Comments on: Dear BMWK, My Husband Has a Friend http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend Promoting Positive Images of Marriage and Parenting Since 2007 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:09:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Cindy- Doll Carpenter http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-47666 Cindy- Doll Carpenter Sun, 13 Nov 2011 03:31:00 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-47666 I have a new friend that just came into my circle--she was having problems  after whileshe told me  with her husband-well Iwasn't about to get involved in that--but my advise was always positive-she would call in the morning or evening no problem- sometmes in her husbands name--sometimes on her mobile--but my husband told me one day when I came that she or he had called --I said she or he --had to be she why would he call me--so Icalled her back and she said she was returning my call --what time was that I said --no i was at work come to find out my husband said he made a mistake--yeah right I said -lets not get twisted. we all are so insecure--.   I have a new friend that just came into my circle–she was having problems  after whileshe told me  with her husband-well Iwasn’t about to get involved in that–but my advise was always positive-she would call in the morning or evening no problem- sometmes in her husbands name–sometimes on her mobile–but my husband told me one day when I came that she or he had called –I said she or he –had to be she why would he call me–so Icalled her back and she said she was returning my call –what time was that I said –no i was at work come to find out my husband said he made a mistake–yeah right I said -lets not get twisted. we all are so insecure–.
 

]]> By: Colette http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-21960 Colette Fri, 08 Jan 2010 06:35:22 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-21960 @Political Pete, Thanks ( : @andyclyde, my son has been having problems with a bully at school. His Dad told him to defend himself but not to fight. It stopped for a while and today started again, the boy followed him around and hit him...after my son told me the story he ended by saying - 'mom and he's my skin color, why would he wanna fight me?' Respectfully....what you said was brash. @Political Pete, Thanks ( :

@andyclyde, my son has been having problems with a bully at school. His Dad told him to defend himself but not to fight. It stopped for a while and today started again, the boy followed him around and hit him…after my son told me the story he ended by saying – ‘mom and he’s my skin color, why would he wanna fight me?’

Respectfully….what you said was brash.

]]> By: Colette http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-21959 Colette Fri, 08 Jan 2010 06:11:31 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-21959 That's a form of cheating. It's emotional cheating and very typical. People do it because it's not actually physical but the feelings, the emotions are there. Those emotions are for you as his wife. And he lied about her name before. That is dishonest. Just because she's married doesn't mean she's safe to allow to be friends with your husband. Married people cheat. In my marriage we have a 'no friends' rule. No friends of the opposite sex. Its not possible, not in this day and age. Guys seem to be able to do it better but women have a hard time being 'just friends'; as you can see by the fact that she is asking him why he's not calling her. She misses him. If she's having marital problems, she's pouring her heart out to your husband..all emotional. Since he refused to tell you about her he's wrapped up in it as well. I'd tell him it's you or her...and talk to him about how important it is to be honest with each other. Ask him how he'd feel if it were you and a college friend. That’s a form of cheating. It’s emotional cheating and very typical. People do it because it’s not actually physical but the feelings, the emotions are there. Those emotions are for you as his wife. And he lied about her name before. That is dishonest. Just because she’s married doesn’t mean she’s safe to allow to be friends with your husband. Married people cheat.

In my marriage we have a ‘no friends’ rule. No friends of the opposite sex. Its not possible, not in this day and age. Guys seem to be able to do it better but women have a hard time being ‘just friends’; as you can see by the fact that she is asking him why he’s not calling her. She misses him. If she’s having marital problems, she’s pouring her heart out to your husband..all emotional. Since he refused to tell you about her he’s wrapped up in it as well.

I’d tell him it’s you or her…and talk to him about how important it is to be honest with each other. Ask him how he’d feel if it were you and a college friend.

]]> By: jsterlo http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-21951 jsterlo Fri, 08 Jan 2010 01:46:27 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-21951 Hi, Found a great social community you all might like for best <a href="http://nipslipnation.com/" rel="nofollow">celebrity nipslip</a> Enjoy:) Hi,

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]]> By: andyclyde http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-12324 andyclyde Thu, 19 Mar 2009 02:18:10 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-12324 To everyone that has been following this post via email, I would like to say this. "I am a human, I am not a monster" I mean the elephant man could not have said it plainer. I have questions to ask those ladies that have been in simuliar relationships. 1. Now that you look back at this, do you remember anything that should have warned you? (meaning before you got married) 2. Are you still with that man? How did you work it out? Or...What broke that last straw? 3. What signs should women watch for? AndyClyde To everyone that has been following this post via email, I would like to say this.
“I am a human, I am not a monster” I mean the elephant man could not have said it plainer.

