192 **Personally, I’m glad that I decided to stick it through - because the best years were still to come.** I feel this sentiment hit home with me. After a devastating turn of events 6 years into my marriage, we decided that we were going to work together to get this back on track. After dealing with something that you thought you'd NEVER go thru or put up with, you realize what's important. I have my friend and partner and our days are filled with love and laughter. All the other stuff is hard(believe me after 13 years I know) but.................its soooo worth it! **Personally, I’m glad that I decided to stick it through – because the best years were still to come.**

I feel this sentiment hit home with me. After a devastating turn of events 6 years into my marriage, we decided that we were going to work together to get this back on track. After dealing with something that you thought you’d NEVER go thru or put up with, you realize what’s important.

I have my friend and partner and our days are filled with love and laughter. All the other stuff is hard(believe me after 13 years I know) but……………..its soooo worth it!

]]> By: JD http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-16187 JD Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:22:15 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-16187 I;m a wife of 15 years and mother of a eleven and two year old. I do most of the caring for the children ( doctor appts, work in child care full time to have my children close, spend time with them, etc ), do most of the housework and yardwork. My husband works full time and when he gets home he disappears on the computer or has plans outside the home or watches TV. He seems disinterested in the children and at times is short tempered with them. I try to keep them out of his hair but while trying to rcare for my family and my other responsibilities I feel like I'm dying inside. I cry often, am depressed, and stressed. I've let myself go and eat emotionally. I have no support so I don't get a break for myself to even regroup. I often wonder if I'm living the life of a single parent, why am I married. I just can't physicaaly or emotionally keep up with this life I'm living. JD I;m a wife of 15 years and mother of a eleven and two year old. I do most of the caring for the children ( doctor appts, work in child care full time to have my children close, spend time with them, etc ), do most of the housework and yardwork. My husband works full time and when he gets home he disappears on the computer or has plans outside the home or watches TV. He seems disinterested in the children and at times is short tempered with them. I try to keep them out of his hair but while trying to rcare for my family and my other responsibilities I feel like I’m dying inside. I cry often, am depressed, and stressed. I’ve let myself go and eat emotionally. I have no support so I don’t get a break for myself to even regroup. I often wonder if I’m living the life of a single parent, why am I married. I just can’t physicaaly or emotionally keep up with this life I’m living.

JD

]]> By: rj http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-14279 rj Wed, 27 May 2009 18:58:10 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-14279 When I decided to walk away at that point I knew I had done all that I could. It is hard to be in a marriage with someone who is constantly putting themselves first. The emptiness I felt was not worth staying it was way past time to go. I have no regrets I did what was right for me and my children. When I decided to walk away at that point I knew I had done all that I could. It is hard to be in a marriage with someone who is constantly putting themselves first. The emptiness I felt was not worth staying it was way past time to go. I have no regrets I did what was right for me and my children.

]]> By: Trueman1000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-12326 Trueman1000 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:07:42 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-12326 If two people are willing to work it out and keep God in the fore front anything is possible. However, when one (or both) people don't want to work at it the marraige is as good as dead. I am a recent divorcee and I know I made mistakes but my ex-wife never owned up to any of her mistakes. In her mind the only problem was ME and once she was divorced all her problems would end. She now realizes that is not the case. All you can do is try your best and agree to work through ANYTHING and with God's help all things are possible! Peple shouldn't see divorce as a first or last option....divorce should be NO OPTION. If two people are willing to work it out and keep God in the fore front anything is possible. However, when one (or both) people don’t want to work at it the marraige is as good as dead. I am a recent divorcee and I know I made mistakes but my ex-wife never owned up to any of her mistakes. In her mind the only problem was ME and once she was divorced all her problems would end. She now realizes that is not the case.

All you can do is try your best and agree to work through ANYTHING and with God’s help all things are possible! Peple shouldn’t see divorce as a first or last option….divorce should be NO OPTION.

]]> By: Michael http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-11899 Michael Sun, 08 Mar 2009 01:06:16 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-11899 Hi, Jonesi, I think you raise some important questions. I've never been divorced, but came very close to it once (as in pulled out of the divorce proceedings at the very last minute). My reason for pursuing the divorce was because of irreconcilable differences - frustration over some issues, feeling like we had grown in different directions, and because the love didn't seem to be there anymore. So I understand the reasons provided here about why some people divorced. Personally, I'm glad that I decided to stick it through - because the best years were still to come. The thing that you need to understand is that marriage is challenging. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Oftentimes while tackling a difficult challenge, we reach this point where things are much harder than we ever anticipated they could be. At that point, it's natural to want to give up - to say "this is not what I signed up for." And it's true, at some points it will become harder than you can imagine. But if you stick it through and try to make things work, there can be times when the rewards are also much greater than you can imagine. So great in fact, as to make all the effort WELL worth it. If you aspire to achieve something great - you should expect to give it everything you've got. Don't sign up for the Olympic tryouts if all you want to do is run a few pleasant laps around the track. Marriage takes work, humility, courage, determination, endurance, dedication and a willingness to become a better person. Mistakes will be made, feelings will be hurt, and there will be days when you want to throw in the towel. But if you intend to win the gold, you know better than to give up. The statics say it all. Studies on longevity and happiness show that married people live longer and are happier on average. Single people are next on the list. But statically, people who divorce lose years on their life, and are less happy than even single people. I think it's difficult to fully recover after giving up on your heart's dream. My advice: be prepared to work your ass off, and keep your eyes on the gold! <abbr><em>Michaels last blog post..<a href="http://lovetospare.com/2009/03/07/the-love-letter/" rel="nofollow">The Love Letter</a></abbr></em> Hi, Jonesi, I think you raise some important questions.

