Talkin’ Crazy to the One You Love
by Eric Payne
For those of us who can remember, comedian Chris Rock did a now famous routine about shaking a you-know-what to keep from hitting a woman. It was hilarious. Since then, most of us in the know, (translation: we, who are old enough) have quoted him in jest as what to do before a woman drives you over the edge into the land of domestic abuse. But how many of us remember the story he led with before getting to his punch line? It wasn’t simply about a woman getting on a man’s nerves or pushing his particular set of buttons.
No, Chris Rock’s story was about a woman “who got it like that” — the kind who knows she can say whatever she wants to her man, and does just that — mercilessly emasculating him.
If you’ll make the leap with me from comedy to reality, there is only one woman like this in some men’s lives. And I’m not talking about Mom. For those of us in the married crowd, the woman “who got it like that” is the woman we vowed before God to love and protect through good times and bad, til death do us part. But based on the way we speak to each other sometimes, we act as if we wish death would part us.
If there ever were an Olympic event for getting cursed out, there are days when I know I’d be a gold medalist. Only until I found the woman I’d marry did I hear words that cut like steel and felt like two-ton bricks going upside my head. These words would’ve easily been deal breakers early on in our relationship. And if spoken by a man, they would have resulted in one of us being beat silly.
I must admit that I too am guilty of the same while in the heat of a “spirited discussion” with my wife. Were I alone on this, I wouldn’t be writing this article. On more than one occasion, I’ve either played peacemaker or simply excused myself from the beginning bubbles of volcanic eruptions between married folks.
What is it about long term love that occasionally (and for some frequently) turns partners into snarling combatants when neither can agree to disagree? Is it familiarity? Is it a lack of respect or some insane desire to have the last word? Or is it simply getting lost in the moment?
How many times does one (or two) have to get “lost” to recognize that they’re one the wrong path? Thanks to some of our younger celebrities, domestic abuse is in the forefront of everyone’s minds these days. Verbal abuse no matter how frequent or infrequent is no less harmful. Often it is more harmful as words don’t leave behind visible marks. Sticks and stones may break my bones, the old saying goes. But words can be just as hurtful and truly have no place in marriage other than to destroy and confound.
Agree to disagree. Or walk away until cooler heads prevail?
Eric Payne lives with his wife and kids just outside of New York City and writes about married life and fatherhood at MakesMeWannaHoller.com. He also writes a fatherhood column at MochaManual.com. He is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories. His fiction has also appeared in Spindle Magazine and DiddleDog Magazine.
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