I have questions to ask those ladies that have been in simuliar relationships.

1. Now that you look back at this, do you remember anything that should have warned you? (meaning before you got married)

2. Are you still with that man? How did you work it out? Or…What broke that last straw?

3. What signs should women watch for?

AndyClyde

]]> By: Anna http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-12323 Anna Thu, 19 Mar 2009 01:45:14 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-12323 This is total disrespect at its finest. As the old saying goes "if he hits you once he will hit you again". If he does not stand up as you being his wife and as one person commented "lose her number" he is not that into you. I have been in this situation. It does not change. Unfortunatley the way the cards lie, you can't take everyone with you when you get married. You do have to let go of ppl you thought were your "girls, bff if you want your marriage to grow. This of course goes for men also. My hubby has friends that he has had pre me and he has never introduced them to me. I am ok with that. He knows me and my personality and I don't like "dead beat dad"s or men who marry women with kids but have a kid with the wife and neglect or don't take the time to get to know the kid(s) she already had. My daddy did not raise a fool. Once again in a past post I mentioned that My Dad always said if you want to get the girl you have to be nice and interact with the kids. My first date with my now husband included my kids, my sister, her kids, the girl I worked with and her kids. LOL. (For the new ppl on this site), hubby was a blind date and I wanted witnesses. LOL. This is total disrespect at its finest. As the old saying goes “if he hits you once he will hit you again”. If he does not stand up as you being his wife and as one person commented “lose her number” he is not that into you. I have been in this situation. It does not change. Unfortunatley the way the cards lie, you can’t take everyone with you when you get married. You do have to let go of ppl you thought were your “girls, bff if you want your marriage to grow. This of course goes for men also. My hubby has friends that he has had pre me and he has never introduced them to me. I am ok with that. He knows me and my personality and I don’t like “dead beat dad”s or men who marry women with kids but have a kid with the wife and neglect or don’t take the time to get to know the kid(s) she already had. My daddy did not raise a fool. Once again in a past post I mentioned that My Dad always said if you want to get the girl you have to be nice and interact with the kids. My first date with my now husband included my kids, my sister, her kids, the girl I worked with and her kids. LOL. (For the new ppl on this site), hubby was a blind date and I wanted witnesses. LOL.

]]> By: ewok http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-12264 ewok Tue, 17 Mar 2009 20:11:19 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-12264 I agree with mostly everyone here and you make great points. BUT! In this situation, it is time out for being nice. I have been through this before and I am blessed to be alive and disease free. The minute this woman disrespected her on on the phone, it would have been a prime opportunity for him to DEFEND HIS WIFE and lose this woman's number. He should have checked the skainch (sorry...lol) right then and there in front of his wife AT LEAST. If she was a real woman and a real friend to this guy like they claim, then she would have explained herself with no problems. But nooooo she wants to talk smack because old buddy's sweet nothings have given her fuel and she may be fed up herself or simply does not care he is married at all. Why no programmed name? She was a friend since college.....was she "the one that got away?" This slick so 'n so is not programming her name in his phone, not defending his wife, and giving weak excuses. She deserves more than than that as his life partner. I know she loves him and hopes for the best but she must stop fooling herself. She does not need to be coddled, she needs tough love and someone to lay out the real risks here. While she is being the 'good wife', he could be out having unprotected sex with the one that got away. This is 2009 and with AIDS and the rate of black people catching it....FROM THEIR SPOUSES.....she has no time to waste. She needs to take her head out of the clouds and make some decisions. Her life is at stake and all women who are cheated on need to treat it that way as well. I agree with mostly everyone here and you make great points.

BUT! In this situation, it is time out for being nice. I have been through this before and I am blessed to be alive and disease free.