I’ve never been divorced, but came very close to it once (as in pulled out of the divorce proceedings at the very last minute). My reason for pursuing the divorce was because of irreconcilable differences – frustration over some issues, feeling like we had grown in different directions, and because the love didn’t seem to be there anymore.

So I understand the reasons provided here about why some people divorced. Personally, I’m glad that I decided to stick it through – because the best years were still to come.

The thing that you need to understand is that marriage is challenging. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Oftentimes while tackling a difficult challenge, we reach this point where things are much harder than we ever anticipated they could be. At that point, it’s natural to want to give up – to say “this is not what I signed up for.”

And it’s true, at some points it will become harder than you can imagine. But if you stick it through and try to make things work, there can be times when the rewards are also much greater than you can imagine. So great in fact, as to make all the effort WELL worth it.

If you aspire to achieve something great – you should expect to give it everything you’ve got. Don’t sign up for the Olympic tryouts if all you want to do is run a few pleasant laps around the track. Marriage takes work, humility, courage, determination, endurance, dedication and a willingness to become a better person. Mistakes will be made, feelings will be hurt, and there will be days when you want to throw in the towel. But if you intend to win the gold, you know better than to give up.

The statics say it all. Studies on longevity and happiness show that married people live longer and are happier on average. Single people are next on the list. But statically, people who divorce lose years on their life, and are less happy than even single people. I think it’s difficult to fully recover after giving up on your heart’s dream.

My advice: be prepared to work your ass off, and keep your eyes on the gold!

Michaels last blog post..The Love Letter

]]> By: MissJay http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-11890 MissJay Sat, 07 Mar 2009 20:13:44 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-11890 This is a very deep question/thought and I appreciate the topic being brought up. @Charm thanks for clearing that up. My parents divorced because my father had a drug problem that took him away from his family. Glad that now that is all over and he has been clean and sober for years. But in the mean time their lives have changed and there's no going back to their marriage. That would be another reason besides adultry or abuse. Unless you count substance abuse as the abuse in this situation. This is a very deep question/thought and I appreciate the topic being brought up.

@Charm thanks for clearing that up. My parents divorced because my father had a drug problem that took him away from his family. Glad that now that is all over and he has been clean and sober for years. But in the mean time their lives have changed and there’s no going back to their marriage. That would be another reason besides adultry or abuse. Unless you count substance abuse as the abuse in this situation.

]]> By: Teems http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-11887 Teems Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:06:51 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-11887 Wow a friend and I JUST had this conversation yesterday. Someone else we knew had a big ol destination wedding and then divorced ONE MONTH later. In that case, there was obviously little effort done to maintain the relationship. Going into my marriage, I don't see divorce as an option. Even if what I want changes in ten years. I trust that the effort will be made on both sides in order grow together and not apart. Wow a friend and I JUST had this conversation yesterday. Someone else we knew had a big ol destination wedding and then divorced ONE MONTH later. In that case, there was obviously little effort done to maintain the relationship. Going into my marriage, I don’t see divorce as an option. Even if what I want changes in ten years. I trust that the effort will be made on both sides in order grow together and not apart.

]]> By: Anna http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-11881 Anna Sat, 07 Mar 2009 15:23:10 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-11881 I hesitated to commet. You can still love someone from afar and walk away. You can just simply "out grow" a person I have mentioned before "what you want at 18 is not what you are going to want at 25. I don't want a marriage/relationship on auto pilot. I hesitated to commet. You can still love someone from afar and walk away. You can just simply “out grow” a person I have mentioned before “what you want at 18 is not what you are going to want at 25. I don’t want a marriage/relationship on auto pilot.

]]> By: elle denise http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-11875 elle denise Sat, 07 Mar 2009 13:37:47 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-11875 Good stuff, Jonesi!... I'm not married (or divorced) & often wonder the same. As an event/wedding planner, I hear so many couples "OOH & AHH" at the idea of marriage. Just the idea, not the "other stuff". I don't think people realize the work that it takes to MAINTAIN the relationship, once the vows have been exchanged, the cake is gone, the Honeymoon pictures have been developed & the gift cards are all used up. Its almost fascinating/scary. Best wishes on your journey :-) <abbr><em>elle denises last blog post..<a href="http://stellarsassysocial.blogspot.com/2009/03/family-fun-100-free-things-to-do-with.html" rel="nofollow">Family Fun: 100 Free Things to Do with Your (Grand)Kids!</a></abbr></em> Good stuff, Jonesi!… I’m not married (or divorced) & often wonder the same. As an event/wedding planner, I hear so many couples “OOH & AHH” at the idea of marriage. Just the idea, not the “other stuff”. I don’t think people realize the work that it takes to MAINTAIN the relationship, once the vows have been exchanged, the cake is gone, the Honeymoon pictures have been developed & the gift cards are all used up.

Its almost fascinating/scary.

Best wishes on your journey :-)

elle denises last blog post..Family Fun: 100 Free Things to Do with Your (Grand)Kids!

]]> By: china1126 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/06/til-death-do-us-part%e2%80%a6or-once-i%e2%80%99ve-had-enough/comment-page-1#comment-11864 china1126 Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:52:10 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3616#comment-11864 Today I watchd the movie Fireproof, and I do agree that it is worth the two hours. I am in the stagnant motion of divorce and I can agree with both comments. It just angers me on my childrens behalf as well as my own, how easy men can and do just walk away. there are truly instance that it is in the best intrest of parties involved to just walk away. Today I watchd the movie Fireproof, and I do agree that it is worth the two hours. I am in the stagnant motion of divorce and I can agree with both comments. It just angers me on my childrens behalf as well as my own, how easy men can and do just walk away. there are truly instance that it is in the best intrest of parties involved to just walk away.

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