The minute this woman disrespected her on on the phone, it would have been a prime opportunity for him to DEFEND HIS WIFE and lose this woman’s number. He should have checked the skainch (sorry…lol) right then and there in front of his wife AT LEAST. If she was a real woman and a real friend to this guy like they claim, then she would have explained herself with no problems. But nooooo she wants to talk smack because old buddy’s sweet nothings have given her fuel and she may be fed up herself or simply does not care he is married at all.
Why no programmed name? She was a friend since college…..was she “the one that got away?”

This slick so ‘n so is not programming her name in his phone, not defending his wife, and giving weak excuses. She deserves more than than that as his life partner. I know she loves him and hopes for the best but she must stop fooling herself. She does not need to be coddled, she needs tough love and someone to lay out the real risks here. While she is being the ‘good wife’, he could be out having unprotected sex with the one that got away.

This is 2009 and with AIDS and the rate of black people catching it….FROM THEIR SPOUSES…..she has no time to waste. She needs to take her head out of the clouds and make some decisions. Her life is at stake and all women who are cheated on need to treat it that way as well.

]]> By: CeCeWilson http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-12233 CeCeWilson Mon, 16 Mar 2009 21:14:49 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-12233 Whew! This is a lot of information to process but I agree for the most part that it is sound and right. God Bless you in your journey and I pray that things really work out for you and your spouse. Whew! This is a lot of information to process but I agree for the most part that it is sound and right. God Bless you in your journey and I pray that things really work out for you and your spouse.

]]> By: MissJay http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-12230 MissJay Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:07:57 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-12230 Wow..... A lot of good advice I think. I've never been in this situation before.....as I typed that last part of this sentence it came to me that I have. Not from a marriage standpoint, it was bf/gf, so I know it's extra hard and heartbreaking when you're married. Hang in there and I think you should trust your gut that there's something going on and move toward taking care of yourself. I expecially like the advice to start arranging things so that you will be financially sound if/when the relationship can not be saved and needs to end. Good luck and stay in prayer. Wow…..

A lot of good advice I think. I’ve never been in this situation before…..as I typed that last part of this sentence it came to me that I have. Not from a marriage standpoint, it was bf/gf, so I know it’s extra hard and heartbreaking when you’re married. Hang in there and I think you should trust your gut that there’s something going on and move toward taking care of yourself. I expecially like the advice to start arranging things so that you will be financially sound if/when the relationship can not be saved and needs to end. Good luck and stay in prayer.

]]> By: LaKeysha http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2009/03/13/dear-bmwk-my-husband-has-a-friend/comment-page-1#comment-12219 LaKeysha Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:08:32 +0000 http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/?p=3727#comment-12219 @ Renee Honey Sista Child...I agree with you 99%. My husband and I do not agreee with the concept of having friends of the opposite sex...including those you've known for a long time. (For old friends there must be a new perspective and boundaries because what you said about new friends is just as likely to happen with old friends). The 1% I disagree with...each couple has a choice. My suggestion for them to sit down and talk was because they are obviously NOT on the same page about friendship. And while I don't think its a WISE choice to decide to have friends of the opposite sex, I also don't think its a SIN..hence the reason I have presented it as an option with guidelines within my advice. Also you must realize that just because SHE may not agree with having friends doesnt mean that her Husband will agree with her. They are married and so if her husband has decided that it is ok for them to have friends (then she must submit to that according to the word of God, and hopefully he will submit to her requests about the guidelines I suggested). @ Renee

Honey Sista Child…I agree with you 99%. My husband and I do not agreee with the concept of having friends of the opposite sex…including those you’ve known for a long time. (For old friends there must be a new perspective and boundaries because what you said about new friends is just as likely to happen with old friends).

The 1% I disagree with…each couple has a choice.

My suggestion for them to sit down and talk was because they are obviously NOT on the same page about friendship. And while I don’t think its a WISE choice to decide to have friends of the opposite sex, I also don’t think its a SIN..hence the reason I have presented it as an option with guidelines within my advice.

Also you must realize that just because SHE may not agree with having friends doesnt mean that her Husband will agree with her. They are married and so if her husband has decided that it is ok for them to have friends (then she must submit to that according to the word of God, and hopefully he will submit to her requests about the guidelines I suggested).

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